第 83 节
作者:吹嘻      更新:2021-11-05 20:37      字数:9322
  once; speaking rapidly; fiercely; telling her to leave the house at
  once; promising desperately that he would see her in his own rooms
  on the morrow。  Well I remember how her answer rang out;
  〃'Neither to…morrow nor another day: I will never leave you again
  while I live。'
  〃At the same instant she drew something swiftly from under her
  cloak; there was the sound of a pistol shot and she lay dead at our
  feet; her blood splashing upon Jack's shirt and hands as she fell。〃
  Alan paused in his recital。  He was trembling from head to foot;
  but he kept his eyes turned steadily downwards; and both face and
  voice were coldalmost expressionless。
  〃Of course there was an inquest;〃 he resumed; 〃which; as usual;
  exercised its very ill…defined powers in inquiring into all
  possible motives for the suicide。  Young Grey; who had stepped into
  the room just before the shot had been fired; swore to the last
  words Delia had uttered; Legard to those he had overheard the night
  of that dreadful supper: there were scores of men to bear witness
  to the intimate relations which had existed between her and Jack
  during the whole of the previous spring。  I had to give evidence。
  A skillful lawyer had been retained by one of her sisters; and had
  been instructed by her on points which no doubt she had originally
  learnt from Delia herself。  In his hands; I had not only to
  corroborate Grey and Legard; and to give full details of that last
  interview; but also to swear to the peculiar value which Jack
  attached to the talisman ring which he had given Delia; to the
  language she had held when I saw her after my return from Oxford;
  to her subsequent letter; and Jack's fatal silence on the occasion。
  The story by which Jack and I strove to account for the facts was
  laughed at as a clumsy invention; and my undisguised reluctance in
  giving evidence added greatly to its weight against my brother's
  character。
  〃The jury returned a verdict of suicide while of unsound mind; the
  result of desertion by her lover。  You may imagine how that verdict
  was commented upon by every Radical newspaper in the kingdom; and
  for once society more than corroborated the opinions of the press。
  The larger public regarded the story as an extreme case of the
  innocent victim and the cowardly society villain。  It was only
  among a comparatively small set that Delia's reputation was known;
  and there; in view of Jack's notorious and peculiar intimacy; his
  repudiation of all relations with her was received with
  contemptuous incredulity。  That he should have first entered upon
  such relations at the very time when he was already courting Lady
  Sylvia was regarded even in those circles as a 'strong order;' and
  they looked upon his present attitude with great indignation; as a
  cowardly attempt to save his own character by casting upon the dead
  woman's memory all the odium of a false accusation。  With an entire
  absence of logic; too; he was made responsible for the suicide
  having taken place in Lady Sylvia's presence。  She had broken off
  the engagement the day after the catastrophe; and her family; a
  clan powerful in the London world; furious at the mud through which
  her name had been dragged; did all that they could to intensify the
  feeling already existing against Jack。
  〃Not a voice was raised in his defense。  He was advised to leave
  the army; he was requested to withdraw from some of his clubs;
  turned out of others; avoided by his fast acquaintances; cut by his
  respectable ones。  It was enough to kill a weaker man。
  〃He showed no resentment at the measure thus dealt out to him。
  Indeed; at the first; except for Sylvia's desertion of him; he
  seemed dully indifferent to it all。  It was as if his soul had been
  stunned; from the moment that that wretched woman's blood had
  splashed upon his fingers; and her dead eyes had looked up into his
  own。
  〃But it was not long before he realized the full extent of the
  social damnation which had been inflicted upon him; and he then
  resolved to leave the country and go to America。  The night before
  he started he came down here to take leave。  I was here looking
  after my parentsGeorge; whose mind was almost unhinged by the
  family disgrace; having gone abroad with his wife。  My mother at
  the first news of what had happened had taken to her bed; never to
  leave it again; and thus it was in my presence alone; up there in
  my father's little study; that Jack gave him that night the whole
  story。  He told it quietly enough; but when he had finished; with a
  sudden outburst of feeling he turned upon me。  It was I who had
  been the cause of it all。  My insensate folly had induced him to
  make the unhappy woman's acquaintance; to allow and even encourage
  her fatal love; to commit all the blunders and sins which had
  brought about her miserable ending and his final overthrow。  It was
  by means of me that she had obtained access to him on that dreadful
  night; my evidence which most utterly damned him in public opinion;
  through me he had lost his reputation; his friends; his career; his
  country; the woman he loved; his hopes for the future; through me;
  above all; that the burden of that horrible death would lie for
  ever on his soul。  He was lashing himself to fury with his own
  words as he spoke; and I stood leaning against the wall opposite to
  him; cold; dumb; unresisting; when suddenly my father interrupted。
  I think that both Jack and I had forgotten his presence; but at the
  sound of his voice; changed from what we had ever heard it; we
  turned to him; and I then for the first time saw in his face the
  death…look which never afterwards quitted it。
  〃'Stop; Jack;' he said; 'Alan is not to blame; and if it had not
  been in this way; it would have been in some other。  I only am
  guilty; who brought you both into existence with my own hell…
  stained blood in your veins。  If you wish to curse anyone; curse
  your family; your name; me if you will; and may God forgive me that
  you were ever born into the world!'〃
  Alan stopped with a shudder; and then continued; dully; 〃It was
  when I heard those words; the most terrible that a father could
  have uttered; that I first understood all that that old sixteenth…
  century tale might mean to me and mine;I have realized it vividly
  enough since。  Early the next morning; when the dawn was just
  breaking; Jack came to the door of my room to bid me good…by。  All
  his passion was gone。  His looks and tones seemed part and parcel
  of the dim gray morning light。  He freely withdrew all the charges
  he had made against me the night before; forgave me all the share
  that I had had in his misfortunes; and then begged that I would
  never come near him; or let him hear from me again。  'The curse is
  heavy upon us both;' he said; 'and it is the only favor which you
  can do me。'  I have never seen him since。〃
  〃But you have heard of him!〃 I exclaimed; 〃what has become of him?〃
  Alan raised himself to a sitting posture。  〃The last that I heard;〃
  he said; with a catch in his voice; 〃was that in his misery and
  hopelessness he was taking to drink。  George writes to him; and
  does what he can; but II dare not say a word; for fear it should
  turn to poison on my lips;I dare not lift a hand to help him; for
  fear it should have power to strike him to the ground。  The worst
  may be yet to come; I am still living; still living: there are
  depths of shame to which he has not sunk。  And oh; Evie; Evie; he
  is my own; my best…loved brother!〃
  All his composure was gone now。  His voice rose to a kind of wail
  with the last words; and folding his arms on his raised knee; he
  let his head fall upon them; while his figure quivered with
  scarcely restrained emotion。  There was a silence for some moments
  while he sat thus; I looking on in wretched helplessness beside
  him。  Then he raised his head; and; without looking round at me;
  went on in a low tone: 〃And what is in the future?  I pray that
  death instead of shame may be the portion of the next generation;
  and I look at George's boys only to wonder which of them is the
  happy one who shall some day lie dead at his brother's feet。  Are
  you surprised at my resolution never to marry?  The fatal prophecy
  is rich in its fulfillment; none of our name and blood are safe;
  and the day might come when I too should have to call upon my
  children to curse me for their birth;should have to watch while
  the burden which I could no longer bear alone pressed the life from
  their mother's heart。〃
  Through the tragedy of this speech I was conscious of a faint
  suggestion of comfort; a far…off glimmer; as of unseen home…lights
  on a midnight sky。  I was in no mood then to understand; or to seek
  to understand; what it was; but I know now that his words had
  removed the weight of helpless banishment from my spiritthat his
  heart; speaking through them to my own; had made me for life the
  sharer of his grief。
  VIII
  Presently he d