第 82 节
作者:吹嘻      更新:2021-11-05 20:37      字数:9321
  in his dislikes; resolute; fearless; incapable of half measuresa
  man; every inch of him。  He was not generally popularstiff; hard;
  unsympathetic; people called him。  From one point of view; and one
  only; he perhaps deserved the epithets。  If a woman lost his
  respect she seemed to lose his pity too。  Like a mediaeval monk; he
  looked upon such rather as the cause than the result of male
  depravity; and his contempt for them mingled with anger; almost; as
  I sometimes thought; with hatred。  And this attitude was; I have no
  doubt; resented by the men of his own class and set; who shared
  neither his faults nor his virtues。  But in other ways he was not
  hard。  He could love; I; at least; have cause to know it。  If you
  would hear his story rightly from my lips; Evie; you must try and
  see him with my eyes。  The friend who loved me; and whom I loved
  with the passion which; if not the strongest; is certainly; I
  believe; the most enduring of which men are capable;that perfect
  brother's love; which so grows into our being that when it is at
  peace we are scarcely conscious of its existence; and when it is
  wounded our very life…blood seems to flow at the stroke。  Brothers
  do not always love like that: I can only wish that we had not done
  so。
  VII
  〃Well; about five years ago; before I had taken my degree; I became
  acquainted with a woman whom I will call 'Delia;'it is near
  enough to the name by which she went。  She was a few years older
  than myself; very beautiful; and I believed her to be what she
  described herselfthe innocent victim of circumstance and false
  appearance; a helpless prey to the vile calumnies of worldlings。
  In sober fact; I am afraid that; whatever her life may have been
  actually at the time that I knew hera subject which I have never
  cared to investigateher past had been not only bad enough
  irretrievably to fix her position in society; but bad enough to
  leave her without an ideal in the world; though still retaining
  within her heart the possibilities of a passion which; from the
  moment that it came to life; was strong enough to turn her whole
  existence into one desperate reckless straining after an object
  hopelessly beyond her reach。  That was the woman with whom; at the
  age of twenty; I fancied myself in love。  She wanted to get a
  husband; and she thought merightlyass enough to accept the
  post。  I was very young then even for my years;a student; an
  idealist; with an imagination highly developed; and no knowledge
  whatever of the world as it actually is。  Anyhow; before I had
  known her a month; I had determined to make her my wife。  My
  parents were abroad at the time; George and Lucy here; so that it
  was to Jack that I imparted the news of my resolve。  As you may
  imagine; he did all that he could to shake it。  But I was
  immovable。  I disbelieved his facts; and despised his contempt from
  the standpoint of my own superior morality。  This state of things
  continued for several weeks; during the greater part of which time
  I was at Oxford。  I only knew that while I was there; Jack had made
  Delia's acquaintance; and was apparently cultivating it
  assiduously。
  〃One day; during the Easter vacation; I got a note from her asking
  me to supper at her house。  Jack was invited too: we lodged
  together while my people were away。
  〃There is no need to dwell upon that supper。  There were two or
  three women there of her own sort; or worse; and a dozen men from
  among the most profligate in London。  The conversation was; I
  should think; bad even for that class; and she; the goddess of my
  idolatry; outstripped them all by the foul; coarse shamelessness of
  her language and behavior。  Before the entertainment was half over;
  I rose and took my leave; accompanied by Jack and another man;
  Legard was his name;who I presume was bored。  Just as we had
  passed through into the anteroom; which lay beyond the one in which
  we had been eating; Delia followed us; and laying her hand on
  Jack's arm; said that she must speak with him。  Legard and I went
  into the outer hall; and we had not been there more than a minute
  when the door from the anteroom opened; and we heard Delia's voice。
  I remember the words well;that was not the only occasion on which
  I was to hear them。  'I will keep the ring as a record of my love;'
  she said; 'and understand; that though you may forget; I never
  shall。'  Jack came through; the door closed; and as we went out I
  glanced towards his left hand; and saw; as I expected to see; the
  absence of the ring which he usually wore there。  It contained a
  gem which my mother had picked up in the East; and I knew that he
  valued it quite peculiarly。  We always called it Jack's talisman。
  〃A miserable time followed; a time for me of agonizing wonder and
  doubt; during which regret for my dead illusion was entirely
  swallowed up in the terrible dread of my brother's degradation。
  Then came the announcement of his engagement to Lady Sylvia Grey;
  and a week later; the very day after I had finally returned to
  London from Oxford; I received a summons from Delia to come and see
  her。  Curiosity; and the haunting fear about Jack; which still hung
  round me; induced me to consent to what otherwise would have been
  intolerably repellent to me; and I went。  I found her in a mad
  passion of fury。  Jack had refused to see her or to answer her
  letters; and she had sent for me; that I might give him her
  message;tell him that he belonged to her and her only; and that
  he never should marry another woman。  Angry at my interference;
  Jack disdained even to repudiate her claims; only sending back a
  threat of appealing to the police if she ventured upon any further
  annoyance。  I wrote as she told me; and she emphasized my silence
  on the subject by writing back to me a more definite and explicit
  assertion of her rights。  Beyond that for some weeks she made no
  sign。  I have no doubt that she had means of keeping watch upon
  both his movements and mine; and during that time; as she
  relinquished gradually all hopes of inducing him to abandon his
  purpose; she was being driven to her last despairing resolve。
  〃Later; when all was over; Jack told me the story of that spring
  and summer。  He told me how; when he found me immovable on the
  subject; he had resolved to stop the marriage somehow through Delia
  herself。  He had made her acquaintance; and sought her society
  frequently。  She had taken a fancy to him; and he admitted that he
  had availed himself of this fact to increase his intimacy with her;
  and; as he hoped ultimately; his power over her。  But he was not
  conscious of ever having varied in his manner towards her of
  contemptuous indifference。  This contradictory behavior;his being
  constantly near her; yet always beyond her reach;was probably the
  very thing which excited her fancy into passion; the one strong
  passion of the poor woman's life。  Then came his deliberate demand
  that she should by her own act unmask herself in my sight。  The
  unfortunate woman tried to bargain for some proof of affection in
  return; and on this occasion had first openly declared her feelings
  towards him。  He did not believe her; he refused her terms; but
  when as her payment she asked for the ring which was so especially
  associated with himself; he agreed to give it to her。  Otherwise
  hoping; no doubt against hope; dreading above all things a quarrel
  and final separation; she submitted unconditionally。  And from the
  time of that evening; when Legard and I had overheard her parting
  words; Jack never saw her again until the last and final
  catastrophe。
  〃It was in July。  My parents had returned to England; but had come
  straight on here。  Jack and I were dining together with Lady Sylvia
  at her father's househer brother; young Grey; making the fourth
  at dinner。  I had arranged to go to a party with your mother; and I
  told the servants that a lady would call for me early in the
  evening。  The house stood in Park Lane; and after dinner we all
  went out on to the broad balcony which opened from the drawing…
  room。  There was a strong wind blowing that night; and I remember
  well the vague; disquieted feeling of unreality that possessed me;
  sweeping through me; as it were; with each gust of wind。  Then;
  suddenly; a servant stood behind me; saying that the lady had come
  for me; and was in the drawing…room。  Shocked that my aunt should
  have troubled herself to come so far; I turned quickly; stepped
  back into the room; and found myself face to face with Delia。  She
  was fully dressed for the evening; with a long silk opera…cloak
  over her shoulders; her face as white as her gown; her splendid
  eyes strangely wide open and shining。  I don't know what I said or
  did; I tried to get her away; but it was too late。  The others had
  heard us; and appeared at the open window。  Jack came forward at
  once; speaking rapidly; fiercely; telling her to leave the house at
  once; promising desperately that he would