第 12 节
作者:冬冬      更新:2021-02-20 15:53      字数:9321
  happiness as this? So I took my whistle from my lips and asked:
  〃Is God dead?〃
  I shall never forget the indescribable look of horror and astonishment
  that swept over the young man's face。
  〃What do you mean; sir?〃 he asked with an air of stern authority which
  surprised me。 His calling for the moment lifted him above himself: it was
  the Church which spoke。
  I was on my feet in an instant; regretting the pain I had given him; and
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  yet   it   seemed   worth   while   now;  having   made   my  inadvertent   remark;   to
  show him frankly what lay in my mind。 Such things sometimes help men。
  〃I meant no offence; sir;〃 I said; 〃and I apologize for my flummery; but
  when I saw you coming up the hill; looking so gloomy and disconsolate on
  this bright   day;   as   though   you   disapproved   of   God's   world;  the   question
  slipped out before I knew it。〃
  My    words    evidently    struck   deep   down     into  some    disturbed    inner
  consciousness; for he askedand his words seemed to slip out before he
  thought:
  〃Is THAT the way I impressed you?〃
  I found my heart going out strongly toward him。 〃Here;〃 I thought to
  myself; 〃is a man in trouble。〃
  I took a good long look at him。 He still a young man; though worn…
  lookingand sad as I now saw it; rather than gloomywith the sensitive
  lips and the unworldly look one sees sometimes in the faces of saints。 His
  black   coat   was   immaculately   neat;   but   the   worn   button…covers   and   the
  shiny lapels told their own eloquent story。 Oh; it seemed to me I knew him
  as well as if every incident of his life were written plainly upon his high;
  pale forehead! I have lived long in a country neighbourhood; and I knew
  himpoor flagellant of the rural churchI knew how he groaned under the
  sins of a Community too comfortably willing to cast all its burdens on the
  Lord; or on the Lord's accredited local representative。 I inferred also the
  usual    large   family   and   the  low   salary   (scandalously     unpaid)    and   the
  frequent moves from place to place。
  Unconsciously heaving a sigh the young man turned partly aside and
  said to me in a low; gentle voice:
  〃You are detaining my boys from church。〃
  〃I am very sorry;〃 I said; 〃and I will detain them no longer;〃 and with
  that I put aside my whistle; took up my bag and moved down the hill with
  them。
  〃The   fact   is;〃   I   said;   〃when   I   heard   your   bell   I   thought   of   going   to
  church myself。〃
  〃Did you?〃 he asked eagerly。 〃Did you?〃
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  I could see that my proposal of going to church had instantly affected
  his   spirits。 Then he   hesitated   abruptly  with   a sidelong   glance   at   my   bag
  and rusty clothing。 I could see exactly what was passing in his mind。
  〃No;〃 I   said;   smiling;   as   though   answering   a   spoken question;   〃I   am
  not exactly what you would call a tramp。〃
  He flushed。
  〃I didn't meanI WANT you to come。 That's what a church is for。 If I
  thought〃
  But he did not tell me what he thought; and; though he walked quietly
  at    my    side;  he   was    evidently     deeply    disturbed。    Something       of  his
  discouragement I sensed even then; and I don't think I was ever sorrier for
  a   man   in   my   life   than   I   was   for   him   at   that   moment。   Talk   about   the
  suffering sinners! I wonder if they are to be compared with the trials of the
  saints?
  So we approached the little white church; and caused; I am certain; a
  tremendous       sensation。    Nowhere      does    the   unpredictable;     the   unusual;
  excite such confusion as in that settled institutionthe church。
  I left my bag in the vestibule; where I have no doubt it was the object
  of    much    inquiring    and   suspicious     scrutiny;   and   took   my    place   in  a
  convenient pew。 It was a small church with an odd air of domesticity; and
  the proportion of old ladies and children in the audience was pathetically
  large。 As a ruddy; vigorous; out…of…door person; with the dust of life upon
  him; I felt distinctly out of place。
  I   could   pick   out   easily  the   Deacon;     the  Old   Lady    Who     Brought
  Flowers;   the   President   of   the   Sewing   Circle;   and;   above   all;   the   Chief
  Pharisee; sitting in his high place。 The Chief Phariseehis name I learned
  was Nash; Mr。 J。 H。 Nash (I did not know then that I was soon to make his
  acquaintance)the Chief Pharisee looked as hard as nails; a middle…aged
  man with stiff chin…whiskers; small round; sharp eyes; and a pugnacious
  jaw。
  〃That man;〃 said I to myself; 〃runs this church;〃 and instantly I found
  myself looking upon him as a sort of personification of the troubles I had
  seen in the minister's eyes。
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  I  shall   not   attempt    to  describe    the  service    in  detail。  There    was   a
  discouraging droop and quaver in the  singing; and the  mournful…looking
  deacon; who passed the collection…plate seemed inured to disappointment。
  The prayer had in it a note of despairing appeal which fell like a cold hand
  upon one's living soul。 It gave one the impression that this was indeed a
  miserable;      dark;   despairing     world;    which     deserved     to   be   wrathfully
  destroyed;   and   that   this   miserable   world   was   full   of   equally   miserable;
  broken; sinful; sickly people。
  The sermon was a little better; for somewhere hidden within him this
  pale young man had a spark of the divine fire; but it was so dampened by
  the atmosphere of the church that it never rose above a pale luminosity。
  I found the service indescribably depressing。 I had an impulse to rise
  up and cry outalmost anything to shock these people into opening their
  eyes upon real life。 Indeed; though I hesitate about setting it down here; I
  was   filled   for   some   time   with   the   liveliest   imaginings   of   the   following
  serio…comic enterprise:
  I would step up the aisle; take my place in front of the Chief Pharisee;
  wag   my   finger   under   his   nose;   and   tell   him   a   thing   or   two   about   the
  condition of the church。
  〃The only live thing here;〃 I would tell him; 〃is the spark in that pale
  minister's soul; and you're doing your best to smother that。〃
  And   I   fully   made   up   my   mind   that   when   he   answered   back   in   his
  chief…pharisaical way I would gentlybut firmly remove him from his seat;
  shake   him   vigorously   two   or   three   times   (men's   souls   have   often   been
  saved with less!); deposit him flat in the aisle; and yesstand on him while
  I   elucidated   the   situation   to   the   audience   at   large。 While   I   confined   this
  amusing   and   interesting   project   to   the   humours   of   the   imagination   I   am
  still convinced that something of the sort would have helped enormously
  in clearing up the religious and moral atmosphere of the place。
  I had a wonderful sensation of relief when at last I stepped out again
  into the clear afternoon sunshine and got a reviving glimpse of the smiling
  green hills and the quiet fields and the sincere treesand felt the welcome
  of the friendly road。
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  I would have made straight for the hills; but the thought of that pale
  minister   held   me   back;   and   I   waited   quietly  there under the   trees till   he
  came out。 He was plainly looking for me; and asked me to wait and walk
  along with him; at which his four boys; whose acquaintance I had made
  under     such    thrilling   circumstances       earlier   in  the   day;   seemed      highly
  delighted;   and   waited   with   me   under   the   tree   and   told   me   a   hundred
  important   things   about   a   certain   calf;   a   pig;   a   kite;   and   other   things   at
  home。
  Arriving      at  the   minister's    gate;    I  was    invited   in   with    a  whole…
  heartedness   that   was   altogether   charming。   The   minister's   wife;   a   faded…
  looking woman who had once possessed a delicate sort of prettiness; was
  waiting for us on the steps with a fine chubby baby on her armnumber
  five。
  The home was much the sort of place I had imagineda small house
  undesirably located (but cheap!); with a few straggling acres of garden and
  meadow        upon