hat　He　had　prepared　for　those　that　in　faith；　and　love；　and　　patience；　stood　to　His　ways　before　them。　　These　things；　I　say；　have　　helped　me；　when　the　thoughts　of　the　misery　that　both　myself　and　　mine；　might　for　the　sake　of　my　profession　be　exposed　to；　hath　lain　　pinching　on　my　mind。
  332。　　When　I　have　indeed　conceited　that　I　might　be　banished　for　my　　profession；　then　I　have　thought　of　that　scripture：　　THEY　WERE　　STONED；　THEY　WERE　SAWN　ASUNDER；　WERE　TEMPTED；　WERE　SLAIN　WITH　THE　　SWORD；　THEY　WANDERED　ABOUT　IN　SHEEP…SKINS；　AND　GOAT…SKINS；　BEING　　DESTITUTE；　AFFLICTED；　TORMENTED；　OF　WHOM　THE　WORLD　WAS　NOT　WORTHY；　　for　all　they　thought　they　were　too　bad　to　dwell　and　abide　amongst　　them。　　I　have　also　thought　of　that　saying；　THE　HOLY　GHOST　　WITNESSETH　IN　EVERY　CITY；　THAT　BONDS　AND　AFFLICTIONS　ABIDE　ME。　　I　　have　verily　thought　that　MY　soul　and　IT　have　sometimes　reasoned　　about　the　sore　and　sad　estate　of　a　banished　and　exiled　condition；　　how　they　were　exposed　to　hunger；　to　cold；　to　perils；　to　nakedness；　　to　enemies；　and　a　thousand　calamities；　and　at　last；　it　may　be；　to　　die　in　a　ditch；　like　a　poor　and　desolate　sheep。　　But　I　thank　God；　　hitherto　I　have　not　been　moved　by　these　most　DELICATE　reasonings；　　but　have　rather；　by　them；　more　approved　my　heart　to　God。
  333。　　I　will　tell　you　a　pretty　business：…　I　was　once　above　all　the　　rest；　in　a　very　sad　and　low　condition　for　many　weeks；　at　which　time　　also；　I　being　but　a　young　prisoner；　and　not　acquainted　with　the　　laws；　had　this　lying　much　upon　my　spirits；　THAT　MY　IMPRISONMENT　　MIGHT　END　AT　THE　GALLOWS　FOR　OUGHT　THAT　I　COULD　TELL。　　Now　　therefore　Satan　laid　hard　at　me；　to　beat　me　out　of　heart；　by　　suggesting　thus　unto　me：　　BUT　HOW　IF；　WHEN　YOU　COME　INDEED　TO　DIE；　　YOU　SHOULD　BE　IN　THIS　CONDITION；　THAT　IS；　AS　NOT　TO　SAVOUR　THE　　THINGS　OF　GOD；　NOR　TO　HAVE　ANY　EVIDENCE　UPON　YOUR　SOUL　FOR　A　BETTER　　STATE　HEREAFTER？　（for　indeed　at　that　time　all　the　things　of　God　　were　hid　from　my　soul）。
  334。　　Wherefore；　when　I　at　first　began　to　think　of　this；　it　was　a　　great　trouble　to　me；　for　I　thought　with　myself；　that　in　the　　condition　I　now　was　in；　I　was　not　fit　to　die；　neither　indeed　did　I　　think　I　could；　if　I　should　be　called　to　it；　besides；　I　thought　with　　myself；　if　I　should　make　a　scrambling　shift　to　clamber　up　the　　ladder；　yet　I　should　either　with　quaking；　or　other　symptoms　of　　fainting；　give　occasion　to　the　enemy　to　reproach　the　way　of　God　and　　His　people　for　their　timorousness。　　This；　therefore；　lay　with　great　　trouble　upon　me；　for　methought　I　was　ashamed　to　die　with　a　pale　　face；　and　tottering　knees；　in　such　a　cause　as　this。
  335。　　Wherefore　I　prayed　to　God　that　He　would　comfort　me；　and　give　　me　strength　to　do　and　suffer　me　what　He　should　call　me　to；　yet　no　　comfort　appeared；　but　all　continued　hid：　　I　was　also　at　this　time；　　so　really　possessed　with　the　thought　of　death；　that　oft　I　was　as　if　　I　was　on　a　ladder　with　the　rope　about　my　neck；　only　this　was　some　　encouragement　to　me；　I　thought　I　might　now　have　an　opportunity　to　　speak　my　last　words　to　a　multitude；　which　I　thought　would　come　to　　see　me　die；　and；　thought　I；　if　it　must　be　so；　if　God　will　but　　convert　one　soul　by　my　very　last　words；　I　shall　not　count　my　life　　thrown　away；　nor　lost。
  336。　　But　yet　all　the　things　of　God　were　kept　out　of　my　sight；　and　　still　the　tempter　followed　me　with；　BUT　WHITHER　MUST　YOU　GO　WHEN　　YOU　DIE？　WHAT　WILL　BECOME　OF　YOU？　WHERE　WILL　YOU　BE　FOUND　IN　　ANOTHER　WORLD？　WHAT　EVIDENCE　HAVE　YOU　FOR　HEAVEN　AND　GLORY；　AND　AN　　INHERITANCE　AMONG　THEM　THAT　ARE　SANCTIFIED？　　Thus　was　I　tossed　for　　many　weeks；　and　knew　not　what　to　do；　at　last　this　consideration　　fell　with　weight　upon　me；　THAT　IT　WAS　FOR　THE　WORD　AND　WAY　OF　GOD　　THAT　I　WAS　IN　THIS　CONDITION；　WHEREFORE　I　WAS　ENGAGED　NOT　TO　FLINCH　　AN　HAIR'S　BREADTH　FROM　IT。
  337。　　I　thought　also；　that　God　might　choose　whether　He　would　give　　me　comfort　now；　or　at　the　hour　of　death；　but　I　might　not　therefore　　choose　whether　I　would　hold　my　profession　or　no：　　I　was　bound；　but　　He　was　free；　yea；　'twas　my　duty　to　stand　to　His　word；　whether　He　　would　ever　look　upon　me　or　save　me　at　the　last：　　wherefore；　thought　　I；　save　the　point　being　thus；　I　am　for　going　on；　and　venturing　my　　eternal　state　with　Christ；　whether　I　have　comfort　here　or　no；　if　　God　doth　not　come　in；　thought　I；　I　WILL　LEAP　OFF　THE　LADDER　EVEN　　BLINDFOLD　INTO　ETERNITY；　SINK　OR　SWIM；　COME　HEAVEN；　COME　HELL；　LORD　　JESUS；　IF　THOU　WILT　CATCH　ME；　DO；　IF　NOT；　I　WILL　VENTURE　FOR　THY　　NAME。
  338。　　I　was　no　sooner　fixed　in　this　resolution；　but　the　word　　dropped　upon　me；　DOTH　JOB　SERVE　GOD　FOR　NOUGHT？　　As　if　the　accuser　　had　said；　LORD；　JOB　IS　NO　UPRIGHT　MAN；　BE　SERVES　THEE　FOR　BYE…　RESPECTS：　　HAST　THOU　NOT　MADE　AN　HEDGE　ABOUT　HIM；　ETC。　　BUT　PUT　　FORTH　NOW　THINE　HAND；　AND　TOUCH　ALL　THAT　HE　HATH；　AND；　HE　WILL　　CURSE　THEE　TO　THY　FACE。　　How　now！　thought　I；　is　this　the　sign　of　an　　upright　soul；　to　desire　to　serve　God；　when　all　is　taken　from　him？　　　Is　he　a　godly　man　that　will　serve　God　for　nothing；　rather　than　give　　out！　　Blessed　be　God！　then　I　hope　I　have　an　upright　heart；　for　I　am　　resolved　（God　giving　me　strength）　never　to　deny　my　profession；　　though　I　have　nothing　at　all　for　my　pains：　　and　as　I　was　thus　　considering；　that　scripture　was　set　before　me：　　Psalm　xliv。　12；　　etc。
  339。　　Now　was　my　heart　full　of　comfort；　for　I　hoped　it　was　sincere：　　　I　would　not　have　been　without　this　trial　for　much；　I　am　comforted　　every　time　I　think　of　it；　and　I　hope　I　shall　bless　God　for　ever；　　for　the　teaching　I　have　had　by　it。　　Many　more　of　the　dealings　　towards　me　I　might　relate；　BUT　THESE　OUT　OF　THE　SPOILS　WON　IN　　BATTLE　I　HAVE　DEDICATED　TO　MAINTAIN　THE　HOUSE　OF　GOD。　　1　Chron。　　xxvi。　27。
  THE　CONCLUSION
  1。　　OF　all　the　temptations　that　ever　I　met　with　in　my　life；　to　　question　the　being　of　God；　and　truth　of　His　gospel　is　the　worst；　　and　the　worst　to　be　borne；　when　this　temptation　comes；　it　takes　　away　my　girdle　from　me；　and　removeth　the　foundation　from　under　me：　　　Oh！　I　have　often　thought　of　that　word；　HAVE　YOUR　LOINS　GIRT　ABOUT　　WITH　TRUTH；　and　of　that；　WHEN　THE　FOUNDATIONS　ARE　DESTROYED；　WHAT　　CAN　THE　RIGHTEOUS　DO？
  2。　　Sometimes；　when　after　sin　committed；　I　have　looked　for　sore　　chastisement　from　the　hand　of　God；　the　very　next　that　I　have　had　　from　Him；　hath　been　the　discovery　of　His　grace。　　Sometimes　when　I　　have　been　comforted；　I　have　called　myself　a　fool　for　my　so　sinking　　under　trouble。　　And　then　again；　when　I　have　been　cast　down；　I　　thought　I　was　not　wise；　to　give　such　way　to　comfort；　with　such　　strength　and　weight　have　both　these　been　upon　me。
  3。　　I　have　wondered　much　at　this　one　thing；　that　though　God　doth　　visit　my　soul　with　never　so　blessed　a　discovery　of　Himself；　yet　I　　have　found　again；　that　such　hours　have　attended　me　afterwards；　that　　I　have　been　in　my　spirit　so　filled　with　darkness；　that　I　could　not　　so　much　as　once　conceive　what　that　God　and　that　comfort　was；　with　　which　I　have　been　refreshed。
  4。　　I　have　sometimes　seen　more　in　a　line　of　the　Bible；　than　I　could　　well　tell　how　to　stand　under；　and　yet　at　another　time；　the　whole　　Bible　hath　been　to　me　as　dry　as　a　stick；　or　rather；　My　heart　hath　　been　so　dead　and　dry　unto　it；　that　I　could　not　conceive　the　　refreshment；　though　I　have　looked　it　all　over。
  5。　　Of　all　fears；　they　are　best　that　are　made　by　the　blood　of　　Christ；　and　of　all　joy；　that　is　the　sweetest　that　is　mixed　with　　mourning　over　Christ：　　Oh！　it　is　a　goodly　thing　to　be　on　our　knees；　　with　Christ　in　our　arms；　before　God：　　I　hope　I　know　something　of　　these　things。
  6。　　I　find　to　this　day　seven　abominations　in　my　heart：　　1。　　Inclining　to　unbelief；　2。　Suddenly　to　forget　the　love　and　mercy　　that　Christ　manifesteth；　3。　A　leaning　to　the　works　of　the　law；　4。　　Wanderings　and　coldness　in　prayer；　5。　To　forget　to　watch　for　that　I　　pray　for；　6。　Apt　to　murmur　because　I　have　no　more；　and　yet　ready　to　　abuse　what　I　have；　7。　I　can　do　none　of　those　things　which　God　　commands　me；　but　my　corruptions　will　thrust　in　themselves。　　When　I　　would　do　good；　evil　is　present　with　me。
  7。　　These　things　I　continually　see　and　feel；　and　am　afflicted　and　　oppressed　with；　yet　the　wisdom　of　God　doth　order　them　for　my　good；　　1。　They　make　me　abhor　myself；　2。　They　keep　me　from　trusting　my　　heart；　3。　They　convince　me　of　the　insufficiency　of　all　inherent　　righteousness；　4。　They　show　me　the　necessity　of　flying　to　Jesus；　5。　　They　press　me　to　pray　unto　God；　6。　They　show　me　the　need　I　have　to　　watch　and　be　sober；　7。　And　provoke　me　to　pray　unto　God；　through　　Christ；　to　help　me；　and　carry　me　through　this　world。
  A　RELATION　OF　MY　IMPRISONMENT　IN　THE　MONTH　OF　NOVEMBER　1660
  WHEN；　by　the　good　hand　of　my　God；　I　had　for　five　or　six　years　　together；　without　any　interruption；　freely　preached　the　blessed　　gospel　of　our　Lord　Jesus　Christ；　and　had　also；　through　His　blessed　　grace；　some　encouragement　by　His　blessing　thereupon；　the　devil；　　that　old　enemy　of　man's　salvation；　took　his　opportunity　to　inflame　　the　hearts　of　his　vassals　against　me；　insomuch　that　at　the　last；　I　　was　laid　out　for　by　the　warrant　of　a　justice；　and　was　taken　and　　committed　to　prison。　　The　relation　thereof　is　as　followeth：…
  Upon　the　12th　of　this　instant；　November　1660；　I　was　desired　by　some　　of　the　friends　in　the　country　to　come　to　teach　at　SAMSELL；　by　　HARLINGTON；　in　BEDFORDSHIRE。　　T