第 22 节
作者:
童舟 更新:2021-02-20 15:23 字数:9321
s; that I could not be contented with saying; I BELIEVE; AND AM SURE; methought I was more than sure (if it be lawful to express myself) that those things which then I asserted; were true。
283。 When I first went to preach the word abroad; the doctors and priests of the country did open wide against me。 But I was persuaded of this; not to render railing for railing; but to see how many of their carnal professors I could convince of their miserable state by the law; and of the want and worth of Christ: for; thought I; THIS SHALL ANSWER FOR ME IN TIME TO COME; WHEN THEY SHALL BE FOR MY HIRE BEFORE THEIR FACE。 Gen。 xxx。 33。
284。 I never cared to meddle with things that were controverted; and in dispute among the saints; especially things of the lowest nature; yet it pleased me much to contend with great earnestness for the word of faith; and the remission of sins by the death and sufferings of Jesus: but I say; as to other things; I should let them alone; because I saw they engendered strife; and because that they neither in doing; nor in leaving undone; did commend us to God to be His: besides; I saw my work before me did run into another channel; even to carry an awakening word; to that therefore did I stick and adhere。
285。 I never endeavoured to; nor durst make use of other men's lines; Rom。 xv。 18 (though I condemn not all that do); for I verily thought; and found by experience; that what was taught me by the word and Spirit of Christ; could be spoken; maintained; and stood to; by the soundest and best established conscience; and though I will not now speak all that I know in this matter; yet my experience hath more interest in that text of scripture; Gal。 i。 11; 12; than many amongst men are aware。
286。 If any of those who were awakened by my ministry; did after that fall back (as sometimes too many did); I can truly say; their loss hath been more to me; than if one of my own children; begotten of my own body; had been going to its grave: I think verily; I may speak it without any offence to the Lord; nothing has gone so near me as that; unless it was the fear of the loss of the salvation of my own soul。 I have counted as if I had goodly buildings and lordships in those places where my children were born; my heart hath been so wrapped up in the glory of this excellent work; that I counted myself more blessed and honoured of God by this; than if He had made me the emperor of the Christian world; or the lord of all the glory of the earth without it! Oh these words! HE WHICH CONVERTETH THE SINNER FROM THE ERROR OF HIS WAY; SHALL SAVE A SOUL FROM DEATH。 James v。 20。 THE FRUIT OF THE RIGHTEOUS IS A TREE OF LIFE; AND HE THAT WINNETH SOULS IS WISE。 Prov。 xi。 30。 THEY THAT BE WISE SHALL SHINE AS THE BRIGHTNESS OF THE FIRMAMENT; AND THEY THAT TURN MANY TO RIGHTEOUSNESS; AS THE STARS FOR EVER AND EVER。 Dan。 xii。 3。 FOR WHAT IS OUR HOPE; OR JOY; OR CROWN OF REJOICING? ARE NOT EVEN YE IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST AT HIS COMING? FOR YE ARE OUR GLORY AND JOY。 1 Thes。 ii。 19; 20。 These; I say; with many others of a like nature; have been great refreshments to me。
287。 I have observed; that where I have had a work to do for God; I have had first; as it were; the going of God upon my spirit; to desire I might preach there: I have also observed; that such and such souls in particular; have been strongly set upon my heart; and I stirred up to wish for their salvation; and that these very souls have; after this; been given in as the fruits of my ministry。 I have observed; that a word cast in; by…the…bye; hath done more execution in a sermon; than all that was spoken besides: sometimes also; when I have thought I did no good; then I did the most of all; and at other times; when I thought I should catch them; I have fished for nothing。
288。 I have also observed; that where there has been a work to do upon sinners; there the devil hath begun to roar in the hearts and by the mouths of his servants: yea; oftentimes; when the wicked world hath raged most; there hath been souls awakened by the word: I could instance particulars; but I forbear。
289。 My great desire in my fulfilling my ministry was to get into the darkest places of the country; even amongst those people that were farthest off of profession; yet not because I could not endure the light (for I feared not to show my gospel to any) but because I found my spirit did lean most after awakening and converting work; and the word that I carried did lean itself most that way also; YEA; SO HAVE I STRIVED TO PREACH THE GOSPEL; NOT WHERE CHRIST WAS NAMED; LEST I SHOULD BUILD UPON ANOTHER MAN'S FOUNDATION。 Rom。 xv。 20。
290。 In my preaching I have really been in pain; and have; as it were; travailed to bring forth children to God; neither could I be satisfied unless some fruits did appear in my work。 If I were fruitless; it mattered not who commanded me: but if I were fruitful; I cared not who did condemn。 I have thought of that: LO! CHILDREN ARE AN HERITAGE OF THE LORD; AND THE FRUIT OF THE WOMB IS HIS REWARD。 … AS ARROWS ARE IN THE HAND OF A MIGHTY MAN; SO ARE CHILDREN OF THE YOUTH。 HAPPY IS THE MAN THAT HATH HIS QUIVER FULL OF THEM: THEY SHALL NOT BE ASHAMED; BUT THEY SHALL SPEAK WITH THE ENEMIES IN THE GATE。 Psalm cxxvii。 3…5。
291。 It pleased me nothing to see people drink in opinions; if they seemed ignorant of Jesus Christ; and the worth of their own salvation; sound conviction for sin; especially for unbelief; and a heart set on fire to be saved by Christ; with strong breathings after a truly sanctified soul: that it was that delighted me; those were the souls I counted blessed。
292。 But in this work; as in all other; I had my temptations attending me; and that of divers kinds; as sometimes I should be assaulted with great discouragement therein; fearing that I should not be able to speak a word at all to edification; nay; that I should not be able to speak sense unto the people; at which times I should have such a strange faintness and strengthlessness seize upon my body; that my legs have scarce been able to carry me to the place of exercise。
293。 Sometimes again when I have been preaching; I have been violently assaulted with thoughts of blasphemy; and strongly tempted to speak the words with my mouth before the congregation。 I have also at some times; even when I have begun to speak the word with much clearness; evidence; and liberty of speech; yet been; before the ending of that opportunity; so blinded and so estranged from the things I have been speaking; and have been also so straightened in my speech; as to utterance before the people; that I have been as if I had not known; or remembered what I have been about; or as if my head had been in a bag all the time of my exercise。
294。 Again; when as sometimes I have been about to preach upon some smart and searching portion of the word; I have found the tempter suggest; WHAT! WILL YOU PREACH THIS! THIS CONDEMNS YOURSELF; OF THIS YOUR OWN SOUL IS GUILTY; WHEREFORE PREACH NOT OF IT AT ALL; OR IF YOU DO; YET SO MINCE IT; AS TO MAKE WAY FOR YOUR OWN ESCAPE; LEST INSTEAD OF AWAKENING OTHERS; YOU LAY THAT GUILT UPON YOUR OWN SOUL; THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET FROM UNDER。
295。 But I thank the Lord; I have been kept from consenting to these so horrid suggestions; and have rather; as Sampson; bowed myself with all my might; to condemn sin and transgression; wherever I found it; yea; though therein also I did bring guilt upon my own conscience: LET ME DIE (thought I); WITH THE PHILISTINES; Judges xvi。 29; 30; rather than deal corruptly with the blessed word of God。 THOU THAT TEACHEST ANOTHER; TEACHEST THOU NOT THYSELF? It is far better that thou do judge thyself; even by preaching plainly unto others; than that thou; to save thyself; imprison the truth in righteousness。 Blessed be God for His help also in this。
296。 I have also; while found in this blessed work of Christ; been often tempted to pride and liftings up of heart: and though I dare not say; I have not been affected with this; yet truly the Lord of His precious mercy; hath so carried it towards me; that for the most part I have had but small joy to give way to such a thing: for it hath been my every day's portion to be let into the evil of my own heart; and still made to see such a multitude of corruptions and infirmities therein; that it hath caused hanging down of the head under all my gifts and attainments; I have felt this thorn in the flesh; 2 Cor。 xii。 8; 9; the very mercy of God to me。
297。 I have also had; together with this; some notable place or other of the word presented before me; which word hath contained in it some sharp and piercing sentence concerning the perishing of the soul; notwithstanding gifts and parts: as; for instance; that hath been of great use to me: THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND ANGELS; AND HAVE NOT CHARITY; I AM BECOME AS SOUNDING BRASS; AND A TINKLING CYMBAL。 1 Cor。 xiii。 1; 2。
298。 A tinkling cymbal is an instrument of music; with which a skilful player can make such melodious and heart…inflaming music; that all who