ut　alas；　poor　wretch！　so　ignorant　and　brutish　was　I；　　that　I　knew　not　to　this　day　no　more　how　to　do　it；　than　I　know　how　　to　begin　and　accomplish　that　rare　and　curious　piece　of　art；　which　I　　never　yet　saw　or　considered。
  51。　　Wherefore　while　I　was　thus　considering；　and　being　put　to　my　　plunge　about　it　（for　you　must　know；　that　as　yet　I　had　in　this　　matter　broken　my　mind　to　no　man；　only　did　hear　and　consider）；　the　　tempter　came　in　with　this　delusion；　THAT　THERE　WAS　NO　WAY　FOR　ME　TO　　KNOW　I　HAD　FAITH；　BUT　BY　TRYING　TO　WORK　SOME　MIRACLE；　urging　those　　scriptures　that　seem　to　look　that　way；　for　the　enforcing　and　　strengthening　his　temptation。　　Nay；　one　day；　as　I　was　between　　ELSTOW　and　BEDFORD；　the　temptation　was　hot　upon　me；　to　try　if　I　had　　faith；　by　doing　some　miracle；　which　miracle　at　this　time　was　this；　　I　must　say　to　the　PUDDLES　that　were　in　the　horsepads；　BE　DRY；　and　　to　the　DRY　PLACES；　BE　YOU　PUDDLES：　　and　truly　one　time　I　was　going　　to　say　so　indeed；　but　just　as　I　was　about　to　speak；　this　thought　　came　into　my　mind；　BUT　GO　UNDER　YONDER　HEDGE　AND　PRAY　FIRST；　THAT　　GOD　WOULD　MAKE　YOU　ABLE。　　But　when　I　had　concluded　to　pray；　this　　came　hot　upon　me；　That　if　I　prayed；　and　came　again　and　tried　to　do　　it；　and　yet　did　nothing　notwithstanding；　then　to　be　sure　I　had　no　　faith；　but　was　a　cast…away；　and　lost；　nay；　thought　I；　if　it　be　so；　　I　will　not　try　yet；　but　will　stay　a　little　longer。
  52。　　So　I　continued　at　a　great　loss；　for　I　thought；　if　they　only　　had　faith；　which　could　do　so　wonderful　things；　then　I　concluded；　　that　for　the　present　I　neither　had　it；　nor　yet　for　the　time　to　　come；　were　ever　like　to　have　it。　　Thus　I　was　tossed　betwixt　the　　devil　and　my　own　ignorance；　and　so　perplexed；　especially　at　some　　times；　that　I　could　not　tell　what　to　do。
  53。　　About　this　time；　the　state　and　happiness　of　these　poor　people　　at　Bedford　was　thus；　IN　A　KIND　OF　A　VISION；　presented　to　me；　I　saw　　as　if　they　were　on　the　sunny　side　of　some　high　mountain；　there　　refreshing　themselves　with　the　pleasant　beams　of　the　sun；　while　I　　was　shivering　and　shrinking　in　the　cold；　afflicted　with　frost；　snow　　and　dark　clouds：　　methought　also；　betwixt　me　and　them；　I　saw　a　wall　　that　did　compass　about　this　mountain；　now　through　this　wall　my　soul　　did　greatly　desire　to　pass；　concluding；　that　if　I　could；　I　would　　even　go　into　the　very　midst　of　them；　and　there　also　comfort　myself　　with　the　heat　of　their　sun。
  54。　　About　this　wall　I　bethought　myself；　to　go　again　and　again；　　still　prying　as　I　went；　to　see　if　I　could　find　some　way　or　passage；　　by　which　I　might　enter　therein：　　but　none　could　I　find　for　some　　time：　　at　the　last；　I　saw；　as　it　were；　a　narrow　gap；　like　a　little　　door…way　in　the　wall；　through　which　I　attempted　to　pass：　　Now　the　　passage　being　very　strait　and　narrow；　I　made　many　offers　to　get　in；　　but　all　in　vain；　even　until　I　was　well…nigh　quite　beat　out；　by　　striving　to　get　in；　at　last；　with　great　striving；　methought　I　at　　first　did　get　in　my　head；　and　after　that；　by　a　sideling　striving；　　my　shoulders；　and　my　whole　body；　then　I　was　exceeding　glad；　went　　and　sat　down　in　the　midst　of　them；　and　so　was　comforted　with　the　　light　and　heat　of　their　sun。
  55。　　Now　this　mountain；　and　wall；　etc。；　was　thus　made　out　to　me：　　　The　mountain　signified　the　church　of　the　living　God：　　the　sun　that　　shone　thereon；　the　comfortable　shining　of　His　merciful　face　on　them　　that　were　therein；　the　wall　I　thought　was　the　word；　that　did　make　　separation　between　the　Christians　and　the　world；　and　the　gap　which　　was　in　the　wall；　I　thought；　was　Jesus　Christ；　Who　is　the　way　to　God　　the　Father。　　John　xiv。　6；　Matt。　vii。　14。　　But　forasmuch　as　the　　passage　was　wonderful　narrow；　even　so　narrow　that　I　could　not；　but　　with　great　difficulty；　enter　in　thereat；　it　showed　me；　that　none　　could　enter　into　life；　but　those　that　were　in　downright　earnest；　　and　unless　also　they　left　that　wicked　world　behind　them；　for　here　　was　only　room　for　body　and　soul；　but　not　for　body　and　soul　and　sin。
  56。　　This　resemblance　abode　upon　my　spirit　many　days；　all　which　　time　I　saw　myself　in　a　forlorn　and　sad　condition；　but　yet　was　　provoked　to　a　vehement　hunger　and　desire　to　be　one　of　that　number　　that　did　sit　in　the　sunshine：　　Now　also　I　should　pray　wherever　I　　was：　　whether　at　home　or　abroad；　in　house　or　field；　and　would　also　　often；　with　lifting　up　of　heart；　sing　that　of　the　fifty…first　　Psalm；　O　LORD；　CONSIDER　MY　DISTRESS；　for　as　yet　I　knew　not　where　I　　was。
  57。　　Neither　as　yet　could　I　attain　to　any　comfortable　persuasion　　that　I　had　faith　in　Christ；　but　instead　of　having　satisfaction　　here；　I　began　to　find　my　soul　to　be　assaulted　with　fresh　doubts　　about　my　future　happiness；　especially　with　such　as　these；　WHETHER　I　　WAS　ELECTED？　　BUT　HOW；　IF　THE　DAY　OF　GRACE　SHOULD　NOW　BE　PAST　AND　　GONE？
  58。　　By　these　two　temptations　I　was　very　much　afflicted　and　　disquieted；　sometimes　by　one；　and　sometimes　by　the　other　of　them。　　　And　first；　to　speak　of　that　about　my　questioning　my　election；　I　　found　at　this　time；　that　though　I　was　in　a　flame　to　find　the　way　to　　heaven　and　glory；　and　though　nothing　could　beat　me　off　from　this；　　yet　this　question　did　so　offend　and　discourage　me；　that　I　was；　　especially　sometimes；　as　if　the　very　strength　of　my　body　also　had　　been　taken　away　by　the　force　and　power　thereof。　　This　scripture　did　　also　seem　to　me　to　trample　upon　all　my　desires；　IT　IS　NOT　OF　HIM　　THAT　WILLETH；　NOR　OF　HIM　THAT　RUNNETH；　BUT　OF　GOD　THAT　SHOWETH　　MERCY。　　Rom。　ix。　16。
  59。　　With　this　scripture　I　could　not　tell　what　to　do：　　for　I　　evidently　saw；　unless　that　the　great　God；　of　His　infinite　grace　and　　bounty；　had　voluntarily　chosen　me　to　be　a　vessel　of　mercy；　though　I　　should　desire；　and　long；　and　labour　until　my　heart　did　break；　no　　good　could　come　of　it。　　Therefore　this　would　stick　with　me；　HOW　CAN　　YOU　TELL　THAT　YOU　ARE　ELECTED？　　AND　WHAT　IF　YOU　SHOULD　NOT？　　HOW　　THEN？
  60。　　O　Lord；　thought　I；　what　if　I　should　not　indeed？　　It　may　be　you　　are　not；　said　the　Tempter；　it　may　be　so　indeed；　thought　I。　　Why　　then；　said　Satan；　you　had　as　good　leave　off；　and　strive　no　farther；　　for　if　indeed；　you　should　not　be　elected　and　chosen　of　God；　there　　is　no　talk　of　your　being　saved；　FOR　IT　IS　NOT　OF　HIM　THAT　WILLETH；　　NOR　OF　HIM　THAT　RUNNETH；　BUT　OF　GOD　THAT　SHOWETH　MERCY。
  61。　　By　these　things　I　was　driven　to　my　wits'　end；　not　knowing　what　　to　say；　or　how　to　answer　these　temptations：　　（indeed；　I　little　　thought　that　Satan　had　thus　assaulted　me；　but　that　rather　it　was　my　　own　prudence　thus　to　start　the　question）：　　for　that　the　elect　only　　attained　eternal　life；　that；　I　without　scruple　did　heartily　close　　withal；　but　that　myself　was　one　of　them；　there　lay　the　question。
  62。　　Thus　therefore；　for　several　days；　I　was　greatly　assaulted　and　　perplexed；　and　was　often；　when　I　have　been　walking；　ready　to　sink　　where　I　went；　with　faintness　in　my　mind；　but　one　day；　after　I　had　　been　so　many　weeks　oppressed　and　cast　down　therewith　as　I　was　now　　quite　giving　up　the　ghost　of　all　my　hopes　of　ever　attaining　life；　　that　sentence　fell　with　weight　upon　my　spirit；　LOOK　AT　THE　　GENERATIONS　OF　OLD；　AND　SEE；　DID　EVER　ANY　TRUST　IN　GOD；　AND　WERE　　CONFOUNDED？
  63。　　At　which　I　was　greatly　lightened；　and　encouraged　in　my　soul；　　for　thus；　at　that　very　instant；　it　was　expounded　to　me：　　BEGIN　AT　　THE　BEGINNING　OF　GENESIS；　AND　READ　TO　THE　END　OF　THE　REVELATIONS；　　AND　SEE　IF　YOU　CAN　FIND；　THAT　THERE　WERE　EVER　ANY　THAT　TRUSTED　IN　　THE　LORD；　AND　WERE　CONFOUNDED。　　So　coming　home；　I　presently　went　to　　my　Bible；　to　see　if　I　could　find　that　saying；　not　doubting　but　to　　find　it　presently；　for　it　was　so　fresh；　and　with　such　strength　and　　comfort　on　my　spirit；　that　it　was　as　if　it　talked　with　me。
  64。　　Well；　I　looked；　but　I　found　it　not；　only　it　abode　upon　me：　　　Then　did　I　ask　first　this　good　man；　and　then　another；　if　they　knew　　where　it　was；　but　they　knew　no　such　place。　　At　this　I　wondered；　　that　such　a　sentence　should　so　suddenly；　and　with　such　comfort　and　　strength；　seize；　and　abide　upon　my　heart；　and　yet　that　none　could　　find　it　（for　I　doubted　not　but　that　it　was　in　holy　scripture）。
  65。　　Thus　I　continued　above　a　year；　and　could　not　find　the　place；　　but　at　last；　casting　my　eye　upon　the　APOCRYPHA　books；　I　found　it　in　　ECCLESIASTICUS；　Eccles。　ii。　10。　　This；　at　the　first；　did　somewhat　　daunt　me；　but　because　by　this　time　I　had　got　more　experience　of　the　　love　and　kindness　of　God；　it　troubled　me　the　less；　especially　when　　I　considered　that　though　it　was　not　in　those　texts　that　we　call　　holy　and　canonical；　yet　forasmuch　as　this　sentence　was　the　sum　and　　substance　of　many　of　the　promises；　it　was　my　duty　to　take　the　　comfort　of　it；　and　I　bless　God　for　that　word；　for　it　was　of　God　to　　me：　　that　word　doth　still　at　times　shine　before　my　face。
  66。　　After　this；　that　other　doubt　did　come　with　　strength　upon　me；　　BUT　HOW　IF　THE　DAY　OF　GRACE　SHOULD　BE　PAST　AND　GONE？　　How　if　you　　have　overstood　the　time　of　mercy？　　Now　I　remember　that　one　day；　as　　I　was　walking　in　the　country；　I　was　much　in　the　thoughts　of　this；　　BUT　HOW　IF　THE　DAY　OF　GRACE　IS　PAST？　　And　to　aggravate　my　trouble；　　the　Tempter　presented　to　my　mind　those　good　people　of　BEDFORD；　and　　suggested　thus　unto　me；　that　these　being　converted　already；　they　　were　all　that　God　would　save　in　those　parts；　and　that　I　came　too　　late；　fo