第 156 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9279
  we’ll talk of it to…night。 I shall stay with you to…night。”
  Lisbeth  was pacified by  this   prospect。   And   she   had   the   whole
  evening to talk with Dinah alone; for there was a new room in the
  cottage;     you    remember;       built   nearly     two    years    ago;   in   the
  expectation of a new inmate; and here Adam always sat when he
  had writing to do or plans to make。 Seth sat there too this evening;
  for he knew his mother would like to have Dinah all to herself。
  There were two pretty pictures on the two sides of the wall in
  the   cottage。   On   one   side   there   was   the   broad…shouldered;   large…
  featured;   hardy  old  woman;   in   her  blue  jacket   and   buff  kerchief;
  with her dim…eyed anxious looks turned continually on the lily face
  and   the   slight   form   in   the   black   dress   that   were   either   moving
  lightly about in helpful activity; or seated close by the old woman’s
  arm…chair; holding her withered hand; with eyes lifted up towards
  her to speak a language which Lisbeth understood far better than
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  the Bible or the hymn…book。 She would scarcely listen to reading
  at all to…night。 “Nay; nay; shut the book;” she said。 “We mun talk。 I
  want t’ know what thee was cryin’ about。 Hast got troubles o’ thy
  own; like other folks?”
  On the other side of the wall there were the two brothers so like
  each other in the midst of their unlikeness: Adam with knit brows;
  shaggy hair; and dark vigorous colour; absorbed in his “figuring”;
  Seth;   with   large   rugged   features;   the   close   copy   of   his   brother’s;
  but with thin; wavy; brown hair and blue dreamy eyes; as often as
  not   looking   vaguely   out   of   the   window   instead       of  at  his  book;
  although   it   was    a   newly   bought     book—Wesley’s        abridgment      of
  Madame   Guyon’s   life;   which   was   full   of   wonder   and   interest   for
  him。   Seth   had   said   to   Adam;   “Can   I   help   thee   with   anything   in
  here to…night? I don’t want to make a noise in the shop。”
  “No; lad;” Adam answered; “there’s nothing but what I must do
  myself。 Thee’st got thy new book to read。”
  And    often;   when     Seth   was    quite   unconscious;      Adam;    as   he
  paused  after  drawing   a   line   with   his   ruler;   looked   at   his   brother
  with a kind smile dawning in his eyes。 He knew “th’ lad liked to sit
  full o’ thoughts he could give no account of; they’d never come t’
  anything; but  they  made   him   happy;”   and   in   the   last   year   or   so;
  Adam had been getting more and more indulgent to Seth。 It was
  part   of   that   growing   tenderness   which   came   from   the   sorrow   at
  work within him。
  For Adam; though you see him quite master of himself; working
  hard     and   delighting     in  his   work    after   his  inborn     inalienable
  nature; had not outlived his sorrow—had not felt it slip from him
  as a temporary burden; and leave him the same man again。 Do any
  of us? God forbid。 It would be a poor result of all our anguish and
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  our  wrestling  if  we   won nothing  but  our  old selves  at   the   end   of
  it—if    we    could    return    to  the   same     blind    loves;   the   same    self…
  confident blame; the same light thoughts of human suffering; the
  same frivolous gossip over blighted human lives; the   same   feeble
  sense      of  that    Unknown         towards     which      we    have    sent    forth
  irrepressible cries in our loneliness。 Let us rather be thankful that
  our sorrow lives in us as an indestructible force; only changing its
  form; as forces do; and passing from pain into sympathy—the one
  poor  word   which  includes all   our   best   insight   and   our   best   love。
  Not that this transformation of pain into sympathy had completely
  taken place in Adam yet。 There was still a great remnant of pain;
  and     this  he   felt  would     subsist    as   long   as  her    pain   was    not   a
  memory; but an existing thing; which he must think of as renewed
  with   the   light   of   every   new   morning。   But   we   get   accustomed   to
  mental      as  well   as   bodily   pain;    without;     for  all  that;   losing   our
  sensibility   to   it。   It   becomes   a   habit   of   our   lives;   and   we   cease   to
  imagine   a   condition   of   perfect   ease   as   possible   for   us。   Desire   is
  chastened   into   submission;   and   we   are   contented   with   our   day
  when we have been able to bear our grief in silence and act as if
  we were not  suffering。   For  it  is   at  such  periods   that  the   sense  of
  our    lives   having     visible   and    invisible    relations;    beyond      any   of
  which  either  our   present   or   prospective   self   is   the   centre;   grows
  like a muscle that we are obliged to lean on and exert。
  That   was   Adam’s   state   of   mind   in   this   second   autumn   of   his
  sorrow。      His   work;    as   you    know;    had    always     been    part    of  his
  religion;     and    from    very    early    days    he   saw    clearly    that   good
  carpentry   was   God’s   will—was   that   form   of  God’s   will   that   most
  immediately        concerned       him。    But   now     there   was    no   margin     of
  dreams for him beyond this daylight reality; no holiday…time in the
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  working…day world; no moment in the distance   when duty  would
  take off her iron glove and breast…plate and clasp him gently into
  rest。   He   conceived   no   picture   of   the   future   but   one   made   up   of
  hard…working         days    such    as   he   lived   through;      with   growing
  contentment and intensity of interest; every fresh week。 Love; he
  thought; could never be anything to  him but  a living memory—a
  limb lopped off; but not gone from consciousness。 He did not know
  that the power of loving was all the while gaining new force within
  him; that the new sensibilities bought by a deep experience were
  so   many   new   fibres   by   which   it   was   possible;   nay;   necessary   to
  him;   that   his   nature   should   intertwine   with   another。   Yet   he   was
  aware that common affection and friendship   were   more   precious
  to him than they used to be—that he clung more to his mother and
  Seth;     and    had    an    unspeakable       satisfaction     in  the    sight   or
  imagination of any small addition to their happiness。 The Poysers;
  too—hardly        three   or  four   days    passed    but   he  felt  the   need   of
  seeing   them   and   interchanging   words   and   looks   of   friendliness
  with  them。   He   would   have   felt   this;   probably;   even   if   Dinah   had
  not   been   with   them;   but   he   had   only   said   the   simplest   truth   in
  telling Dinah that he put her above all other friends in the world。
  Could anything be more natural? For  in   the darkest  moments   of
  memory        the   thought    of   her   always    came     as   the   first  ray   of
  returning comfort。 The early days of gloom at the Hall Farm had
  been gradually turned into soft moonlight by her presence; and in
  the cottage; too; for she had come at every spare moment to soothe
  and   cheer   poor   Lisbeth;   who   had   been   stricken   with   a   fear   that
  subdued       even    her   querulousness        at  the   sight   of  her   darling
  Adam’s grief…worn face。 He had become used to watching her light
  quiet movements; her pretty loving ways to the children; when he
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  went   to   the   Hall   Farm;   to   listen   for   her   voice   as   for   a   recurrent
  music;   to   think   everything   she   said   and   did   was   just   right;   and
  could not  have   been   better。   In   spite   of   his   wisdom;   he   could   not
  find fault with her for her overindulgence of the children; who had
  managed to convert Dinah the preacher; before whom a circle   of
  rough      men     had     often    trembled      a   little;  into   a   convenient
  household       slave—thou