第 105 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9209
  no happiness i’ th’ end。”
  Hetty said nothing; she felt a revival of hope at the mention of a
  George Eliot                                                        ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      424
  letter which Adam had not read。 There would be something quite
  different in it from what he thought。
  Adam took out the letter; but he held it in his hand still; while
  he said; in a tone   of  tender  entreaty;   “Don’t  you  bear  me   ill  will;
  Hetty; because I’m the means o’ bringing you this pain。 God knows
  I’d ha’ borne a good deal worse for the sake o’ sparing it you。 And
  think—there’s nobody but me knows about this; and I’ll take care
  of you as if I was your brother。 You’re the same as ever to me; for I
  don’t believe you’ve done any wrong knowingly。”
  Hetty had laid her hand on the letter; but Adam did not loose it
  till he had done speaking。 She took no notice of what he said—she
  had not listened; but when he loosed the letter; she put it into her
  pocket; without opening it; and then began to walk more quickly;
  as if she wanted to go in。
  “You’re in the right not to read it just yet;” said Adam。 “Read it
  when you’re by yourself。 But stay out a little bit longer; and let us
  call   the   children:   you   look   so   white   and   ill;   your   aunt   may   take
  notice of it。”
  Hetty   heard     the  warning。     It   recalled  to   her   the  necessity   of
  rallying  her   native   powers   of   concealment;   which   had   half   given
  way under the shock of Adam’s words。 And she had   the  letter  in
  her pocket: she was sure there was comfort in that letter in spite of
  Adam。 She ran to find Totty; and soon reappeared with recovered
  colour;   leading   Totty;   who   was   making   a   sour   face   because   she
  had been obliged to throw away an unripe apple that she had set
  her small teeth in。
  “Hegh;   Totty;”   said   Adam;   “come   and   ride   on   my   shoulder—
  ever so high—you’ll touch the tops o’ the trees。”
  What little child ever refused to be comforted   by  that  glorious
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      425
  sense of being seized strongly and swung upward? I don’t believe
  Ganymede   cried   when   the   eagle   carried   him   away;   and   perhaps
  deposited  him   on   Jove’s   shoulder at   the   end。   Totty   smiled   down
  complacently from   her  secure   height;   and  pleasant  was   the   sight
  to the mother’s eyes; as she stood at the house door and saw Adam
  coming with his small burden。
  “Bless your sweet face; my  pet;” she   said;  the   mother’s   strong
  love filling her keen eyes with  mildness; as   Totty  leaned   forward
  and put out her arms。 She had no eyes for Hetty at that moment;
  and only said; without looking at her; “You go and draw some ale;
  Hetty; the gells are both at the cheese。”
  After the ale had been drawn and her uncle’s pipe lighted; there
  was   Totty   to   be   taken   to   bed;   and  brought   down      again   in  her
  night…gown because she would cry instead of going to sleep。 Then
  there was supper to be got ready; and Hetty must be continually in
  the    way   to  give   help。   Adam     stayed    till  he  knew     Mrs。   Poyser
  expected      him   to   go;  engaging   her   and    her   husband      in  talk  as
  constantly as he could; for the sake of leaving Hetty more at ease。
  He   lingered;   because   he   wanted   to   see   her   safely   through   that
  evening;   and   he   was   delighted   to   find   how   much   self…command
  she showed。 He knew she had not had time to read the letter; but
  he did not know she was buoyed up by a secret hope that the letter
  would contradict everything he had said。 It was hard work for him
  to leave her—hard to think that he should not know for days how
  she   was   bearing   her   trouble。   But   he   must   go   at   last;   and   all   he
  could do was to press her hand gently as he said “Good…bye;” and
  hope she would take that as a sign that if his love could ever be a
  refuge     for  her;   it  was   there   the  same     as  ever。   How    busy    his
  thoughts were; as he walked home; in devising pitying excuses for
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  Adam Bede                                       426
  her folly; in referring all her weakness to the sweet lovingness of
  her   nature;   in   blaming   Arthur;   with   less   and   less   inclination   to
  admit that his conduct might be extenuated too! His exasperation
  at  Hetty’s   suffering—and   also   at   the   sense   that   she   was   possibly
  thrust for ever out of his own reach—deafened him to any plea for
  the   miscalled   friend   who   had   wrought   this   misery。   Adam   was   a
  clear…sighted;   fair…minded   man—a   fine   fellow;   indeed;   morally   as
  well   as   physically。   But  if Aristides   the   Just   was   ever   in   love   and
  jealous; he was at that moment not perfectly magnanimous。 And I
  cannot pretend that Adam; in these painful days; felt nothing but
  righteous indignation and loving pity。 He was bitterly jealous; and
  in   proportion as   his   love made  him indulgent in   his   judgment   of
  Hetty; the bitterness found a vent in his feeling towards Arthur。
  “Her head was allays likely to be turned;” he thought; “when a
  gentleman; with his fine manners; and fine clothes; and his white
  hands;   and  that  way  o’   talking  gentlefolks   have;   came   about  her;
  making up to her in a bold way; as a man couldn’t do that was only
  her  equal;   and it’s   much  if  she’ll   ever  like a   common   man now。”
  He  could not   help   drawing   his   own   hands   out   of   his   pocket   and
  looking   at   them—at   the   hard   palms   and   the   broken   finger…nails。
  “I’m   a   roughish   fellow;   altogether;   I   don’t   know;   now   I   come   to
  think on ’t; what there is much for a woman to like about me; and
  yet   I   might   ha’   got   another   wife   easy   enough;   if   I   hadn’t   set   my
  heart on her。 But it’s little matter what other women think about
  me; if she can’t love me。 She might ha’ loved me; perhaps; as likely
  as any other man—there’s nobody hereabouts as I’m afraid of; if he
  hadn’t come between us; but now I shall belike be hateful to  her
  because   I’m   so   different   to   him。   And   yet   there’s   no   telling—she
  may turn round the other way; when she finds he’s made light of
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  Adam Bede                                      427
  her all the while。 She may come to feel the vally of a man as ’ud be
  thankful to be bound to her all his life。 But I must put up with it
  whichever way it is—I’ve only to be thankful it’s been no worse。 I
  am not th’ only man that’s got to do without much happiness i’ this
  life。   There’s   many  a   good bit  o’   work   done   with  a   bad   heart。   It’s
  God’s will; and that’s enough for us: we shouldn’t know better how
  things ought to be than He does; I reckon; if we was to spend our
  lives i’ puzzling。 But it ’ud ha’ gone near to spoil my work for me; if
  I’d seen her brought to sorrow and shame; and through the   man
  as I’ve always been proud to think on。 Since I’ve been spared that;
  I’ve no right to grumble。 When a man’s got his limbs whole; he can
  bear a smart cut or two。”
  As Adam was getting over a stile at this point in his reflections;
  he perceived a man walking along the field before him。 He knew it
  was Seth; returning from an evening preaching; and made haste to
  overtake him。
  “I   thought   thee   ’dst   be   at   home   before   me;”   he   said;   as   Seth
  turned round to wait for him; “for I’m later than usual to…night。”
  “Well; I’m later too; for I got into talk; after meeting; with John
  Barnes; who has lately  professed   himself in a   state  of perfection;
  and I’d a question to ask him about his experience。 It’s one o’ them
  subjects that lead you further than y’ expect—they don’t lie along
  the straight road。”
  They   walked   along   together   in   silence   two   or   three   minutes。
  Adam   was   not   inclined   to   enter   into   the     subtleties    of   religious
  experience;   but  he was   inclined   to   interchange   a   word   or   two   of
  brotherly   affection      and   confidence      with   Seth。   That    was   a  rare