第 104 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9219
  much the less because Hetty felt very unhappy all the while。 The
  parting with Arthur was a double pain to her—mingling with the
  tumult of passion and vanity there was a dim undefined fear that
  the future might shape itself in some way quite unlike her dream。
  She clung to the comforting hopeful words Arthur had uttered in
  their last meeting—“I shall come again at Christmas; and then we
  will see what can be done。” She clung to the belief that he was so
  fond   of   her;   he   would   never   be   happy   without   her;   and   she   still
  hugged       her   secret—that      a   great    gentleman      loved    her—with
  gratified pride; as a superiority over all the girls she knew。 But the
  uncertainty of the future; the possibilities to which she could give
  no shape; began to press upon her like the invisible weight of air;
  she   was   alone   on   her   little   island   of   dreams;   and   all   around   her
  was the dark unknown water where Arthur  was   gone。   She   could
  gather   no   elation   of   spirits   now   by   looking   forward;   but   only   by
  looking backward to build confidence on past words and caresses。
  But  occasionally;   since   Thursday   evening;   her   dim   anxieties   had
  been almost  lost   behind   the   more   definite   fear   that   Adam   might
  betray     what    he  knew     to  her   uncle   and    aunt;   and   his  sudden
  proposition to talk with her alone had set her thoughts to work in
  a new way。 She was eager not to lose this   evening’s   opportunity;
  and after tea; when the boys were going into the garden and Totty
  begged to go with them; Hetty said; with an alacrity that surprised
  Mrs。 Poyser;
  “I’ll go with her; Aunt。”
  It did not seem at all surprising that Adam said he would go too;
  and soon he and Hetty were left alone together on the walk by the
  filbert…trees;   while   the   boys   were   busy   elsewhere   gathering   the
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
  … Page 421…
  Adam Bede                                       421
  large     unripe    nuts    to  play    at  “cob…nut”      with;   and    Totty    was
  watching them with a puppy…like air of contemplation。 It was but a
  short   time—hardly   two   months—since   Adam   had   had   his   mind
  filled   with   delicious     hopes    as  he   stood   by   Hetty’s    side   in  this
  garden。 The remembrance of that scene had often been with him
  since     Thursday      evening:     the   sunlight     through     the    apple…tree
  boughs;       the    red    bunches;       Hetty’s     sweet     blush。     It   came
  importunately        now;    on   this  sad   evening;     with   the   low…hanging
  clouds; but he tried to suppress it; lest some emotion should impel
  him to say more than was needful for Hetty’s sake。
  “After   what   I   saw   on   Thursday   night;   Hetty;”   he   began;   “you
  won’t  think me   making   too   free   in   what   I’m   going   to   say。   If   you
  was being courted by any man as ’ud make you  his   wife; and   I’d
  known you was fond of him and meant to have him; I should have
  no   right   to   speak   a   word   to   you   about   it;   but   when   I   see   you’re
  being made love to by a   gentleman as   can never  marry  you;   and
  doesna   think   o’   marrying  you;   I   feel bound   t’   interfere   for   you。   I
  can’t speak about it to them as are i’ the place o’ your parents; for
  that might bring worse trouble than’s needful。”
  Adam’s      words     relieved    one    of  Hetty’s    fears;   but   they    also
  carried     a   meaning      which     sickened      her   with    a   strengthened
  foreboding。 She was pale and trembling; and yet she would   have
  angrily contradicted Adam; if she had dared to betray her feelings。
  But she was silent。
  “You’re      so  young;     you    know;     Hetty;”    he   went    on;   almost
  tenderly; “and y’ haven’t seen much o’ what goes on in the world。
  It’s   right   for   me   to   do   what   I   can   to   save   you   from   getting   into
  trouble   for   want   o’   your   knowing   where   you’re   being   led   to。   If
  anybody   besides   me   knew   what   I   know   about            your   meeting     a
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
  … Page 422…
  Adam Bede                                       422
  gentleman and having fine presents from   him;   they’d   speak light
  on   you;   and   you’d   lose   your   character。   And   besides   that;   you’ll
  have to suffer in your feelings; wi’ giving your love to a man as can
  never marry you; so as he might take care of you all your life。”
  Adam paused and looked at Hetty; who was plucking the leaves
  from the filbert…trees and tearing them up in her hand。 Her little
  plans and preconcerted speeches had all forsaken her; like an ill…
  learnt   lesson;     under   the    terrible   agitation    produced      by   Adam’s
  words。     There     was    a  cruel   force   in  their   calm    certainty     which
  threatened to grapple and crush her flimsy hopes and fancies。 She
  wanted to resist them—she wanted to throw them off  with  angry
  contradiction—but the determination to conceal what she felt still
  governed   her。   It  was   nothing more   than   a   blind   prompting   now;
  for she was unable to calculate the effect of her words。
  “You’ve   no   right   to   say   as   I   love   him;”   she   said;   faintly;   but
  impetuously;   plucking   another   rough   leaf   and   tearing   it   up。   She
  was   very   beautiful   in   her   paleness   and   agitation;   with   her   dark
  childish   eyes   dilated   and   her   breath   shorter   than   usual。   Adam’s
  heart   yearned   over   her   as   he   looked   at   her。   Ah;   if   he   could   but
  comfort her; and soothe her; and save her from this pain; if he had
  but   some   sort   of   strength   that   would   enable   him   to   rescue   her
  poor troubled mind; as he would have rescued her body in the face
  of all danger!
  “I   doubt  it  must   be   so;   Hetty;”   he   said;   tenderly;   “for   I   canna
  believe you’d let any man kiss you  by  yourselves;   and  give   you  a
  gold box with his hair; and go a…walking i’ the Grove to meet him;
  if you didna love him。 I’m not blaming you; for I know it ’ud begin
  by little and little; till at last you’d not be able to throw it off。 It’s
  him I blame   for  stealing  your  love   i’   that  way;   when   he   knew  he
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
  … Page 423…
  Adam Bede                                      423
  could   never   make   you   the   right   amends。   He’s   been   trifling   with
  you; and making a plaything of you; and caring nothing about you
  as a man ought to care。”
  “Yes; he does care for me; I know better nor you;” Hetty burst
  out。   Everything  was   forgotten   but  the   pain   and   anger   she   felt   at
  Adam’s words。
  “Nay;   Hetty;”   said   Adam;   “if   he’d   cared   for   you   rightly;   he’d
  never ha’ behaved so。 He told me himself he meant nothing by his
  kissing  and   presents;   and   he   wanted   to   make   me   believe   as   you
  thought light of  ’em   too。   But  I   know  better  nor  that。   I   can’t  help
  thinking as you’ve been trusting to his loving you well enough to
  marry you; for all he’s a gentleman。 And that’s why I must speak to
  you about it; Hetty; for fear you should be deceiving yourself。 It’s
  never entered his head the thought o’ marrying you。”
  “How      do   you   know?     How     durst   you    say   so?”   said   Hetty;
  pausing      in  her   walk    and    trembling。     The    terrible   decision    of
  Adam’s tone shook her with fear。 She had no presence of mind left
  for the reflection that Arthur would have his reasons for not telling
  the truth to Adam。 Her words and look were enough to determine
  Adam: he must give her the letter。
  “Perhaps   you   can’t   believe   me;   Hetty;   because   you   think   too
  well of him—because you think he loves you better than he does。
  But I’ve got a letter i’ my pocket; as he wrote himself for me to give
  you。 I’ve not read the letter; but he says he’s told you the truth in
  it。 But before I give you the letter; consider; Hetty; and don’t let it
  take   too   much   hold   on   you。   It   wouldna   ha’   been   good   for   you   if
  he’d wanted to do such a mad thing as marry you: it ’ud ha’ led to
  no happiness i’ th’ end。”
  Hetty said nothing; she felt a revival of hope at the mention of a
  Georg