第 44 节
作者:上网找工作      更新:2022-04-12 11:59      字数:9322
  covered; and made all possible haste to get ready to attend the
  examination with the special detail。
  〃And now I have finished。  Before this meets any other eye than mine
  I shall be dead … beyond the punishment of this world and awaiting
  the punishment of the next。  Lest some may fancy I do not believe
  this; … thinking that if I did I could not so have acted; … let me
  say there is no moral restraining power in fear。  Fear is essentially
  selfish; and selfishness is at the bottom of all crimes; my own among
  the rest。  I leave behind me none who will mourn me; and have but one
  satisfaction; viz。: the knowledge that I shall be regarded as an
  artist in crime。  I take this occasion to bid the public an adieu
  not altogether; I confess; unmixed with regrets。  I am now on that
  eminence called 'Life'; in a few minutes I shall have jumped off into
  the darkness; and then  … all is mystery。〃
  When I had finished reading this article we all remained silent for
  a long time。  Gwen was the first to speak; and then only to say
  slowly; as if thinking aloud: 〃 And so it is all over。〃
  CHAPTER IV
  It often happens that two souls who love are; like the parts of
  a Mexican gemel…ring; the more difficult to intertwine the better
  they fit each other。
  You may be assured that; after reading M。 Godin's confession; we
  looked forward to seeing Maitland with a good deal of interest。  We
  knew this new turn of affairs would cause him to call at once; so
  we all strove to possess our souls in patience while we awaited his
  coming。  In less than half an hour he was with us。  〃The news of your
  success has preceded you;〃 said Gwen as soon as he was seated。  〃I
  wish to he the first to offer you my congratulations。  You have done
  for me what none other could have done and I owe you a debt of
  gratitude I can never repay。  The thought that I was unable to carry
  out my father's wishes; … that I could do nothing to free his name
  from the reproaches which had been cast upon it; was crushing my
  heart like a leaden weight。  You have removed this burden; and;
  believe me; words fail to express the gratitude I feel。  I shall
  beg of you to permit me to pay you the sum my father mentioned and
  to … to … 〃  She hesitated and Maitland did not permit her to
  finish her sentence。
  〃You must pardon me; Miss Darrow;〃 he replied; 〃but I can accept no
  further payment for the little I have done。  It has been a pleasure
  to do it and the knowledge that you are now released from the
  disagreeable possibilities of your father's will is more than
  sufficient remuneration。  If you still feel that you owe me anything;
  perhaps you will be willing to grant me a favour。〃
  〃There is nothing;〃 she said earnestly; 〃within my power to grant
  for which you shall ask in vain。〃
  〃Let me beg of you then;〃 he replied; 〃never again to seek to repay
  me for any services you may fancy I have rendered。  There is nothing
  you could bestow upon me which I would accept。〃  She gave him a
  quick; searching glance and I noticed a look of pain upon her face;
  but Maitland gave it no heed; for; indeed; he seemed to have much
  ado either to know what he wanted to say; or knowing it; to say it。
  〃And now;〃 he continued; 〃I must no longer presume to order your
  actions。  You have considered my wishes so conscientiously; have
  kept your covenant so absolutely; that what promised to be a
  disagreeable responsibility has become a pleasure which I find
  myself loth to discontinue。  All power leads to tyranny。  Man cannot
  be trusted with it。  Its exercise becomes a consuming passion; and
  he abuses it。  The story is the same; whether nations or individuals
  be considered。  I myself; you see; am a case in point。  I thank you
  for the patience you have shown and the pains you have taken to make
  everything easy and pleasant for me; and now I must be going; as I
  have yet much to do in this matter。  〃It may be a long time;〃 he
  said; extending his hand to her; 〃before we meet again。  We have
  travelled the same path … 〃 but he paused as if unable to proceed;
  and a deadly pallor overspread his face as he let fall both her hand
  and his own。  He made a heroic effort to proceed。
  〃I … I shall miss … very … very much miss … pray pardon me … I … I
  believe I'm ill … a little faint I'd … I'd better get out into the
  air … I shall … shall miss … pardon … I … I'm not quite myself …
  goodbye; good…bye!〃 and he staggered unsteadily; half blindly to the
  door and out into the street without another word。  He certainly
  did look ill。
  Gwen's face was a study。  In it surprise; fear; pain; and dismay;
  each struggled for predominance。  She tried to retain her
  self…control while I was present; but it was all in vain。  A moment
  later she threw herself upon the sofa; and; burying her face in the
  cushions; wept long and bitterly。  I stole quietly away and sent
  Alice to her; and after a time she regained her self…control; if
  not her usual interest in affairs。
  As day after day passed; however; and Maitland neglected to call;
  transacting such business as he had through me; the shadow on
  Gwen's face deepened; and the elasticity of manner; whereof she
  had given such promise at Maitland's last visit; totally deserted
  her; giving place to a dreamy; far…away stolidity of disposition
  which I knew full well boded no good。  I stood this sort of thing
  as long as I could; and then I determined to call on Maitland and
  give him a 〃piece of my mind。〃
  I did call; but when I saw him all my belligerent resolutions
  vanished。  He was sitting at his table trying to work out some
  complicated problem; and he was utterly unfitted for a single
  minute's consecutive thought。  I had not seen him for more than two
  weeks; and during that time he had grown to look ten years older。
  His face was drawn; haggard; and deathly pale。
  〃For Heaven's sake; George;〃 I exclaimed; 〃what is the matter with
  you?〃
  〃I've an idea I'm spleeny;〃 he replied with a ghastly attempt at a
  smile。  This was too much for me。  He should have the lecture after
  all。  The man who thinks he is dying may be spleeny; but the man
  who says he is spleeny is; of the two; the one more likely to be
  dying。
  〃See here; old man;〃 I began; 〃don't you get to thinking that when
  you hide your own head in the sand no one can see the colour of
  your feathers。  You might as well try to cover up Bunker Hill
  Monument with a wisp of straw。  Don't you suppose I know you love
  Gwen Darrow?  That's what's the matter with you。〃
  〃Well;〃 he replied; 〃and if it is; what then?〃
  〃What then?〃 I ejaculated。  〃What then?  Why go to her like a man;
  tell her you love her and ask her to be your wife。  That's what I'd
  do if I loved … 〃  But he interrupted me before I had finished the
  lie; and I was not sorry; for; if I had thought before I became
  involved in that last sentence; how I feared to speak to Jeannette
  … well; I should have left it unsaid。  I have made my living
  giving advice till it has become a fixed habit。
  〃See here; Doc;〃 he broke in upon me; 〃I do love Gwen Darrow as few
  men ever love a woman; and the knowledge that she can never be my
  wife is killing me。  Don't interrupt me!  I know what I am saying。
  She can never be my wife!  Do you think I would sue for her hand?
  Do you think I would be guilty of making traffic of her gratitude?
  Has she not her father's command to wed me if I but ask her; even
  as she would have wed that scoundrel; Godin; had things gone as he
  planned them?  Did she not tell us both that she should keep her
  covenant with her father though it meant for her a fate worse than
  death?  And you would have me profit by her sacrifice?  For shame!
  Love may wither my heart till it rustles in my breast like a dried
  leaf; but I will never; never let her know how I love her。  And see
  here; Doc; promise me that you will not tell her I love her …  nay;
  I insist on it。〃
  Thus importuned I said; though it went much against the grain; for
  that was the very thing I had intended; 〃She shall not learn it
  first through me。〃 This seemed to satisfy him; for he said no more
  upon the subject。  When I went back to Gwen I was in no better frame
  of mind than when I left her。  Here were two people so determined
  to be miserable in spite of everything and everybody that I sought
  Jeannette by way of counter…irritant for my wounded sympathy。
  Ah; Jeannette!  Jeannette!  to this day the sound of your sweet name
  is like a flash of colour to the eye。  You were a bachelor's first
  and last love; and he will never forget you。
  CHAPTER V
  All human things cease … some end。  Happy are they who can spring
  the hard and brittle bar of experience into a bow of promise。  For
  such; there shall ever more be an orderly gravitation。
  My next call on Maitland was professional。  I found him abed and in
  a critical condition。  I blamed myself severely that I had allowed
  other duties to keep me so long away; and had him at once removed to
  the house; where I might; by constant attendance in the future;
  atone for my negligence in the past。  Despite all our efforts;
  however; Maitland steadily grew worse。  Gwen watched by him night
  and day until I was finally o