第 21 节
作者:
冬儿 更新:2022-04-05 13:37 字数:9322
s (wild applause)the Anglican Bishop of the Diocese (applause)the Principal of the University College; Toronto (great applause)the Minister of Education (applause)none of these are coming。〃 There is a great clapping of hands and enthusiasm; after which the meeting is called to order with a very distinct and palpable feeling that it is one of the most distinguished audiences ever gathered in the hall。
Here is another experience of the same period while I was pursuing the same exalted purpose: I arrived in a little town in Eastern Ontario; and found to my horror that I was billed to 〃appear〃 in a church。 I was supposed to give readings from my works; and my books are supposed to be of a humorous character。 A church hardly seemed the right place to get funny in。 I explained my difficulty to the pastor of the church; a very solemn looking man。 He nodded his head; slowly and gravely; as he grasped my difficulty。 〃I see;〃 he said; 〃I see; but I think that I can introduce you to our people in such a way as to make that right。〃
When the time came; he led me up on to the pulpit platform of the church; just beside and below the pulpit itself; with a reading desk and a big bible and a shaded light beside it。 It was a big church; and the audience; sitting in half darkness; as is customary during a sermon; reached away back into the gloom。 The place was packed full and absolutely quiet。 Then the chairman spoke:
〃Dear friends;〃 he said; 〃I want you to understand that it will be all right to laugh tonight。 Let me hear you laugh heartily; laugh right out; just as much as ever you want to; because〃 (and here his voice assumed the deep sepulchral tones of the preacher);…〃when we think of the noble object for which the professor appears to…night; we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor。〃
I am sorry to say; however; that none of the audience; even with the plenary absolution in advance; were inclined to take a chance on it。
I recall in this same connection the chairman of a meeting at a certain town in Vermont。 He represents the type of chairman who turns up so late at the meeting that the committee have no time to explain to him properly what the meeting is about or who the speaker is。 I noticed on this occasion that he introduced me very guardedly by name (from a little card) and said nothing about the Belgians; and nothing about my being (supposed to be) a humourist。 This last was a great error。 The audience; for want of guidance; remained very silent and decorous; and well behaved during my talk。 Then; somehow; at the end; while some one was moving a vote of thanks; the chairman discovered his error。 So he tried to make it good。 Just as the audience were getting up to put on their wraps; he rose; knocked on his desk and said:
〃Just a minute; please; ladies and gentlemen; just a minute。 I have just found outI should have known it sooner; but I was late in coming to this meetingthat the speaker who has just addressed you has done so in behalf of the Belgian Relief Fund。 I understand that he is a well…known Canadian humourist (ha! ha!) and I am sure that we have all been immensely amused (ha! ha!)。 He is giving his delightful talks (ha! ha!)though I didn't know this till just this minutefor the Belgian Relief Fund; and he is giving his services for nothing。 I am sure when we realise this; we shall all feel that it has been well worth while to come。 I am only sorry that we didn't have a better turn out to…night。 But I can assure the speaker that if he will come again; we shall guarantee him a capacity audience。 And I may say; that if there are any members of this association who have not paid their dollar this season; they can give it either to myself or to Mr。 Sibley as they pass out。〃
With the amount of accumulated experience that I had behind me I was naturally interested during my lecture in England in the chairmen who were to introduce me。 I cannot help but feel that I have acquired a fine taste in chair men。 I know them just as other experts know old furniture and Pekinese dogs。 The witty chairman; the prosy chairman; the solemn chairman;I know them all。 As soon as I shake hands with the chairman in the Committee room I can tell exactly how he will act。
There are certain types of chairmen who have so often been described and are so familiar that it is not worth while to linger on them。 Everybody knows the chairman who says; 〃Now; ladies and gentlemen; you have not come here to listen to me。 So I will be very brief; in fact; I will confine my remarks to just one or two very short observations。〃 He then proceeds to make observations for twenty…five minutes。 At the end of it he remarks with charming simplicity; 〃Now I know that you are all impatient to hear the lecturer。 。 。 。〃
And everybody knows the chairman who comes to the meeting with a very imperfect knowledge of who or what the lecturer is; and is driven to introduce him by saying:
〃Our lecturer of the evening is widely recognised as one of the greatest authorities on; on;on his subject in the world to…day。 He comes to us from; from a great distance and I can assure him that it is a great pleasure to this audience to welcome a man who has done so much to;to;to advance the interests of; of; of everything as he has。〃
But this man; bad as he is; is not so bad as the chairman whose preparation for introducing the speaker has obviously been made at the eleventh hour。 Just such a chairman it was my fate to strike in the form of a local alderman; built like an ox; in one of those small manufacturing places in the north of England where they grow men of this type and elect them into office。
〃I never saw the lecturer before;〃 he said; 〃but I've read his book。〃 (I have written nineteen books。) 〃The committee was good enough to send me over his book last night。 I didn't read it all but I took a look at the preface and I can assure him that he is very welcome。 I understand he comes from a college。 。 。 。〃 Then he turned directly towards me and said in a loud voice; 〃What was the name of that college over there you said you came from ?〃
〃McGill;〃 I answered equally loudly。
〃He comes from McGill;〃 the chairman boomed out。 〃I never heard of McGill myself but I can assure him he's welcome。 He's going to lecture to us on;what did you say it was to be about?〃
〃It's a humorous lecture;〃 I said。
〃Ay; it's to be a humorous lecture; ladies and gentlemen; and I'll venture to say it will be a rare treat。 I'm only sorry I can't stay for it myself as I have to get back over to the Town Hall for a meeting。 So without more ado I'll get off the platform and let the lecturer go on with his humour。〃
A still more terrible type of chairman is one whose mind is evidently preoccupied and disturbed with some local happening and who comes on to the platform with a face imprinted with distress。 Before introducing the lecturer he refers in moving tones to the local sorrow; whatever it is。 As a prelude to a humorous lecture this is not gay。
Such a chairman fell to my lot one night before a gloomy audience in a London suburb。 〃As I look about this hall to…night;〃 he began in a doleful whine; 〃I see many empty seats。〃 Here he stifled a sob。 〃Nor am I surprised that a great many of our people should prefer to…night to stay quietly at home〃
I had no clue to what he meant。 I merely gathered that some particular sorrow must have overwhelmed the town that day。
〃To many it may seem hardly fitting that after the loss our town has sustained we should come out here to listen to a humorous lecture;〃; 〃What's the trouble?〃 I whispered to a citizen sitting beside me on the platform。
〃Our oldest resident〃he whispered back 〃he died this morning。〃
〃How old?〃
〃Ninety…four;〃 he whispered。
Meantime the chairman; with deep sobs in his voice; continued:
〃We debated in our committee whether or not we should have the lecture。 Had it been a lecture of another character our position would have been less difficult;〃; By this time I began to feel like a criminal。 〃The case would have been different had the lecture been one that contained information; or that was inspired by some serious purpose; or that could have been of any benefit。 But this is not so。 We understand that this lecture which Mr。 Leacock has already given; I believe; twenty or thirty times in England;〃
Here he turned to me with a look of mild reproval while the silent audience; deeply moved; all looked at me as at a man who went around the country insulting the memory of the dead by giving a lecture thirty times。
〃We understand; though this we shall have an opportunity of testing for ourselves presently; that Mr。 Leacock's lecture is not of a character which;has not; so to speak; the kind of value; in short; is not a lecture of that class。〃
Here he paused and choked back a sob。
〃Had our poor friend been spared to us for another six years he would have rounded out the century。 But it was not to be。 For two or three years past he has noted that somehow his strength was failing; that; for some reason or other; he was no longer what he had been。 Last month he began to droop。 Last week he began to sink。 Speech left him last Tuesday。 This morning he passed; and he has gone