第 43 节
作者:管他三七二十一      更新:2021-12-07 09:25      字数:9321
  little yard; where he had so walked and waited; became a temple to
  her; and she came out and sat in it; and now first felt to the full
  how much he had suffered therewith what fortitude。  She crept
  about the house; and kissed the chair he had sat in; and every
  much…used place and thing of the departed。
  Her shallow nature deepened and deepened under this bereavement; of
  which; she said to herself; with a shudder; she was the cause。  And
  this is the course of nature; there is nothing like suffering to
  enlighten the giddy brain; widen the narrow mind; improve the
  trivial heart。
  As her regrets were tender and deep; so her vows of repentance were
  sincere。  Oh; what a wife she would make when he came back! how
  thoughtful! how prudent! how loyal! and never have a secret。  She
  who had once said; 〃What is the use of your writing? nobody will
  publish it;〃 now collected and perused every written scrap。  With
  simple affection she even locked up his very waste…paper basket;
  full of fragments he had torn; or useless papers he had thrown
  there; before he went to Plymouth。
  In the drawer of his writing…table she found his diary。  It was a
  thick quarto: it began with their marriage; and ended with his
  leaving homefor then he took another volume。  This diary became
  her Bible; she studied it daily; till her tears hid his lines。  The
  entries were very miscellaneous; very exact; it was a map of their
  married life。  But what she studied most was his observations on
  her own character; so scientific; yet so kindly; and his scholar…
  like and wise reflections。  The book was an unconscious picture of
  a great mind she had hitherto but glanced at: now she saw it all
  plain before her; saw it; understood it; adored it; mourned it。
  Such women are shallow; not for want of a head upon their
  shoulders; but of ATTENTION。  They do not really study anything:
  they have been taught at their schools the bad art of skimming; but
  let their hearts compel their brains to think and think; the result
  is considerable。  The deepest philosopher never fathomed a
  character more thoroughly than this poor child fathomed her
  philosopher; when she had read his journal ten or eleven times; and
  bedewed it with a thousand tears。
  One passage almost cut her more intelligent heart in twain:
  〃This dark day I have done a thing incredible。  I have spoken with
  brutal harshness to the innocent creature I have sworn to protect。
  She had run in debt; through inexperience; and that unhappy
  timidity which makes women conceal an error till it ramifies; by
  concealment; into a fault; and I must storm and rave at her; till
  she actually fainted away。  Brute!  Ruffian!  Monster!  And she;
  how did she punish me; poor lamb?  By soft and tender wordslike a
  lady; as she is。  Oh; my sweet Rosa; I wish you could know how you
  are avenged。  Talk of the scourgethe cat!  I would be thankful
  for two dozen lashes。  Ah! there is no need; I think; to punish a
  man who has been cruel to a woman。  Let him alone。  He will punish
  himself more than you can; if he is really a man。〃
  From the date of that entry; this self…reproach and self…torture
  kept cropping up every now and then in the diary; and it appeared
  to have been not entirely without its influence in sending Staines
  to sea; though the main reason he gave was that his Rosa might have
  the comforts and luxuries she had enjoyed before she married him。
  One day; while she was crying over this diary; Uncle Philip called;
  but not to comfort her; I promise you。  He burst on her; irate; to
  take her to task。  He had returned; learned Christopher's
  departure; and settled the reason in his own mind: that uxorious
  fool was gone to sea by a natural reaction; his eyes were open to
  his wife at last; and he was sick of her folly; so he had fled to
  distant climes; as who would not; that could?
  〃SO; ma'am;〃 said he; 〃my nephew is gone to sea; I findall in a
  hurry。  Pray may I ask what he has done that for?〃
  It was a very simple question; yet it did not elicit a very plain
  answer。  She only stared at this abrupt inquisitor; and then cried;
  piteously; 〃Oh; Uncle Philip!〃 and burst out sobbing。
  〃Why; what is the matter?〃
  〃You WILL hate me now。  He is gone to make money for ME; and I
  would rather have lived on a crust。  Uncledon't hate me。  I'm a
  poor; bereaved; heart…broken creature; that repents。〃
  〃Repents! heigho! why; what have you been up to now; ma'am?  No
  great harm; I'll be bound。  Flirting a little with some FOOLeh?〃
  〃Flirting!  Me! a married woman。〃
  〃Oh; to be sure; I forgot。  Why; surely he has not deserted you。〃
  〃My Christopher desert me!  He loves me too well; far more than I
  deserve; but not more than I will。  Uncle Philip; I am too confused
  and wretched to tell you all that has happened; but I know you love
  him; though you had a tiff: uncle; he called on you; to shake hands
  and ask your forgiveness; poor fellow!  He was so sorry you were
  away。  Please read his dear diary: it will tell you all; better
  than his poor foolish wife can。  I know it by heart。  I'll show you
  where you and he quarrelled about me。  There; see。〃  And she showed
  him the passage with her finger。  〃He never told me it was that; or
  I would have come and begged your pardon on my knees。  But see how
  sorry he was。  There; see。  And now I'll show you another place;
  where my Christopher speaks of your many; many acts of kindness。
  There; see。  And now please let me show you how he longed for
  reconciliation。  There; see。  And it is the same through the book。
  And now I'll show you how grieved he was to go without your
  blessing。  I told him I was sure you would give him that; and him
  going away。  Ah; me! will he ever return?  Uncle dear; don't hate
  me。  What shall I do; now he is gone; if you disown me?  Why; you
  are the only Staines left me to love。〃
  〃Disown you; ma'am! that I'll never do。  You are a good…hearted
  young woman; I find。  There; run and dry your eyes; and let me read
  Christopher's diary all through。  Then I shall see how the land
  lies。〃
  Rosa complied with his proposal; and left him alone while she
  bathed her eyes; and tried to compose herself; for she was all
  trembling at this sudden irruption。
  When she returned to the drawing…room; he was walking about;
  looking grave and thoughtful。
  〃It is the old story;〃 said he; rather gently: 〃a MISUNDERSTANDING。
  How wise our ancestors were that first used that word to mean a
  quarrel! for; look into twenty quarrels; and you shall detect a
  score of mis…under…standings。  Yet our American cousins must go and
  substitute the un…ideaed word 'difficulty'; that is wonderful。  I
  had no quarrel with him: delighted to see either of you。  But I had
  called twice on him; so I thought he ought to get over his temper;
  and call on a tried friend like me。  A misunderstanding!  Now; my
  dear; let us have no more of these misunderstandings。  You will
  always be welcome at my house; and I shall often come here and look
  after you and your interests。  What do you mean to do; I wonder?〃
  〃Sir; I am to go home to my father; if he will be troubled with me。
  I have written to him。〃
  〃And what is to become of the Bijou?〃
  〃My Christie thought I should like to part with it; and the
  furniturebut his own writing…desk and his chair; no; I never
  will; and his little clock。  Oh! oh! oh!But I remember what you
  said about agents; and I don't know what to do; for I shall be
  away。〃
  〃Then; leave it to me。  I'll come and live here with one servant;
  and I'll soon sell it for you。〃
  〃You; Uncle Philip!〃
  〃Well; why not?〃 said he roughly。
  〃That will be a great trouble and discomfort to you; I'm afraid。〃
  〃If I find it so; I'll soon drop it。  I'm not the fool to put
  myself out for anybody。  When you are ready to go out; send me
  word; and I'll come in。〃
  Soon after this he bustled off。  He gave her a sort of hurried kiss
  at parting; as if he was ashamed of it; and wanted it over as
  quickly as possible。
  Next day her father came; condoled with her politely; assured her
  there was nothing to cry about; husbands were a sort of
  functionaries that generally went to sea at some part of their
  career; and no harm ever came of it。  On the contrary; 〃Absence
  makes the heart grow fonder;〃 said this judicious parent。
  This sentiment happened to be just a little too true; and set the
  daughter crying bitterly。  But she fought against it。  〃Oh no!〃
  said she; 〃I MUSTN'T。  I will not be always crying in Kent Villa。〃
  〃Lord forbid!〃
  〃I shall get over it in timea little。〃
  〃Why; of course you will。  But as to your coming to Kent Villa; I
  am afraid you would not be very comfortable there。  You know I am
  superannuated。  Only got my pension now。〃
  〃I know that; papa: andwhy; that is one of the reasons。  I have a
  good income now; and I thought if we put our means together〃
  〃Oh; that is a very different thing。  You will want a carriage; I
  suppose。  I have put mine down。〃
  〃No carriage; no horse; no footman; no luxury of any kind till my
  Christie comes back。  I abhor dress; I abhor expense; I loathe
  everything I once liked too well; I detest every folly that has
  parted us; and I hate myself worst of all。  Oh! oh! oh!  Forgive me
  for crying