第 7 节
作者:管他三七二十一      更新:2021-12-07 09:25      字数:9322
  Having thus taken him by the eye; he took him by the mind。
  〃Is it a small thing for the creature to say to her Creator; 'I can
  pack all this egg…china better than you can;' and thereupon to jam
  all those vital organs close; by a powerful; a very powerful and
  ingenious machine?  Is it a small thing for that sex; which; for
  good reasons; the Omniscient has made larger in the waist than the
  male; to say to her Creator; 'You don't know your business; women
  ought to be smaller in the waist than men; and shall be throughout
  the civilized world'?〃
  In short; he delivered so many true and pointed things on this
  trite subject; that the old gentleman was convinced; and begged him
  to come over that very evening and convince Rosa。
  Dr。 Staines shook his head dolefully; and all his fire died out of
  him at having to face the fair。  〃Reason will be wasted。  Authority
  is the only weapon。  My profession and my reading have both taught
  me that the whole character of her sex undergoes a change the
  moment a man interferes with their dress。  From Chaucer's day to
  our own; neither public satire nor private remonstrance has ever
  shaken any of their monstrous fashions。  Easy; obliging; pliable;
  and weaker of will than men in other things; do but touch their
  dress; however objectionable; and rock is not harder; iron is not
  more stubborn; than these soft and yielding creatures。  It is no
  earthly use my comingI'll come。〃
  He came that very evening; and saw directly she was worse。  〃Of
  course;〃 said he; sadly; 〃you have not taken my advice。〃
  Rosa replied with a toss and an evasion; 〃I was not worth a
  prescription!〃
  〃A physician can prescribe without sending his patient to the
  druggist; and when he does; then it is his words are gold。〃
  Rosa shook her head with an air of lofty incredulity。
  He looked ruefully at Mr。 Lusignan and was silent。  Rosa smiled
  sarcastically; she thought he was at his wit's end。
  Not quite: he was cudgelling his brains in search of some horribly
  unscientific argument; that might prevail; for he felt science
  would fall dead upon so fair an antagonist。  At last his eye
  kindled; he had hit on an argument unscientific enough for anybody;
  he thought。  Said he; ingratiatingly; 〃You believe the Old
  Testament?〃
  〃Of course I do; every syllable。〃
  〃And the lessons it teaches?〃
  〃Certainly!〃
  〃Then let me tell you a story from that book。  A Syrian general had
  a terrible disease。  He consulted Elisha by deputy。  Elisha said;
  'Bathe seven times in a certain river; Jordan; and you will get
  well。'  The general did not like this at all; he wanted a
  prescription; wanted to go to the druggist; didn't believe in
  hydropathy to begin; and; in any case; turned up his nose at
  Jordan。  What! bathe in an Israelitish brook; when his own country
  boasted noble rivers; with a reputation for sanctity into the
  bargain?  In short; he preferred his leprosy to such irregular
  medicine。  But it happened; by some immense fortuity; that one of
  his servants; though an Oriental; was a friend; instead of a
  flatterer; and this sensible fellow said; 'If the prophet told you
  to do some great and difficult thing; to get rid of this fearful
  malady; would not you do it; however distasteful? and can you
  hesitate when he merely says; Wash in the Jordan; and be healed?'
  The general listened to good sense; and cured himself。  Your case
  is parallel。  You would take quantities of foul medicine; you would
  submit to some painful operation; if life and health depended on
  it; then why not do a small thing for a great result?  You have
  only to take off an unnatural machine which cripples your growing
  frame; and was unknown to every one of the women whose forms in
  Parian marble the world admires。  Off with that monstrosity; and
  your cure is as certain as the Syrian general's; though science;
  and not inspiration; dictates the easy remedy。〃
  Rosa had listened impatiently; and now replied with some warmth;
  〃This is shockingly profane。  The idea of comparing yourself to
  Elisha; and me to a horrid leper!  Much obliged!  Not that I know
  what a leper is。〃
  〃Come; come! that is not fair;〃 said Mr。 Lusignan。  〃He only
  compared the situation; not the people。〃
  〃But; papa; the Bible is not to be dragged into the common affairs
  of life。〃
  〃Then what on earth is the use of it?〃
  〃Oh; papa!  Well; it is not Sunday; but I have had a sermon。  This
  is the clergyman; and you are the commentatorhe! he!  And so now
  let us go back from divinity to medicine。  I repeat〃 (this was the
  first time she had said it) 〃that my other doctors give me real
  prescriptions; written in hieroglyphics。  You can't look at them
  without feeling there MUST be something in them。〃
  An angry spot rose on Christopher's cheek; but he only said; 〃And
  are your other doctors satisfied with the progress your disorder is
  making under their superintendence?〃
  〃Perfectly!  Papa; tell him what they say; and I'll find him their
  prescriptions。〃  She went to a drawer; and rummaged; affecting not
  to listen。
  Lusignan complied。  〃First of all; sir; I must tell you they are
  confident it is not the lungs; but the liver。〃
  〃The what!〃 shouted Christopher。
  〃Ah!〃 screamed Rosa。  〃Oh; don't!bawling!〃
  〃And don't you screech;〃 said her father; with a look of misery and
  apprehension impartially distributed on the resounding pair。
  〃You must have misunderstood them;〃 murmured Staines; in a voice
  that was now barely audible a yard off。  〃The hemorrhage of a
  bright red color; and expelled without effort or nausea?〃
  〃From the liverthey have assured me again and again;〃 said
  Lusignan。
  Christopher's face still wore a look of blank amazement; till Rosa
  herself confirmed it positively。
  Then he cast a look of agony upon her; and started up in a passion;
  forgetting once more that his host abhorred the sonorous。  〃Oh;
  shame! shame!〃 he cried; 〃that the noble profession of medicine
  should be disgraced by ignorance such as this。〃  Then he said;
  sternly; 〃Sir; do not mistake my motives; but I decline to have
  anything further to do with this case; until those two gentlemen
  have been relieved of it; and; as this is very harsh; and on my
  part unprecedented; I will give you one reason out of many I COULD
  give you。  Sir; there is no road from the liver to the throat by
  which blood can travel in this way; defying the laws of gravity;
  and they knew; from the patient; that no strong expellent force has
  ever been in operation。  Their diagnosis; therefore; implies
  agnosis; or ignorance too great to be forgiven。  I will not share
  my patient with two gentlemen who know so little of medicine; and
  know nothing of anatomy; which is the A B C of medicine。  Can I see
  their prescriptions?〃
  These were handed to him。  〃Good heavens!〃 said he; 〃have you taken
  all these?〃
  〃Most of them。〃
  〃Why; then you have drunk about two gallons of unwholesome liquids;
  and eaten a pound or two of unwholesome solids。  These medicines
  have co…operated with the malady。  The disorder lies; not in the
  hemorrhage; but in the precedent extravasation that is a drain on
  the system; and how is the loss to be supplied?  Why; by taking a
  little more nourishment than before; there is no other way; and
  probably Nature; left to herself; might have increased your
  appetite to meet the occasion。  But those two worthies have struck
  that weapon out of Nature's hand; they have peppered away at the
  poor ill…used stomach with drugs and draughts; not very deleterious
  I grant you; but all more or less indigestible; and all tending;
  not to whet the appetite; but to clog the stomach; or turn the
  stomach; or pester the stomach; and so impair the appetite; and so
  co…operate; indirectly; with the malady。〃
  〃This is good sense;〃 said Lusignan。  〃I declare; II wish I knew
  how to get rid of them。〃
  〃Oh; I'll do that; papa。〃
  〃No; no; it is not worth a rumpus。〃
  〃I'll do it too politely for that。  Christopher; you are very
  cleverTERRIBLY clever。  Whenever I threw their medicines away; I
  was always a little better that day。  I will sacrifice them to you。
  It IS a sacrifice。  They are both so kind and chatty; and don't
  grudge me hieroglyphics; now you do。〃
  She sat down and wrote two sweet letters to Dr。 Snell and Mr。
  Wyman; thanking them for the great attention they had paid her; but
  finding herself getting steadily worse; in spite of all they had
  done for her; she proposed to discontinue her medicines for a time;
  and try change of air。
  〃And suppose they call to see whether you are changing the air?〃
  〃In that case; papa'not at home。'〃
  The notes were addressed and despatched。
  Then Dr。 Staines brightened up; and said to Lusignan; 〃I am now
  happy to tell you that I have overrated the malady。  The sad change
  I see in Miss Lusignan is partly due to the great bulk of
  unwholesome esculents she has been eating and drinking under the
  head of medicines。  These discontinued; she might linger on for
  years; existing; though not livingthe tight…laced cannot be said
  to live。  But if she would be healthy and happy; let her throw that
  diabolical machine into the fire。  It is no use asking her to
  loosen it; she can't。  Once there; the temptation is too strong。