第 73 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:23      字数:9177
  ventured on a second; but ever afterwards confined himself to
  looking watchfully at her for her suggestions; and rattling his
  money。
  ‘Trot; I tell you what; my dear;’ said my aunt; one morning in
  the Christmas season when I left school: ‘as this knotty point is
  still unsettled; and as we must not make a mistake in our decision
  if we can help it; I think we had better take a little breathing…time。
  In the meanwhile; you must try to look at it from a new point of
  view; and not as a schoolboy。’
  ‘I will; aunt。’
  ‘It has occurred to me;’ pursued my aunt; ‘that a little change;
  and a glimpse of life out of doors; may be useful in helping you to
  know your own mind; and form a cooler judgement。 Suppose you
  were to go down into the old part of the country again; for
  instance; and see that—that out…of…the…way woman with the
  savagest of names;’ said my aunt; rubbing her nose; for she could
  never thoroughly forgive Peggotty for being so called。
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  ‘Of all things in the world; aunt; I should like it best!’
  ‘Well;’ said my aunt; ‘that’s lucky; for I should like it too。 But it’s
  natural and rational that you should like it。 And I am very well
  persuaded that whatever you do; Trot; will always be natural and
  rational。’
  ‘I hope so; aunt。’
  ‘Your sister; Betsey Trotwood;’ said my aunt; ‘would have been
  as natural and rational a girl as ever breathed。 You’ll be worthy of
  her; won’t you?’
  ‘I hope I shall be worthy of you; aunt。 That will be enough for
  me。’
  ‘It’s a mercy that poor dear baby of a mother of yours didn’t
  live;’ said my aunt; looking at me approvingly; ‘or she’d have been
  so vain of her boy by this time; that her soft little head would have
  been completely turned; if there was anything of it left to turn。’
  (My aunt always excused any weakness of her own in my behalf;
  by transferring it in this way to my poor mother。) ‘Bless me;
  Trotwood; how you do remind me of her!’
  ‘Pleasantly; I hope; aunt?’ said I。
  ‘He’s as like her; Dick;’ said my aunt; emphatically; ‘he’s as like
  her; as she was that afternoon before she began to fret—bless my
  heart; he’s as like her; as he can look at me out of his two eyes!’
  ‘Is he indeed?’ said Mr。 Dick。
  ‘And he’s like David; too;’ said my aunt; decisively。
  ‘He is very like David!’ said Mr。 Dick。
  ‘But what I want you to be; Trot;’ resumed my aunt; ‘—I don’t
  mean physically; but morally; you are very well physically—is; a
  firm fellow。 A fine firm fellow; with a will of your own。 With
  resolution;’ said my aunt; shaking her cap at me; and clenching
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  her hand。 ‘With determination。 With character; Trot—with
  strength of character that is not to be influenced; except on good
  reason; by anybody; or by anything。 That’s what I want you to be。
  That’s what your father and mother might both have been;
  Heaven knows; and been the better for it。’
  I intimated that I hoped I should be what she described。
  ‘That you may begin; in a small way; to have a reliance upon
  yourself; and to act for yourself;’ said my aunt; ‘I shall send you
  upon your trip; alone。 I did think; once; of Mr。 Dick’s going with
  you; but; on second thoughts; I shall keep him to take care of me。’
  Mr。 Dick; for a moment; looked a little disappointed; until the
  honour and dignity of having to take care of the most wonderful
  woman in the world; restored the sunshine to his face。
  ‘Besides;’ said my aunt; ‘there’s the Memorial—’
  ‘Oh; certainly;’ said Mr。 Dick; in a hurry; ‘I intend; Trotwood; to
  get that done immediately—it really must be done immediately!
  And then it will go in; you know—and then—’ said Mr。 Dick; after
  checking himself; and pausing a long time; ‘there’ll be a pretty
  kettle of fish!’
  In pursuance of my aunt’s kind scheme; I was shortly
  afterwards fitted out with a handsome purse of money; and a
  portmanteau; and tenderly dismissed upon my expedition。 At
  parting; my aunt gave me some good advice; and a good many
  kisses; and said that as her object was that I should look about me;
  and should think a little; she would recommend me to stay a few
  days in London; if I liked it; either on my way down into Suffolk;
  or in coming back。 In a word; I was at liberty to do what I would;
  for three weeks or a month; and no other conditions were imposed
  upon my freedom than the before…mentioned thinking and looking
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  about me; and a pledge to write three times a week and faithfully
  report myself。
  I went to Canterbury first; that I might take leave of Agnes and
  Mr。 Wickfield (my old room in whose house I had not yet
  relinquished); and also of the good Doctor。 Agnes was very glad to
  see me; and told me that the house had not been like itself since I
  had left it。
  ‘I am sure I am not like myself when I am away;’ said I。 ‘I seem
  to want my right hand; when I miss you。 Though that’s not saying
  much; for there’s no head in my right hand; and no heart。
  Everyone who knows you; consults with you; and is guided by you;
  Agnes。’
  ‘Everyone who knows me; spoils me; I believe;’ she answered;
  smiling。
  ‘No。 it’s because you are like no one else。 You are so good; and
  so sweet…tempered。 You have such a gentle nature; and you are
  always right。’
  ‘You talk;’ said Agnes; breaking into a pleasant laugh; as she sat
  at work; ‘as if I were the late Miss Larkins。’
  ‘Come! It’s not fair to abuse my confidence;’ I answered;
  reddening at the recollection of my blue enslaver。 ‘But I shall
  confide in you; just the same; Agnes。 I can never grow out of that。
  Whenever I fall into trouble; or fall in love; I shall always tell you; if
  you’ll let me—even when I come to fall in love in earnest。’
  ‘Why; you have always been in earnest!’ said Agnes; laughing
  again。
  ‘Oh! that was as a child; or a schoolboy;’ said I; laughing in my
  turn; not without being a little shame…faced。 ‘Times are altering
  now; and I suppose I shall be in a terrible state of earnestness one
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  day or other。 My wonder is; that you are not in earnest yourself; by
  this time; Agnes。’
  Agnes laughed again; and shook her head。
  ‘Oh; I know you are not!’ said I; ‘because if you had been you
  would have told me。 Or at least’—for I saw a faint blush in her
  face; ‘you would have let me find it out for myself。 But there is no
  one that I know of; who deserves to love you; Agnes。 Someone of a
  nobler character; and more worthy altogether than anyone I have
  ever seen here; must rise up; before I give my consent。 In the time
  to come; I shall have a wary eye on all admirers; and shall exact a
  great deal from the successful one; I assure you。’
  We had gone on; so far; in a mixture of confidential jest and
  earnest; that had long grown naturally out of our familiar
  relations; begun as mere children。 But Agnes; now suddenly lifting
  up her eyes to mine; and speaking in a different manner; said:
  ‘Trotwood; there is something that I want to ask you; and that I
  may not have another opportunity of asking for a long time;
  perhaps—something I would ask; I think; of no one else。 Have you
  observed any gradual alteration in Papa?’
  I had observed it; and had often wondered whether she had too。
  I must have shown as much; now; in my face; for her eyes were in
  a moment cast down; and I saw tears in them。
  ‘Tell me what it is;’ she said; in a low voice。
  ‘I think—shall I be quite plain; Agnes; liking him so much?’
  ‘Yes;’ she said。
  ‘I think he does himself no good by the habit that has increased
  upon him since I first came here。 He is often very nervous—or I
  fancy so。’
  ‘It is not fancy;’ said Agnes; shaking her head。
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  ‘His hand trembles; his speech is not plain; and his eyes look
  wild。 I have remarked that at those times; and when he is least like
  himself; he is most certain to be wanted on some business。’
  ‘By Uriah;’ said Agnes。
  ‘Yes; and the sense of being unfit for it; or of not having
  understood it; or of having shown his condition in spite of himself;
  seems to make him so uneasy; that next day he is worse; and next
  day worse; and so he becomes jaded and haggard。 Do not be
  alarmed by what I say; Agnes; but in this state I saw him; only the
  other evening; lay down his head upon his desk; and shed tears
  like a child。’
  Her hand passed softly before my lips while I was yet speaking;
  and in a moment she had met her father at the door of the room;
  and was hanging on his shoulder。 The expression of her face; as
  they both looked towards me; I felt to be very touching。 There was
  such deep fondness for him; and gratitude to him for all his love
  and care; in her beautiful look; and there was such a fervent
  appeal to me to deal tenderly by him; even in my inmost thoughts;
  an