第 32 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:22      字数:9176
  dropped it。
  ‘My dear Jane!’ cried my mother。
  ‘Good heavens; Clara; do you see?’ exclaimed Miss Murdstone。
  ‘See what; my dear Jane?’ said my mother; ‘where?’
  ‘He’s got it!’ cried Miss Murdstone。 ‘The boy has got the baby!’
  She was limp with horror; but stiffened herself to make a dart
  at me; and take it out of my arms。 Then; she turned faint; and was
  so very ill that they were obliged to give her cherry brandy。 I was
  solemnly interdicted by her; on her recovery; from touching my
  brother any more on any pretence whatever; and my poor mother;
  who; I could see; wished otherwise; meekly confirmed the
  interdict; by saying: ‘No doubt you are right; my dear Jane。’
  On another occasion; when we three were together; this same
  dear baby—it was truly dear to me; for our mother’s sake—was the
  innocent occasion of Miss Murdstone’s going into a passion。 My
  mother; who had been looking at its eyes as it lay upon her lap;
  said:
  ‘Davy! come here!’ and looked at mine。
  I saw Miss Murdstone lay her beads down。
  ‘I declare;’ said my mother; gently; ‘they are exactly alike。 I
  suppose they are mine。 I think they are the colour of mine。 But
  they are wonderfully alike。’
  ‘What are you talking about; Clara?’ said Miss Murdstone。
  ‘My dear Jane;’ faltered my mother; a little abashed by the
  harsh tone of this inquiry; ‘I find that the baby’s eyes and Davy’s
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  are exactly alike。’
  ‘Clara!’ said Miss Murdstone; rising angrily; ‘you are a positive
  fool sometimes。’
  ‘My dear Jane;’ remonstrated my mother。
  ‘A positive fool;’ said Miss Murdstone。 ‘Who else could compare
  my brother’s baby with your boy? They are not at all alike。 They
  are exactly unlike。 They are utterly dissimilar in all respects。 I
  hope they will ever remain so。 I will not sit here; and hear such
  comparisons made。’ With that she stalked out; and made the door
  bang after her。
  In short; I was not a favourite with Miss Murdstone。 In short; I
  was not a favourite there with anybody; not even with myself; for
  those who did like me could not show it; and those who did not;
  showed it so plainly that I had a sensitive consciousness of always
  appearing constrained; boorish; and dull。
  I felt that I made them as uncomfortable as they made me。 If I
  came into the room where they were; and they were talking
  together and my mother seemed cheerful; an anxious cloud would
  steal over her face from the moment of my entrance。 If Mr。
  Murdstone were in his best humour; I checked him。 If Miss
  Murdstone were in her worst; I intensified it。 I had perception
  enough to know that my mother was the victim always; that she
  was afraid to speak to me or to be kind to me; lest she should give
  them some offence by her manner of doing so; and receive a
  lecture afterwards; that she was not only ceaselessly afraid of her
  own offending; but of my offending; and uneasily watched their
  looks if I only moved。 Therefore I resolved to keep myself as much
  out of their way as I could; and many a wintry hour did I hear the
  church clock strike; when I was sitting in my cheerless bedroom;
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  wrapped in my little great…coat; poring over a book。
  In the evening; sometimes; I went and sat with Peggotty in the
  kitchen。 There I was comfortable; and not afraid of being myself。
  But neither of these resources was approved of in the parlour。 The
  tormenting humour which was dominant there stopped them
  both。 I was still held to be necessary to my poor mother’s training;
  and; as one of her trials; could not be suffered to absent myself。
  ‘David;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; one day after dinner when I was
  going to leave the room as usual; ‘I am sorry to observe that you
  are of a sullen disposition。’
  ‘As sulky as a bear!’ said Miss Murdstone。
  I stood still; and hung my head。
  ‘Now; David;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; ‘a sullen obdurate
  disposition is; of all tempers; the worst。’
  ‘And the boy’s is; of all such dispositions that ever I have seen;’
  remarked his sister; ‘the most confirmed and stubborn。 I think; my
  dear Clara; even you must observe it?’
  ‘I beg your pardon; my dear Jane;’ said my mother; ‘but are you
  quite sure—I am certain you’ll excuse me; my dear Jane—that you
  understand Davy?’
  ‘I should be somewhat ashamed of myself; Clara;’ returned Miss
  Murdstone; ‘if I could not understand the boy; or any boy。 I don’t
  profess to be profound; but I do lay claim to common sense。’
  ‘No doubt; my dear Jane;’ returned my mother; ‘your
  understanding is very vigorous—’
  ‘Oh dear; no! Pray don’t say that; Clara;’ interposed Miss
  Murdstone; angrily。
  ‘But I am sure it is;’ resumed my mother; ‘and everybody knows
  it is。 I profit so much by it myself; in many ways—at least I ought
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  to—that no one can be more convinced of it than myself; and
  therefore I speak with great diffidence; my dear Jane; I assure
  you。’
  ‘We’ll say I don’t understand the boy; Clara;’ returned Miss
  Murdstone; arranging the little fetters on her wrists。 ‘We’ll agree;
  if you please; that I don’t understand him at all。 He is much too
  deep for me。 But perhaps my brother’s penetration may enable
  him to have some insight into his character。 And I believe my
  brother was speaking on the subject when we—not very
  decently—interrupted him。’
  ‘I think; Clara;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; in a low grave voice; ‘that
  there may be better and more dispassionate judges of such a
  question than you。’
  ‘Edward;’ replied my mother; timidly; ‘you are a far better judge
  of all questions than I pretend to be。 Both you and Jane are。 I only
  said—’
  ‘You only said something weak and inconsiderate;’ he replied。
  ‘Try not to do it again; my dear Clara; and keep a watch upon
  yourself。’
  My mother’s lips moved; as if she answered ‘Yes; my dear
  Edward;’ but she said nothing aloud。
  ‘I was sorry; David; I remarked;’ said Mr。 Murdstone; turning
  his head and his eyes stiffly towards me; ‘to observe that you are of
  a sullen disposition。 This is not a character that I can suffer to
  develop itself beneath my eyes without an effort at improvement。
  You must endeavour; sir; to change it。 We must endeavour to
  change it for you。’
  ‘I beg your pardon; sir;’ I faltered。 ‘I have never meant to be
  sullen since I came back。’
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  ‘Don’t take refuge in a lie; sir!’ he returned so fiercely; that I
  saw my mother involuntarily put out her trembling hand as if to
  interpose between us。 ‘You have withdrawn yourself in your
  sullenness to your own room。 You have kept your own room when
  you ought to have been here。 You know now; once for all; that I
  require you to be here; and not there。 Further; that I require you
  to bring obedience here。 You know me; David。 I will have it done。’
  Miss Murdstone gave a hoarse chuckle。
  ‘I will have a respectful; prompt; and ready bearing towards
  myself;’ he continued; ‘and towards Jane Murdstone; and towards
  your mother。 I will not have this room shunned as if it were
  infected; at the pleasure of a child。 Sit down。’
  He ordered me like a dog; and I obeyed like a dog。
  ‘One thing more;’ he said。 ‘I observe that you have an
  attachment to low and common company。 You are not to associate
  with servants。 The kitchen will not improve you; in the many
  respects in which you need improvement。 Of the woman who
  abets you; I say nothing—since you; Clara;’ addressing my mother
  in a lower voice; ‘from old associations and long…established
  fancies; have a weakness respecting her which is not yet
  overcome。’
  ‘A most unaccountable delusion it is!’ cried Miss Murdstone。
  ‘I only say;’ he resumed; addressing me; ‘that I disapprove of
  your preferring such company as Mistress Peggotty; and that it is
  to be abandoned。 Now; David; you understand me; and you know
  what will be the consequence if you fail to obey me to the letter。’
  I knew well—better perhaps than he thought; as far as my poor
  mother was concerned—and I obeyed him to the letter。 I retreated
  to my own room no more; I took refuge with Peggotty no more;
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  but sat wearily in the parlour day after day; looking forward to
  night; and bedtime。
  What irksome constraint I underwent; sitting in the same
  attitude hours upon hours; afraid to move an arm or a leg lest Miss
  Murdstone should complain (as she did on the least pretence) of
  my restlessness; and afraid to move an eye lest she should light on
  some look of dislike or scrutiny that would find new cause for
  complaint in mine! What intolerable dulness to sit listening to the
  ticking of the clock; and watching Miss Murdstone’s little shiny
  steel beads as she strung them; and wondering whether she would
  ever be married; and if so; to what sort of unhappy man; and
  cou