第 61 节
作者:寻找山吹      更新:2021-02-27 02:13      字数:9322
  struggle by which she and her husband had attained their present
  position; she referred with the utmost naivete to incidents in her
  career; while the whole table paused to listen。
  〃Before we had a carriage; yes; it was hard for me to get about。  I had
  to be helped by the conductors into the streetcars。  I broke my hip when
  we lived in Steelville; and the doctor was a numbskull。  He should be put
  in prison; is what I tell Adolf。  I was standing on a clothes…horse; when
  it fell。  I had much washing to do in those days。〃
  〃Andcan nothing be done; Mrs。 Scherer?〃 asked Leonard Dickinson;
  sympathetically。
  〃For an old woman?  I am fifty…five。  I have had many doctors。  I would
  put them all in prison。  How much was it you paid Dr。 Stickney; in New
  York; Adolf?  Five thousand dollars?  And he did nothingnothing。  I'd
  rather be poor again; and work。  But it is well to make the best of
  it。〃。。。
  〃Your grandfather was a fine man; Mr。 Durrett;〃 she informed Hambleton。
  〃It is a pity for you; I think; that you do not have to work。〃
  Ham; who sat on her other side; was amused。
  〃My grandfather did enough work for both of us;〃 he said。
  〃If I had been your grandfather; I would have started you in puddling;〃
  she observed; as she eyed with disapproval the filling of his third glass
  of champagne。  〃I think there is too much gay life; too much games for
  rich young men nowadays。  You will forgive me for saying what I think to
  young men?〃
  〃I'll forgive you for not being my grandfather; at any rate;〃 replied
  Ham; with unaccustomed wit。
  She gazed at him with grim humour。
  〃It is bad for you I am not;〃 she declared。
  There was no gainsaying her。  What can be done with a lady who will not
  recognize that morality is not discussed; and that personalities are
  tabooed save between intimates。  Hilda was a personage as well as a
  Tartar。  Laws; conventions; usagesto all these she would conform when
  it pleased her。  She would have made an admirable inquisitorial judge;
  and quite as admirable a sick nurse。  A rare criminal lawyer; likewise;
  was wasted in her。  She was one of those individuals; I perceived; whose
  loyalties dominate them; and who; in behalf of those loyalties; carry
  chips on their shoulders。
  〃It is a long time that I have been wanting to meet you;〃 she informed
  me。  〃You are smart。〃
  I smiled; yet I was inclined to resent her use of the word; though I was
  by no means sure of the shade of meaning she meant to put into it。  I
  had; indeed; an uneasy sense of the scantiness of my fund of humour to
  meet and turn such a situation; for I was experiencing; now; with her;
  the same queer feeling I had known in my youth in the presence of Cousin
  Robert Breckthe suspicion that this extraordinary person saw through
  me。  It was as though she held up a mirror and compelled me to look at my
  soul features。  I tried to assure myself that the mirror was distorted。
  I lost; nevertheless; the sureness of touch that comes from the
  conviction of being all of a piece。  She contrived to resolve me again
  into conflicting elements。  I was; for the moment; no longer the self…
  confident and triumphant young attorney accustomed to carry all before
  him; to command respect and admiration; but a complicated being whose
  unity had suddenly been split。  I glanced around the table at Ogilvy; at
  Dickinson; at Ralph Hambleton。  These men were functioning truly。  But
  was I?  If I were not; might not this be the reason for the lack of
  synthesisof which I was abruptly though vaguely aware between my
  professional life; my domestic relationships; and my relationships with
  friends。  The loyalty of the woman beside me struck me forcibly as a
  supreme trait。  Where she had given; she did not withdraw。  She had
  conferred it instantly on Maude。  Did I feel that loyalty towards a
  single human being? towards Maude herselfmy wife? or even towards
  Nancy?  I pulled myself together; and resolved to give her credit for
  using the word 〃smart〃 in its unobjectionable sense。  After all; Dickens
  had so used it。
  〃A lawyer must needs know something of what he is about; Mrs。 Scherer; if
  he is to be employed by such a man as your husband;〃 I replied。
  Her black eyes snapped with pleasure。
  〃Ah; I suppose that is so;〃 she agreed。  〃I knew he was a great man when
  I married him; and that was before Mr。 Nathaniel Durrett found it out。〃
  〃But surely you did not think; in those days; that he would be as big as
  he has become?  That he would not only be president of the Boyne Iron
  Works; but of a Boyne Iron Works that has exceeded Mr。 Durrett's wildest
  dreams。〃
  She shook her head complacently。
  〃Do you know what I told him when he married me?  I said; 'Adolf; it is a
  pity you are born in Germany。' And when he asked me why; I told him that
  some day he might have been President of the United States。〃
  〃Well; that won't be a great deprivation to him;〃 I remarked。  〃Mr。
  Scherer can do what he wants; and the President cannot。〃
  〃Adolf always does as he wants;〃 she declared; gazing at him as he sat
  beside the brilliant wife of the grandson of the man whose red…shirted
  foreman he had been。  〃He does what he wants; and gets what he wants。  He
  is getting what he wants now;〃 she added; with such obvious meaning that
  I found no words to reply。  〃She is pretty; that Mrs。 Durrett; and
  clever;is it not so?〃
  I agreed。  A new and indescribable note had come into Mrs。 Scherer's
  voice; and I realized that she; too; was aware of that flaw in the
  redoubtable Mr。 Scherer which none of his associates had guessed。  It
  would have been strange if she had not discovered it。  〃She is beautiful;
  yes;〃 the lady continued critically; 〃but she is not to compare with your
  wife。  She has not the heart;it is so with all your people of society。
  For them it is not what you are; but what you have done; and what you
  have。〃
  The banality of this observation was mitigated by the feeling she threw
  into it。
  〃I think you misjudge Mrs。 Durrett;〃 I said; incautiously。  〃She has
  never before had the opportunity of meeting Mr。 Scherer of appreciating
  him。〃
  〃Mrs。 Durrett is an old friend of yours?〃 she asked。
  〃I was brought up with her。〃
  〃Ah!〃 she exclaimed; and turned her penetrating glance upon me。  I was
  startled。  Could it be that she had discerned and interpreted those
  renascent feelings even then stirring within me; and of which I myself
  was as yet scarcely conscious?  At this moment; fortunately for me; the
  women rose; the men remained to smoke; and Scherer; as they discussed
  matters of finance; became himself again。  I joined in the conversation;
  but I was thinking of those instants when in flashes of understanding my
  eyes had met Nancy's; instants in which I was lifted out of my humdrum;
  deadly serious self and was able to look down objectively upon the life I
  led; the life we all ledand Nancy herself; to see
  with her the comic irony of it all。  Nancy had the power to give me this
  exquisite sense of detachment that must sustain her。  And was it not just
  this sustenance she could give that I needed?  For want of it I was
  hardening; crystallizing; growing blind to the joy and variety of
  existence。  Nancy could have saved me; she brought it home to me that I
  needed salvation。。。。  I was struck by another thought; in spite of our
  separation; in spite of her marriage and mine; she was still nearer to
  mefar nearerthan any other being。
  Later; I sought her out。  She looked up at me amusedly from the window…
  seat in our living…room; where she had been talking to the Scherer girls。
  〃Well; how did you get along with Hilda?〃 she asked。  〃I thought I saw
  you struggling。〃
  〃She's somewhat disconcerting;〃 I said。  〃I felt as if she were turning
  me inside out。〃
  Nancy laughed。
  〃Hilda's a discoverya genius。  I'm going to have them to dinner
  myself。〃
  〃And Adolf?〃 I inquired。  〃I believe she thought you were preparing to
  run away with him。  You seemed to have him hypnotized。〃
  〃I'm afraid your great man won't be able to standelevation;〃 she
  declared。  〃He'll have vertigo。  He's even got it now; at this little
  height; and when he builds his palace on Grant Avenue; and later moves to
  New York; I'm afraid he'll wobble even more。〃
  〃Is he thinking of doing all that?〃 I asked。
  〃I merely predict New Yorkit's inevitable;〃 she replied。  〃Grant
  Avenue; yes; he wants me to help him choose a lot。  He gave me ten
  thousand dollars for our Orphans' Home; but on the whole I think I prefer
  Hilda even if she doesn't approve of me。〃
  Nancy rose。  The Scherers were going。  While Mr。 Scherer pressed my hand
  in a manner that convinced me of his gratitude; Hilda was bidding an
  affectionate good night to Maude。  A few moments later she bore her
  husband and daughters away; and we heard the tap…tap of her cane on the
  walk outside。。。。
  XVII。
  The remembrance of that dinner when with my connivance the Scherers made
  their social debut is associated in my mind with the coming of the
  fulness of that era; mad and brief; when gold rained down like manna from
  our sooty skies。  Even the church was prosperous; the Rev。 Carey Heddon;
  our new minister; was well abreast of the times; typical of the new and
  efficient Chris