第 9 节
作者:
天马行空 更新:2021-02-21 14:56 字数:9318
well enough for a new tragedy; but Lord bless us … well; no matter; he
could say a great deal on that point; but he would rather not; lest he should
be thought ill…natured; as he knows he would be。 'But is not Mr。 So…and…
so's performance truly charming?' inquires a young lady。 'Charming!'
replies the censorious young gentleman。 'Oh; dear; yes; certainly; very
charming … oh; very charming indeed。' After this; he stirs the fire; smiling
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contemptuously all the while: and a modest young gentleman; who has
been a silent listener; thinks what a great thing it must be; to have such a
critical judgment。 Of music; pictures; books; and poetry; the censorious
young gentleman has an equally fine conception。 As to men and women;
he can tell all about them at a glance。 'Now let us hear your opinion of
young Mrs。 Barker;' says some great believer in the powers of Mr。 Fairfax;
'but don't be too severe。' 'I never am severe;' replies the censorious young
gentleman。 'Well; never mind that now。 She is very lady…like; is she
not?' 'Lady…like!' repeats the censorious young gentleman (for he always
repeats when he is at a loss for anything to say)。 'Did you observe her
manner? Bless my heart and soul; Mrs。 Thompson; did you observe her
manner? … that's all I ask。' 'I thought I had done so;' rejoins the poor lady;
much perplexed; 'I did not observe it very closely perhaps。' 'Oh; not very
closely;' rejoins the censorious young gentleman; triumphantly。 'Very
good; then I did。 Let us talk no more about her。' The censorious young
gentleman purses up his lips; and nods his head sagely; as he says this; and
it is forthwith whispered about; that Mr。 Fairfax (who; though he is a little
prejudiced; must be admitted to be a very excellent judge) has observed
something exceedingly odd in Mrs。 Barker's manner。
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THE FUNNY YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
As one funny young gentleman will serve as a sample of all funny
young Gentlemen we purpose merely to note down the conduct and
behaviour of an individual specimen of this class; whom we happened to
meet at an annual family Christmas party in the course of this very last
Christmas that ever came。
We were all seated round a blazing fire which crackled pleasantly as
the guests talked merrily and the urn steamed cheerily … for; being an old…
fashioned party; there WAS an urn; and a teapot besides … when there came
a postman's knock at the door; so violent and sudden; that it startled the
whole circle; and actually caused two or three very interesting and most
unaffected young ladies to scream aloud and to exhibit many afflicting
symptoms of terror and distress; until they had been several times assured
by their respective adorers; that they were in no danger。 We were about
to remark that it was surely beyond post…time; and must have been a
runaway knock; when our host; who had hitherto been paralysed with
wonder; sank into a chair in a perfect ecstasy of laughter; and offered to
lay twenty pounds that it was that droll dog Griggins。 He had no sooner
said this; than the majority of the company and all the children of the
house burst into a roar of laughter too; as if some inimitable joke flashed
upon them simultaneously; and gave vent to various exclamations of … To
be sure it must be Griggins; and How like him that was; and What spirits
he was always in! with many other commendatory remarks of the like
nature。
Not having the happiness to know Griggins; we became extremely
desirous to see so pleasant a fellow; the more especially as a stout
gentleman with a powdered head; who was sitting with his breeches
buckles almost touching the hob; whispered us he was a wit of the first
water; when the door opened; and Mr。 Griggins being announced;
presented himself; amidst another shout of laughter and a loud clapping of
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hands from the younger branches。 This welcome he acknowledged by
sundry contortions of countenance; imitative of the clown in one of the
new pantomimes; which were so extremely successful; that one stout
gentleman rolled upon an ottoman in a paroxysm of delight; protesting;
with many gasps; that if somebody didn't make that fellow Griggins leave
off; he would be the death of him; he knew。 At this the company only
laughed more boisterously than before; and as we always like to
accommodate our tone and spirit if possible to the humour of any society
in which we find ourself; we laughed with the rest; and exclaimed; 'Oh!
capital; capital!' as loud as any of them。
When he had quite exhausted all beholders; Mr。 Griggins received the
welcomes and congratulations of the circle; and went through the needful
introductions with much ease and many puns。 This ceremony over; he
avowed his intention of sitting in somebody's lap unless the young ladies
made room for him on the sofa; which being done; after a great deal of
tittering and pleasantry; he squeezed himself among them; and likened his
condition to that of love among the roses。 At this novel jest we all roared
once more。 'You should consider yourself highly honoured; sir;' said we。
'Sir;' replied Mr。 Griggins; 'you do me proud。' Here everybody laughed
again; and the stout gentleman by the fire whispered in our ear that
Griggins was making a dead set at us。
The tea…things having been removed; we all sat down to a round game;
and here Mr。 Griggins shone forth with peculiar brilliancy; abstracting
other people's fish; and looking over their hands in the most comical
manner。 He made one most excellent joke in snuffing a candle; which
was neither more nor less than setting fire to the hair of a pale young
gentleman who sat next him; and afterwards begging his pardon with
considerable humour。 As the young gentleman could not see the joke
however; possibly in consequence of its being on the top of his own head;
it did not go off quite as well as it might have done; indeed; the young
gentleman was heard to murmur some general references to 'impertinence;'
and a 'rascal;' and to state the number of his lodgings in an angry tone … a
turn of the conversation which might have been productive of slaughterous
consequences; if a young lady; betrothed to the young gentleman; had not
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used her immediate influence to bring about a reconciliation:
emphatically declaring in an agitated whisper; intended for his peculiar
edification but audible to the whole table; that if he went on in that way;
she never would think of him otherwise than as a friend; though as that she
must always regard him。 At this terrible threat the young gentleman
became calm; and the young lady; overcome by the revulsion of feeling;
instantaneously fainted。
Mr。 Griggins's spirits were slightly depressed for a short period by this
unlooked…for result of such a harmless pleasantry; but being promptly
elevated by the attentions of the host and several glasses of wine; he soon
recovered; and became even more vivacious than before; insomuch that
the stout gentleman previously referred to; assured us that although he had
known him since he was THAT high (something smaller than a nutmeg…
grater); he had never beheld him in such excellent cue。
When the round game and several games at blind man's buff which
followed it were all over; and we were going down