第 9 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9318
  well   enough   for   a   new   tragedy;   but   Lord   bless   us   …   well;   no   matter;   he
  could say a great deal on that point; but he would rather not; lest he should
  be thought ill…natured; as he knows he would be。                  'But is not Mr。 So…and…
  so's   performance   truly   charming?'   inquires   a   young   lady。           'Charming!'
  replies   the   censorious   young   gentleman。         'Oh;   dear;   yes;   certainly;   very
  charming … oh; very charming indeed。'               After this; he stirs the fire; smiling
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  contemptuously all the while:          and a modest young gentleman; who has
  been a silent listener; thinks what a great thing it must be; to have such a
  critical judgment。      Of music; pictures; books; and poetry; the censorious
  young gentleman has an equally fine conception。              As to men and women;
  he can tell all about them at a glance。         'Now let us hear your opinion of
  young Mrs。 Barker;' says some great believer in the powers of Mr。 Fairfax;
  'but don't be too severe。'     'I never am severe;' replies the censorious young
  gentleman。      'Well;   never   mind   that   now。  She   is   very   lady…like;   is   she
  not?'    'Lady…like!' repeats the censorious young gentleman (for he always
  repeats when he is at a loss for anything to say)。            'Did you observe her
  manner?      Bless my heart and soul; Mrs。 Thompson; did you observe her
  manner? … that's all I ask。'     'I thought I had done so;' rejoins the poor lady;
  much perplexed; 'I did not observe it very closely perhaps。'             'Oh; not very
  closely;'   rejoins   the  censorious    young    gentleman;    triumphantly。     'Very
  good; then I did。      Let us talk no more about her。'        The censorious young
  gentleman purses up his lips; and nods his head sagely; as he says this; and
  it is forthwith whispered about; that Mr。 Fairfax (who; though he is a little
  prejudiced; must be admitted to be a very excellent judge) has   observed
  something exceedingly odd in Mrs。 Barker's manner。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  THE FUNNY YOUNG
  GENTLEMAN
  As   one   funny   young   gentleman   will   serve   as   a   sample   of   all   funny
  young     Gentlemen      we   purpose     merely    to  note   down    the  conduct    and
  behaviour of an individual specimen of this class; whom we happened to
  meet   at   an   annual   family  Christmas   party  in   the   course of   this   very  last
  Christmas that ever came。
  We were all seated round a blazing fire which crackled pleasantly as
  the guests talked merrily and the urn steamed cheerily … for; being an old…
  fashioned party; there WAS an urn; and a teapot besides … when there came
  a postman's knock at the door; so violent and sudden; that it startled the
  whole circle; and actually caused two or three very interesting and most
  unaffected   young   ladies   to   scream   aloud   and   to   exhibit   many   afflicting
  symptoms of terror and distress; until they had been several times assured
  by their respective adorers; that they were in no danger。               We were about
  to   remark   that   it   was   surely   beyond   post…time;   and   must   have   been   a
  runaway   knock;   when   our   host;   who   had   hitherto   been   paralysed   with
  wonder; sank into a chair in a perfect ecstasy of laughter; and offered to
  lay twenty pounds that it was that droll dog Griggins。 He had no sooner
  said   this;   than   the   majority   of   the   company   and   all   the   children   of   the
  house burst into a roar of laughter too; as if some inimitable joke flashed
  upon them simultaneously; and gave vent to various exclamations of … To
  be sure it must be Griggins; and How like him that was; and What spirits
  he   was   always   in!   with   many   other   commendatory   remarks   of   the   like
  nature。
  Not   having   the   happiness   to   know   Griggins;   we   became   extremely
  desirous     to  see   so  pleasant    a  fellow;   the  more    especially    as  a  stout
  gentleman      with   a  powdered      head;   who    was   sitting  with   his  breeches
  buckles almost touching   the hob;  whispered us he   was   a   wit of   the   first
  water;    when     the   door   opened;     and   Mr。    Griggins    being    announced;
  presented himself; amidst another shout of laughter and a loud clapping of
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  hands   from   the   younger   branches。        This   welcome   he   acknowledged   by
  sundry   contortions   of   countenance;   imitative   of   the   clown   in   one   of   the
  new     pantomimes;      which     were   so   extremely   successful;      that   one   stout
  gentleman   rolled   upon   an   ottoman   in   a   paroxysm   of   delight;   protesting;
  with many gasps; that if somebody didn't make that fellow Griggins leave
  off; he would be the death of him; he knew。                  At this the company only
  laughed      more     boisterously     than    before;    and   as   we    always     like  to
  accommodate our tone and spirit if possible to the humour of any society
  in which we find ourself; we laughed with the rest; and exclaimed; 'Oh!
  capital; capital!' as loud as any of them。
  When he had quite exhausted all beholders; Mr。 Griggins received the
  welcomes and congratulations of the circle; and went through the needful
  introductions   with   much   ease   and   many  puns。         This   ceremony  over;   he
  avowed his intention of sitting in somebody's lap unless the young ladies
  made room for   him on the sofa; which being done; after a great deal of
  tittering and pleasantry; he squeezed himself among them; and likened his
  condition to that of love among the roses。             At this novel jest we all roared
  once more。       'You should consider yourself highly honoured; sir;' said we。
  'Sir;' replied Mr。 Griggins; 'you do me proud。'               Here everybody laughed
  again;    and    the  stout   gentleman     by   the  fire  whispered      in  our   ear  that
  Griggins was making a dead set at us。
  The tea…things having been removed; we all sat down to a round game;
  and   here   Mr。   Griggins   shone   forth   with   peculiar   brilliancy;   abstracting
  other   people's   fish;   and   looking   over   their   hands   in   the   most   comical
  manner。      He   made   one   most   excellent   joke   in   snuffing   a   candle;   which
  was   neither   more   nor   less   than   setting   fire   to   the   hair   of   a   pale   young
  gentleman   who   sat   next   him;   and   afterwards   begging   his   pardon   with
  considerable   humour。         As   the   young   gentleman   could   not   see   the   joke
  however; possibly in consequence of its being on the top of his own head;
  it did   not   go   off   quite  as   well   as it   might have  done; indeed;  the   young
  gentleman was heard to murmur some general references to 'impertinence;'
  and a 'rascal;' and to state the number of his lodgings in an angry tone … a
  turn of the conversation which might have been productive of slaughterous
  consequences; if a young lady; betrothed to the young gentleman; had not
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  used      her    immediate       influence     to    bring    about     a    reconciliation:
  emphatically   declaring   in   an   agitated   whisper;   intended   for   his   peculiar
  edification but audible to the whole table; that if he went on in that way;
  she never would think of him otherwise than as a friend; though as that she
  must   always   regard   him。        At   this   terrible   threat   the   young   gentleman
  became calm; and the young lady; overcome by the revulsion of feeling;
  instantaneously fainted。
  Mr。 Griggins's spirits were slightly depressed for a short period by this
  unlooked…for   result   of   such   a   harmless   pleasantry;   but   being   promptly
  elevated by the attentions of the host and several glasses of wine; he soon
  recovered;   and   became   even   more   vivacious   than   before;   insomuch   that
  the stout gentleman previously referred to; assured us that although he had
  known him since he was THAT high (something smaller than a nutmeg…
  grater); he had never beheld him in such excellent cue。
  When   the   round   game   and   several   games   at   blind   man's   buff   which
  followed      it  were    all  over;   and   we   were    going    down