第 7 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9322
  Parliament is not to be brought upon his knees so easily; in reply to which
  the   political   young   gentleman   smiles   sternly;   and   throws   out   dark   hints
  regarding the speedy arrival of that day; when Members of Parliament will
  be    paid    salaries;   and   required     to  render    weekly     accounts     of   their
  proceedings;       at  which     the   young     ladies   utter   many     expressions     of
  astonishment        and    incredulity;    while     their   lady…mothers       regard    the
  prophecy as little else than blasphemous。
  It is extremely improving and interesting to hear two political young
  gentlemen;      of   diverse   opinions;    discuss    some    great   question    across    a
  dinner…table; such as; whether; if the public were admitted to Westminster
  Abbey   for   nothing;   they   would   or   would   not   convey   small   chisels   and
  hammers   in   their   pockets;   and   immediately   set   about   chipping   all   the
  noses   off   the   statues;   or   whether;   if   they   once   got   into   the   Tower   for   a
  shilling; they would not insist upon trying the crown on their own heads;
  and loading and firing off all the small arms in the armoury; to the great
  discomposure of Whitechapel and the Minories。                   Upon these; and many
  other    momentous        questions     which    agitate   the   public    mind    in   these
  desperate days; they will discourse with great vehemence and irritation for
  a considerable time together; both leaving off precisely where they began;
  and each thoroughly persuaded that he has got the better of the other。
  In society; at assemblies; balls; and playhouses; these political young
  gentlemen are perpetually on the watch for a political allusion; or anything
  which     can   be   tortured    or  construed     into   being   one;   when;     thrusting
  themselves   into   the  very  smallest openings   for  their   favourite   discourse;
  they fall upon the unhappy company tooth and nail。                   They have recently
  had many favourable opportunities of opening in churches; but as there the
  clergyman has it all his own way; and must not be contradicted; whatever
  politics he preaches; they are fain to hold their tongues until they reach the
  outer door; though at the imminent risk of bursting in the effort。
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  As    such   discussions     can  please    nobody     but  the   talkative   parties
  concerned;   we   hope   they   will   henceforth   take   the   hint   and   discontinue
  them;   otherwise   we   now   give   them   warning;   that   the   ladies   have   our
  advice to discountenance such talkers altogether。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  THE DOMESTIC YOUNG
  GENTLEMAN
  Let us make a slight sketch of our amiable friend; Mr。 Felix Nixon。 We
  are   strongly   disposed   to   think;   that   if   we   put   him   in   this   place;   he   will
  answer our purpose without another word of comment。
  Felix; then; is a young gentleman who lives at home with his mother;
  just within the twopenny…post office circle of three miles from St。 Martin…
  le…Grand。      He    wears    Indiarubber    goloshes   when     the   weather    is  at  all
  damp;   and   always   has   a   silk   handkerchief   neatly  folded   up   in   the   right…
  hand pocket of his great…coat; to tie over his mouth when he goes home at
  night;    moreover;     being   rather   near…   sighted;   he   carries  spectacles    for
  particular   occasions;   and   has   a   weakish   tremulous   voice;   of   which   he
  makes great use; for he talks as much as any old lady breathing。
  The two chief subjects of Felix's discourse; are himself and his mother;
  both of whom would appear to be very wonderful and interesting persons。
  As Felix and his mother are seldom apart in body; so Felix and his mother
  are scarcely ever separate in spirit。 If you ask Felix how he finds himself
  to…day;    he   prefaces   his   reply  with   a  long   and   minute    bulletin   of  his
  mother's     state   of  health;   and   the  good    lady   in  her   turn;  edifies   her
  acquaintance with a circumstantial and alarming account; how he sneezed
  four times and coughed once after being out in the rain the other night; but
  having his feet promptly put into hot water; and his head into a flannel…
  something;   which   we   will   not   describe   more   particularly   than   by   this
  delicate   allusion;   was   happily   brought   round   by   the   next   morning;   and
  enabled to go to business as usual。
  Our friend is not a very adventurous or hot…headed person; but he has
  passed   through   many   dangers;   as   his   mother   can   testify:     there   is   one
  great story in particular; concerning a hackney coachman who wanted to
  overcharge   him   one   night   for   bringing   them   home   from   the   play;   upon
  which Felix gave the aforesaid coachman a look which his mother thought
  would have crushed him to the earth; but which did not crush him quite;
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  for he continued to demand another sixpence; notwithstanding that Felix
  took out his pocket…book; and; with the aid of a flat candle; pointed out the
  fare   in   print;   which   the   coachman   obstinately   disregarding;   he   shut   the
  street…door with a slam which his mother shudders to think of; and then;
  roused to the most appalling pitch of passion by the coachman knocking a
  double knock to show that he was by no means convinced; he broke with
  uncontrollable force from his parent and the servant girl; and running into
  the   street   without   his   hat;   actually   shook   his   fist   at   the   coachman;   and
  came back again with a face as white; Mrs。 Nixon says; looking about her
  for   a   simile;   as   white   as that   ceiling。   She never   will   forget   his   fury  that
  night; Never!
  To this account Felix listens with a solemn face; occasionally looking
  at you to see how it affects you; and when his mother has made an end of
  it;   adds   that   he   looked     at  every    coachman       he   met    for  three    weeks
  afterwards;   in   hopes   that   he   might   see   the   scoundrel;   whereupon   Mrs。
  Nixon;   with   an   exclamation   of   terror;   requests   to   know   what   he   would
  have done to him if he HAD seen him; at which Felix smiling darkly and
  clenching       his   right   fist;  she    exclaims;     'Goodness       gracious!'     with   a
  distracted air; and insists upon extorting a promise that he never will on
  any     account     do   anything     so   rash;   which     her   dutiful    son   …  it  being
  something       more     than   three   years    since   the   offence     was   committed      …
  reluctantly concedes; and his mother; shaking her head prophetically; fears
  with a sigh that his spirit will lead him into something violent yet。                       The
  discourse   then;   by   an   easy   transition;   turns   upon   the   spirit   which   glows
  within     the   bosom     of  Felix;    upon    which    point    Felix   himself     becomes
  eloquent; and relates a thrilling anecdote of the time when he used to sit up
  till two o'clock in the morning reading French; and how his mother used to
  say; 'Felix; you will make yourself ill; I know you will;' and how HE used
  to   say;   'Mother;   I   don't   care   …   I   will   do   it;'   and   how   at   last   his   mother
  privately     procured     a   doctor    to  come    and    see   him;   who    declared;     the
  moment he felt his pulse; that if he had gone on reading one night more …
  only   one   night   more   …   he   must   have   put   a   blister   on   each   temple;   and
  another   between   his   shoulders;   and   who;   as   it   was;   sat   down   upon   the
  instant;   and   writing   a   prescription   for   a   blue   pill;   said   it   must   be   taken
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  immediately; or he wouldn't answer for the consequences。                     The recital of
  these and many other moving perils of the like nature; constantly harrows
  up the feelings of Mr。 Nixon's friends。
  Mrs。   Nixon   has   a   tolerably   extensive   circle   of   female   acquaintance;
  being     a   good…humoured;         talkative;   bustling     little  body;    and   to   the
  unmarried girls among them she is constantly vaunting the virtues of her
  son; h