第 7 节
作者:
天马行空 更新:2021-02-21 14:56 字数:9322
Parliament is not to be brought upon his knees so easily; in reply to which
the political young gentleman smiles sternly; and throws out dark hints
regarding the speedy arrival of that day; when Members of Parliament will
be paid salaries; and required to render weekly accounts of their
proceedings; at which the young ladies utter many expressions of
astonishment and incredulity; while their lady…mothers regard the
prophecy as little else than blasphemous。
It is extremely improving and interesting to hear two political young
gentlemen; of diverse opinions; discuss some great question across a
dinner…table; such as; whether; if the public were admitted to Westminster
Abbey for nothing; they would or would not convey small chisels and
hammers in their pockets; and immediately set about chipping all the
noses off the statues; or whether; if they once got into the Tower for a
shilling; they would not insist upon trying the crown on their own heads;
and loading and firing off all the small arms in the armoury; to the great
discomposure of Whitechapel and the Minories。 Upon these; and many
other momentous questions which agitate the public mind in these
desperate days; they will discourse with great vehemence and irritation for
a considerable time together; both leaving off precisely where they began;
and each thoroughly persuaded that he has got the better of the other。
In society; at assemblies; balls; and playhouses; these political young
gentlemen are perpetually on the watch for a political allusion; or anything
which can be tortured or construed into being one; when; thrusting
themselves into the very smallest openings for their favourite discourse;
they fall upon the unhappy company tooth and nail。 They have recently
had many favourable opportunities of opening in churches; but as there the
clergyman has it all his own way; and must not be contradicted; whatever
politics he preaches; they are fain to hold their tongues until they reach the
outer door; though at the imminent risk of bursting in the effort。
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As such discussions can please nobody but the talkative parties
concerned; we hope they will henceforth take the hint and discontinue
them; otherwise we now give them warning; that the ladies have our
advice to discountenance such talkers altogether。
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THE DOMESTIC YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
Let us make a slight sketch of our amiable friend; Mr。 Felix Nixon。 We
are strongly disposed to think; that if we put him in this place; he will
answer our purpose without another word of comment。
Felix; then; is a young gentleman who lives at home with his mother;
just within the twopenny…post office circle of three miles from St。 Martin…
le…Grand。 He wears Indiarubber goloshes when the weather is at all
damp; and always has a silk handkerchief neatly folded up in the right…
hand pocket of his great…coat; to tie over his mouth when he goes home at
night; moreover; being rather near… sighted; he carries spectacles for
particular occasions; and has a weakish tremulous voice; of which he
makes great use; for he talks as much as any old lady breathing。
The two chief subjects of Felix's discourse; are himself and his mother;
both of whom would appear to be very wonderful and interesting persons。
As Felix and his mother are seldom apart in body; so Felix and his mother
are scarcely ever separate in spirit。 If you ask Felix how he finds himself
to…day; he prefaces his reply with a long and minute bulletin of his
mother's state of health; and the good lady in her turn; edifies her
acquaintance with a circumstantial and alarming account; how he sneezed
four times and coughed once after being out in the rain the other night; but
having his feet promptly put into hot water; and his head into a flannel…
something; which we will not describe more particularly than by this
delicate allusion; was happily brought round by the next morning; and
enabled to go to business as usual。
Our friend is not a very adventurous or hot…headed person; but he has
passed through many dangers; as his mother can testify: there is one
great story in particular; concerning a hackney coachman who wanted to
overcharge him one night for bringing them home from the play; upon
which Felix gave the aforesaid coachman a look which his mother thought
would have crushed him to the earth; but which did not crush him quite;
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for he continued to demand another sixpence; notwithstanding that Felix
took out his pocket…book; and; with the aid of a flat candle; pointed out the
fare in print; which the coachman obstinately disregarding; he shut the
street…door with a slam which his mother shudders to think of; and then;
roused to the most appalling pitch of passion by the coachman knocking a
double knock to show that he was by no means convinced; he broke with
uncontrollable force from his parent and the servant girl; and running into
the street without his hat; actually shook his fist at the coachman; and
came back again with a face as white; Mrs。 Nixon says; looking about her
for a simile; as white as that ceiling。 She never will forget his fury that
night; Never!
To this account Felix listens with a solemn face; occasionally looking
at you to see how it affects you; and when his mother has made an end of
it; adds that he looked at every coachman he met for three weeks
afterwards; in hopes that he might see the scoundrel; whereupon Mrs。
Nixon; with an exclamation of terror; requests to know what he would
have done to him if he HAD seen him; at which Felix smiling darkly and
clenching his right fist; she exclaims; 'Goodness gracious!' with a
distracted air; and insists upon extorting a promise that he never will on
any account do anything so rash; which her dutiful son … it being
something more than three years since the offence was committed …
reluctantly concedes; and his mother; shaking her head prophetically; fears
with a sigh that his spirit will lead him into something violent yet。 The
discourse then; by an easy transition; turns upon the spirit which glows
within the bosom of Felix; upon which point Felix himself becomes
eloquent; and relates a thrilling anecdote of the time when he used to sit up
till two o'clock in the morning reading French; and how his mother used to
say; 'Felix; you will make yourself ill; I know you will;' and how HE used
to say; 'Mother; I don't care … I will do it;' and how at last his mother
privately procured a doctor to come and see him; who declared; the
moment he felt his pulse; that if he had gone on reading one night more …
only one night more … he must have put a blister on each temple; and
another between his shoulders; and who; as it was; sat down upon the
instant; and writing a prescription for a blue pill; said it must be taken
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immediately; or he wouldn't answer for the consequences。 The recital of
these and many other moving perils of the like nature; constantly harrows
up the feelings of Mr。 Nixon's friends。
Mrs。 Nixon has a tolerably extensive circle of female acquaintance;
being a good…humoured; talkative; bustling little body; and to the
unmarried girls among them she is constantly vaunting the virtues of her
son; h