第 5 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9320
  ladies of this kingdom。        We cannot think so lightly of them as to suppose
  that the mere circumstance of   a man's wearing a   red coat ensures him  a
  ready passport to their regard; and even if this were the case; it would be
  no   satisfactory   explanation   of   the   circumstance;   because;   although        the
  analogy may in some degree hold good in the case of mail coachmen and
  guards;   still   general   postmen   wear   red   coats;   and   THEY   are   not   to   our
  knowledge   better   received   than   other   men;   nor   are   firemen   either;   who
  wear     (or  used   to  wear)   not   only   red  coats;   but  very   resplendent     and
  massive   badges   besides   …   much   larger   than   epaulettes。     Neither   do   the
  twopenny  post…office   boys;   if   the   result   of   our   inquiries   be   correct;   find
  any peculiar favour in woman's eyes; although they wear very bright red
  jackets;    and   have   the  additional    advantage     of  constantly    appearing    in
  public on horseback; which last circumstance may be naturally supposed
  to be greatly in their favour。
  We have sometimes thought that this phenomenon may take its rise in
  the conventional behaviour of captains and colonels and other gentlemen
  in   red   coats   on   the   stage;   where   they   are   invariably   represented   as   fine
  swaggering fellows; talking of nothing but charming girls; their king and
  country; their honour; and their debts; and crowing over the inferior classes
  of the community; whom they occasionally treat with a little gentlemanly
  swindling; no less to the improvement and pleasure of the audience; than
  to   the   satisfaction   and   approval   of   the   choice   spirits   who   consort   with
  them。     But we will not devote these pages to our speculations upon the
  subject; inasmuch as our business at the present moment is not so much
  with the young ladies who are bewitched by her Majesty's livery as with
  the   young   gentlemen   whose   heads   are   turned   by   it。   For   'heads'   we   had
  written   'brains;'   but   upon   consideration;   we   think   the   former   the   more
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  appropriate word of the two。
  These     young    gentlemen     may   be   divided    into  two    classes   …  young
  gentlemen      who    are   actually   in  the   army;   and   young    gentlemen      who;
  having an intense and enthusiastic admiration for all things appertaining to
  a   military   life;   are   compelled   by   adverse   fortune   or   adverse   relations   to
  wear out their existence in some ignoble counting…house。                    We will take
  this latter description of military young gentlemen first。
  The    whole     heart   and   soul   of   the  military    young     gentleman     are
  concentrated in his favourite topic。          There is nothing that he is so learned
  upon as uniforms; he will tell you; without faltering for an instant; what
  the   habiliments   of   any   one   regiment   are   turned   up   with;   what   regiment
  wear stripes down the outside and inside of the leg; and how many buttons
  the Tenth had on their coats; he knows to a fraction how many yards and
  odd inches of gold lace it takes to make an ensign in the Guards; is deeply
  read in the comparative merits of different bands; and the apparelling of
  trumpeters;      and   is  very    luminous     indeed    in   descanting     upon    'crack
  regiments;'     and   the   'crack'   gentlemen     who    compose      them;    of  whose
  mightiness and grandeur he is never tired of telling。
  We were suggesting to a military young gentleman only the other day;
  after   he   had   related   to   us   several   dazzling   instances   of   the   profusion   of
  half…a…dozen honourable ensign somebodies or nobodies in the articles of
  kid gloves and polished boots; that possibly 'cracked' regiments would be
  an improvement upon 'crack;' as being a more expressive and appropriate
  designation; when he suddenly interrupted us by pulling out his watch; and
  observing that he must hurry off to the Park in a cab; or he would be too
  late to hear the band play。        Not wishing to interfere with so important an
  engagement;       and    being   in   fact  already    slightly   overwhelmed       by   the
  anecdotes of the honourable ensigns afore…mentioned; we made no attempt
  to   detain   the   military   young   gentleman;   but   parted   company   with   ready
  good…will。
  Some three or four hours afterwards; we chanced to be walking down
  Whitehall; on the Admiralty side of the way; when; as we drew near to one
  of the little stone places in which a couple of horse soldiers mount guard
  in the daytime; we were attracted by the motionless appearance and eager
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  gaze of a young gentleman; who was devouring both man and horse with
  his eyes; so eagerly; that he seemed deaf and blind to all that was passing
  around him。       We were not much surprised at the discovery that it was our
  friend;   the   military   young   gentleman;   but   we   WERE   a   little   astonished
  when we returned from a walk to South Lambeth to find him still there;
  looking on with the same intensity as before。              As it was a very windy day;
  we felt bound to awaken the young gentleman from his reverie; when he
  inquired   of   us   with   great   enthusiasm;   whether   'that   was   not   a   glorious
  spectacle;'   and   proceeded   to   give   us   a detailed   account   of   the   weight   of
  every   article   of   the   spectacle's   trappings;   from   the   man's   gloves   to   the
  horse's shoes。
  We have made it a practice since; to take the Horse Guards in our daily
  walk; and we find it is the custom of   military  young gentlemen to plant
  themselves      opposite     the  sentries;   and   contemplate      them    at  leisure;  in
  periods varying from fifteen minutes to fifty; and averaging twenty…five。
  We   were   much   struck   a   day   or   two   since;   by   the   behaviour   of   a   very
  promising young butcher who (evincing an interest in the service; which
  cannot   be    too   strongly   commanded        or   encouraged);     after  a  prolonged
  inspection of the sentry; proceeded to handle his boots with great curiosity;
  and as much composure and indifference as if the man were wax…work。
  But the really military young gentleman is waiting all this time; and at
  the very   moment   that   an   apology  rises   to   our   lips;   he   emerges   from  the
  barrack     gate   (he  is  quartered    in  a  garrison    town);   and   takes   the   way
  towards the high street。         He wears his undress uniform; which somewhat
  mars the glory of his outward man; but still how great; how grand; he is!
  What   a   happy  mixture   of   ease   and   ferocity  in his   gait   and   carriage;   and
  how lightly he carries that dreadful sword under his arm; making no more
  ado about it than if it were a silk umbrella!             The lion is sleeping:        only
  think if an enemy were in sight; how soon he'd whip it out of the scabbard;
  and what a terrible fellow he would be!
  But   he   walks   on;   thinking   of   nothing   less   than   blood   and   slaughter;
  and now he comes in sight of three other military young gentlemen; arm…
  in…arm; who are bearing down towards him; clanking their iron heels on
  the pavement; and clashing their swords with a noise; which should cause
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  all   peaceful   men   to   quail   at   heart。    They   stop   to   talk。    See   how   the
  flaxen…haired       young     gentleman      with   the   weak    legs   …  he  who    has   his
  pocket…handkerchief          thrust   into   the  breast   of   his  coat…glares     upon    the
  fainthearted   civilians   who   linger   to   look   upon   his   glory;   how   the   next
  young gentleman elevates his head in the air; and majestically places his
  arms   a…kimbo;   while   the   third   stands   with   his   legs   very  wide   apart;   and
  clasps his hands behind him。             Well may we inquire … not in familiar jest;
  but    in   respectful    earnest    …  if  you    call   that   nothing。     Oh!     if  some
  encroaching foreign power … the Emperor of Russia; for instance; or any of
  those deep fellows; could only see those military young gentlemen as they
  move   on   together   towards   the   billiard…room   over   the   way;   wouldn't   he
  tremble a little!
  And     then;   at  the   Theatre    at  night;   when     the