第 2 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9322
  secured a listener。      He broke a glass or two in the course of the meal; and
  disappeared   shortly  afterwards;   it   is   inferred   that he   went   away  in   some
  confusion; inasmuch as he left the house in another gentleman's coat; and
  the footman's hat。
  This    little  incident    led   us   to   reflect   upon    the   most    prominent
  characteristics   of   bashful   young   gentlemen   in   the   abstract;   and   as   this
  portable volume will be the great text…book of young ladies in all future
  generations; we record them here for their guidance and behoof。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  If the   bashful young   gentleman; in   turning a   street corner;   chance   to
  stumble   suddenly   upon   two   or   three   young   ladies   of   his   acquaintance;
  nothing can   exceed   his   confusion   and   agitation。        His   first   impulse   is   to
  make   a   great   variety   of   bows;   and   dart   past   them;   which   he   does   until;
  observing that they wish to stop; but are uncertain whether to do so or not;
  he makes several feints of returning; which causes them to do the same;
  and at length; after a great quantity of unnecessary dodging and falling up
  against     the    other    passengers;     he    returns    and    shakes     hands     most
  affectionately with all of them; in doing which he knocks out of their grasp
  sundry  little parcels;  which he hastily  picks   up;  and   returns very  muddy
  and disordered。        The chances are that the bashful young gentleman then
  observes it is very fine weather; and being reminded that it has only just
  left off raining for the first time these three days; he blushes very much;
  and smiles as if he had said a very good thing。               The young lady who was
  most anxious to speak; here inquires; with an air of great commiseration;
  how   his    dear   sister  Harriet    is  to…day;   to  which    the   young    gentleman;
  without the slightest consideration; replies   with many thanks; that she  is
  remarkably   well。       'Well;   Mr。   Hopkins!'   cries   the   young   lady;   'why;   we
  heard she was bled yesterday evening; and have been perfectly miserable
  about her。'     'Oh; ah;' says the young gentleman; 'so she was。                  Oh; she's
  very ill; very ill indeed。'      The young gentleman then shakes his head; and
  looks very desponding (he has been smiling perpetually up to this time);
  and after a   short pause; gives   his glove a great wrench at   the wrist;   and
  says;   with   a   strong   emphasis   on   the   adjective;   'GOOD   morning;   GOOD
  morning。'   And   making   a   great   number   of   bows   in   acknowledgment   of
  several   little   messages   to   his   sister;   walks   backward   a   few   paces;   and
  comes with great violence against a lamp…post; knocking his hat off in the
  contact; which in his mental confusion and bodily pain he is going to walk
  away without; until a great roar from a carter attracts his attention; when
  he picks it up; and tries to smile cheerfully to the young ladies; who are
  looking back; and who; he has the satisfaction of seeing; are all laughing
  heartily。
  At a quadrille party; the bashful young gentleman always remains as
  near the entrance of the room as possible; from which position he smiles at
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  the   people   he   knows   as   they   come   in;   and   sometimes   steps   forward   to
  shake     hands     with   more    intimate     friends:    a    process    which     on   each
  repetition   seems   to   turn   him   a   deeper   scarlet   than   before。   He   declines
  dancing   the   first   set   or   two;   observing;   in   a   faint   voice;   that   he   would
  rather wait a little; but at length is absolutely compelled to allow himself
  to be introduced to a partner; when he is led; in a great heat and blushing
  furiously;   across   the   room   to   a   spot   where  half…a…dozen   unknown   ladies
  are congregated together。
  'Miss   Lambert;  let   me   introduce   Mr。  Hopkins   for   the next   quadrille。'
  Miss Lambert inclines her head graciously。                  Mr。 Hopkins bows; and his
  fair conductress disappears; leaving Mr。 Hopkins; as he too well knows; to
  make himself agreeable。           The young lady more than half expects that the
  bashful     young     gentleman      will  say   something;      and    the  bashful    young
  gentleman feeling this; seriously thinks whether he has got anything to say;
  which; upon mature reflection; he is rather disposed to conclude he has not;
  since   nothing   occurs   to   him。     Meanwhile;   the   young   lady;   after   several
  inspections of her BOUQUET; all made in the expectation that the bashful
  young   gentleman   is   going   to   talk;   whispers   her   mamma;   who   is   sitting
  next     her;  which     whisper      the   bashful    young     gentleman      immediately
  suspects   (and   possibly  with   very  good   reason)   must   be   about   HIM。           In
  this comfortable condition he remains until it is time to 'stand up;' when
  murmuring a 'Will you allow me?' he gives the young lady his arm; and
  after inquiring where she will stand; and receiving a reply that she has no
  choice; conducts her to the remotest corner of the quadrille; and making
  one attempt at conversation; which turns out a desperate failure; preserves
  a profound silence until it is all over; when he walks her twice round the
  room; deposits her in her old seat; and retires in confusion。
  A   married   bashful   gentleman   …   for   these   bashful   gentlemen   do   get
  married sometimes;   how it is ever   brought   about;  is   a   mystery  to   us   …   a
  married      bashful    gentleman      either   causes    his   wife   to  appear     bold   by
  contrast;     or  merges     her   proper    importance      in  his   own    insignificance。
  Bashful young gentlemen should be cured; or avoided。                        They are never
  hopeless;   and   never   will   be;   while   female   beauty   and   attractions   retain
  their influence; as any young lady will find; who may think it worth while
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  on this confident assurance to take a patient in hand。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  THE OUT…AND…OUT YOUNG
  GENTLEMAN
  Out…and…out young gentlemen may be divided into two classes … those
  who     have    something     to   do;  and   those    who    have   nothing。     I   shall
  commence   with   the   former;   because   that   species   come   more   frequently
  under the notice of young ladies; whom it is our province to warn and to
  instruct。
  The    out…and…out     young    gentleman     is  usually   no   great   dresser;  his
  instructions     to  his  tailor   being   all  comprehended       in  the   one   general
  direction   to   'make   that   what's…a…name   a   regular   bang…up   sort   of   thing。'
  For    some    years   past;  the  favourite    costume    of  the   out…and…out    young
  gentleman has been a rough pilot coat; with two gilt hooks and eyes to the
  velvet collar; buttons somewhat larger than crown…pieces; a black or fancy
  neckerchief; loosely tied; a wide…brimmed hat; with a low crown; tightish
  inexpressibles; and iron…shod boots。           Out of doors he sometimes carries a
  large ash stick; but only on special occasions; for he prefers keeping his
  hands in his coat pockets。         He smokes at all hours; of course; and swears
  considerably。
  The   out…and…out   young   gentleman   is   employed   in   a   city   counting…
  house  or solicitor's   office; in   which   he   does   as   little   as   he  possibly  can:
  his chief places of resort are; the streets; the taverns; and the theatres。             In
  the streets at evening time; out… and…out young gentlemen have a pleasant
  custom   of   walking   six   or   eight   abreast;   thus   driving   females   and   other
  inoffensive   persons   into   the   road;   which   never   fails   to   afford   them   the
  highest satisfaction; especially if there be any immediate danger of their
  being   run   over;   which   enhances   the   fun   of   the   thing   materially。 In   all
  places of public resort; the out…and…outers are careful to select each a seat
  to himself; upon which he lies at full length; and (if the weather be very
  dirty; but not in any other case) he lies with his knees up; and the soles of
  hi