第 1 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9322
  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  SKETCHES OF YOUNG
  GENTLEMEN
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  TO    THE    YOUNG      LADIES     OF   THE   UNITED     KINGDOM        OF
  GREAT  BRITAIN AND   IRELAND; ALSO   THE YOUNG   LADIES   OF
  THE     PRINCIPALITY       OF  WALES;     AND    LIKEWISE      THE    YOUNG
  LADIES      RESIDENT       IN   THE    ISLES    OF   GUERNSEY;       JERSEY;
  ALDERNEY;  AND   SARK;   THE   HUMBLE   DEDICATION   OF   THEIR
  DEVOTED ADMIRER;
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  SHEWETH; …
  THAT      your    Dedicator     has   perused;    with    feelings   of   virtuous
  indignation; a work purporting to be 'Sketches of Young Ladies;' written
  by    Quiz;   illustrated   by  Phiz;   and   published     in  one   volume;    square
  twelvemo。
  THAT   after   an   attentive   and   vigilant   perusal   of   the   said   work;   your
  Dedicator is humbly of opinion that so many libels; upon your Honourable
  sex; were never contained in any previously published work; in twelvemo
  or any other mo。
  THAT in the title page and preface to the said work; your Honourable
  sex are described and classified as animals; and although your Dedicator is
  not   at   present   prepared   to   deny   that   you ARE   animals;   still   he   humbly
  submits that it is not polite to call you so。
  THAT in the aforesaid preface; your Honourable sex are also described
  as Troglodites; which; being a hard word; may; for aught your Honourable
  sex    or  your   Dedicator    can   say   to  the  contrary;   be  an   injurious   and
  disrespectful appellation。
  THAT the author of the said work applied himself to his task in malice
  prepense and with wickedness aforethought; a fact which; your Dedicator
  contends; is sufficiently demonstrated; by his assuming the name of Quiz;
  which;     your   Dedicator    submits;    denotes    a  foregone    conclusion;     and
  implies an intention of quizzing。
  THAT in the execution of his evil design; the said Quiz; or author of
  the said work; must have betrayed some trust or confidence reposed in him
  by some members of your Honourable sex; otherwise he never could have
  acquired so much information relative to the manners and customs of your
  Honourable sex in general。
  THAT actuated by these considerations; and further moved by various
  slanders and insinuations respecting your Honourable sex contained in the
  said   work;   square   twelvemo;   entitled   'Sketches   of   Young   Ladies;'   your
  Dedicator   ventures   to   produce   another   work;   square   twelvemo;   entitled
  'Sketches of Young Gentlemen;' of which he now solicits your acceptance
  and approval。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  THAT   as   the   Young   Ladies   are   the   best   companions   of   the   Young
  Gentlemen; so the Young Gentlemen should be the best companions of the
  Young Ladies; and extending the comparison from animals (to quote the
  disrespectful      language    of   the  said   Quiz)    to  inanimate     objects;   your
  Dedicator      humbly      suggests;    that   such   of   your    Honourable      sex   as
  purchased   the   bane   should   possess   themselves   of   the   antidote;   and   that
  those of your Honourable sex who were not rash enough to take the first;
  should lose no time in swallowing the last; …prevention being in all cases
  better than cure; as we are informed upon the authority; not only of general
  acknowledgment; but also of traditionary wisdom。
  THAT with reference to the said bane and antidote; your Dedicator has
  no further remarks to make; than are comprised in the printed directions
  issued     with    Doctor     Morison's     pills;   namely;     that   whenever      your
  Honourable sex take twenty…five of Number; 1; you will be pleased to take
  fifty of Number 2; without delay。
  And your Dedicator shall ever pray; &c。
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  THE BASHFUL YOUNG
  GENTLEMAN
  We found ourself seated at a small dinner party the other day; opposite
  a   stranger   of   such   singular   appearance   and   manner;   that   he   irresistibly
  attracted our attention。
  This was a fresh…coloured young gentleman; with as good a promise of
  light whisker as one might wish to see; and possessed of a very velvet…like;
  soft…looking countenance。          We do not use the latter term invidiously; but
  merely   to   denote   a   pair   of   smooth;   plump;   highly…coloured   cheeks   of
  capacious dimensions; and a mouth rather remarkable for the fresh hue of
  the   lips   than   for   any   marked   or   striking   expression   it   presented。  His
  whole   face   was   suffused   with   a   crimson   blush;   and   bore   that   downcast;
  timid; retiring look; which betokens a man ill at ease with himself。
  There was nothing in these symptoms   to attract more than a passing
  remark; but our attention had been originally drawn to the bashful young
  gentleman; on his first appearance in the drawing…room above… stairs; into
  which he was no sooner introduced; than making his way towards us who
  were   standing   in   a   window;   and   wholly   neglecting   several   persons   who
  warmly      accosted    him;   he   seized   our   hand   with   visible   emotion;    and
  pressed   it   with   a   convulsive   grasp   for   a   good   couple   of   minutes;   after
  which he   dived in   a nervous   manner across   the   room;   oversetting   in his
  way a fine little girl of six years and a quarter old … and shrouding himself
  behind   some   hangings;       was   seen   no   more;   until  the   eagle  eye   of  the
  hostess detecting him in his concealment; on the announcement of dinner;
  he was requested to pair off with a lively single lady; of two or three and
  thirty。
  This   most   flattering   salutation   from   a   perfect   stranger;   would   have
  gratified us not a little as a token of his having held us in high respect; and
  for that reason been desirous of our acquaintance; if we had not suspected
  from the first; that the young gentleman; in making a desperate effort to
  get through the ceremony of introduction; had; in the bewilderment of his
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  SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
  ideas;    shaken    hands    with    us  at  random。      This    impression     was    fully
  confirmed by the subsequent behaviour of the bashful young gentleman in
  question;     which    we    noted   particularly;    with   the   view    of  ascertaining
  whether we were right in our conjecture。
  The young gentleman seated himself at table with evident misgivings;
  and    turning    sharp   round    to  pay   attention    to  some    observation     of  his
  loquacious neighbour; overset his bread。              There was nothing very bad in
  this; and if he had had the presence of mind to let it go; and say nothing
  about it; nobody but the man who had laid the cloth would have been a bit
  the wiser; but the young gentleman in various semi…successful attempts to
  prevent its fall; played with it a little; as gentlemen in the streets may be
  seen to do with their hats on a windy day; and then giving the roll a smart
  rap in his anxiety to catch it; knocked it with great adroitness into a tureen
  of white soup at some distance; to the unspeakable terror and disturbance
  of a very amiable bald gentleman; who was dispensing the contents。                       We
  thought the bashful young gentleman would have gone off in an apoplectic
  fit; consequent upon the violent rush of blood to his face at the occurrence
  of this catastrophe。
  From this moment we perceived; in the phraseology of the fancy; that
  it   was   'all   up'   with   the   bashful   young   gentleman;   and   so   indeed   it   was。
  Several benevolent persons endeavoured to relieve his embarrassment by
  taking   wine   with   him;  but   finding   that it only  augmented   his   sufferings;
  and that after mingling sherry; champagne; hock; and moselle together; he
  applied the greater part of the mixture externally; instead of internally; they
  gradually dropped off; and left him to the exclusive care of the talkative
  lady;   who;   not   noting   the   wildness   of   his   eye;   firmly   believed   she   had
  secured a listener。      He broke a glass or two in the course of the meal; and
  disappeare