第 1 节
作者:
天马行空 更新:2021-02-21 14:56 字数:9322
SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
SKETCHES OF YOUNG
GENTLEMEN
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
TO THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF
GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND; ALSO THE YOUNG LADIES OF
THE PRINCIPALITY OF WALES; AND LIKEWISE THE YOUNG
LADIES RESIDENT IN THE ISLES OF GUERNSEY; JERSEY;
ALDERNEY; AND SARK; THE HUMBLE DEDICATION OF THEIR
DEVOTED ADMIRER;
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
SHEWETH; …
THAT your Dedicator has perused; with feelings of virtuous
indignation; a work purporting to be 'Sketches of Young Ladies;' written
by Quiz; illustrated by Phiz; and published in one volume; square
twelvemo。
THAT after an attentive and vigilant perusal of the said work; your
Dedicator is humbly of opinion that so many libels; upon your Honourable
sex; were never contained in any previously published work; in twelvemo
or any other mo。
THAT in the title page and preface to the said work; your Honourable
sex are described and classified as animals; and although your Dedicator is
not at present prepared to deny that you ARE animals; still he humbly
submits that it is not polite to call you so。
THAT in the aforesaid preface; your Honourable sex are also described
as Troglodites; which; being a hard word; may; for aught your Honourable
sex or your Dedicator can say to the contrary; be an injurious and
disrespectful appellation。
THAT the author of the said work applied himself to his task in malice
prepense and with wickedness aforethought; a fact which; your Dedicator
contends; is sufficiently demonstrated; by his assuming the name of Quiz;
which; your Dedicator submits; denotes a foregone conclusion; and
implies an intention of quizzing。
THAT in the execution of his evil design; the said Quiz; or author of
the said work; must have betrayed some trust or confidence reposed in him
by some members of your Honourable sex; otherwise he never could have
acquired so much information relative to the manners and customs of your
Honourable sex in general。
THAT actuated by these considerations; and further moved by various
slanders and insinuations respecting your Honourable sex contained in the
said work; square twelvemo; entitled 'Sketches of Young Ladies;' your
Dedicator ventures to produce another work; square twelvemo; entitled
'Sketches of Young Gentlemen;' of which he now solicits your acceptance
and approval。
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
THAT as the Young Ladies are the best companions of the Young
Gentlemen; so the Young Gentlemen should be the best companions of the
Young Ladies; and extending the comparison from animals (to quote the
disrespectful language of the said Quiz) to inanimate objects; your
Dedicator humbly suggests; that such of your Honourable sex as
purchased the bane should possess themselves of the antidote; and that
those of your Honourable sex who were not rash enough to take the first;
should lose no time in swallowing the last; …prevention being in all cases
better than cure; as we are informed upon the authority; not only of general
acknowledgment; but also of traditionary wisdom。
THAT with reference to the said bane and antidote; your Dedicator has
no further remarks to make; than are comprised in the printed directions
issued with Doctor Morison's pills; namely; that whenever your
Honourable sex take twenty…five of Number; 1; you will be pleased to take
fifty of Number 2; without delay。
And your Dedicator shall ever pray; &c。
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
THE BASHFUL YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
We found ourself seated at a small dinner party the other day; opposite
a stranger of such singular appearance and manner; that he irresistibly
attracted our attention。
This was a fresh…coloured young gentleman; with as good a promise of
light whisker as one might wish to see; and possessed of a very velvet…like;
soft…looking countenance。 We do not use the latter term invidiously; but
merely to denote a pair of smooth; plump; highly…coloured cheeks of
capacious dimensions; and a mouth rather remarkable for the fresh hue of
the lips than for any marked or striking expression it presented。 His
whole face was suffused with a crimson blush; and bore that downcast;
timid; retiring look; which betokens a man ill at ease with himself。
There was nothing in these symptoms to attract more than a passing
remark; but our attention had been originally drawn to the bashful young
gentleman; on his first appearance in the drawing…room above… stairs; into
which he was no sooner introduced; than making his way towards us who
were standing in a window; and wholly neglecting several persons who
warmly accosted him; he seized our hand with visible emotion; and
pressed it with a convulsive grasp for a good couple of minutes; after
which he dived in a nervous manner across the room; oversetting in his
way a fine little girl of six years and a quarter old … and shrouding himself
behind some hangings; was seen no more; until the eagle eye of the
hostess detecting him in his concealment; on the announcement of dinner;
he was requested to pair off with a lively single lady; of two or three and
thirty。
This most flattering salutation from a perfect stranger; would have
gratified us not a little as a token of his having held us in high respect; and
for that reason been desirous of our acquaintance; if we had not suspected
from the first; that the young gentleman; in making a desperate effort to
get through the ceremony of introduction; had; in the bewilderment of his
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
ideas; shaken hands with us at random。 This impression was fully
confirmed by the subsequent behaviour of the bashful young gentleman in
question; which we noted particularly; with the view of ascertaining
whether we were right in our conjecture。
The young gentleman seated himself at table with evident misgivings;
and turning sharp round to pay attention to some observation of his
loquacious neighbour; overset his bread。 There was nothing very bad in
this; and if he had had the presence of mind to let it go; and say nothing
about it; nobody but the man who had laid the cloth would have been a bit
the wiser; but the young gentleman in various semi…successful attempts to
prevent its fall; played with it a little; as gentlemen in the streets may be
seen to do with their hats on a windy day; and then giving the roll a smart
rap in his anxiety to catch it; knocked it with great adroitness into a tureen
of white soup at some distance; to the unspeakable terror and disturbance
of a very amiable bald gentleman; who was dispensing the contents。 We
thought the bashful young gentleman would have gone off in an apoplectic
fit; consequent upon the violent rush of blood to his face at the occurrence
of this catastrophe。
From this moment we perceived; in the phraseology of the fancy; that
it was 'all up' with the bashful young gentleman; and so indeed it was。
Several benevolent persons endeavoured to relieve his embarrassment by
taking wine with him; but finding that it only augmented his sufferings;
and that after mingling sherry; champagne; hock; and moselle together; he
applied the greater part of the mixture externally; instead of internally; they
gradually dropped off; and left him to the exclusive care of the talkative
lady; who; not noting the wildness of his eye; firmly believed she had
secured a listener。 He broke a glass or two in the course of the meal; and
disappeare