第 151 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9201
  There     was    silence    for  several    minutes;     for  the   struggle    in
  Adam’s       mind    was    not   easily    decided。    Facile    natures;     whose
  emotions       have   little  permanence;        can   hardly    understand       how
  much inward resistance he overcame before he rose from his seat
  and     turned    towards     Arthur。    Arthur    heard    the   movement;       and
  turning   round;   met   the   sad   but   softened   look   with   which   Adam
  said;
  “It’s true what you say;   sir。   I’m   hard—it’s   in   my  nature。   I   was
  too hard   with  my  father;   for  doing  wrong。   I’ve   been   a  bit  hard   t’
  everybody       but  her。   I  felt  as  if  nobody    pitied   her   enough—her
  suffering cut into me so; and when I thought the folks at the farm
  were too hard with her; I said I’d never be hard to anybody myself
  again。    But    feeling   overmuch      about    her   has   perhaps     made     me
  unfair to you。 I’ve known what it is in my life to repent and feel it’s
  too late。 I felt I’d been too harsh to my father when he was   gone
  from   me—I   feel   it   now;   when   I   think   of   him。   I’ve   no   right   to   be
  hard towards them as have done wrong and repent。”
  Adam   spoke   these   words   with   the   firm   distinctness   of   a   man
  who  is   resolved   to   leave   nothing   unsaid   that   he   is   bound   to   say;
  but he went on with more hesitation。
  “I   wouldn’t   shake   hands   with   you   once;   sir;   when   you   asked
  me—but if you’re willing to do it now; for all I refused then 。 。 。 ”
  Arthur’s   white   hand   was   in   Adam’s   large   grasp   in   an   instant;
  and with that action there was a strong rush; on both sides; of the
  old; boyish affection。
  “Adam;” Arthur said; impelled to full confession now; “it would
  never have happened if I’d known you loved her。 That would have
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  helped   to   save   me   from   it。   And   I  did   struggle。   I   never   meant   to
  injure   her。   I   deceived   you  afterwards—and   that   led   on   to   worse;
  but   I   thought   it   was   forced   upon   me;   I   thought   it   was   the   best
  thing I could do。 And in that letter I told her to let me know if she
  were in any trouble: don’t think I would not have done everything
  I could。 But I was all wrong from the very first; and horrible wrong
  has come of it。 God knows; I’d give my life if I could undo it。”
  They     sat  down     again    opposite    each    other;   and    Adam     said;
  tremulously; “How did she seem when you left her; sir?”
  “Don’t   ask   me;   Adam;”   Arthur   said;   “I   feel   sometimes   as   if   I
  should go mad with thinking of her looks and what she said to me;
  and then; that I couldn’t get a full pardon—that I couldn’t save her
  from     that   wretched      fate  of  being     transported—that        I  can    do
  nothing   for   her   all   those   years;   and   she   may   die   under   it;   and
  never know comfort any more。”
  “Ah;   sir;”   said   Adam;   for   the   first   time   feeling   his   own   pain
  merged in sympathy for Arthur; “you and me’ll often be thinking
  o’ the same thing; when we’re a long way off one another。 I’ll pray
  God to help you; as I pray him to help me。”
  “But   there’s   that   sweet   woman—that   Dinah   Morris;”   Arthur
  said; pursuing his own thoughts and not knowing what had been
  the sense of Adam’s words; “she says she shall stay with her to the
  very last moment—till she goes; and the poor thing clings to her as
  if she found some comfort  in   her。   I could  worship   that  woman;   I
  don’t know what I should do if she were not there。 Adam; you will
  see    her   when      she   comes     back。    I  could    say   nothing     to   her
  yesterday—nothing   of   what   I   felt   towards   her。   Tell   her;”   Arthur
  went on hurriedly; as if he wanted to hide the emotion with which
  he spoke; while he took off his chain and watch; “tell her I asked
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  you to give her this in remembrance of me—of the man to whom
  she is the one source of comfort; when he thinks of 。 。 。 I know she
  doesn’t care about such things—or anything else I can give her for
  its   own   sake。   But  she   will   use   the   watch—I   shall   like   to   think   of
  her using it。”
  “I’ll give it to her; sir;” Adam said; “and tell her your words。 She
  told me she should come back to the people at the Hall Farm。”
  “And     you  will   persuade      the  Poysers     to  stay;   Adam?”      said
  Arthur; reminded of the subject which both of them had forgotten
  in   the   first  interchange      of  revived    friendship。    “You     will  stay
  yourself;     and   help    Mr。   Irwine    to   carry   out   the   repairs    and
  improvements on the estate?”
  “There’s one thing; sir; that perhaps you don’t take account of;”
  said Adam; with hesitating  gentleness;   “and  that  was   what  made
  me hang back longer。 You see; it’s the same with both me and the
  Poysers: if we stay; it’s for our own worldly interest; and it looks as
  if   we’d   put   up   with   anything   for   the   sake   o’   that。   I   know   that’s
  what they’ll feel; and I can’t help feeling a little of it myself。 When
  folks have got an honourable independent spirit; they don’t like to
  do anything that might make ’em seem base…minded。”
  “But no one who knows you will think that; Adam。 That is not a
  reason      strong    enough     against    a   course    that   is  really   more
  generous; more unselfish than the other。 And it will be known—it
  shall be made known; that both you and the Poysers stayed at my
  entreaty。     Adam;     don’t   try  to   make    things    worse    for  me;    I’m
  punished enough without that。”
  “No;    sir;  no;”  Adam     said;   looking    at  Arthur    with   mournful
  affection。 “God forbid I should make things worse for you。 I used
  to wish I could do it; in my passion—but that was when I thought
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  you didn’t feel enough。 I’ll stay; sir; I’ll do the best I can。 It’s all I’ve
  got to think of now—to do my work well and make the world a bit
  better place for them as can enjoy it。”
  “Then     we’ll  part   now;    Adam。    You    will  see   Mr。   Irwine    to…
  morrow; and consult with him about everything。”
  “Are you going soon; sir?” said Adam。
  “As     soon    as    possible—after       I’ve   made      the    necessary
  arrangements。 Good…bye;   Adam。   I shall   think   of   you   going   about
  the old place。”
  “Good…bye; sir。 God bless you。”
  The     hands     were    clasped    once    more;    and    Adam     left  the
  Hermitage; feeling that sorrow was more bearable now hatred was
  gone。
  As soon as the door was closed behind him; Arthur went to the
  waste…paper basket and took out the little pink silk handkerchief。
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  Book Sixth
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  Chapter XLIX
  At the Hall Farm
  he first autumnal afternoon sunshine of 1801—more than
  eighteen months after that parting of Adam and Arthur in
  T
  the Hermitage—was on the yard at the Hall Farm; and the
  bull…dog  was   in   one  of  his most  excited moments;   for  it   was   that
  hour of the day when the cows were being driven into the yard for
  their    afternoon    milking。    No   wonder     the   patient   beasts    ran
  confusedly into the wrong places; for the alarming din of the bull…
  dog    was   mingled     with  more    distant   sounds    which    the   timid
  feminine creatures; with pardonable superstition; imagined also to
  have some relation to their own movements—with the tremendous
  crack    of  the  waggoner’s     whip;   the  roar   of  his  voice;  and   the
  booming thunder of the   wagg