第 145 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9202
  Adam Bede                                         591
  trying   to   hide   the   truth。   God’s   love   and   mercy   can   overcome   all
  things—our   ignorance;   and   weakness;   and   all   the   burden   of   our
  past wickedness—all things but our wilful sin; sin that we cling to;
  and   will   not   give   up。   You   believe   in   my   love   and   pity   for   you;
  Hetty;   but   if   you   had   not   let   me   come   near   you;   if   you   wouldn’t
  have looked at me or spoken to me; you’d have shut me out from
  helping you。 I couldn’t have made you feel my love; I couldn’t have
  told you what I felt for you。 Don’t shut God’s love out in that way;
  by   clinging   to   sin   。  。  。  He   can’t   bless  you   while     you   have    one
  falsehood in your soul; his pardoning mercy can’t reach you until
  you    open     your   heart    to  him;    and    say;  ‘I  have    done    this   great
  wickedness; O God; save me; make me pure from sin。’ While you
  cling to one sin and will not part with it; it must drag you down to
  misery   after   death;   as   it   has   dragged   you   to   misery   here   in   this
  world;     my    poor;    poor    Hetty。    It  is  sin   that   brings    dread;     and
  darkness; and despair: there is light and blessedness for us as soon
  as   we   cast  it  off。   God  enters   our   souls   then;   and   teaches   us;   and
  brings us strength and peace。 Cast it off now; Hetty—now: confess
  the   wickedness   you   have   done—the   sin   you   have   been   guilty   of
  against your Heavenly Father。 Let us kneel down together; for we
  are in the presence of God。”
  Hetty obeyed Dinah’s movement; and sank on her knees。 They
  still   held   each   other’s   hands;   and   there   was   long   silence。   Then
  Dinah said; “Hetty; we are before God。 He is waiting for you to tell
  the truth。”
  Still   there    was     silence。    At   last  Hetty     spoke;    in   a  tone    of
  beseeching—
  “Dinah  。   。   。   help me   。   。   。   I   can’t   feel   anything   like   you   。   。   。   my
  heart is hard。”
  George Eliot                                                             ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       592
  Dinah held the clinging hand; and all her soul went forth in her
  voice:
  “Jesus;   thou  present  Saviour!  Thou   hast   known   the  depths   of
  all   sorrow:   thou   hast   entered   that   black   darkness   where   God   is
  not;   and   hast   uttered   the   cry   of   the   forsaken。   Come   Lord;   and
  gather  of  the   fruits   of   thy   travail   and   thy   pleading。   Stretch   forth
  thy hand; thou who art mighty to save to the uttermost; and rescue
  this lost one。 She is clothed round with thick darkness。 The fetters
  of her sin are upon her; and she cannot stir to come to thee。 She
  can only feel her heart is hard; and she is helpless。 She cries to me;
  thy  weak   creature   。   。   。   Saviour!  It  is   a  blind   cry   to   thee。   Hear   it!
  Pierce   the   darkness!   Look   upon         her   with   thy   face   of   love   and
  sorrow that thou didst turn on him who denied thee; and melt her
  hard heart。
  “See;   Lord;   I   bring   her;   as   they   of   old   brought   the   sick   and
  helpless;   and   thou   didst   heal   them。   I   bear   her   on   my   arms   and
  carry her before thee。 Fear and trembling have taken hold on her;
  but she trembles only at the pain and death of the body。 Breathe
  upon her thy life…giving Spirit; and put a new fear within her—the
  fear of her sin。 Make her dread to keep the accursed thing within
  her    soul。   Make     her   feel   the   presence     of  the   living   God;    who
  beholds all the past; to whom the darkness is as noonday; who is
  waiting   now;   at   the   eleventh   hour;   for   her   to   turn   to   him;   and
  confess her sin; and cry for mercy—now; before the night of death
  comes; and the moment of pardon is   for  ever  fled; like   yesterday
  that returneth not。
  “Saviour!   It   is   yet   time—time       to   snatch   this   poor   soul   from
  everlasting darkness。 I believe—I believe in thy infinite love。 What
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       593
  is my love or my pleading? It is quenched in thine。 I can only clasp
  her in my weak arms and urge her with my weak pity。 Thou—thou
  wilt    breathe     on    the   dead    soul;   and    it  shall    arise   from     the
  unanswering sleep of death。
  “Yea;   Lord;   I   see   thee;   coming   through   the   darkness   coming;
  like   the   morning;   with   healing   on   thy   wings。   The   marks   of   thy
  agony   are   upon   thee—I   see;   I   see   thou   art   able   and      willing   to
  save—thou         wilt   not   let   her   perish    for   ever。    “Come;      mighty
  Saviour! Let the dead hear thy voice。 Let the eyes of the blind be
  opened。 Let her see that God encompasses her。 Let her tremble at
  nothing   but  at   the   sin   that   cuts   her   off   from   him。   Melt   the   hard
  heart。   Unseal   the   closed   lips:   make   her   cry   with   her   whole   soul;
  ‘Father; I have sinned’ 。 。 。 ”
  “Dinah;”   Hetty   sobbed   out;   throwing   her   arms   round   Dinah’s
  neck; “I will speak 。 。 。 I will tell 。 。 。 I won’t hide it any more。”
  But the tears and sobs were too violent。 Dinah raised her gently
  from her knees and seated her on the pallet again; sitting down by
  her side。 It was a long time before the convulsed throat was quiet;
  and     even    then    they   sat  some     time    in  stillness   and    darkness;
  holding each other’s hands。 At last Hetty whispered; “I   did do  it;
  Dinah 。 。 。 I buried it in the wood 。 。 。 the little baby 。 。 。 and it cried 。
  。 。 I heard it cry 。 。 。 ever such a way off 。 。 。 all night 。 。 。 and I went
  back because it cried。”
  She   paused;   and   then   spoke   hurriedly   in   a   louder;         pleading
  tone。
  “But I thought perhaps it wouldn’t die—there might somebody
  find it。 I didn’t kill it—I didn’t kill it myself。 I put it down there and
  covered      it   up;  and  when     I  came   back   it   was    gone   。  。  。  It  was
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       594
  because I was so very miserable; Dinah 。 。 。 I didn’t know where to
  go 。 。 。 and I tried to kill myself before; and I couldn’t。 Oh; I tried so
  to drown myself in the pool; and I couldn’t。 I went to Windsor—I
  ran   away—did   you   know?   I   went   to   find   him;   as   he   might   take
  care of me; and he was gone; and then I didn’t know what to do。 I
  daredn’t  go  back   home   again—I   couldn’t  bear  it。   I   couldn’t   have
  bore to look at anybody; for they’d have scorned me。 I thought o’
  you   sometimes;   and   thought   I’d   come   to   you;   for   I   didn’t   think
  you’d be   cross  with  me;   and  cry  shame  on me。   I   thought  I   could
  tell you。 But then the other folks ’ud come to know it at last; and I
  couldn’t   bear   that。   It   was   partly   thinking   o’   you   made   me   come
  toward      Stoniton;     and;    besides;    I  was    so   frightened     at   going
  wandering about till I was a beggar…woman; and had nothing; and
  sometimes it seemed as if I must go back to the farm sooner than
  that。   Oh;   it   was   so   dreadful;   Dinah   。   。   。   I   was   so   miserable   。   。   。   I
  wished I’d never been born into this world。 I should never like to
  go into the green fields again—I hated ’em so in my misery。”
  Hetty paused again; as if the sense of the past were too strong
  upon her for words。
  “And then I got to Stoniton; and I began to feel frightened that
  night;   because   I  was   so near  home。   And  then   the   little baby  was
  born; when I didn’t expect it; and the thought came into my mind
  that I might get rid of it and go home again。 The thought came all
  of   a   sudden;   as   I   was   lying   in   the   bed;   and   it   got   stronger   and
  stronger 。 。 。 I longed so to go back again 。 。 。 I couldn’t bear being
  so lonely and coming to beg for want。 And it gave me strength and
  resolution to get up and dress myself。 I felt I must do it 。 。 。 I didn’t
  know how 。 。 。 I thought I’d find a pool; if I could; like that other; in
  the corner of the field; in the dark。 And when the woman went out;
  George Eliot