第 120 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9269
  had always been taking holiday in dreams of pleasure; because all
  the    business    of  her   life  was   managed       for  her—this      kitten…like
  Hetty;   who   till   a   few   months   ago   had   never   felt   any   other   grief
  than that of envying Mary Burge a new ribbon; or being girded at
  by her aunt for neglecting Totty; must now make her toilsome way
  in loneliness; her peaceful home left behind for ever; and nothing
  but a tremulous hope of distant refuge before her。 Now for the first
  time; as she lay down to…night in the strange hard bed; she felt that
  her   home   had   been   a   happy   one;   that   her   uncle   had   been   very
  good to her; that her quiet lot at Hayslope among the things and
  people she   knew;   with   her   little   pride   in   her   one   best   gown   and
  bonnet;   and   nothing   to   hide   from   any   one;   was   what   she   would
  like to wake up to as a reality; and find that all the feverish life she
  had known besides was a short nightmare。 She thought of all she
  had   left behind   with   yearning   regret   for   her   own   sake。   Her   own
  misery filled her heart—there was no room in it for other people’s
  sorrow。 And yet; before the cruel letter; Arthur had been so tender
  and loving。 The memory of that had still a charm for her; though it
  was     no   more     than   a   soothing     draught     that   just   made     pain
  bearable。 For Hetty could conceive no other existence for herself
  in   future   than   a   hidden   one;   and   a   hidden   life;   even   with   love;
  would   have   had no   delights   for   her;   still   less   a   life   mingled   with
  shame。 She knew no romances; and had only a feeble share in the
  feelings which are the source of romance; so that well…read ladies
  may find it difficult to understand her state of mind。 She was too
  ignorant   of   everything   beyond   the   simple   notions   and   habits   in
  which she had been brought up to have any more definite idea of
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       488
  her    probable      future   than    that   Arthur     would     take   care   of  her
  somehow;   and   shelter   her   from   anger   and   scorn。   He   would   not
  marry   her   and   make   her   a   lady;   and   apart   from   that   she   could
  think   of   nothing   he     could   give   towards     which   she   looked   with
  longing and ambition。
  The   next   morning   she   rose   early;   and   taking   only   some   milk
  and bread for her breakfast; set out to  walk   on   the   road   towards
  Ashby;   under   a   leaden…coloured   sky;   with   a   narrowing   streak   of
  yellow; like a departing hope; on the edge of the horizon。 Now in
  her  faintness   of  heart  at  the  length  and   difficulty   of   her   journey;
  she was most of all afraid of spending her money; and becoming so
  destitute that she would have to ask people’s charity; for Hetty had
  the pride not only of a proud nature but of a proud class—the class
  that   pays   the   most   poor…rates;   and   most   shudders   at   the   idea   of
  profiting   by   a   poor…rate。   It   had   not   yet   occurred   to   her   that   she
  might   get   money   for   her   locket   and   earrings   which   she   carried
  with her; and she applied all her small arithmetic and knowledge
  of prices to calculating how many meals and how many rides were
  contained in her two guineas; and the odd shillings; which  had   a
  melancholy look; as if they were the pale ashes of the other bright…
  flaming coin。
  For the first few miles out of Stoniton; she walked on bravely;
  always fixing on some tree or gate or projecting bush at the most
  distant  visible point  in   the   road   as  a   goal; and   feeling   a   faint   joy
  when      she   had    reached     it。  But   when     she    came    to   the   fourth
  milestone;   the   first   she   had   happened   to   notice   among   the   long
  grass by the roadside; and read that she was still only  four  miles
  beyond Stoniton; her courage sank。 She had come only this little
  way;     and   yet   felt  tired;  and    almost    hungry     again    in   the   keen
  George Eliot                                                           ElecBook Classics
  … Page 489…
  Adam Bede                                      489
  morning air; for though Hetty was accustomed to much movement
  and     exertion    indoors;    she   was   not   used    to  long   walks    which
  produced   quite  a  different sort  of  fatigue  from   that   of   household
  activity。 As she   was looking  at  the   milestone   she   felt some drops
  falling   on   her   face—it   was   beginning   to   rain。     Here   was   a   new
  trouble which had not  entered into  her  sad   thoughts   before;   and
  quite weighed down by this sudden addition to her burden; she sat
  down   on   the   step   of   a   stile   and   began   to   sob   hysterically。   The
  beginning of hardship is like the first taste of bitter food—it seems
  for a moment unbearable; yet; if there is nothing else to satisfy our
  hunger; we take another bite and find it possible to go on。 When
  Hetty recovered from her burst of weeping; she rallied her fainting
  courage:   it   was   raining;   and   she   must   try   to   get   on   to   a   village
  where she might find rest and shelter。 Presently; as she walked on
  wearily;   she   heard   the   rumbling   of   heavy   wheels   behind   her;   a
  covered      waggon      was    coming;     creeping     slowly     along    with   a
  slouching driver cracking his whip beside the horses。 She waited
  for it; thinking that if the waggoner were not a very sour…looking
  man; she would ask him to take her up。 As the waggon approached
  her; the driver had fallen behind; but there was something in the
  front   of   the   big   vehicle   which   encouraged   her。   At   any   previous
  moment in her life she would not have noticed it; but now; the new
  susceptibility      that  suffering     had   awakened       in  her   caused    this
  object to impress her strongly。 It was only a small white…and…liver…
  coloured spaniel which sat on the front ledge of the waggon; with
  large timid eyes; and an incessant trembling in the body; such as
  you may have seen in some of these small creatures。 Hetty cared
  little for animals; as you know; but at this moment she felt as if the
  helpless timid creature had some fellowship with her; and without
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                    490
  being    quite   aware    of  the  reason;    she   was   less  doubtful    about
  speaking   to   the   driver;   who   now   came     forward—a   large      ruddy
  man; with a sack over his shoulders; by way of scarf or mantle。
  “Could you take me up in your waggon; if you’re going towards
  Ashby?” said Hetty。 “I’ll pay you for it。”
  “Aw;” said the big fellow; with that slowly dawning smile which
  belongs to heavy faces; “I can take y’ up fawst enough wi’out bein’
  paid for ’t if you dooant mind lyin’ a bit closish a…top o’ the wool…
  packs。    Where     do   you   coom    from?    And    what   do   you   want    at
  Ashby?”
  “I come from Stoniton。 I’m going a long way—to Windsor。”
  “What! Arter some service; or what?”
  “Going to my brother—he’s a soldier there。”
  “Well; I’m going no furder nor Leicester—and fur enough too—
  but I’ll take you; if you dooant mind being a bit long on the road。
  Th’ hosses wooant feel your weight no more nor they feel the little
  doog there; as I puck up on the road a fortni’t agoo。 He war lost; I
  b’lieve; an’s been all of a tremble iver sin’。 Come; gi’ us your basket
  an’ come behind and let me put y’ in。”
  To    lie  on   the  wool…packs;      with   a  cranny    left  between     the
  curtains of the awning to let in the air; was luxury to  Hetty  now;
  and she half…slept away the hours till the driver came to ask her if
  she wanted to get down and have “some victual”; he himself was
  going to eat his dinner at this “public。” Late at night they reached
  Leicester; and so this second day of Hetty’s journey was past。 She
  had   spent no   money   except   what   she   had   paid   for   her   food;   but
  she    felt   that   this  slow   journeying   would   be  intolerable    for  her
  another   day;   and   in   the   morning   she   found   her   way   to   a   coach…
  office to ask about the road to Windsor; and see if it would cost her
  George Eliot                                                      El