第 118 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9296
  gurgling below; and surely; if there came a traveller to this world
  who knew nothing of the story of man’s life upon it; this image of
  agony would seem to him strangely out of place in the midst of this
  joyous nature。 He would not know that hidden behind the apple…
  blossoms;      or  among     the   golden    corn;   or  under    the   shrouding
  boughs of the wood; there might be a human heart beating heavily
  with anguish—perhaps a young blooming girl; not knowing where
  to turn for refuge from swift…advancing shame; understanding no
  more of this life of ours than a foolish lost lamb wandering farther
  and   farther   in   the   nightfall   on   the   lonely   heath;   yet   tasting   the
  bitterest of life’s bitterness。
  Such things are sometimes hidden among the sunny fields and
  George Eliot                                                        ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                         478
  behind   the   blossoming   orchards;   and   the   sound   of   the   gurgling
  brook; if you came close to one spot behind a small bush; would be
  mingled   for   your   ear   with   a   despairing   human   sob。   No   wonder
  man’s      religion    has   much     sorrow     in   it:  no  wonder      he   needs    a
  Suffering God。
  Hetty; in her red cloak and warm bonnet; with her basket in her
  hand;   is   turning   towards   a   gate   by   the   side   of   the   Treddleston
  road; but not that she may have a more lingering enjoyment of the
  sunshine   and       think    with   hope     of  the   long   unfolding   year。      She
  hardly  knows   that  the   sun   is   shining;   and   for   weeks;   now;   when
  she has hoped at all; it has been for something at which she herself
  trembles and shudders。 She only wants to be out of the high…road;
  that she may walk slowly and not care how her face looks; as she
  dwells   on   wretched   thoughts;   and   through   this   gate   she   can   get
  into a field…path behind the wide thick hedgerows。 Her great dark
  eyes   wander   blankly   over   the   fields   like   the   eyes   of   one   who   is
  desolate;   homeless;   unloved;   not   the   promised   bride   of   a   brave
  tender   man。   But   there   are   no   tears   in   them:   her   tears   were   all
  wept   away   in   the   weary   night;   before   she   went   to   sleep。   At   the
  next   stile   the   pathway   branches   off:   there   are   two   roads   before
  her—one   along   by   the   hedgerow;   which   will   by…and…by   lead   her
  into the road again; the other across the fields; which will take her
  much   farther   out   of   the   way   into   the   Scantlands;   low   shrouded
  pastures where she will see nobody。 She chooses this and begins
  to walk a little faster; as if she had suddenly thought of an object
  towards   which   it   was   worth   while   to   hasten。   Soon   she   is   in   the
  Scantlands;   where   the   grassy   land   slopes   gradually   downwards;
  and   she   leaves   the   level   ground   to   follow   the   slope。   Farther   on
  there is a clump of trees on the low ground; and she is making her
  George Eliot                                                            ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      479
  way towards it。 No; it is not a clump of trees; but a dark shrouded
  pool;   so   full   with   the   wintry   rains   that   the   under   boughs   of   the
  elder…bushes       lie  low   beneath     the  water。    She   sits  down     on   the
  grassy bank; against the stooping stem of the great oak that hangs
  over the dark pool。 She has thought of this pool often in the nights
  of the month that has just gone by; and now at last she is come to
  see it。 She clasps her hands round her knees; and leans forward;
  and  looks   earnestly  at it;   as if  trying  to  guess   what  sort  of  bed it
  would make for her young round limbs。
  No; she has not courage to jump into that cold watery bed; and
  if she had; they might find her—they might find out why she had
  drowned   herself。  There   is   but   one   thing  left   to   her:   she   must   go
  away; go where they can’t find her。
  After the first on…coming of her great dread; some weeks   after
  her   betrothal   to   Adam;   she   had   waited   and   waited;   in   the   blind
  vague hope that something would happen to set her free from her
  terror; but she could wait no longer。 All the force of her nature had
  been concentrated on the one effort of concealment; and she had
  shrunk   with  irresistible   dread   from   every  course   that  could   tend
  towards a betrayal of her miserable secret。 Whenever the thought
  of writing to Arthur  had   occurred   to  her;   she   had   rejected   it。   He
  could do nothing for her that would shelter her from discovery and
  scorn   among  the   relatives   and   neighbours   who   once   more  made
  all her world; now her airy dream had vanished。 Her imagination
  no longer saw happiness with Arthur; for he could do nothing that
  would      satisfy   or  soothe    her   pride。    No;   something      else   would
  happen—something must happen—to set her free from this dread。
  In   young;   childish;   ignorant   souls   there   is   constantly   this   blind
  trust   in   some   unshapen   chance:   it   is   as   hard   to   a   boy   or   girl   to
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      480
  believe   that  a   great   wretchedness   will   actually   befall   them   as   to
  believe that they will die。
  But now necessity was pressing hard upon her—now the time
  of her marriage was close at hand—she could no longer rest in this
  blind  trust。   She   must  run  away;   she   must   hide   herself   where   no
  familiar  eyes  could   detect   her;   and   then   the   terror   of   wandering
  out    into   the    world;    of  which     she    knew     nothing;    made      the
  possibility     of  going    to  Arthur    a   thought    which     brought     some
  comfort with it。 She felt so helpless now; so unable to fashion the
  future for herself; that the prospect of throwing herself on him had
  a relief in it which was stronger than her pride。 As she sat by the
  pool and shuddered at the dark cold water; the hope that he would
  receive   her   tenderly—that   he   would   care   for   her   and   think   for
  her—was   like   a   sense   of   lulling   warmth;   that   made   her   for   the
  moment indifferent to everything else; and she began now to think
  of nothing but the scheme by which she should get away。
  She had had a letter from Dinah lately; full of kind words about
  the   coming   marriage;        which    she   had   heard    of  from    Seth;   and
  when Hetty had read this letter aloud to her uncle; he had said; “I
  wish   Dinah   ’ud   come   again   now;   for   she’d   be   a   comfort   to   your
  aunt when you’re gone。 What do you think; my wench; o’ going to
  see her as soon as you can be spared and persuading her to come
  back   wi’   you?  You  might  happen   persuade   her  wi’   telling   her   as
  her aunt wants her; for all she writes o’ not being able to come。”
  Hetty had not liked the thought of going to Snowfield; and felt no
  longing to see Dinah; so she only said; “It’s so far off; Uncle。” But
  now  she   thought  this   proposed   visit  would serve   as a   pretext  for
  going away。 She would tell her aunt when she got home again that
  she should like the change of going to Snowfield for a week or ten
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                    481
  days。   And   then;   when   she   got   to   Stoniton;   where   nobody   knew
  her; she would ask for the coach that would take her on the way to
  Windsor。 Arthur was at Windsor; and she would go to him。
  As soon as Hetty had determined on this scheme; she rose from
  the grassy bank of the pool; took up her basket; and went on her
  way to Treddleston; for she must buy the wedding things she had
  come   out   for;   though   she   would   never   want   them。   She   must   be
  careful not to raise any suspicion that she was going to run away。
  Mrs。 Poyser was quite agreeably surprised that Hetty wished to
  go   and   see   Dinah   and    try  to  bring   her  back    to  stay  over   the
  wedding。 The sooner  she   went  the   better;   since  the   weather  was
  pleasant   now;   and   Adam;   when   he   came   in   the   evening;   said;   if
  Hetty could set off to…morrow; he would make time to