第 109 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9203
  her    hair   hung    down     in  delicate    rings—and       they   were    just  as
  beautiful     as   they   were    that   night   two   months      ago;   when    she
  walked   up   and   down   this   bed…chamber   glowing   with   vanity   and
  hope。 She was not thinking  of  her  neck and   arms now;   even   her
  own beauty was indifferent to her。 Her eyes wandered sadly over
  the   dull   old   chamber;   and   then   looked   out   vacantly   towards   the
  growing      dawn。    Did    a  remembrance        of  Dinah    come     across    her
  mind?   Of   her   foreboding   words;   which   had   made   her   angry?   Of
  Dinah’s affectionate entreaty to think of her as a friend in trouble?
  No; the impression had been too slight to recur。 Any  affection   or
  comfort      Dinah     could     have    given    her    would     have     been    as
  indifferent to Hetty this morning as everything else was except her
  bruised passion。 She was only thinking she could never stay here
  and go on with the old life—she could better bear something quite
  new than sinking back into the old everyday round。 She would like
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  to run away that very morning; and never see any of the old faces
  again。 But Hetty’s was not a nature to face difficulties—to dare to
  loose her hold on the familiar and rush blindly on some unknown
  condition。 Hers was a luxurious and vain nature—not a passionate
  one—and if she were ever to take any violent measure; she   must
  be   urged   to  it  by  the   desperation   of   terror。   There   was   not   much
  room      for  her   thoughts      to  travel    in  the   narrow     circle   of  her
  imagination; and she soon fixed on the one thing she would do to
  get away from her old life: she would ask her uncle to let her go to
  be    a  lady’s   maid。    Miss   Lydia’s    maid     would    help   her    to  get  a
  situation; if she krew Hetty had her uncle’s leave。
  When   she   had   thought   of   this;   she   fastened   up   her   hair   and
  began   to   wash:   it   seemed   more   possible   to   her   to   go   downstairs
  and try to behave as usual。 She would ask her uncle this very day。
  On   Hetty’s   blooming   health   it   would   take   a   great   deal   of   such
  mental suffering as hers to leave any deep impress; and when she
  was dressed as neatly as usual in her working…dress; with her hair
  tucked up under her little cap; an indifferent observer would have
  been more struck with the young roundness of her cheek and neck
  and the darkness of her eyes and eyelashes than with any signs of
  sadness about her。   But  when   she  took   up   the  crushed letter  and
  put   it   in  her   drawer;    that   she  might   lock    it   out   of  sight;  hard
  smarting   tears;   having   no   relief   in   them   as   the   great   drops   had
  that fell last night; forced their way into her eyes。 She wiped them
  away   quickly:   she   must   not   cry   in   the   day…time。   Nobody   should
  find   out   how   miserable   she   was;   nobody   should   know   she   was
  disappointed about anything; and the thought that the eyes of her
  aunt   and   uncle   would   be   upon   her   gave   her   the   self…command
  which often accompanies a great dread。 For Hetty looked out from
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  her   secret   misery   towards   the   possibility   of   their   ever   knowing
  what had happened; as the sick and weary prisoner might think of
  the possible pillory。 They would think her conduct shameful; and
  shame was torture。 That was poor little Hetty’s conscience。
  So she locked up her drawer and went away to her early work。
  In the evening; when Mr。 Poyser was smoking his pipe; and his
  good…nature was therefore at its superlative moment; Hetty seized
  the opportunity of her aunt’s absence to say; “Uncle; I wish you’d
  let me go for a lady’s maid。”
  Mr。 Poyser took the pipe from his mouth and looked at Hetty in
  mild   surprise   for   some   moments。   She   was   sewing;   and   went   on
  with her work industriously。
  “Why;   what’s   put  that  into  your   head;   my   wench?”   he   said   at
  last; after he had given one conservative puff。
  “I should like it—I should like it better than farm…work。”
  “Nay; nay; you fancy so because you donna know it; my wench。
  It wouldn’t be half so good for your health; nor for your luck i’ life。
  I’d like you to stay wi’ us till you’ve got a good husband: you’re my
  own niece; and I wouldn’t have you go to service; though it was a
  gentleman’s house; as long as I’ve got a home for you。”
  Mr。 Poyser paused; and puffed away at his pipe。
  “I  like  the  needlework;”   said      Hetty;  “and    I   should  get   good
  wages。”
  “Has your aunt been a bit sharp wi’ you?” said Mr。 Poyser; not
  noticing   Hetty’s   further   argument。   “You   mustna   mind   that;   my
  wench—she does it for your good。 She wishes you well; an’ there
  isn’t many aunts as are no kin to you ’ud ha’ done by you as she
  has。”
  “No;   it  isn’t my  aunt;” said   Hetty;   “but  I   should   like   the   work
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  better。”
  “It was all very well for you to learn the work a   bit—an’   I   gev
  my  consent  to  that  fast  enough;   sin’   Mrs。   Pomfret   was   willing   to
  teach you。 For if anything was t’ happen; it’s well to know how to
  turn your hand to different sorts o’ things。 But I niver meant you
  to go  to  service;   my  wench;   my  family’s   ate   their  own bread and
  cheese   as   fur   back   as   anybody   knows;   hanna   they;   Father?   You
  wouldna like your grand…child to take wage?”
  “Na…a…y;”      said   old  Martin;     with   an   elongation      of  the   word;
  meant      to  make     it  bitter  as   well   as  negative;    while    he   leaned
  forward and looked down on the floor。 “But the wench takes arter
  her mother。 I’d hard work t’ hould her in; an’ she married i’ spite o’
  me—a feller wi’ on’y two head o’ stock when there should ha’ been
  ten   on’s   farm—she   might   well   die   o’   th’   inflammation   afore   she
  war thirty。”
  It was seldom the old man made so long a speech; but his son’s
  question had fallen like a   bit  of  dry  fuel   on   the  embers   of a   long
  unextinguished          resentment;        which      had     always      made      the
  grandfather  more   indifferent   to   Hetty   than   to   his   son’s   children。
  Her     mother’s     fortune    had   been    spent    by   that   good…for…nought
  Sorrel; and Hetty had Sorrel’s blood in her veins。
  “Poor   thing;   poor   thing!”   said   Martin   the   younger;   who   was
  sorry   to   have   provoked   this   retrospective   harshness。   “She’d   but
  bad luck。 But Hetty’s got as good a chance o’ getting a solid; sober
  husband as any gell i’ this country。”
  After  throwing  out  this   pregnant   hint;   Mr。   Poyser   recurred   to
  his pipe and his silence; looking at Hetty to see if she did not give
  some sign of having renounced her ill…advised wish。 But instead of
  that; Hetty; in spite of herself; began to cry; half out of ill temper at
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  the denial; half out of the day’s repressed sadness。
  “Hegh; hegh!” said Mr。 Poyser; meaning to check her playfully;
  “don’t let’s have any crying。 Crying’s for them as ha’ got no home;
  not   for   them    as  want   to   get   rid  o’  one。   What    dost   think?”     he
  continued   to   his   wife;   who   now   came   back   into   the   house…place;
  knitting with fierce rapidity; as if that movement were a necessary
  function; like the twittering of a crab’s antennae。
  “Think? Why; I think we shall have the fowl stole before we are
  much older; wi’ that gell forgetting to lock   the   pens   up   o’ nights。
  What’s the matter now; Hetty? What are you crying at?”
  “Why;   she’s   been   wanting   to   go   for   a   lady’s   maid;”   said   Mr。
  Poyser。 “I tell her we can do better for her nor that。”
  “I thought she’d got some maggot in her head; she’s gone about
  wi’ her mouth buttoned up s