第 99 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9219
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      400
  him   to   open   the   door。   Adam   had   not   known   before   that   Arthur
  had furnished the old Hermitage and made it a retreat for himself;
  and   it   was   a   surprise   to   him   when   he   opened   the   door   to   see   a
  snug room with all the signs of frequent habitation。
  Arthur loosed Adam’s arm and   threw  himself  on  the   ottoman。
  “You’ll     see  my   hunting…bottle       somewhere;”       he   said。  “A   leather
  case with a bottle and glass in。”
  Adam      was   not   long   in  finding    the  case。   “There’s     very   little
  brandy in it; sir;” he said; turning it downwards over the glass; as
  he held it before the window; “hardly this little glassful。”
  “Well;    give   me    that;”   said   Arthur;    with   the   peevishness       of
  physical   depression。   When   he   had   taken   some   sips;   Adam   said;
  “Hadn’t I better run to th’ house; sir; and get some more brandy? I
  can   be   there   and   back   pretty   soon。   It’ll   be   a   stiff   walk   home   for
  you; if you don’t have something to revive you。”
  “Yes—go。 But don’t say I’m ill。 Ask  for  my  man   Pym;  and   tell
  him to get it from Mills; and not to say I’m at the Hermitage。 Get
  some water too。”
  Adam was relieved to have  an  active  task—both  of  them   were
  relieved to be apart from each other for a short time。 But Adam’s
  swift pace could not still the eager pain of thinking—of living again
  with  concentrated  suffering  through  the  last   wretched   hour;   and
  looking out from it over all the new sad future。
  Arthur   lay   still   for   some   minutes    after   Adam     was   gone;   but
  presently he rose feebly from the ottoman and peered about slowly
  in the broken moonlight; seeking something。 It was a short bit of
  wax candle that stood amongst a confusion of writing and drawing
  materials。 There was more searching for the means of lighting the
  candle;   and   when   that   was   done;   he   went   cautiously   round   the
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       401
  room; as if wishing to assure himself of the presence or absence of
  something。 At last he had found a slight thing; which he put first in
  his   pocket;   and   then;   on   a   second   thought;   took   out   again   and
  thrust   deep   down   into   a   waste…paper   basket。   It   was   a   woman’s
  little;   pink;   silk   neckerchief。   He   set   the   candle   on   the   table;   and
  threw   himself   down   on       the   ottoman   again;      exhausted     with   the
  effort。
  When Adam   came  back  with  his   supplies;   his   entrance   awoke
  Arthur from a doze。
  “That’s right;” Arthur said; “I’m tremendously in want of some
  brandy…vigour。”
  “I’m glad to see you’ve got a   light;   sir;”   said   Adam。   “I’ve been
  thinking I’d better have asked for a lanthorn。”
  “No; no; the candle will last long enough—I shall soon be up to
  walking home now。”
  “I   can’t   go   before   I’ve   seen   you   safe   home;   sir;”   said   Adam;
  hesitatingly。
  “No: it will be better for you to stay—sit down。”
  Adam   sat   down;   and   they   remained   opposite   to   each   other   in
  uneasy silence; while Arthur slowly drank brandy…and…water; with
  visibly    renovating      effect。  He   began     to  lie  in  a  more    voluntary
  position;   and   looked   as   if    he  were    less   overpowered       by   bodily
  sensations。 Adam was keenly alive to these indications; and as his
  anxiety about Arthur’s condition began to be allayed; he felt more
  of   that   impatience   which   every   one   knows   who   has   had   his   just
  indignation   suspended   by   the         physical   state    of  the  culprit。   Yet
  there was one thing on his mind to be done before he could recur
  to   remonstrance:   it   was   to   confess   what   had   been   unjust   in   his
  own      words。    Perhaps      he    longed     all  the   more     to   make     this
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      402
  confession; that his indignation might be free again; and as he saw
  the signs of returning ease in  Arthur;   the   words   again   and again
  came   to   his   lips   and   went   back;   checked   by   the   thought   that   it
  would be better to leave everything till to…morrow。 As long as they
  were silent they did not look at each other; and a foreboding came
  across     Adam      that    if  they    began     to  speak     as   though     they
  remembered         the   past—if     they   looked     at  each    other   with    full
  recognition—they  must  take   fire   again。   So  they   sat   in   silence   till
  the bit of wax candle flickered low in the socket; the silence all the
  while   becoming   more   irksome   to   Adam。   Arthur   had   just   poured
  out some   more   brandy…and…water;   and   he   threw  one   arm   behind
  his   head   and   drew   up   one   leg   in   an   attitude   of   recovered   ease;
  which was an irresistible temptation to Adam   to  speak   what  was
  on his mind。
  “You   begin   to   feel   more   yourself   again;   sir;”   he   said;   as   the
  candle went out and they were half…hidden from each other in the
  faint moonlight。
  “Yes: I don’t feel good for much—very lazy; and not inclined to
  move; but I’ll go home when I’ve taken this dose。”
  There was a slight pause before Adam said; “My temper got the
  better of me; and I said things as wasn’t true。 I’d no right to speak
  as if you’d known you was doing me an injury: you’d no grounds
  for  knowing  it;   I’ve always  kept  what  I   felt  for  her   as   secret   as   I
  could。”
  He paused again before he went on。
  “And perhaps I judged you too harsh—I’m apt to be harsh—and
  you may have acted out o’ thoughtlessness more than I should ha’
  believed   was   possible   for   a   man   with   a   heart   and   a   conscience。
  We’re     not   all  put    together    alike;   and    we   may     misjudge     one
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                      403
  another。 God knows; it’s all the joy I could have now; to think the
  best of you。”
  Arthur   wanted   to   go   home   without   saying   any   more—he   was
  too painfully embarrassed in mind; as well as too weak in body; to
  wish for any further explanation to…night。 And yet it was a relief to
  him that Adam reopened the subject in a way the least difficult for
  him   to   answer。   Arthur   was   in   the   wretched   position   of   an   open;
  generous       man     who     has    committed       an   error    which      makes
  deception   seem   a   necessity。   The   native   impulse   to   give   truth   in
  return     for  truth;   to  meet    trust  with    frank   confession;     must   be
  suppressed; and duty was becoming a question of tactics。 His deed
  was   reacting   upon   him—was   already   governing   him   tyrannously
  and forcing him into a course that jarred with his habitual feelings。
  The only aim that seemed admissible   to  him now  was   to  deceive
  Adam   to  the   utmost:   to  make   Adam   think   better   of   him   than   he
  deserved。 And when he heard the words of honest  retractation—
  when   he   heard   the   sad   appeal   with  which Adam   ended—he   was
  obliged to rejoice in the remains of ignorant confidence it implied。
  He did not answer immediately; for he had to be judicious and not
  truthful。
  “Say   no   more   about   our   anger;   Adam;”   he   said;   at   last;   very
  languidly;     for   the  labour    of  speech    was    unwelcome       to  him;   “I
  forgive   your   momentary   injustice—it   was   quite   natural;   with   the
  exaggerated notions you had in your mind。 We shall be none the
  worse friends in future; I hope; because we’ve fought。 You had the
  best of it; and that was as it should be; for I believe I’ve been most
  in the wrong of the two。 Come; let us shake hands。”
  Arthur held out his hand; but Adam sat still。
  “I don’t like to say ‘No’ to that; sir;” he said; “but I can’t shake
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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