第 11 节
作者:温暖寒冬      更新:2024-04-09 19:50      字数:9240
  now;   since   they   had   done     talking   about   Bessy   Cranage;      Dinah
  seemed   almost   to   have   forgotten   Seth’s   presence;   and   her   pace
  was becoming so much quicker that the sense of their being only a
  few   minutes’   walk   from   the   yard…gates   of   the   Hall   Farm   at   last
  gave Seth courage to speak。
  “You’ve   quite   made   up   your   mind   to   go   back   to   Snowfield   o’
  George Eliot                                                        ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                     45
  Saturday; Dinah?”
  “Yes;”   said   Dinah;   quietly。   “I’m   called   there。   It   was   borne   in
  upon my mind while I was meditating on Sunday night; as Sister
  Allen; who’s in a decline; is in need of me。 I saw her as plain as we
  see that bit of thin white cloud; lifting up her poor thin hand and
  beckoning to me。 And   this morning  when   I   opened   the   Bible  for
  direction; the first words my eyes fell on were; ‘And after we had
  seen     the    vision;   immediately       we   endeavoured        to   go   into
  Macedonia。’ If it wasn’t for that clear showing of the Lord’s will; I
  should be loath to go; for my heart yearns over my aunt  and   her
  little ones; and that poor wandering lamb Hetty Sorrel。 I’ve been
  much   drawn   out   in   prayer   for   her   of   late;   and   I   look   on   it   as   a
  token that there may be mercy in store for her。”
  “God grant it;” said Seth。 “For I doubt Adam’s heart is so set on
  her; he’ll never turn to anybody else; and yet it ’ud go to my heart
  if he was to marry her; for I canna think as she’d make him happy。
  It’s a deep mystery—the way the heart of man turns to one woman
  out of all the rest he’s seen i’ the world; and makes it easier for him
  to work seven year for her; like Jacob did for Rachel; sooner than
  have any other woman for th’ asking。 I often think of them words;
  ‘And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him
  but a few days for the love he had to her。’ I know those words ’ud
  come true with me; Dinah; if so be you’d give me hope as I might
  win you after seven years was over。 I know  you  think   a  husband
  ’ud be taking up too much o’ your thoughts; because St。 Paul says;
  ‘She that’s married careth for the things of the world how she may
  please her husband’; and may happen you’ll think me overbold to
  speak to you about it again; after what you told me o’ your mind
  last Saturday。 But I’ve been thinking it over again by night and by
  George Eliot                                                      ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       46
  day; and I’ve prayed not to be blinded by my own desires; to think
  what’s only good for me must be good for you too。 And it seems to
  me   there’s   more   texts   for   your   marrying   than   ever   you   can   find
  against it。 For St。 Paul says as plain as can be in another place; ‘I
  will   that   the   younger     women      marry;    bear   children;    guide    the
  house; give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully’;
  and    then    ‘two   are  better   than    one’;  and    that  holds    good   with
  marriage   as   well   as   with   other   things。   For   we   should   be   o’   one
  heart and o’ one mind; Dinah。 We both serve the same Master; and
  are striving after the same gifts; and I’d never be the husband to
  make a claim on you as could interfere with your doing the work
  God has fitted you for。 I’d make a shift; and fend indoor and out; to
  give   you   more   liberty—more   than   you   can   have   now;   for   you’ve
  got to get your own living now; and I’m strong enough to work for
  us both。”
  When      Seth   had    once    begun    to   urge   his   suit;  he   went    on
  earnestly   and      almost    hurriedly;    lest  Dinah    should    speak    some
  decisive word before he had poured forth all the arguments he had
  prepared。 His cheeks became flushed as he went on his mild grey
  eyes filled with tears; and his voice trembled as he spoke the last
  sentence。      They    had   reached     one   of  those    very   narrow     passes
  between   two   tall   stones;   which   performed   the   office   of   a   stile   in
  Loamshire;   and   Dinah   paused   as   she   turned   towards   Seth   and
  said; in her tender but calm treble notes; “Seth Bede; I thank you
  for your love towards me; and if I could think of any man as more
  than a Christian brother; I think it would be you。 But my heart is
  not free to marry。 That is good for other women; and it is a great
  and   a   blessed   thing   to   be   a   wife   and   mother;   but   ‘as   God   has
  distributed to every man; as the Lord hath called every man; so let
  George Eliot                                                         ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                        47
  him walk。’ God has called me to minister to others; not to have any
  joys or sorrows of my own; but to rejoice with them that do rejoice;
  and to weep with those that weep。 He has called me to speak his
  word;   and   he   has   greatly   owned   my   work。   It   could   only  be   on   a
  very  clear  showing  that  I   could leave   the   brethren   and   sisters   at
  Snowfield; who are favoured with very little of this   world’s   good;
  where   the   trees   are   few;   so   that   a   child   might   count   them;   and
  there’s   very   hard   living   for   the   poor   in   the   winter。   It   has   been
  given me to help; to comfort; and strengthen the little flock there
  and   to   call   in   many   wanderers;   and   my   soul   is   filled   with   these
  things from my rising up till   my  lying  down。  My  life   is   too  short;
  and God’s work is too great for me to think of making a home for
  myself in this world。 I’ve not turned a deaf ear to your words; Seth;
  for when I saw as your love was given to me; I thought it might be
  a leading of Providence for me to change my way of life; and that
  we   should   be   fellow…helpers;   and   I   spread   the   matter   before   the
  Lord。 But whenever I tried to fix my  mind   on  marriage;   and   our
  living   together;   other   thoughts   always   came   in—the   times   when
  I’ve   prayed   by  the   sick and   dying;   and  the   happy  hours   I’ve   had
  preaching; when my heart was filled with love; and the Word was
  given     to  me    abundantly。      And    when     I’ve  opened     the   Bible   for
  direction; I’ve always lighted on some clear word to tell me where
  my work lay。 I believe what you say; Seth; that you would try to be
  a help and not a hindrance to my work; but I see that our marriage
  is not God’s will—He draws my heart another way。 I desire to live
  and die without husband or  children。  I   seem   to  have  no  room   in
  my soul for wants and fears of my own; it has pleased God to fill
  my heart so full with the wants and sufferings of his poor people。”
  Seth was unable to reply; and they walked on in silence。 At last;
  George Eliot                                                          ElecBook Classics
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  Adam Bede                                       48
  as they were nearly at the yard…gate; he said—
  “Well; Dinah; I must seek for strength to bear it; and to endure
  as seeing Him who is invisible。 But I feel now how weak my faith
  is。 It seems as if; when you are gone; I could never joy in anything
  any   more。   I   think   it’s   something   passing   the   love   of   women   as   I
  feel for you; for I could be content without your marrying me if I
  could   go  and live at  Snowfield and be   near   you。   I   trusted   as   the
  strong   love   God   has   given   me   towards   you   was   a   leading   for   us
  both;   but  it  seems   it   was   only   meant   for   my   trial。   Perhaps   I   feel
  more for you than I ought to feel for any creature; for I often can’t
  help saying of you what the hymn says—
  In darkest shades if she appear;
  My dawning is begun;
  She is my soul’s bright morning…star;
  And she my rising sun。
  That     may    be   wrong;    and    I  am   to  be   taught    better。   But   you
  wouldn’t be displeased with me if things turned out so as I could
  leave this country and go to live at Snowfield?”
  “No; Seth; but I counsel you to wait patiently; and not lightly to
  leave    your    own    country    and   kindred。     Do   nothing    without     the
  Lord’s clear bidding。 It’s a bleak and barren country there