第 30 节
作者:左思右想      更新:2022-08-26 22:14      字数:9322
  on; and not with a view to celebrity; the less you aim at that the more likely you will be to deserve and finally to obtain it。  So written; it is wholesome both for the heart and soul; it may be made the surest means; next to religion; of soothing the mind and elevating it。  You may embody in it your best thoughts and your wisest feelings; and in so doing discipline and strengthen them。
  〃Farewell; madam。  It is not because I have forgotten that I was once young myself; that I write to you in this strain; but because I remember it。  You will neither doubt my sincerity nor my good will; and however ill what has here been said may accord with your present views and temper; the longer you live the more reasonable it will appear to you。  Though I may be but an ungracious adviser; you will allow me; therefore; to subscribe myself; with the best wishes for your happiness here and hereafter; your true friend; 〃ROBERT SOUTHEY。〃
  I was with Miss Bronte when she received Mr。 Cuthbert Southey's note; requesting her permission to insert the fore…going letter in his father's life。  She said to me; 〃Mr。 Southey's letter was kind and admirable; a little stringent; but it did me good。〃
  It is partly because I think it so admirable; and partly because it tends to bring out her character; as shown in the following reply; that I have taken the liberty of inserting the foregoing extracts from it。
  〃Sir; March 16th。
  〃I cannot rest till I have answered your letter; even though by addressing you a second time I should appear a little intrusive; but I must thank you for the kind and wise advice you have condescended to give me。  I had not ventured to hope for such a reply; so considerate in its tone; so noble in its spirit。  I must suppress what I feel; or you will think me foolishly enthusiastic。
  〃At the first perusal of your letter; I felt only shame and regret that I had ever ventured to trouble you with my crude rhapsody; I felt a painful heat rise to my face when I thought of the quires of paper I had covered with what once gave me so much delight; but which now was only a source of confusion; but after I had thought a little and read it again and again; the prospect seemed to clear。  You do not forbid me to write; you do not say that what I write is utterly destitute of merit。  You only warn me against the folly of neglecting real duties for the sake of imaginative pleasures; of writing for the love of fame; for the selfish excitement of emulation。  You kindly allow me to write poetry for its own sake; provided I leave undone nothing which I ought to do; in order to pursue that single; absorbing; exquisite gratification。  I am afraid; sir; you think me very foolish。  I know the first letter I wrote to you was all senseless trash from beginning to end; but I am not altogether the idle dreaming being it would seem to denote。  My father is a clergyman of limited; though competent income; and I am the eldest of his children。  He expended quite as much in my education as he could afford in justice to the rest。  I thought it therefore my duty; when I left school; to become a governess。  In that capacity I find enough to occupy my thoughts all day long; and my head and hands too; without having a moment's time for one dream of the imagination。 In the evenings; I confess; I do think; but I never trouble any one else with my thoughts。  I carefully avoid any appearance of preoccupation and eccentricity; which might lead those I live amongst to suspect the nature of my pursuits。  Following my father's advicewho from my childhood has counselled me; just in the wise and friendly tone of your letterI have endeavoured not only attentively to observe all the duties a woman ought to fulfil; but to feel deeply interested in them。  I don't always succeed; for sometimes when I'm teaching or sewing I would rather be reading or writing; but I try to deny myself; and my father's approbation amply rewarded me for the privation。  Once more allow me to thank you with sincere gratitude。  I trust I shall never more feel ambitious to see my name in print:  if the wish should rise; I'll look at Southey's letter; and suppress it。  It is honour enough for me that I have written to him; and received an answer。  That letter is consecrated; no one shall ever see it; but papa and my brother and sisters。  Again I thank you。  This incident; I suppose; will be renewed no more; if I live to be an old woman; I shall remember it thirty years hence as a bright dream。  The signature which you suspected of being fictitious is my real name。  Again; therefore; I must sign myself;
  〃C。 Bronte。
  〃P。S。Pray; sir; excuse me for writing to you a second time; I could not help writing; partly to tell you how thankful I am for your kindness; and partly to let you know that your advice shall not be wasted; however sorrowfully and reluctantly it may be at first followed。
  〃C。 B。〃
  I cannot deny myself the gratification of inserting Southey's reply:…
  〃Keswick; March 22; 1837。
  〃Dear Madam;
  〃Your letter has given me great pleasure; and I should not forgive myself if I did not tell you so。  You have received admonition as considerately and as kindly as it was given。  Let me now request that; if you ever should come to these Lakes while I am living here; you will let me see you。  You would then think of me afterwards with the more good…will; because you would perceive that there is neither severity nor moroseness in the state of mind to which years and observation have brought me。
  〃It is; by God's mercy; in our power to attain a degree of self… government; which is essential to our own happiness; and contributes greatly to that of those around us。  Take care of over…excitement; and endeavour to keep a quiet mind (even for your health it is the best advice that can be given you):  your moral and spiritual improvement will then keep pace with the culture of your intellectual powers。
  〃And now; madam; God bless you!
  〃Farewell; and believe me to be your sincere friend;
  〃ROBERT SOUTHEY。
  Of this second letter; also; she spoke; and told me that it contained an invitation for her to go and see the poet if ever she visited the Lakes。  〃But there was no money to spare;〃 said she; 〃nor any prospect of my ever earning money enough to have the chance of so great a pleasure; so I gave up thinking of it。〃  At the time we conversed together on the subject we were at the Lakes。  But Southey was dead。
  This 〃stringent〃 letter made her put aside; for a time; all idea of literary enterprise。  She bent her whole energy towards the fulfilment of the duties in hand; but her occupation was not sufficient food for her great forces of intellect; and they cried out perpetually; 〃Give; give;〃 while the comparatively less breezy air of Dewsbury Moor told upon her health and spirits more and more。  On August 27; 1837; she writes:…
  〃I am again at Dewsbury; engaged in the old business;teach; teach; teach 。 。 。 WHEN WILL YOU COME HOME?  Make haste!  You have been at Bath long enough for all purposes; by this time you have acquired polish enough; I am sure; if the varnish is laid on much thicker; I am afraid the good wood underneath will be quite concealed; and your Yorkshire friends won't stand that。  Come; come。  I am getting really tired of your absence。  Saturday after Saturday comes round; and I can have no hope of hearing your knock at the door; and then being told that 'Miss E。 is come。'  Oh; dear! in this monotonous life of mine; that was a pleasant event。 I wish it would recur again; but it will take two or three interviews before the stiffnessthe estrangement of this long separationwill wear away。〃
  About this time she forgot to return a work…bag she had borrowed; by a messenger; and in repairing her error she says:… 〃These aberrations of memory warn me pretty intelligibly that I am getting past my prime。〃  AEtat 21!  And the same tone of despondency runs through the following letter:…
  〃I wish exceedingly that I could come to you before Christmas; but it is impossible; another three weeks must elapse before I shall again have my comforter beside me; under the roof of my own dear quiet home。  If I could always live with you; and daily read the Bible with youif your lips and mine could at the same time drink the same draught; from the same pure fountain of mercyI hope; I trust; I might one day become better; far better than my evil; wandering thoughts; my corrupt heart; cold to the spirit and warm to the flesh; will now permit me to be。  I often plan the pleasant life which we might lead together; strengthening each other in that power of self…denial; that hallowed and glowing devotion; which the first saints of God often attained to。  My eyes fill with tears when I contrast the bliss of such a state; brightened by hopes of the future; with the melancholy state I now live in; uncertain that I ever felt true contrition; wandering in thought and deed; longing for holiness; which I shall NEVER; NEVER obtain; smitten at times to the heart with the conviction that ghastly Calvinistic doctrines are truedarkened; in short; by the very shadows of spiritual death。  If Christian perfection be necessary to salvation; I shall never be saved; my heart is a very hotbed for sinful though