第 148 节
作者:青涩春天      更新:2022-07-12 16:22      字数:9322
  〃Armadale next。 Has any unforeseen accident led him to
  communicate with Thorpe Ambrose? Has he broken the conditions
  which the major imposed on him; and asserted himself in the
  character of Miss Milroy's promised husband since I saw him last?
  〃Nothing of the sort has taken place。 No unforeseen accident has
  altered his positionhis tempting positiontoward myself。 I
  know all that has happened to him since he left England; through
  the letters which he writes to Midwinter; and which Midwinter
  shows to me。
  〃He has been wrecked; to begin with。 His trumpery little yacht
  has actually tried to drown him; after all; and has failed! It
  happened (as Midwinter warned him it might happen with so small a
  vessel) in a sudden storm。 They were blown ashore on the coast of
  Portugal。 The yacht went to pieces; but the lives; and papers;
  and so on; were saved。 The men have been sent back to Bristol;
  with recommendations from their master which have already got
  them employment on board an outward…bound ship。 And the master
  himself is on his way here; after stopping first at Lisbon; and
  next at Gibraltar; and trying ineffectually in both places to
  supply himself with another vessel。 His third attempt is to be
  made at Naples; where there is an English yacht 'laid up;' as
  they call it; to be had for sale or hire。 He has had no occasion
  to write home since the wreck; for he took away from Coutts's the
  whole of the large sum of money lodged there for him; in circular
  notes。 And he has felt no inclination to go back to England
  himself; for; with Mr。 Brock dead; Miss Milroy at school; and
  Midwinter here; he has not a living creature in whom he is
  interested to welcome him if he returned。 To see us; and to see
  the new yacht; are the only two present objects he has in view。
  Midwinter has been expecting him for a week past; and he may walk
  into this very room in which I am writing; at this very moment;
  for all I know to the contrary。
  〃Tempting circumstances; thesewith all the wrongs I have
  suffered at his mother's hands and at his; still alive in my
  memory; with Miss Milroy confidently waiting to take her place at
  the head of his household; with my dream of living happy and
  innocent in Midwinter's love dispelled forever; and with nothing
  left in its place to help me against myself。 I wish it wasn't
  raining; I wish I could go out。
  〃Perhaps something may happen to prevent Armadale from coming to
  Naples? When he last wrote; he was waiting at Gibraltar for an
  English steamer in the Mediterranean trade to bring him on here。
  He may get tired of waiting before the steamer comes; or he may
  hear of a yacht at some other place than this。 A little bird
  whispers in my ear that it may possibly be the wisest thing he
  ever did in his life if he breaks his engagement to join us at
  Naples。
  〃Shall I tear out the leaf on which all these shocking things
  have been written? No。 My Diary is so nicely boundit would be
  positive barbarity to tear out a leaf。 Let me occupy myself
  harmlessly with something else。 What shall it be? My
  dressing…caseI will put my dressing…case tidy; and polish up
  the few little things in it which my misfortunes have still left
  in my possession。
  〃I have shut up the dressing…case again。 The first thing I found
  in it was Armadale's shabby present to me on my marriagethe
  rubbishing little ruby ring。 That irritated me; to begin with。
  The second thing that turned up was my bottle of Drops。 I caught
  myself measuring the doses with my eye; and calculating how many
  of them would be enough to take a living creature over the
  border…land between sleep and death。 Why I should have locked the
  dressing…case in a fright; before I had quite completed my
  calculation; I don't know; but I did lock it。 And here I am back
  again at my Diary; with nothing; absolutely nothing; to write
  about。 Oh; the weary day! the weary day! Will nothing happen to
  excite me a little in this horrible place?
  〃October 12th。Midwinter 's all…important letter to the
  newspaper was dispatched by the post last night。 I was foolish
  enough to suppose that I might be honored by having some of his
  spare attention bestowed on me to…day。 Nothing of the sort! He
  had a restless night; after all his writing; and got up with his
  head aching; and his spirits miserably depressed。 When he is in
  this state; his favorite remedy is to return to his old vagabond
  habits; and go roaming away by himself nobody knows where。 He
  went through the form this morning (knowing I had no riding
  habit) of offering to hire a little broken…kneed brute of a pony
  for me; in case I wished to accompany him! I preferred remaining
  at home。 I will have a handsome horse and a handsome habit; or I
  won't ride at all。 He went away; without attempting to persuade
  me to change my mind。 I wouldn't have changed it; of course; but
  he might have tried to persuade me all the same。
  〃I can open the piano in his absencethat is one comfort。 And I
  am in a fine humor for playingthat is another。 There is a
  sonata of Beethoven's (I forget the number); which always
  suggests to me the agony of lost spirits in a place of torment。
  Come; my fingers and thumbs; and take me among the lost spirits
  this morning!
  〃October 13th。Our windows look out on the sea。 At noon to…day
  we saw a steamer coming in; with the English flag flying。
  Midwinter has gone to the port; on the chance that this may be
  the vessel from Gibraltar; with Armadale on board。
  〃Two o'clock。It is the vessel from Gibraltar。 Armadale has
  added one more to the long list of his blunders: he has kept his
  engagement to join us at Naples。
  〃How will it end _now?_
  〃Who knows?
  〃October 16th。Two days missed out of my Diary! I can hardly
  tell why; unless it is that Armadale irritates me beyond all
  endurance。 The mere sight of him takes me back to Thorpe Ambrose。
  I fancy I must have been afraid of what I might write about him;
  in the course of the last two days; if I indulged myself in the
  dangerous luxury of opening these pages。
  〃This morning I am afraid of nothing; and I take up my pen again
  accordingly。
  〃Is there any limit; I wonder; to the brutish stupidity of some
  men? I thought I had discovered Armadale's limit when I was his
  neighbor in Norfolk; but my later experience at Naples shows me
  that I was wrong。 He is perpetually in and out of this house
  (crossing over to us in a boat from the hotel at Santa Lucia;
  where he sleeps); and he has exactly two subjects of
  conversationthe yacht for sale in the harbor here; and Miss
  Milroy。 Yes! he selects ME as the _confidante_ of his devoted
  attachment to the major's daughter! 'It's so nice to talk to a
  woman about it!' That is all the apology he has thought it
  necessary to make for appealing to my sympathies_my_
  sympathies!on the subject of 'his darling Neelie;' fifty times
  a day。 He is evidently persuaded (if he thinks about it at all)
  that I have forgotten; as completely as he has forgotten; all
  that once passed between us when I was first at Thorpe Ambrose。
  Such an utter want of the commonest delicacy and the commonest
  tact; in a creature who is; to all appearance; possessed of a
  skin; and not a hide; and who does; unless my ears deceive me;
  talk; and not bray; is really quite incredible when one comes to
  think of it。 But it is; for all that; quite true。 He asked mehe
  actually asked me; last nighthow many hundreds a year the wife
  of a rich man could spend on her dress。 'Don't put it too low;'
  the idiot added; with his intolerable grin。 'Neelie shall be one
  of the best…dressed women in England when I have married her。'
  And this to me; after having had him at my feet; and then losing
  him again through Miss Milroy! This to me; with an alpaca gown
  on; and a husband whose income must be helped by a newspaper!
  〃I had better not dwell on it any longer。 I had better think and
  write of something else。
  〃The yacht。 As a relief from hearing about Miss Milroy; I declare
  the yacht in the harbor is quite an interesting subject to me!
  She (the men call a vessel 'She'; and I suppose; if the women
  took an interest in such things; _they_ would call a vessel
  'He')she is a beautiful model; and her 'top…sides' (whatever
  they may be) are especially distinguished by being built of
  mahogany。 But; with these merits; she has the defect; on the
  other hand; of being oldwhich is a sad drawbackand the crew
  and the sailing…master have been 'paid off;' and sent home to
  Englandwhich is additionally distressing。 Still; if a new crew
  and a new sailing…master can be picked up here; such a beautiful
  creature (with all her drawbacks); is not to be despised。 It
  might answer to hire her for a cruise; and to see how she
  behaves。 (If she is of _my_ mind; her behavior will rather
  astonish her new master!) The cruise will determine what faults
  she has; and what repairs; through the unlucky circumstance of
  her age; she really stands in need of。 And then it will be time
  to settle whether to buy her outright or not。 Such is Armadale's
  conversation when he is not talking of 'his darling Neelie。' And
  Midwinter; who can steal no time from his newspaper work for his
  wife; can steal hours for his friend; and can offer them
  unreservedly to my irr