第 25 节
作者:负债赌博      更新:2022-07-12 16:19      字数:9321
  wer to go tomorrow and repair the hole in the window。  Lift my eyes again to the skies。  Stay with me; Thy servant; in his hour of need。〃
  Up and down through the silent streets walked the minister and for days and weeks his soul was troubled。  He could not understand the temptation that had come to him nor could he fathom the rea… son for its coming。  In a way he began to blame God; saying to himself that he had tried to keep his feet in the true path and had not run about seeking sin。 〃Through my days as a young man and all through my life here I have gone quietly about my work;〃 he declared。  〃Why now should I be tempted? What have I done that this burden should be laid on me?〃
  Three times during the early fall and winter of that year Curtis Hartman crept out of his house to the room in the bell tower to sit in the darkness looking at the figure of Kate Swift lying in her bed and later went to walk and pray in the streets。  He could not understand himself。  For weeks he would go along scarcely thinking of the school teacher and telling himself that he had conquered the carnal de… sire to look at her body。  And then something would happen。  As he sat in the study of his own house; hard at work on a sermon; he would become ner… vous and begin to walk up and down the room。  〃I will go out into the streets;〃 he told himself and even as he let himself in at the church door he per… sistently denied to himself the cause of his being there。  〃I will not repair the hole in the window and I will train myself to come here at night and sit in the presence of this woman without raising my eyes。 I will not be defeated in this thing。  The Lord has devised this temptation as a test of my soul and I will grope my way out of darkness into the light of righteousness。〃
  One night in January when it was bitter cold and snow lay deep on the streets of Winesburg Curtis Hartman paid his last visit to the room in the bell tower of the church。  It was past nine o'clock when he left his own house and he set out so hurriedly that he forgot to put on his overshoes。  In Main Street no one was abroad but Hop Higgins the night watchman and in the whole town no one was awake but the watchman and young George Willard; who sat in the office of the Winesburg Eagle trying to write a story。  Along the street to the church went the minister; plowing through the drifts and thinking that this time he would utterly give way to sin。  〃I want to look at the woman and to think of kissing her shoulders and I am going to let myself think what I choose;〃 he declared bitterly and tears came into his eyes。  He began to think that he would get out of the ministry and try some other way of life。 〃I shall go to some city and get into business;〃 he declared。  〃If my nature is such that I cannot resist sin; I shall give myself over to sin。  At least I shall not be a hypocrite; preaching the word of God with my mind thinking of the shoulders and neck of a woman who does not belong to me。〃
  It was cold in the room of the bell tower of the church on that January night and almost as soon as he came into the room Curtis Hartman knew that if he stayed he would be ill。  His feet were wet from tramping in the snow and there was no fire。  In the room in the house next door Kate Swift had not yet appeared。  With grim determination the man sat down to wait。  Sitting in the chair and gripping the edge of the desk on which lay the Bible he stared into the darkness thinking the blackest thoughts of his life。  He thought of his wife and for the moment almost hated her。  〃She has always been ashamed of passion and has cheated me;〃 he thought。  〃Man has a right to expect living passion and beauty in a woman。  He has no right to forget that he is an ani… mal and in me there is something that is Greek。  I will throw off the woman of my bosom and seek other women。  I will besiege this school teacher。  I will fly in the face of all men and if I am a creature of carnal lusts I will live then for my lusts。〃
  The distracted man trembled from head to foot; partly from cold; partly from the struggle in which he was engaged。  Hours passed and a fever assailed his body。  His throat began to hurt and his teeth chattered。  His feet on the study floor felt like two cakes of ice。  Still he would not give up。  〃I will see this woman and will think the thoughts I have never dared to think;〃 he told himself; gripping the edge of the desk and waiting。
  Curtis Hartman came near dying from the effects of that night of waiting in the church; and also he found in the thing that happened what he took to be the way of life for him。  On other evenings when he had waited he had not been able to see; through the little hole in the glass; any part of the school teacher's room except that occupied by her bed。  In the darkness he had waited until the woman sud… denly appeared sitting in the bed in her white night… robe。  When the light was turned up she propped herself up among the' pillows and read a book。 Sometimes she smoked one of the cigarettes。  Only her bare shoulders and throat were visible。
  On the January night; after he had come near dying with cold and after his mind had two or three times actually slipped away into an odd land of fan… tasy so that he had by an exercise of will power to force himself back into consciousness; Kate Swift appeared。  In the room next door a lamp was lighted and the waiting man stared into an empty bed。  Then upon the bed before his eyes a naked woman threw herself。  Lying face downward she wept and beat with her fists upon the pillow。  With a final outburst of weeping she half arose; and in the presence of the man who had waited to look and not to think thoughts the woman of sin began to pray。  In the lamplight her figure; slim and strong; looked like the figure of the boy in the presence of the Christ on the leaded window。
  Curtis Hartman never remembered how he got out of the church。  With a cry he arose; dragging the heavy desk along the floor。  The Bible fell; making a great clatter in the silence。  When the light in the house next door went out he stumbled down the stairway and into the street。  Along the street he went and ran in at the door of the Winesburg Eagle。 To George Willard; who was tramping up and down in the office undergoing a struggle of his own; he began to talk half incoherently。  〃The ways of God are beyond human understanding;〃 he cried; run… ning in quickly and closing the door。  He began to advance upon the young man; his eyes glowing and his voice ringing with fervor。  〃I have found the light;〃 he cried。  〃After ten years in this town; God has manifested himself to me in the body of a woman。〃 His voice dropped and he began to whis… per。  〃I did not understand;〃 he said。  〃What I took to be a trial of my soul was only a preparation for a new and more beautiful fervor of the spirit。  God has appeared to me in the person of Kate Swift; the school teacher; kneeling naked on a bed。  Do you know Kate Swift? Although she may not be aware of it; she is an instrument of God; bearing the mes… sage of truth。〃
  Reverend Curtis Hartman turned and ran out of the office。  At the door he stopped; and after looking up and down the deserted street; turned again to George Willard。  〃I am delivered。  Have no fear。〃 He held up a bleeding fist for the young man to see。  〃I smashed the glass of the window;〃 he cried。  〃Now it will have to be wholly replaced。  The strength of God was in me and I broke it with my fist。〃
  THE TEACHER
  SNOW LAY DEEP in the streets of Winesburg。  It had begun to snow about ten o'clock in the morning and a wind sprang up and blew the snow in clouds along Main Street。  The frozen mud roads that led into town were fairly smooth and in places ice cov… ered the mud。  〃There will be good sleighing;〃 said Will Henderson; standing by the bar in Ed Griffith's saloon。  Out of the saloon he went and met Sylvester West the druggist stumbling along in the kind of heavy overshoes called arctics。  〃Snow will bring the people into town on Saturday;〃 said the druggist。 The two men stopped and discussed their affairs。 Will Henderson; who had on a light overcoat and no overshoes; kicked the heel of his left foot with the toe of the right。  〃Snow will be good for the wheat;〃 observed the druggist sagely。
  Young George Willard; who had nothing to do; was glad because he did not feel like working that day。  The weekly paper had been printed and taken to the post office Wednesday evening and the snow began to fall on Thursday。  At eight o'clock; after the morning train had passed; he put a pair of skates in his pocket and went up to Waterworks Pond but did not go skating。  Past the pond and along a path that followed Wine Creek he went until he came to a grove of beech trees。  There he built a fire against the side of a log and sat down at the end of the log to think。  When the snow began to fall and the wind to blow he hurried about getting fuel for the fire。
  The young reporter was thinking of Kate Swift; who had once been his school teacher。  On the eve… ning before he had gone to her house to get a book she wanted him to read and had been alone with her for an hour。  For the fourth or fifth time the woman had talked to him with great earnestness and