I　pass　over　the　fact　that　being　interviewed　for　five　hours　is　a　fatiguing　process。　I　lay　no　claim　to　exemption　for　that。　But　to　that　no　doubt　was　due　the　singular　discrepancies　as　to　my　physical　appearance　which　I　detected　in　the　London　papers。
  The　young　man　who　interviewed　me　immediately　after　breakfast　described　me　as　〃a　brisk；　energetic　man；　still　on　the　right　side　of　forty；　with　energy　in　every　movement。〃
  The　lady　who　wrote　me　up　at　11。30　reported　that　my　hair　was　turning　grey；　and　that　there　was　〃a　peculiar　languor〃　in　my　manner。
  And　at　the　end　the　boy　who　took　me　over　at　a　quarter　to　two　said；　〃The　old　gentleman　sank　wearily　upon　a　chair　in　the　hotel　lounge。　His　hair　is　almost　white。〃
  The　trouble　is　that　I　had　not　understood　that　London　reporters　are　supposed　to　look　at　a　man's　personal　appearance。　In　America　we　never　bother　with　that。　We　simply　describe　him　as　a　〃dynamo。〃　For　some　reason　or　other　it　always　pleases　everybody　to　be　called　a　〃dynamo；〃　and　the　readers；　at　least　with　us；　like　to　read　about　people　who　are　〃dynamos；〃　and　hardly　care　for　anything　else。
  In　the　case　of　very　old　men　we　sometimes　call　them　〃battle…horses〃　or　〃extinct　volcanoes；〃　but　beyond　these　three　classes　we　hardly　venture　on　description。　So　I　was　misled。　I　had　expected　that　the　reporter　would　say：　〃As　soon　as　Mr。　Leacock　came　across　the　floor　we　felt　we　were　in　the　presence　of　a　'dynamo'　（or　an　'extinct　battle…horse'　as　the　case　may　be）。〃　Otherwise　I　would　have　kept　up　those　energetic　movements　all　the　morning。　But　they　fatigue　me；　and　I　did　not　think　them　necessary。　But　I　let　that　pass。
  The　more　serious　trouble　was　the　questions　put　to　me　by　the　reporters。　Over　in　our　chief　centres　of　population　we　use　another　set　altogether。　I　am　thinking　here　especially　of　the　kind　of　interview　that　I　have　given　out　in　Youngstown；　Ohio；　and　Richmond；　Indiana；　and　Peterborough；　Ontario。　In　all　these　placesfor　example；　in　Youngstown；　Ohiothe　reporter　asks　as　his　first　question；　〃What　is　your　impression　of　Youngstown？〃
  In　London　they　don't。　They　seem　indifferent　to　the　fate　of　their　city。　Perhaps　it　is　only　English　pride。　For　all　I　know　they　may　have　been　burning　to　know　this；　just　as　the　Youngstown；　Ohio；　people　are；　and　were　too　proud　to　ask。　In　any　case　I　will　insert　here　the　answer　I　had　written　out　in　my　pocket…book　（one　copy　for　each　paperthe　way　we　do　it　in　Youngstown）；　and　which　read：
  〃London　strikes　me　as　emphatically　a　city　with　a　future。　Standing　as　she　does　in　the　heart　of　a　rich　agricultural　district　with　railroad　connection　in　all　directions；　and　resting；　as　she　must；　on　a　bed　of　coal　and　oil；　I　prophesy　that　she　will　one　day　be　a　great　city。〃
  The　advantage　of　this　is　that　it　enables　the　reporter　to　get　just　the　right　kind　of　heading：　PROPHESIES　BRIGHT　FUTURE　FOR　LONDON。　　Had　that　been　used　my　name　would　have　stood　higher　there　than　it　does　to…dayunless　the　London　people　are　very　different　from　the　people　in　Youngstown；　which　I　doubt。　As　it　is　they　don't　know　whether　their　future　is　bright　or　is　as　dark　as　mud。　But　it's　not　my　fault。　The　reporters　never　asked　me。
  If　the　first　question　had　been　handled　properly　it　would　have　led　up　by　an　easy　and　pleasant　transition　to　question　two；　which　always　runs：　〃Have　you　seen　our　factories？〃　To　which　the　answer　is：
  〃I　have。　I　was　taken　out　early　this　morning　by　a　group　of　your　citizens　（whom　I　cannot　thank　enough）　in　a　Ford　car　to　look　at　your　pail　and　bucket　works。　At　eleven…thirty　I　was　taken　out　by　a　second　group　in　what　was　apparently　the　same　car　to　see　your　soap　works。　I　understand　that　you　are　the　second　nail…making　centre　east　of　the　Alleghenies；　and　I　am　amazed　and　appalled。　This　afternoon　I　am　to　be　taken　out　to　see　your　wonderful　system　of　disposing　of　sewerage；　a　thing　which　has　fascinated　me　from　childhood。〃
  Now　I　am　not　offering　any　criticism　of　the　London　system　of　interviewing；　but　one　sees　at　once　how　easy　and　friendly　for　all　concerned　this　Youngstown　method　is；　how　much　better　it　works　than　the　London　method　of　asking　questions　about　literature　and　art　and　difficult　things　of　that　sort。　I　am　sure　that　there　must　be　soap　works　and　perhaps　a　pail　factory　somewhere　in　London。　　But　during　my　entire　time　of　residence　there　no　one　ever　offered　to　take　me　to　them。　As　for　the　sewerageoh；　well；　I　suppose　we　are　more　hospitable　in　America。　Let　it　go　at　that。
  I　had　my　answer　all　written　and　ready；　saying：
  〃I　understand　that　London　is　the　second　greatest　hop…consuming；　the　fourth　hog…killing；　and　the　first　egg…absorbing　centre　in　the　world。〃
  But　what　I　deplore　still　more；　and　I　think　with　reason；　is　the　total　omission　of　the　familiar　interrogation：　〃What　is　your　impression　of　our　women？〃
  That's　where　the　reporter　over　on　our　side　hits　the　nail　every　time。　That　is　the　point　at　which　we　always　nudge　him　in　the　ribs　and　buy　him　a　cigar；　and　at　which　youth　and　age　join　in　a　sly　jest　together。　Here　again　the　sub…heading　comes　in　so　nicely：　THINKS　YOUNGSTOWN　WOMEN　CHARMING。　And　they　are。　They　are；　everywhere。　But　I　hate　to　think　that　I　had　to　keep　my　impression　of　London　women　unused　in　my　pocket　while　a　young　man　asked　me　whether　I　thought　modern　literature　owed　more　to　observation　and　less　to　inspiration　than　some　other　kind　of　literature。
  Now　that's　exactly　the　kind　of　question；　the　last　one；　that　the　London　reporters　seem　to　harp　on。　They　seemed　hipped　about　literature；　and　their　questions　are　too　difficult。　One　asked　me　whether　the　American　drama　was　structurally　inferior　to　the　French。　I　don't　call　that　fair。　I　told　him　I　didn't　know；　that　I　used　to　know　the　answer　to　it　when　I　was　at　college；　but　that　I　had　forgotten　it；　and　that；　anyway；　I　am　too　well　off　now　to　need　to　remember　it。
  That　question　is　only　one　of　a　long　list　that　they　asked　me　about　art　and　literature。　I　missed　nearly　all　of　them；　except　one　as　to　whether　I　thought　Al　Jolson　or　Frank　Tinney　was　the　higher　artist；　and　even　that　one　was　asked　by　an　American　who　is　wasting　himself　on　the　London　Press。
  I　don't　want　to　speak　in　anger。　But　I　say　it　frankly；　the　atmosphere　of　these　young　men　is　not　healthy；　and　I　felt　that　I　didn't　want　to　see　them　any　more。
  Had　there　been　a　reporter　of　the　kind　we　have　at　home　in　Montreal　or　Toledo　or　Springfield；　Illinois；　I　would　have　welcomed　him　at　my　hotel。　He　could　have　taken　me　out　in　a　Ford　car　and　shown　me　a　factory　and　told　me　how　many　cubic　feet　of　water　go　down　the　Thames　in　an　hour。　I　should　have　been　glad　of　his　society；　and　he　and　I　would　have　together　made　up　the　kind　of　copy　that　people　of　his　class　and　mine　read。　But　I　felt　that　if　any　young　man　came　along　to　ask　about　the　structure　of　the　modern　drama；　he　had　better　go　on　to　the　British　Museum。
  Meantime　as　the　reporters　entirely　failed　to　elicit　the　large　fund　of　information　which　I　acquired；　I　reserve　my　impressions　of　London　for　a　chapter　by　themselves。
  III。　…　Impressions　of　London
  BEFORE　setting　down　my　impressions　of　the　great　English　metropolis；　a　phrase　which　I　have　thought　out　as　a　designation　for　London；　I　think　it　proper　to　offer　an　initial　apology。　I　find　that　I　receive　impressions　with　great　difficulty　and　have　nothing　of　that　easy　facility　in　picking　them　up　which　is　shown　by　British　writers　on　Ameriea。　I　remember　Hugh　Walpole　telling　me　that　he　could　hardly　walk　down　Broadway　without　getting　at　least　three　dollars'　worth　and　on　Fifth　Avenue　five　dollars'　worth；　and　I　recollect　that　St。　John　Ervine　came　up　to　my　house　in　Montreal；　drank　a　cup　of　tea；　borrowed　some　tobacco；　and　got　away　with　sixty　dollars'　worth　of　impressions　of　Canadian　life　and　character。
  For　this　kind　of　thing　I　have　only　a　despairing　admiration。　I　can　get　an　impression　if　I　am　given　time　and　can　think　about　it　beforehand。　But　it　requires　thought。　This　fact　was　all　the　more　distressing　to　me　in　as　much　as　one　of　the　leading　editors　of　America　had　made　me　a　proposal；　as　honourable　to　him　as　it　was　Iucrative　to　me；　that　immediately　on　my　arrival　in　London；or　just　before　it；I　should　send　him　a　thousand　words　on　the　genius　of　the　English；　and　five　hundred　words　on　the　spirit　of　London；　and　two　hundred　words　of　personal　chat　with　Lord　Northcliffe。　This　contract　I　was　unable　to　fulfil　except　the　personal　chat　with　Lord　Northcliffe；　which　proved　an　easy　matter　as　he　happened　to　be　away　in　Australia。
  But　I　have　since　pieced　together　my　impressions　as　conscientiously　as　I　could　and　I　present　them　here。　If　they　seem　to　be　a　little　bit　modelled　on　British　impressions　of　America　I　admit　at　once　that　the　influence　is　there。　We　writers　all　act　and　react　on　one　another；　and　when　I　see　a　good　thing　in　another　man's　book　I　react　on　it　at　once。
  London；　the　name　of　which　is　already　known　to　millions　of　readers　of　this　book；　is　beautifully　situated　on　the　river　Thames；　which　here　sweeps　in　a　wide　curve　with　much　the　same　breadth　and　majesty　as　the　St。　Jo　River　at　South　Bend；　Indiana。　London；　like　South　Bend　itself；　is　a　city　of　clean　streets　and　admirable　sidewalks；　and　has　an　excellent　water　supply。　One　is　at　once　struck　by　the　number　of　excellent　and　well…appointed　motor　cars　that　one　sees　on　every　hand；　the　neatness　of　the　shops　and　the　cleanliness　and　cheerfulness　of　the　faces　of　the　people。　In　short；