第 23 节
作者:猜火车      更新:2021-10-16 18:41      字数:9322
  feeble reason till it fell; and we were drowned in the
  depths of our own vanity。 For what is the first result
  of man's increased knowledge interpreted from Nature's
  book by the persistent effort of his purblind
  observation? Is it not but too often to make him
  question the existence of his Maker; or indeed of any
  intelligent purpose beyond his own? The truth is
  veiled; because we could no more look upon her glory
  than we can upon the sun。 It would destroy us。 Full
  knowledge is not for man as man is here; for his
  capacities; which he is apt to think so great; are
  indeed but small。 The vessel is soon filled; and; were
  one thousandth part of the unutterable and silent
  wisdom that directs the rolling of those shining
  spheres; and the force which makes them roll; pressed
  into it; it would be shattered into fragments。 Perhaps
  in some other place and time it may be otherwise; who
  can tell? Herethe lot of man born of the flesh is but
  to endure midst toil and tribulation; to catch at the
  bubbles blown by Fate; which he calls pleasures;
  thankful if before they burst they rest a moment in
  his hand; and when the tragedy is played out; and his
  hour comes to perish; to pass humbly whither he knows
  not。
  Above me; as I lay; shone the eternal stars; and there
  at my feet the impish marsh…born balls of fire rolled
  this way and that; vapor…tossed and earth…desiring;
  and methought that in the two I saw a type and image
  of what man is; and what perchance man may one day be;
  if the living Force who ordained him and them should
  so ordain this also。 Oh; that it might be ours to rest
  year by year upon that high level of the heart to
  which at times we momentarily attain! Oh; that we
  could shake loose the prisoned pinions of the soul and
  soar to that superior point; whence; like to some
  traveller looking out through space from Darien's
  giddiest peak; we might gaze with the spiritual eyes
  of noble thoughts deep into Infinity!
  What would it be to cast off this earthy robe; to have
  done forever with these earthy thoughts and miserable
  desires; no longer; like those corpse candles; to be
  tossed this way and that; by forces beyond our
  control; or which; if we can theoretically control
  them; we are at times driven by the exigencies of our
  nature to obey! Yes; to cast them off; to have done
  with the foul and thorny places of the world; and;
  like to those glittering points above me; to rest on
  high wrapped forever in the brightness of our better
  selves; that even now shines in us as fire faintly
  shines within those lurid balls; and lay down our
  littleness in that wide glory of our dreams; that
  invisible but surrounding good; from which all truth
  and beauty comes!
  These and many such thoughts passed through my mind
  that night。 They come to torment us all at times。 I
  say to torment; for; alas! thinking can only serve to
  measure out the helplessness of thought。 What is the
  use of our feeble crying in the awful silences of
  space! Can our dim intelligence read the secrets of
  that star…strewn sky? Does any answer come out of it?
  Never any at all; nothing but echoes and fantastic
  visions。 And yet we believe that there is an answer;
  and that upon a time a new Dawn will come blushing
  down the ways of our enduring night。 We believe it;
  for its reflected beauty even now shines up
  continually in our hearts from beneath the horizon of
  the grave; and we call it Hope。 Without Hope we should
  suffer moral death; and by the help of Hope we yet may
  climb to heaven; or at the worst; if she also prove
  but a kindly mockery given to hold us from despair; be
  gently lowered into the abysses of eternal sleep。
  Then I fell to reflecting upon the undertaking on
  which we were bent; and what a wild one it was; and
  yet how strangely the story seemed to fit in with what
  had been written centuries ago upon the sherd。 Who was
  this extraordinary woman; queen over a people
  apparently as extraordinary as herself; and reigning
  amidst the vestiges of a lost civilization? And what
  was the meaning of this story of the Fire that gave
  unending life? Could it be possible that any fluid or
  essence should exist which might so fortify these
  fleshy walls that they should from age to age resist
  the mines and batterings of decay? It was possible;
  though not probable。 The indefinite continuation of
  life would not; as poor Vincey said; be so marvellous
  a thing as the production of life and its temporary
  endurance。 And if it were true; what then? The person
  who found it could no doubt rule the world。 He could
  accumulate all the wealth in the world; and all the
  power; and all the wisdom that is power。 He might give
  a lifetime to the study of each art or science。 Well;
  if that were so; and this _i_ She _i_ were practically
  immortal; which I did not for one moment believe; how
  was it that; with all these things at her feet; she
  preferred to remain in a cave among a society of
  cannibals? This surely settled the question。 The whole
  story was monstrous; and only worthy of the
  superstitious days in which it was written。 At any
  rate I was very sure that I would not attempt to
  attain unending life。 I had had far too many worries
  and disappointments and secret bitternesses during my
  forty odd years of existence to wish that this state
  of affairs should be continued indefinitely。 And yet I
  suppose that my life has been; comparatively speaking;
  a happy one。
  And then; reflecting that at the present moment there
  was far more likelihood of our earthly careers being
  cut exceedingly short than of their being unduly
  prolonged; I at last managed to get to sleep; a fact
  for which anybody who reads this narrative; if anybody
  ever does; may very probably be thankful。
  When I woke again it was just dawning; and the guard
  and bearers were moving about like ghosts through the
  dense morning mists; getting ready for our start。 The
  fire had died quite down; and I rose and stretched
  myself; shivering in every limb from the damp cold of
  the dawn。 Then I looked at Leo。 He was sitting up;
  holding his hands to his head; and I saw that his face
  was flushed and his eye bright; and yet yellow round
  the pupil。
  〃Well; Leo;〃 I said; 〃how do you feel?〃
  〃I feel as though I were going to die;〃 he answered;
  hoarsely。 〃My head is splitting; my body is trembling;
  and I am as sick as a cat。〃
  I whistled; or if I did not whistle I felt inclined
  toLeo had got a sharp attack of fever。 I went to
  Job; and asked him for the quinine; of which
  fortunately we had still a good supply; only to find
  that Job himself was not much better。 He complained of
  pains across the back; and dizziness; and was almost
  incapable of helping himself。 Then I did the only
  thing it was possible to do under the circumstances
  gave them both about ten grains of quinine; and took a
  slightly smaller dose myself as a matter of
  precaution。 After that I found Billali; and explained
  to him how matters stood; asking at the same time what
  he thought had best be done。 He came with me; and
  looked at Leo and Job (whom; by the way; he had named
  the Pig; on account of his fatness; round face; and
  small eyes)。
  〃Ah;〃 he said; when we were out of earshot; 〃the
  fever! I thought so。 The Lion has it badly; but he is
  young; and he may live。 As for the Pig; his attack is
  not so bad; it is the little fever which he has; that
  always begins with pains across the back; it will
  spend itself upon his fat。〃
  〃Can they go on; my father?〃 I asked。
  〃Nay; my son; they must go on。 If they stop here they
  will certainly die; also; they will be better in the
  litters than on the ground。 By to…night; if all goes
  well; we shall be across the marsh and in good air。
  Come; let us lift them into the litters and start; for
  it is very bad to stand still in this morning fog。 We
  can eat our meal as we go。〃
  This we accordingly did; and with a heavy heart I once
  more set out upon our strange journey。 For the first
  three hours all went as well as could be expected; and
  then an accident happened that nearly lost us the
  pleasure of the company of our venerable friend
  Billali; whose litter was leading the cavalcade。 We
  were going through a particularly dangerous stretch of
  quagmire; in which the bearers sometimes sank up to
  their knees。 Indeed; it was a mystery to me how they
  contrived to carry the heavy litters at all over such
  ground as that which we were traversing; though the
  two spare hands; as well as the four regular ones; had
  of course to put their shoulders to the pole。
  Presently; as we blundered and floundered along; there
  was a sharp cry; then a storm of exclamations; and;
  last of all; a most tremendous splash; and the whole
  caravan halted。
  I jumped out of my litter and ran forward。 About
  twenty yards ahead was the edge of one of those sullen
  peaty pools of which I have spoken; the path we were
  following running along the top of its bank; that; as
  it happened; was a steep one。 Looking towards this
  pool; to my horror I saw that Billali's litter was
  floating on it; and as for Billali himsel