第 163 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:23      字数:9235
  cruel misconstruction; that even my friends have not been able to
  avoid; becomes my duty。 The more retired we live; the better I
  shall discharge it。 And when the time comes—may it come soon; if
  it be His merciful pleasure!—when my death shall release her
  from constraint; I shall close my eyes upon her honoured face;
  with unbounded confidence and love; and leave her; with no
  sorrow then; to happier and brighter days。’
  I could not see him for the tears which his earnestness and
  goodness; so adorned by; and so adorning; the perfect simplicity of
  his manner; brought into my eyes。 He had moved to the door;
  when he added:
  ‘Gentlemen; I have shown you my heart。 I am sure you will
  respect it。 What we have said tonight is never to be said more。
  Wickfield; give me an old friend’s arm upstairs!’
  Mr。 Wickfield hastened to him。 Without interchanging a word
  they went slowly out of the room together; Uriah looking after
  them。
  ‘Well; Master Copperfield!’ said Uriah; meekly turning to me。
  ‘The thing hasn’t took quite the turn that might have been
  expected; for the old Scholar—what an excellent man!—is as blind
  as a brickbat; but this family’s out of the cart; I think!’
  I needed but the sound of his voice to be so madly enraged as I
  never was before; and never have been since。
  ‘You villain;’ said I; ‘what do you mean by entrapping me into
  your schemes? How dare you appeal to me just now; you false
  rascal; as if we had been in discussion together?’
  As we stood; front to front; I saw so plainly; in the stealthy
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  David Copperfield
  exultation of his face; what I already so plainly knew; I mean that
  he forced his confidence upon me; expressly to make me
  miserable; and had set a deliberate trap for me in this very matter;
  that I couldn’t bear it。 The whole of his lank cheek was invitingly
  before me; and I struck it with my open hand with that force that
  my fingers tingled as if I had burnt them。
  He caught the hand in his; and we stood in that connexion;
  looking at each other。 We stood so; a long time; long enough for
  me to see the white marks of my fingers die out of the deep red of
  his cheek; and leave it a deeper red。
  ‘Copperfield;’ he said at length; in a breathless voice; ‘have you
  taken leave of your senses?’
  ‘I have taken leave of you;’ said I; wresting my hand away。 ‘You
  dog; I’ll know no more of you。’
  ‘Won’t you?’ said he; constrained by the pain of his cheek to put
  his hand there。 ‘Perhaps you won’t be able to help it。 Isn’t this
  ungrateful of you; now?’
  ‘I have shown you often enough;’ said I; ‘that I despise you。 I
  have shown you now; more plainly; that I do。 Why should I dread
  your doing your worst to all about you? What else do you ever do?’
  He perfectly understood this allusion to the considerations that
  had hitherto restrained me in my communications with him。 I
  rather think that neither the blow; nor the allusion; would have
  escaped me; but for the assurance I had had from Agnes that
  night。 It is no matter。
  There was another long pause。 His eyes; as he looked at me;
  seemed to take every shade of colour that could make eyes ugly。
  ‘Copperfield;’ he said; removing his hand from his cheek; ‘you
  have always gone against me。 I know you always used to be
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  against me at Mr。 Wickfield’s。’
  ‘You may think what you like;’ said I; still in a towering rage。 ‘If
  it is not true; so much the worthier you。’
  ‘And yet I always liked you; Copperfield!’ he rejoined。
  I deigned to make him no reply; and; taking up my hat; was
  going out to bed; when he came between me and the door。
  ‘Copperfield;’ he said; ‘there must be two parties to a quarrel。 I
  won’t be one。’
  ‘You may go to the devil!’ said I。
  ‘Don’t say that!’ he replied。 ‘I know you’ll be sorry afterwards。
  How can you make yourself so inferior to me; as to show such a
  bad spirit? But I forgive you。’
  ‘You forgive me!’ I repeated disdainfully。
  ‘I do; and you can’t help yourself;’ replied Uriah。 ‘To think of
  your going and attacking me; that have always been a friend to
  you! But there can’t be a quarrel without two parties; and I won’t
  be one。 I will be a friend to you; in spite of you。 So now you know
  what you’ve got to expect。’
  The necessity of carrying on this dialogue (his part in which
  was very slow; mine very quick) in a low tone; that the house
  might not be disturbed at an unseasonable hour; did not improve
  my temper; though my passion was cooling down。 Merely telling
  him that I should expect from him what I always had expected;
  and had never yet been disappointed in; I opened the door upon
  him; as if he had been a great walnut put there to be cracked; and
  went out of the house。 But he slept out of the house too; at his
  mother’s lodging; and before I had gone many hundred yards;
  came up with me。
  ‘You know; Copperfield;’ he said; in my ear (I did not turn my
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  head); ‘you’re in quite a wrong position’; which I felt to be true;
  and that made me chafe the more; ‘you can’t make this a brave
  thing; and you can’t help being forgiven。 I don’t intend to mention
  it to mother; nor to any living soul。 I’m determined to forgive you。
  But I do wonder that you should lift your hand against a person
  that you knew to be so umble!’
  I felt only less mean than he。 He knew me better than I knew
  myself。 If he had retorted or openly exasperated me; it would have
  been a relief and a justification; but he had put me on a slow fire;
  on which I lay tormented half the night。
  In the morning; when I came out; the early church…bell was
  ringing; and he was walking up and down with his mother。 He
  addressed me as if nothing had happened; and I could do no less
  than reply。 I had struck him hard enough to give him the
  toothache; I suppose。 At all events his face was tied up in a black
  silk handkerchief; which; with his hat perched on the top of it; was
  far from improving his appearance。 I heard that he went to a
  dentist’s in London on the Monday morning; and had a tooth out。 I
  hope it was a double one。
  The Doctor gave out that he was not quite well; and remained
  alone; for a considerable part of every day; during the remainder
  of the visit。 Agnes and her father had been gone a week; before we
  resumed our usual work。 On the day preceding its resumption; the
  Doctor gave me with his own hands a folded note not sealed。 It
  was addressed to myself; and laid an injunction on me; in a few
  affectionate words; never to refer to the subject of that evening。 I
  had confided it to my aunt; but to no one else。 It was not a subject I
  could discuss with Agnes; and Agnes certainly had not the least
  suspicion of what had passed。
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  David Copperfield
  Neither; I felt convinced; had Mrs。 Strong then。 Several weeks
  elapsed before I saw the least change in her。 It came on slowly;
  like a cloud when there is no wind。 At first; she seemed to wonder
  at the gentle compassion with which the Doctor spoke to her; and
  at his wish that she should have her mother with her; to relieve the
  dull monotony of her life。 Often; when we were at work; and she
  was sitting by; I would see her pausing and looking at him with
  that memorable face。 Afterwards; I sometimes observed her rise;
  with her eyes full of tears; and go out of the room。 Gradually; an
  unhappy shadow fell upon her beauty; and deepened every day。
  Mrs。 Markleham was a regular inmate of the cottage then; but she
  talked and talked; and saw nothing。
  As this change stole on Annie; once like sunshine in the
  Doctor’s house; the Doctor became older in appearance; and more
  grave; but the sweetness of his temper; the placid kindness of his
  manner; and his benevolent solicitude for her; if they were capable
  of any increase; were increased。 I saw him once; early on the
  morning of her birthday; when she came to sit in the window
  while we were at work (which she had always done; but now
  began to do with a timid and uncertain air that I thought very
  touching); take her forehead between his hands; kiss it; and go
  hurriedly away; too much moved to remain。 I saw her stand where
  he had left her; like a statue; and then bend down her head; and
  clasp her hands; and weep; I cannot say how sorrowfully。
  Sometimes; after that; I fancied that she tried to speak even to
  me; in intervals when we were left alone。 But she never uttered a
  word。 The Doctor always had some new project for her
  participating in amusements away from home; with her mother;
  and Mrs。 Markleham; who was very fond of amusements; and very
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  easily dissatisfied with anything else; entered into them with great
  good…will; and was loud in her commendations。 But Annie; in a
  spiritless unhappy way; only went whither she was led; and
  seemed to have no care for anything。
  I did not know