第 96 节
作者:不受约束      更新:2021-05-04 17:23      字数:9251
  him; ‘Neverberrer。’
  A man; sitting in a pigeon…hole…place; looked out of the fog; and
  took money from somebody; inquiring if I was one of the
  gentlemen paid for; and appearing rather doubtful (as I remember
  in the glimpse I had of him) whether to take the money for me or
  not。 Shortly afterwards; we were very high up in a very hot
  theatre; looking down into a large pit; that seemed to me to smoke;
  the people with whom it was crammed were so indistinct。 There
  was a great stage; too; looking very clean and smooth after the
  streets; and there were people upon it; talking about something or
  other; but not at all intelligibly。 There was an abundance of bright
  lights; and there was music; and there were ladies down in the
  boxes; and I don’t know what more。 The whole building looked to
  me as if it were learning to swim; it conducted itself in such an
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  David Copperfield
  unaccountable manner; when I tried to steady it。
  On somebody’s motion; we resolved to go downstairs to the
  dress…boxes; where the ladies were。 A gentleman lounging; full
  dressed; on a sofa; with an opera…glass in his hand; passed before
  my view; and also my own figure at full length in a glass。 Then I
  was being ushered into one of these boxes; and found myself
  saying something as I sat down; and people about me crying
  ‘Silence!’ to somebody; and ladies casting indignant glances at me;
  and—what! yes!—Agnes; sitting on the seat before me; in the same
  box; with a lady and gentleman beside her; whom I didn’t know。 I
  see her face now; better than I did then; I dare say; with its
  indelible look of regret and wonder turned upon me。
  ‘Agnes!’ I said; thickly; ‘Lorblessmer! Agnes!’
  ‘Hush! Pray!’ she answered; I could not conceive why。 ‘You
  disturb the company。 Look at the stage!’
  I tried; on her injunction; to fix it; and to hear something of
  what was going on there; but quite in vain。 I looked at her again by
  and by; and saw her shrink into her corner; and put her gloved
  hand to her forehead。
  ‘Agnes!’ I said。 ‘I’mafraidyou’renorwell。’
  ‘Yes; yes。 Do not mind me; Trotwood;’ she returned。 ‘Listen!
  Are you going away soon?’
  ‘Amigoarawaysoo?’ I repeated。
  ‘Yes。’
  I had a stupid intention of replying that I was going to wait; to
  hand her downstairs。 I suppose I expressed it; somehow; for after
  she had looked at me attentively for a little while; she appeared to
  understand; and replied in a low tone: ‘I know you will do as I ask
  you; if I tell you I am very earnest in it。 Go away now; Trotwood;
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  for my sake; and ask your friends to take you home。’
  She had so far improved me; for the time; that though I was
  angry with her; I felt ashamed; and with a short ‘Goori!’ (which I
  intended for ‘Good night!’) got up and went away。 They followed;
  and I stepped at once out of the box…door into my bedroom; where
  only Steerforth was with me; helping me to undress; and where I
  was by turns telling him that Agnes was my sister; and adjuring
  him to bring the corkscrew; that I might open another bottle of
  wine。
  How somebody; lying in my bed; lay saying and doing all this
  over again; at cross purposes; in a feverish dream all night—the
  bed a rocking sea that was never still! How; as that somebody
  slowly settled down into myself; did I begin to parch; and feel as if
  my outer covering of skin were a hard board; my tongue the
  bottom of an empty kettle; furred with long service; and burning
  up over a slow fire; the palms of my hands; hot plates of metal
  which no ice could cool!
  But the agony of mind; the remorse; and shame I felt when I
  became conscious next day! My horror of having committed a
  thousand offences I had forgotten; and which nothing could ever
  expiate—my recollection of that indelible look which Agnes had
  given me—the torturing impossibility of communicating with her;
  not knowing; Beast that I was; how she came to be in London; or
  where she stayed—my disgust of the very sight of the room where
  the revel had been held—my racking head—the smell of smoke;
  the sight of glasses; the impossibility of going out; or even getting
  up! Oh; what a day it was!
  Oh; what an evening; when I sat down by my fire to a basin of
  mutton broth; dimpled all over with fat; and thought I was going
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  the way of my predecessor; and should succeed to his dismal story
  as well as to his chambers; and had half a mind to rush express to
  Dover and reveal all! What an evening; when Mrs。 Crupp; coming
  in to take away the broth…basin; produced one kidney on a cheese…
  plate as the entire remains of yesterday’s feast; and I was really
  inclined to fall upon her nankeen breast and say; in heartfelt
  penitence; ‘Oh; Mrs。 Crupp; Mrs。 Crupp; never mind the broken
  meats! I am very miserable!’—only that I doubted; even at that
  pass; if Mrs。 Crupp were quite the sort of woman to confide in!
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  Chapter 25
  GOOD AND BAD ANGELS
  Iwas going out at my door on the morning after that
  deplorable day of headache; sickness; and repentance; with
  an odd confusion in my mind relative to the date of my
  dinner…party; as if a body of Titans had taken an enormous lever
  and pushed the day before yesterday some months back; when I
  saw a ticket…porter coming upstairs; with a letter in his hand。 He
  was taking his time about his errand; then; but when he saw me
  on the top of the staircase; looking at him over the banisters; he
  swung into a trot; and came up panting as if he had run himself
  into a state of exhaustion。
  ‘T。 Copperfield; Esquire;’ said the ticket…porter; touching his hat
  with his little cane。
  I could scarcely lay claim to the name: I was so disturbed by the
  conviction that the letter came from Agnes。 However; I told him I
  was T。 Copperfield; Esquire; and he believed it; and gave me the
  letter; which he said required an answer。 I shut him out on the
  landing to wait for the answer; and went into my chambers again;
  in such a nervous state that I was fain to lay the letter down on my
  breakfast table; and familiarize myself with the outside of it a little;
  before I could resolve to break the seal。
  I found; when I did open it; that it was a very kind note;
  containing no reference to my condition at the theatre。 All it said
  was; ‘My dear Trotwood。 I am staying at the house of papa’s agent;
  Mr。 Waterbrook; in Ely Place; Holborn。 Will you come and see me
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  today; at any time you like to appoint? Ever yours affectionately;
  AGNES。’
  It took me such a long time to write an answer at all to my
  satisfaction; that I don’t know what the ticket…porter can have
  thought; unless he thought I was learning to write。 I must have
  written half…a…dozen answers at least。 I began one; ‘How can I ever
  hope; my dear Agnes; to efface from your remembrance the
  disgusting impression’—there I didn’t like it; and then I tore it up。
  I began another; ‘Shakespeare has observed; my dear Agnes; how
  strange it is that a man should put an enemy into his mouth’—that
  reminded me of Markham; and it got no farther。 I even tried
  poetry。 I began one note; in a six…syllable line; ‘Oh; do not
  remember’—but that associated itself with the fifth of November;
  and became an absurdity。 After many attempts; I wrote; ‘My dear
  Agnes。 Your letter is like you; and what could I say of it that would
  be higher praise than that? I will come at four o’clock。
  Affectionately and sorrowfully; T。C。’ With this missive (which I
  was in twenty minds at once about recalling; as soon as it was out
  of my hands); the ticket…porter at last departed。
  If the day were half as tremendous to any other professional
  gentleman in Doctors’ Commons as it was to me; I sincerely
  believe he made some expiation for his share in that rotten old
  ecclesiastical cheese。 Although I left the office at half past three;
  and was prowling about the place of appointment within a few
  minutes afterwards; the appointed time was exceeded by a full
  quarter of an hour; according to the clock of St。 Andrew’s;
  Holborn; before I could muster up sufficient desperation to pull
  the private bell…handle let into the left…hand door…post of Mr。
  Waterbrook’s house。
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  The professional business of Mr。 Waterbrook’s establishment
  was done on the ground…floor; and the genteel business (of which
  there was a good deal) in the upper part of the building。 I was
  shown into a pretty but rather close drawing…room; and there sat
  Agnes; netting a purse。
  She looked so quiet and good; and reminded me so strongly of
  my airy fresh school days at Canterbury; and the sodden; smoky;
  stupid wretch I had been the other night; that; nobody being by; I
  yielded to my self…reproach and shame; and—in short; made a fool
  of myself。 I cannot deny that I shed tears。