第 24 节
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辩论 更新:2021-04-30 17:09 字数:9321
She paused again。 It was several minutes before she went on:
〃When a doctor or a man of science or a philosopher makes a discovery that'll be a benefit to the world〃she looked at him suddenly; earnest; appealing〃he gives it freely。 And he gets honor and fame。 Why shouldn't you do that; John?〃 She had forgotten herself in her subject。
He smiled into the firehardly a day passed that he did not have presented to him some scheme for relieving him of the burden of his riches; here was another; and from such an unexpected quarter!
〃You could be rich; too。 We spend twenty; fifty times as much as we can possibly enjoy; and you have more than we could possibly spend。 Why shouldn't a man with financial genius be like men with other kinds of genius? Why should he be the only one to stay down on the level with dull; money…grubbing; sordid kinds of people? Why shouldn't he have ideals?〃
He made no reply。 Indeed; so earnest was she that she did not give him time; but immediately went on:
〃Just think; John! Instead of giving out in these charities and philanthropiesI never did believe in themthey're bound to be more or less degrading to the people that take; and when it's so hard to help a friend with money without harming him; how much harder it must be to help strangers。 Instead of those things; why not be really great? Just think; John; how the world would honor you and how you would feel; if you used your genius to make the necessaries cheap for all these fellow…beings of ours who have such a hard time getting on。 That would be real superiorityand our life now is so vain; so empty。 It's brutal; John。〃
〃What do you propose?〃 he asked; curious as always when a new idea was presented to him。 And this was certainly newapparently; philanthropy without expense。
〃You are master。 You can do as you please。 Why not put your great combine on such a basis that it would bring an honest; just return to you and the others; and would pay the highest possible wages; and would give the people the benefit of what your genius for manufacturing and for finance has made possible? I think we who are so comfortable and never have to think of the necessaries of life forget how much a few cents here and there mean to most people。 And the things you control mean all the difference between warmth and cold; between life and death; John!〃
As she talked he settled back into his chair; and his face hardened into its unyielding expression。 A preposterous project! Just like a good; sentimental woman。 Not philanthropy without expense; but philanthropy at the expense both; of his fortune and of his position as a master。 To use his brain and his life for those ungrateful people who derided his benefactions as either contributions to 〃the conscience fund〃 or as indirect attempts at public bribery! He could not conceal his impatiencethough he did not venture to put it into words。
〃If weif you and I; John;〃 she hurried on; leaning toward him in her earnestness; 〃had something like that to live for; it might come to be very different with usandI'm thinking of Gardiner most of all。 This'll ruin him some day。 No one; NO ONE; can lead this kind of life without being dragged down; without becoming selfish and sordid and cruel。〃
〃You don't understand;〃 he said curtly; without looking at her。 〃I never heard of suchsuch sentimentalism。〃
She winced and was silent; sat watching his bold; strong profile。 Presently she said in a changed; strange; strained voice: 〃What I asked to see you for wasJohn; won't you put the pricesat least where they were at the beginning of this dreadful winter?〃
〃OhI see!〃 he exclaimed。 〃You've been listening to the lies about me。〃
〃READING;〃 she said; her eyes flashing at the insult in the accusation that she had let people attack him to her。
〃Well; reading then;〃 he went on; wondering what he had said that angered her。 And he made an elaborate explanationabout 〃the necessity of meeting fixed charges〃 which he himself had fixed; about 〃fair share of prosperity;〃 〃everything more expensive;〃 〃the country better able to pay;〃 〃every one doing as we are;〃 and so on。
She listened closely; she had not come ignorant of the subject; and she penetrated his sophistries。 When he saw her expression; saw he had failed to convince her; into; his eyes came the look she understood wellthe look that told her she would only infuriate him and bruise herself by flinging herself against the iron of his resolve。
〃You must let me attend to my own business;〃 he ended; his tone good…natured; his eyes hard。
She sat staring into the fire for several minutesfrom her eyes looked a will as strong as his。 Then she rose and; her voice lower than before but vibrating; said: 〃All round ushere in New Yorkall over this countryaway off in EuropeI can see themI can feel themSUFFERING! As you yourself said; it's HORRIBLY cold!〃 She drew herself up and faced him; a light in her eyes before which he visibly shrank。 〃Yes; it's YOUR business。 But it shan't be mine or MY boy's!〃
And she left the room。 In the morning she returned to Dawn Hill and arranged her affairs so that she would be free to go。 Not since the spring day; nearly nine years before; when she began that Vergil lesson which ended in a lesson in the pitilessness of consequences that was not yet finished; had her heart been so light; so hopeful。 In vain she reminded herself that the doing of this larger duty; so imperative; nevertheless endangered her father and mother。 〃They will be proud that I'm doing it;〃 she assured herself。
〃For Gardiner's sake; as well as for mine; they'll be glad I separated him and myself from this debased life。 They willthey MUST; since it is right!〃 And already she felt the easing of the bonds that had never failed to cut deeper into the living flesh whenever she had ventured to hope that she was at last growing used to them。
〃Free!〃 she said to herself exultantly。 She dared to exult; but she did not dare to express to herself the hopes; the wild; incredible hopes; which the very thought of freedom set to quivering deep down in her; as the first warmth makes the life toss in its slumber in the planted seed。
On Friday she came up to New York late in the afternoon; and in the evening went to the operafor a last look round。 As the lights were lowering for the rise of the curtain on the second act; Leonora and her husband entered the box。 She had forgotten inviting them。 She gave Leonora the chair in front and took the one behindMillicent Rowland; whom she herself brought; had the other front seat。 As her chair was midway between the two; she was seeing across Leonora's shoulders。 Presently Dumont came in and took the chair behind Leonora's and leaned forward; his chin almost touching the slope of her neck as he talked to her in an undertone; she greatly amused or pretending to be。
The light from the stage fell across Leonora's bosom; fell upon a magnificent string of graduated pearls clasped with a huge solitaire beyond question the string the jeweler's clerk had blunderingly shown her。 And there was Dumont's heavy; coarse profile outlined against Leonora's cheek and throat; her cynical; sensuous profile showing just beyond。
Open sprang a hundred doors of memory; into Pauline's mind was discharged avalanche after avalanche of dreadful thoughts。 〃No! No!〃 she protested。 〃How infamous to think such things of my best friend!〃 But she tried in vain to thrust suspicions; accusations; proofs; back into the closets。 Instead; she sank under the flood of themsick and certain。
When the lights went up she said: 〃I'm feeling badly all at once。 I'm afraid I'll have to take you home; Milly。〃
〃Are you ill; dear?〃 asked Leonora。
〃Oh; nojust faint;〃 she replied; in a voice which she succeeded in making fairly natural。
〃Please don't move。 Stay onyou really must。〃
The other manShenstonehelped her and Millicent with their wraps and accompanied them to their carriage。 When she had set Millicent down she drew a long breath of relief。 For the first time in seven years her course lay straight before her。 〃I must be free!〃 she said。 〃I must be ENTIRELY freefree before the whole worldI and my boy。〃
The next morning; in the midst of her preparations to take the ten…o'clock limited for the West; her maid brought a note to hera copy of a National Woolens Company circular to the trade; setting forth that 〃owing to a gratifying easing in the prices for raw wool; the Company are able to announce and take great pleasure in announcing a ten per cent。 reduction。〃 On the margin Dumont had scrawled 〃To go out to…morrow and to be followed in ten days by fifteen per cent。 more。 Couldn't resist your appeal。〃 Thus by the sheer luck that had so often supplemented his skill and mitigated his mistakes; he had yielded to her plea just in time to confuse the issue between her and him。
She read the circular and the scrawl with a sinking heart。 〃Nevertheless; I shall go!〃 she tried to protest。 〃True; he won't send out this circular if I do。 But what does it matter; one infamy more or less in him? Besides; he will accomplish his purpose in some other way of which I shall not know。〃 But this was only the beginning