第 9 节
作者:辩论      更新:2021-04-30 17:09      字数:9321
  orgive Scarborough; forgive him generously; but not without making him realize that it was an act of generosity。  As Scarborough talked he was first irritated; then; and suddenly; convinced that he was himself in the wrongin the wrong throughout。
  〃Don't say another word; Scarborough;〃 he replied; impulsively laying his hand on the arm of his friendhow powerful it felt through the sleeve!  〃I've been spoiled by always having my own way and by people letting me rule them。  You gave me my first lesson in defeat。  AndI needed it badly。  As for your not telling me; you'd have ruined your scheme if you had。  Besides; looking back; I see that you did warn me。  I know now what you meant by always jumping on the fraternities and the combinations。〃
  〃Thank you;〃 said Scarborough; simply。  〃When I saw you leaving the society hall I feared I'd lost a friend。  Instead; I've found what a friend  I have。〃  Then after a brief silence he continued:  〃This little incident up there to…nightthis little revolution I took part inhas meant a good deal to me。  It was the first chance I'd had to carry out the ideas I've thought over and thought over down there on the farm while I was working in the fields or lying in the hay; staring up at the sky。  And I don't suppose in all the future I'll ever have a greater temptation to be false to myself than I had in the dread that's been haunting methe dread of losing your friendshipand the friendship ofofsome others who might see it as I was afraid you would。  There may be lessons in this incident for you; Fred。  But the greatest lesson of all is the one you've taught meNEVER to be afraid to go forward when the Finger points。〃
  Pierson and Olivia walked to chapel together the next morning; and he told her the story of the defeat; putting himself in a worse light than he deserved。  But Olivia; who never lost a chance to attack him for his shortcomings; now; to his amazement; burst out against Scarborough。
  〃It was contemptible;〃 she said hotly。  〃It was treachery!  It was a piece of cold…blooded ambition。  He'd sacrifice anything; any one; to ambition。  I shall never like him again。〃
  Pierson was puzzledbeing in love with her; he had been deceived by her pretense that she had a poor opinion of him; and he did not appreciate that her sense of justice was now clouded by resentment for his sake。  At dinner; when the four were together; she attacked Scarborough。  Though she did not confess it; he forced her to see that at least his motives were not those she had been attributing to him。  When he and Pauline were aloneOlivia and Pierson had to hurry away to a lecture he said:  〃What do YOU think; Miss Gardiner?  Youdid youdo youagree with your cousin?
  〃I?〃 Pauline dropped her eyes。  〃Oh; I〃
  She hesitated so long that he said:  〃Go ontell me just what you think。  I'd rather know than suspect。〃
  〃I think you did right。  ButI don't see how you had the courage to do it。〃
  〃That is; you think I did rightbut the sort of right that's worse than wrong。〃
  〃Nono!〃 she protested; putting a good deal of feeling into her voice in the effort to reassure him。  〃I'd have been ashamed of you if you hadn't done it。  Andoh; I despise weakness in a man most of all!  And I like to think that if everybody in college had denounced you; you'd have gone straight on。  Andyou WOULD!〃
  Within a week after this they were calling each the other by their first names。
  For the Christmas holidays she went with her mother from Battle Field direct to Chicago; to her father's sisters Mrs。 HaydenColonel Gardiner had been called south on business。  When she came back she and Scarborough took up their friendship where they had left it。  They read the same books; had similar tastes; disagreed sympathetically; agreed with enthusiasm。  She saw a great deal of several other men in her class; enough not to make her preference for him significant to the collegeor to herself。  They went for moonlight straw…rides; on moonlight and starlight skating and ice…boat parties; for long walks over the hillsall invariably with others; but they were often practically alone。  He rapidly dropped his rural manners and mannerismsFred Pierson's tailor in Indianapolis made the most radical of the surface changes in him。
  Late in February his cousin; the superintendent of the farm; telegraphed him to come home。  He found his mother illplainly dying。  And his fatherBladen Scarborough's boast had been that he never took a 〃dose of drugs〃 in his life; and for at least seventy of his seventy…nine years he had been 〃on the jump〃 daily from long before dawn until long after sundown。  Now he was content to sit in his arm…chair and; with no more vigorous protest than a frown and a growl; to swallow the despised drugs。
  Each day he made them carry him in his great chair into HER bedroom。  And there he sat all day long; his shaggy brows down; his gaze rarely wandering from the little ridge her small body made in the high white bed; and in his stern eyes there was a look of stoic anguish。  Each night; as they were carrying him to his own room; they took him near the bed; and he leaned forward; and the voice that in all their years had never been anything but gentle for her said:  〃Good night; Sallie。〃  And the small form would move slightly; there would be a feeble turning of the head; a wan smile on the little old face; a soft 〃Good night; Bladen。〃
  It was on Hampden's ninth day at home that the old man said 〃Good night; Sallie;〃 and there was no answernot even a stir。  They did not offer to carry him in the next morning; nor did he turn his face from the wall。  She died that day; he three days laterhe had refused food and medicine; he had not shed a tear or made a sound。
  Thus the journey side by side for fifty…one years was a journey no longer。  They were asleep side by side on the hillside for ever。
  Hampden stayed at home only one day after the funeral。  He came back to Battle Field apparently unchanged。  He was not in black; for Bladen Scarborough abhorred mourning as he abhorred all outward symbols of the things of the heart。  But after a week he told Pauline about it; and as he talked she sobbed; though his voice did not break nor his eyes dim。
  〃He's like his father;〃 she thought。
  When Olivia believed that Dumont was safely forgotten she teased her〃Your adoring and adored Scarborough。〃
  Pauline was amused by this。  With his unfailing instinct; Scarborough had feltand had never permitted himself to forgetthat there was some sort of wall round her for him。  It was in perfect good faith that she answered Olivia:  〃You don't understand him。  He's a queer mansometimes I wonder myself that he doesn't get just a little sentimental。  I suppose I'd find him exasperatingif I weren't otherwise engaged。〃
  Olivia tried not to show irritation at this reference to Dumont。  〃I think you're mistaken about which of you is queer;〃 she said。  〃You are the onenot he。〃
  〃I?〃  Pauline laughedshe was thinking of her charm against any love but one man's; the wedding ring she always wore at her neck。  〃Why; I COULDN'T fall in love with HIM。〃
  〃The woman who gets him will do mighty well for herselfin every way;〃 said Olivia。
  〃Indeed she will。  ButI'd as soon think of falling in love with a tree or a mountain。〃
  She liked her phrase; it seemed to her exactly to define her feeling for Scarborough。  She liked it so well that she repeated it to herself reassuringly many times in the next few weeks。
  VII。
  PAULINE AWAKENS。
  In the last week of March came a succession of warm rains。  The leaves burst from their impatient hiding just within the cracks in the gray bark。  And on Monday the unclouded sun was irradiating a pale green world from a pale blue sky。  The four windows of Pauline and Olivia's sitting…room were up; a warm; scented wind was blowing this way and that the strays of Pauline's red…brown hair as she sat at the table; her eyes on a book; her thoughts on a letterDumont's first letter on landing in America。  A knock; and she frowned slightly。
  〃Come!〃 she cried; her expression slowly veering toward welcome。
  The door swung back and in came Scarborough。  Not the awkward youth of last October; but still unable wholly to conceal how much at a disadvantage he felt before the woman he particularly wished to please。
  〃YesI'm ten minutes early;〃 he said; apology in his tone for his instinct told him that he was interrupting; and he had too little vanity to see that the interruption was agreeable。  〃But I thought you'd be only reading a novel。〃
  For answer she held up the book which lay before hera solemn volume in light brown calf。
  〃Analytical geometry;〃 he said; 〃and on the first day of the finest spring the world ever saw!〃  He was at the window; looking out longinglysunshine; and soft air washed clean by the rains; the new…born leaves and buds; the pioneer birds and flowers。  〃Let's go for a walk。  We can do the Vergil to…night。〃
  〃YOUtalking of neglecting WORK!〃  Her smile seemed to him to sparkle as much in the waves of her hair as in her even white teeth and gold…brown eyes。  〃So you're human; just like the rest of us。〃
  〃Human!〃  He glanced at her and instantly glanced away。
  〃Do leave that window;〃 she begged。  〃We must get