第 15 节
作者:冬恋      更新:2021-04-30 16:59      字数:9321
  heart of the race than upon the tables of Sinai。
  But would her lover still love her; if he knew all?                She had read some
  of the novels in the bookcase in her mother's hall; and others at boarding…
  school。      She   had   read   that   love   was   a   conqueror;   that   neither   life   nor
  death; nor creed nor caste; could stay his triumphant course。                      Her secret
  was   no   legal   bar   to   their   union。   If   Rena   could   forget   the   secret;   and
  Tryon   should   never   know  it;   it   would   be   no   obstacle   to their   happiness。
  But Rena felt; with a sinking of the heart; that happiness was not a matter
  of law or of fact; but lay entirely within the domain of sentiment。                     We are
  happy when we think ourselves happy; and with a strange perversity we
  often     differ   from    others    with    regard    to   what    should     constitute    our
  happiness。       Rena's   secret   was   the   worm   in   the   bud;   the   skeleton   in   the
  closet。
  〃He says that he loves me。            He DOES love me。             Would he love me;
  if   he knew?〃      She  stood before   an   oval   mirror  brought   from  France   by
  one of Warwick's wife's ancestors; and regarded her image with a coldly
  critical eye。      She was   as little   vain as any of   her sex   who are   endowed
  with   beauty。     She   tried   to   place   herself;   in   thus   passing   upon   her   own
  claims to consideration; in the hostile attitude of society toward her hidden
  disability。     There was no mark upon her brow to brand her as less pure;
  less   innocent;   less   desirable;   less   worthy   to   be   loved;   than   these   proud
  women of the past who had admired themselves in this old mirror。
  〃I think a man might love me for myself;〃 she murmured pathetically;
  〃and   if   he   loved   me   truly;   that   he   would   marry   me。     If   he   would   not
  marry me; then it would be because he didn't love me。                    I'll tell George my
  secret。     If he leaves me; then he does not love me。〃
  But this resolution vanished into thin air before it was fully formulated。
  The secret was not hers alone; it involved her brother's position; to whom
  she   owed   everything;   and   in   less   degree   the   future   of   her   little   nephew;
  whom  she   had   learned   to   love   so   well。      She   had   the   choice   of   but   two
  courses of action; to marry Tryon or to dismiss him。                  The thought that she
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  might   lose   him   made   him   seem   only   more   dear;   to   think   that   he   might
  leave her made her sick at heart。          In one week she was bound to give him
  an answer; he was more likely to ask for it at their next meeting。
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  IX
  DOUBTS AND FEARS
  Rena's   heart   was   too   heavy   with   these   misgivings   for   her   to   keep
  them   to   herself。    On   the   morning   after   the   conversation   with   Tryon   in
  which she had promised him an answer within a week; she went into her
  brother's   study;   where   he   usually   spent   an   hour   after   breakfast   before
  going to his office。       He looked up amiably from the book before him and
  read trouble in her face。
  〃Well;   Rena;   dear;〃   he   asked   with   a   smile;   〃what's   the   matter?    Is
  there    anything     you    wantmoney;       or  what?      I   should    like   to  have
  Aladdin's lampthough I'd hardly need it that you might have no wish
  unsatisfied。〃
  He had found her very backward in asking for things that she needed。
  Generous   with   his   means;   he   thought   nothing   too   good   for   her。       Her
  success had gratified his pride; and justified his course in taking her under
  his protection。
  〃Thank   you;   John。      You   give   me   already   more   than   I   need。     It   is
  something else; John。          George wants me to say when I will marry him。
  I   am   afraid   to   marry   him;   without   telling   him。   If   he   should   find   out
  afterwards; he might cast me off; or cease to love me。                If he did not know
  it; I should be forever thinking of what he would do if he SHOULD find it
  out; or; if I should die without his having learned it; I should not rest easy
  in my grave for thinking of what he would have done if he HAD found it
  out。〃
  Warwick's   smile   gave   place   to   a   grave   expression   at   this   somewhat
  comprehensive   statement。          He   rose   and   closed   the   door   carefully;   lest
  some      one   of   the   servants    might    overhear     the   conversation。      More
  liberally endowed than Rena with imagination; and not without a vein of
  sentiment; he had nevertheless a practical side that outweighed them both。
  With   him;   the   problem   that   oppressed   his   sister   had   been   in   the   main   a
  matter     of  argument;     of  self…conviction。      Once     persuaded     that   he  had
  certain rights; or ought to have them; by virtue of the laws of nature; in
  defiance   of   the   customs   of   mankind;   he   had   promptly   sought   to   enjoy
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  them。     This he had been able to do by simply concealing his antecedents
  and making the most of his opportunities; with no troublesome qualms of
  conscience       whatever。     But     he   had   already    perceived;     in  their   brief
  intercourse;     that   Rena's   emotions;     while    less  easily   stirred;  touched     a
  deeper note than his; and dwelt upon it with greater intensity than if they
  had   been   spread   over   the   larger   field   to   which   a   more   ready   sympathy
  would have supplied so many points of access;hers was a deep and silent
  current flowing between the narrow walls of a self… contained life; his the
  spreading      river   that   ran   through     a   pleasant    landscape。      Warwick's
  imagination; however; enabled him to put himself in touch with her mood
  and   recognize  its bearings   upon her  conduct。           He  would   have   preferred
  her   taking   the   practical   point   of   view;   to   bring   her   round   to   which   he
  perceived would be a matter of diplomacy。
  〃How   long   have   these   weighty   thoughts   been   troubling   your   small
  head?〃 he asked with assumed lightness。
  〃Since he asked me last night to name our wedding day。〃
  〃My  dear  child;〃   continued Warwick;  〃you   take   too   tragic   a  view   of
  life。   Marriage      is  a  reciprocal    arrangement;      by  which     the  contracting
  parties give love for love; care for keeping; faith for faith。               It is a matter
  of the future; not of the past。          What a poor soul it is that has not some
  secret chamber; sacred to itself; where one can file away the things others
  have no right to know; as well as things that one himself would fain forget!
  We are under no moral obligation to inflict upon others the history of our
  past mistakes; our wayward thoughts; our secret sins; our desperate hopes;
  or   our   heartbreaking   disappointments。         Still   less   are   we   bound   to   bring
  out from this secret chamber the dusty record of our ancestry。
  ‘Let the dead past bury its dead。'
  George Tryon loves you for yourself alone; it is not your ancestors that
  he seeks to marry。〃
  〃But would he marry me if he knew?〃 she persisted。
  Warwick paused for reflection。           He would have preferred to argue the
  question in a general way; but felt the necessity of satisfying her scruples;
  as far as might be。        He had liked Tryon from the very beginning of their
  acquaintance。       In   all   their   intercourse;   which   had   been   very   close   for
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  several months; he had been impressed by the young man's sunny temper;
  his   straightforwardness;      his  intellectual   honesty。    Tryon's     deference    to
  Warwick       as  the   elder   man    had   very   naturally    proved    an   attraction。
  Whether this friendship would have stood the test of utter frankness about
  his own past was a merely academic speculation with which Warwick did
  not trouble himself。       With his sister the question had evidently become a
  matter of conscience; a difficult