第 5 节
作者:
一米八 更新:2021-04-30 16:59 字数:9322
had searched the very soul in me with her eyes during that instantshe led me in; and dropped the shadowing hood of her gray; draping cloak; which had previously hid part of the character of her countenance。 The cottage was rude and bare enough。 But before the picture of the Virgin; of which I have made mention; there stood a little cup filled with fresh primroses。 While she paid her reverence to the Madonna; I understood why she had been out seeking through the clumps of green in the sheltered copse。 Then she turned round; and bade me be seated。 The expression of her face; which all this time I was studying; was not bad; as the stories of my last night's landlord had led me to expect; it was a wild; stern; fierce; indomitable countenance; seamed and scarred by agonies of solitary weeping; but it was neither cunning nor malignant。
〃My name is Bridget Fitzgerald;〃 said she; by way of opening our conversation。
〃And your husband was Hugh Fitzgerald; of Knock Mahon; near Kildoon; in Ireland?〃
A faint light came into the dark gloom of her eyes。
〃He was。〃
〃May I ask if you had any children by him?〃
The light in her eyes grew quick and red。 She tried to speak; I could see; but something rose in her throat; and choked her; and until she could speak calmly; she would fain not speak at all before a stranger。 In a minute or so she said〃I had a daughterone Mary Fitzgerald;〃then her strong nature mastered her strong will; and she cried out; with a trembling wailing cry: 〃Oh; man! what of her?… …what of her?〃
She rose from her seat; and came and clutched at my arm; and looked in my eyes。 There she read; as I suppose; my utter ignorance of what had become of her child; for she went blindly back to her chair; and sat rocking herself and softly moaning; as if I were not there; I not daring to speak to the lone and awful woman。 After a little pause; she knelt down before the picture of Our Lady of the Holy Heart; and spoke to her by all the fanciful and poetic names of the Litany。
〃O Rose of Sharon! O Tower of David! O Star of the Sea! have ye no comfort for my sore heart? Am I for ever to hope? Grant me at least despair!〃and so on she went; heedless of my presence。 Her prayers grew wilder and wilder; till they seemed to me to touch on the borders of madness and blasphemy。 Almost involuntarily; I spoke as if to stop her。
〃Have you any reason to think that your daughter is dead?
She rose from her knees; and came and stood before me。
〃Mary Fitzgerald is dead;〃 said she。 〃I shall never see her again in the flesh。 No tongue ever told me; but I know she is dead。 I have yearned so to see her; and my heart's will is fearful and strong: it would have drawn her to me before now; if she had been a wanderer on the other side of the world。 I wonder often it has not drawn her out of the grave to come and stand before me; and hear me tell her how I loved her。 For; sir; we parted unfriends。〃
I knew nothing but the dry particulars needed for my lawyer's quest; but I could not help feeling for the desolate woman; and she must have read the unusual sympathy with her wistful eyes。
〃Yes; sir; we did。 She never knew how I loved her; and we parted unfriends; and I fear me that I wished her voyage might not turn out well; only meaning;O; blessed Virgin! you know I only meant that she should come home to her mother's arms as to the happiest place on earth; but my wishes are terribletheir power goes beyond my thoughtand there is no hope for me; if my words brought Mary harm。〃
〃But;〃 I said; 〃you do not know that she is dead。 Even now; you hoped she might be alive。 Listen to me;〃 and I told her the tale I have already told you; giving it all in the driest manner; for I wanted to recall the clear sense that I felt almost sure she had possessed in her younger days; and by keeping up her attention to details; restrain the vague wildness of her grief。
She listened with deep attention; putting from time to time such questions as convinced me I had to do with no common intelligence; however dimmed and shorn by solitude and mysterious sorrow。 Then she took up her tale; and in few brief words; told me of her wanderings abroad in vain search after her daughter; sometimes in the wake of armies; sometimes in camp; sometimes in city。 The lady; whose waiting…woman Mary had gone to be; had died soon after the date of her last letter home; her husband; the foreign officer; had been serving in Hungary; whither Bridget had followed him; but too late to find him。 Vague rumours reached her that Mary had made a great marriage: and this sting of doubt was added;whether the mother might not be close to her child under her new name; and even hearing of her every day; and yet never recognizing the lost one under the appellation she then bore。 At length the thought took possession of her; that it was possible that all this time Mary might be at home at Coldholme; in the Trough of Bolland; in Lancashire; in England; and home came Bridget; in that vain hope; to her desolate hearth; and empty cottage。 Here she had thought it safest to remain; if Mary was in life; it was here she would seek for her mother。
I noted down one or two particulars out of Bridget's narrative that I thought might be of use to me: for I was stimulated to further search in a strange and extraordinary manner。 It seemed as if it were impressed upon me; that I must take up the quest where Bridget had laid it down; and this for no reason that had previously influenced me (such as my uncle's anxiety on the subject; my own reputation as a lawyer; and so on); but from some strange power which had taken possession of my will only that very morning; and which forced it in the direction it chose。
〃I will go;〃 said I。 〃I will spare nothing in the search。 Trust to me。 I will learn all that can be learnt。 You shall know all that money; or pains; or wit can discover。 It is true she may be long dead: but she may have left a child。〃
〃A child!〃 she cried; as if for the first time this idea had struck her mind。 〃Hear him; Blessed Virgin! he says she may have left a child。 And you have never told me; though I have prayed so for a sign; waking or sleeping!〃
〃Nay;〃 said I; 〃I know nothing but what you tell me。 You say you heard of her marriage。〃
But she caught nothing of what I said。 She was praying to the Virgin in a kind of ecstasy; which seemed to render her unconscious of my very presence。
From Coldholme I went to Sir Philip Tempest's。 The wife of the foreign officer had been a cousin of his father's; and from him I thought I might gain some particulars as to the existence of the Count de la Tour d'Auvergne; and where I could find him; for I knew questions de vive voix aid the flagging recollection; and I was determined to lose no chance for want of trouble。 But Sir Philip had gone abroad; and it would be some time before I could receive an answer。 So I followed my uncle's advice; to whom I had mentioned how wearied I felt; both in body and mind; by my will…o'…the…wisp search。 He immediately told me to go to Harrogate; there to await Sir Philip's reply。 I should be near to one of the places connected with my search; Coldholme; not far from Sir Philip Tempest; in case he returned; and I wished to ask him any further questions; and; in conclusion; my uncle bade me try to forget all about my business for a time。
This was far easier said than done。 I have seen a child on a common blown along by a high wind; without power of standing still and resisting the tempestuous force。 I was somewhat in the same predicament as regarded my mental state。 Something resistless seemed to urge my thoughts on; through every possible course by which there was a chance of attaining to my object。 I did not see the sweeping moors when I walked out: when I held a book in my hand; and read the words; their sense did not penetrate to my brain。 If I slept; I went on with the same ideas; always flowing in the same direction。 This could not last long without having a bad effect on the body。 I had an illness; which; although I was racked with pain; was a positive relief to me; as it compelled me to live in the present suffering; and not in the visionary researches I had been continually making before。 My kind uncle came to nurse me; and after the immediate danger was over; my life seemed to slip away in delicious languor for two or three months。 I did not askso much did I dread falling into the old channel of thoughtwhether any reply had been received to my letter to Sir Philip。 I turned my whole imagination right away from all that subject。 My uncle remained with me until nigh midsummer; and then returned to his business in London; leaving me perfectly well; although not completely strong。 I was to follow him in a fortnight; when; as he said; 〃we would look over letters; and talk about several things。〃 I knew what this little speech alluded to; and shrank from the train of thought it suggested; which was so intimately connected with my first feelings of illness。 However; I had a fortnight more to roam on those invigorating Yorkshire moors。
In those days; there was one large; rambling inn; at Harrogate; close to the Medicinal Spring; but it was already becomi