第 30 节
作者:管他三七二十一      更新:2021-04-30 16:21      字数:9321
  appearances have been given  I beg pardon  will be given  by
  the learned of future ages; to the Ashimah of the Syrians。 Put on
  your spectacles; and tell me what it is。 What is it?
  〃Bless me! it is an ape!〃
  True  a baboon; but by no means the less a deity。 His name is a
  derivation of the Greek Simia  what great fools are antiquarians!
  But see!  see!  yonder scampers a ragged little urchin。 Where is
  he going? What is he bawling about? What does he say? Oh! he says the
  king is coming in triumph; that he is dressed in state; that he has
  just finished putting to death; with his own hand; a thousand chained
  Israelitish prisoners! For this exploit the ragamuffin is lauding him
  to the skies。 Hark! here comes a troop of a similar description。 They
  have made a Latin hymn upon the valor of the king; and are singing it
  as they go:
  Mille; mille; mille;
  Mille; mille; mille;
  Decollavimus; unus homo!
  Mille; mille; mille; mille; decollavimus!
  Mille; mille; mille;
  Vivat qui mille mille occidit!
  Tantum vini habet nemo
  Quantum sanguinis effudit!{*1}
  Which may be thus paraphrased:
  A thousand; a thousand; a thousand;
  A thousand; a thousand; a thousand;
  We; with one warrior; have slain!
  A thousand; a thousand; a thousand; a thousand。
  Sing a thousand over again!
  Soho!  let us sing
  Long life to our king;
  Who knocked over a thousand so fine!
  Soho!  let us roar;
  He has given us more
  Red gallons of gore
  Than all Syria can furnish of wine!
  〃Do you hear that flourish of trumpets?〃
  Yes: the king is coming! See! the people are aghast with admiration;
  and lift up their eyes to the heavens in reverence。 He comes;  he
  is coming;  there he is!
  〃Who?  where?  the king?  do not behold him  cannot say that
  I perceive him。〃
  Then you must be blind。
  〃Very possible。 Still I see nothing but a tumultuous mob of idiots
  and madmen; who are busy in prostrating themselves before a gigantic
  cameleopard; and endeavoring to obtain a kiss of the animal's hoofs。
  See! the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over  and
  another  and another  and another。 Indeed; I cannot help admiring
  the animal for the excellent use he is making of his feet。〃
  Rabble; indeed!  why these are the noble and free citizens of
  Epidaphne! Beasts; did you say?  take care that you are not
  overheard。 Do you not perceive that the animal has the visage of a
  man? Why; my dear sir; that cameleopard is no other than Antiochus
  Epiphanes; Antiochus the Illustrious; King of Syria; and the most
  potent of all the autocrats of the East! It is true; that he is
  entitled; at times; Antiochus Epimanes  Antiochus the madman  but
  that is because all people have not the capacity to appreciate his
  merits。 It is also certain that he is at present ensconced in the
  hide of a beast; and is doing his best to play the part of a
  cameleopard; but this is done for the better sustaining his dignity
  as king。 Besides; the monarch is of gigantic stature; and the dress
  is therefore neither unbecoming nor over large。 We may; however;
  presume he would not have adopted it but for some occasion of
  especial state。 Such; you will allow; is the massacre of a thousand
  Jews。 With how superior a dignity the monarch perambulates on all
  fours! His tail; you perceive; is held aloft by his two principal
  concubines; Elline and Argelais; and his whole appearance would be
  infinitely prepossessing; were it not for the protuberance of his
  eyes; which will certainly start out of his head; and the queer color
  of his face; which has become nondescript from the quantity of wine
  he has swallowed。 Let us follow him to the hippodrome; whither he is
  proceeding; and listen to the song of triumph which he is commencing:
  Who is king but Epiphanes?
  Say  do you know?
  Who is king but Epiphanes?
  Bravo!  bravo!
  There is none but Epiphanes;
  No  there is none:
  So tear down the temples;
  And put out the sun!
  Well and strenuously sung! The populace are hailing him 'Prince of
  Poets;' as well as 'Glory of the East;' 'Delight of the Universe;'
  and 'Most Remarkable of Cameleopards。' They have encored his
  effusion; and do you hear?  he is singing it over again。 When he
  arrives at the hippodrome; he will be crowned with the poetic wreath;
  in anticipation of his victory at the approaching Olympics。
  〃But; good Jupiter! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?〃
  Behind us; did you say?  oh! ah!  I perceive。 My friend; it is
  well that you spoke in time。 Let us get into a place of safety as
  soon as possible。 Here!  let us conceal ourselves in the arch of
  this aqueduct; and I will inform you presently of the origin of the
  commotion。 It has turned out as I have been anticipating。 The
  singular appearance of the cameleopard and the head of a man; has; it
  seems; given offence to the notions of propriety entertained; in
  general; by the wild animals domesticated in the city。 A mutiny has
  been the result; and; as is usual upon such occasions; all human
  efforts will be of no avail in quelling the mob。 Several of the
  Syrians have already been devoured; but the general voice of the
  four…footed patriots seems to be for eating up the cameleopard。 'The
  Prince of Poets;' therefore; is upon his hinder legs; running for his
  life。 His courtiers have left him in the lurch; and his concubines
  have followed so excellent an example。 'Delight of the Universe;'
  thou art in a sad predicament! 'Glory of the East;' thou art in
  danger of mastication! Therefore never regard so piteously thy tail;
  it will undoubtedly be draggled in the mud; and for this there is no
  help。 Look not behind thee; then; at its unavoidable degradation; but
  take courage; ply thy legs with vigor; and scud for the hippodrome!
  Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes。 Antiochus the
  Illustrious!  also 'Prince of Poets;' 'Glory of the East;' 'Delight
  of the Universe;' and 'Most Remarkable of Cameleopards!' Heavens!
  what a power of speed thou art displaying! What a capacity for
  leg…bail thou art developing! Run; Prince!  Bravo; Epiphanes! Well
  done; Cameleopard!  Glorious Antiochus!  He runs!  he leaps!
  he flies! Like an arrow from a catapult he approaches the hippodrome!
  He leaps!  he shrieks!  he is there! This is well; for hadst
  thou; 'Glory of the East;' been half a second longer in reaching the
  gates of the Amphitheatre; there is not a bear's cub in Epidaphne
  that would not have had a nibble at thy carcase。 Let us be off  let
  us take our departure!  for we shall find our delicate modern ears
  unable to endure the vast uproar which is about to commence in
  celebration of the king's escape! Listen! it has already commenced。
  See!  the whole town is topsy…turvy。
  〃Surely this is the most populous city of the East! What a wilderness
  of people! what a jumble of all ranks and ages! what a multiplicity
  of sects and nations! what a variety of costumes! what a Babel of
  languages! what a screaming of beasts! what a tinkling of
  instruments! what a parcel of philosophers!〃
  Come let us be off。
  〃Stay a moment! I see a vast hubbub in the hippodrome; what is the
  meaning of it; I beseech you?〃
  That?  oh; nothing! The noble and free citizens of Epidaphne being;
  as they declare; well satisfied of the faith; valor; wisdom; and
  divinity of their king; and having; moreover; been eye…witnesses of
  his late superhuman agility; do think it no more than their duty to
  invest his brows (in addition to the poetic crown) with the wreath of
  victory in the footrace  a wreath which it is evident he must
  obtain at the celebration of the next Olympiad; and which; therefore;
  they now give him in advance。
  ~~~ End of Text ~~~
  Footnotes   Four Beasts
  {*1} Flavius Vospicus says; that the hymn here introduced was sung by
  the rabble upon the occasion of Aurelian; in the Sarmatic war; having
  slain; with his own hand; nine hundred and fifty of the enemy。
  THE MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE
  What song the Syrens sang; or what name Achilles assumed when he hid
  himself among women; although puzzling questions; are not beyond
  _all_ conjecture。
  _Sir Thomas Browne。_
  The mental features discoursed of as the analytical; are; in
  themselves; but little susceptible of analysis。 We appreciate them
  only in their effects。 We know of them; among other things; that they
  are always to their possessor; when inordinately possessed; a source
  of the liveliest enjoyment。 As the strong man exults in his physical
  ability; delighting in such exercises as call his muscles into
  action; so glories the analyst in that moral activity which
  _disentangles。_ He derives pleasure from even the most trivial
  occupations bringing his talent into play。 He is fond of enigmas; of
  conundrums; of hieroglyphics; exhibiting in his solutions of each a
  degree of _acumen_ which appears to the ordinary apprehension
  pr鎡ernatural。 His results; brought about by the very soul and
  essence of method; have; in truth; the whole air of intuition。
  The faculty of re…solution is possibly much invigorated by
  mathematical study; and espe