still　at　school；　and　my　elder　brother　a　first…year　student。　　I
  had　not　yet　known　women　but；　like　all　the　unfortunate　children　of
  our　society；　I　was　already　no　longer　innocent。　　I　was　tortured；
  as　you　were；　I　am　sure；　and　as　are　tortured　ninety…nine
  one…hundredths　of　our　boys。　　I　lived　in　a　frightful　dread；　I
  prayed　to　God；　and　I　prostrated　myself。
  〃I　was　already　perverted　in　imagination；　but　the　last　steps
  remained　to　be　taken。　　I　could　still　escape；　when　a　friend　of　my
  brother；　a　very　gay　student；　one　of　those　who　are　called　good
  fellows；that　is；　the　greatest　of　scamps；and　who　had　taught　us
  to　drink　and　play　cards；　took　advantage　of　a　night　of
  intoxication　to　drag　us　THERE。　　We　started。　　My　brother；　as
  innocent　as　I；　fell　that　night；　and　I；　a　mere　lad　of　sixteen；
  polluted　myself　and　helped　to　pollute　a　sister…woman；　without
  understanding　what　I　did。　　Never　had　I　heard　from　my　elders　that
  what　I　thus　did　was　bad。　　It　is　true　that　there　are　the　ten
  commandments　of　the　Bible；　but　the　commandments　are　made　only　to
  be　recited　before　the　priests　at　examinations；　and　even　then　are
  not　as　exacting　as　the　commandments　in　regard　to　the　use　of　ut　in
  conditional　propositions。
  〃Thus；　from　my　elders；　whose　opinion　I　esteemed；　I　had　never
  heard　that　this　was　reprehensible。　　On　the　contrary；　I　had　heard
  people　whom　I　respected　say　that　it　was　good。　　I　had　heard　that
  my　struggles　and　my　sufferings　would　be　appeased　after　this　act。
  I　had　heard　it　and　read　it。　　I　had　heard　from　my　elders　that　it
  was　excellent　for　the　health；　and　my　friends　have　always　seemed
  to　believe　that　it　contained　I　know　not　what　merit　and　valor。　　So
  nothing　is　seen　in　it　but　what　is　praiseworthy。　　As　for　the
  danger　of　disease；　it　is　a　foreseen　danger。　　Does　not　the
  government　guard　against　it？　　And　even　science　corrupts　us。〃
  〃How　so；　science？〃　I　asked。
  〃Why；　the　doctors；　the　pontiffs　of　science。　Who　pervert　young
  people　by　laying　down　such　rules　of　hygiene？　　Who　pervert　women
  by　devising　and　teaching　them　ways　by　which　not　to　have　children？
  〃Yes：　if　only　a　hundredth　of　the　efforts　spent　in　curing　diseases
  were　spent　in　curing　debauchery；　disease　would　long　ago　have
  ceased　to　exist；　whereas　now　all　efforts　are　employed；　not　in
  extirpating　debauchery；　but　in　favoring　it；　by　assuring　the
  harmlessness　of　the　consequences。　Besides；　it　is　not　a　question
  of　that。　　It　is　a　question　of　this　frightful　thing　that　has
  happened　to　me；　as　it　happens　to　nine…tenths；　if　not　more；　not
  only　of　the　men　of　our　society；　but　of　all　societies；　even
  peasants；this　frightful　thing　that　I　had　fallen；　and　not
  because　I　was　subjected　to　the　natural　seduction　of　a　certain
  woman。　　No；　no　woman　seduced　me。　　I　fell　because　the　surroundings
  in　which　I　found　myself　saw　in　this　degrading　thing　only　a
  legitimate　function；　useful　to　the　health；　because　others　saw　in
  it　simply　a　natural　amusement；　not　only　excusable；　but　even
  innocent　in　a　young　man。　I　did　not　understand　that　it　was　a　fall；
  and　I　began　to　give　myself　to　those　pleasures　（partly　from　desire
  and　partly　from　necessity）　which　I　was　led　to　believe　were
  characteristic　of　my　age；　just　as　I　had　begun　to　drink　and　smoke。
  〃And　yet　there　was　in　this　first　fall　something　peculiar　and
  touching。　　I　remember　that　straightway　I　was　filled　with　such　a
  profound　sadness　that　I　had　a　desire　to　weep；　to　weep　over　the
  loss　forever　of　my　relations　with　woman。　　Yes；　my　relations　with
  woman　were　lost　forever。　　Pure　relations　with　women；　from　that
  time　forward；　I　could　no　longer　have。　　I　had　become　what　is
  called　a　voluptuary；　and　to　be　a　voluptuary　is　a　physical
  condition　like　the　condition　of　a　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；
  of　a　drunkard；　and　of　a　smoker。
  〃Just　as　the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit；　the　drunkard；　the
  smoker；　is　no　longer　a　normal　man；　so　the　man　who　has　known
  several　women　for　his　pleasure　is　no　longer　normal？　　He　is
  abnormal　forever。　　He　is　a　voluptuary。　　Just　as　the　drunkard　and
  the　victim　of　the　morphine　habit　may　be　recognized　by　their　face
  and　manner；　so　we　may　recognize　a　voluptuary。　　He　may　repress
  himself　and　struggle；　but　nevermore　will　he　enjoy　simple；　pure；
  and　fraternal　relations　toward　woman。　　By　his　way　of　glancing　at
  a　young　woman　one　may　at　once　recognize　a　voluptuary；　and　I
  became　a　voluptuary；　and　I　have　remained　one。
  CHAPTER　VI。
  〃Yes；　so　it　is；　and　that　went　farther　and　farther　with　all　sorts
  of　variations。　　My　God！　when　I　remember　all　my　cowardly　acts　and
  bad　deeds；　I　am　frightened。　　And　I　remember　that　'me'　who；　during
  that　period；　was　still　the　butt　of　his　comrades'　ridicule　on
  account　of　his　innocence。
  〃And　when　I　hear　people　talk　of　the　gilded　youth；　of　the
  officers；　of　the　Parisians；　and　all　these　gentlemen；　and　myself；
  living　wild　lives　at　the　age　of　thirty；　and　who　have　on　our
  consciences　hundreds　of　crimes　toward　women；　terrible　and　varied；
  when　we　enter　a　parlor　or　a　ball…room；　washed；　shaven；　and
  perfumed；　with　very　white　linen；　in　dress　coats　or　in　uniform；　as
  emblems　of　purity；　oh；　the　disgust！　　There　will　surely　come　a
  time；　an　epoch；　when　all　these　lives　and　all　this　cowardice　will
  be　unveiled！
  〃So；　nevertheless；　I　lived；　until　the　age　of　thirty；　without
  abandoning　for　a　minute　my　intention　of　marrying；　and　building　an
  elevated　conjugal　life；　and　with　this　in　view　I　watched　all　young
  girls　who　might　suit　me。　　I　was　buried　in　rottenness；　and　at　the
  same　time　I　looked　for　virgins；　whose　purity　was　worthy　of　me！
  Many　of　them　were　rejected：　they　did　not　seem　to　me　pure　enough！
  〃Finally　I　found　one　that　I　considered　on　a　level　with　myself。
  She　was　one　of　two　daughters　of　a　landed　proprietor　of　Penza；
  formerly　very　rich　and　since　ruined。　　To　tell　the　truth；　without
  false　modesty；　they　pursued　me　and　finally　captured　me。　　The
  mother　（the　father　was　away）　laid　all　sorts　of　traps；　and　one　of
  these；　a　trip　in　a　boat；　decided　my　future。
  〃I　made　up　my　mind　at　the　end　of　the　aforesaid　trip　one　night；　by
  moonlight；　on　our　way　home；　while　I　was　sitting　beside　her。　　I
  admired　her　slender　body；　whose　charming　shape　was　moulded　by　a
  jersey；　and　her　curling　hair；　and　I　suddenly　concluded　that　THIS
  WAS　SHE。　　It　seemed　to　me　on　that　beautiful　evening　that　she
  understood　all　that　I　thought　and　felt；　and　I　thought　and　felt
  the　most　elevating　things。
  〃Really；　it　was　only　the　jersey　that　was　so　becoming　to　her；　and
  her　curly　hair；　and　also　the　fact　that　I　had　spent　the　day　beside
  her；　and　that　I　desired　a　more　intimate　relation。
  〃I　returned　home　enthusiastic；　and　I　persuaded　myself　that　she
  realized　the　highest　perfection；　and　that　for　that　reason　she　was
  worthy　to　be　my　wife；　and　the　next　day　I　made　to　her　a　proposal
  of　marriage。
  〃No；　say　what　you　will；　we　live　in　such　an　abyss　of　falsehood；
  that；　unless　some　event　strikes　us　a　blow　on　the　head；　as　in　my
  case；　we　cannot　awaken。　　What　confusion！　　Out　of　the　thousands　of
  men　who　marry；　not　only　among　us；　but　also　among　the　people；
  scarcely　will　you　find　a　single　one　who　has　not　previously
  married　at　least　ten　times。　　（It　is　true　that　there　now　exist；　at
  least　so　I　have　heard；　pure　young　people　who　feel　and　know　that
  this　is　not　a　joke；　but　a　serious　matter。　　May　God　come　to　their
  aid！　　But　in　my　time　there　was　not　to　be　found　one　such　in　a
  thousand。）
  〃And　all　know　it；　and　pretend　not　to　know　it。　　In　all　the　novels
  are　described　down　to　the　smallest　details　the　feelings　of　the
  characters；　the　lakes　and　brambles　around　which　they　walk；　but；
  when　it　comes　to　describing　their　GREAT　love；　not　a　word　is
  breathed　of　what　HE；　the　interesting　character；　has　previously
  done；　not　a　word　about　his　frequenting　of　disreputable　houses；　or
  his　association　with　nursery…maids；　cooks；　and　the　wives　of
  others。
  〃And　if　anything　is　said　of　these　things；　such　IMPROPER　novels
  are　not　allowed　in　the　hands　of　young　girls。　　All　men　have　the
  air　of　believing；　in　presence　of　maidens；　that　these　corrupt
  pleasures；　in　which　EVERYBODY　takes　part；　do　not　exist；　or　exist
  only　to　a　very　small　extent。　　They　pretend　it　so　carefully　that
  they　succeed　in　convincing　themselves　of　it。　　As　for　the　poor
  young　girls；　they　believe　it　quite　seriously；　just　as　my　poor
  wife　believed　it。
  〃I　remember　that；　being　already　engaged；　I　showed　her　my
  'memoirs；'　from　which　she　could　learn　more　or　less　of　my　past；
  and　especially　my　last　liaison　which　she　might　perhaps　have
  discovered　through　the　gossip　of　some　third　party。　　It　was　for
  this　last　reason；　for　that　matter；　that　I　felt　the　necessity　of
  communicating　these　memoirs　to　her。　　I　can　still　see　her　fright；
  her　despair；　her　bewilderment；　when　she　had　learned　and
  understood　it。　　She　was　on　the　point　of　breaking　the　engagement。
  What　a　lucky　thing　it　would　have　been　for　both　of　us！〃
  Posdnicheff　was　silent　for　a　moment；　and　then　resumed：
  〃After　all；　no！　　It　is　better　that　things　happe