were　one。　〃How　did　I　never　come　to　understand　that　before？〃　I
  cried　to　myself。　〃How　did　I　ever　manage　to　be　so　wicked？　Oh；　but
  how　good；　how　happy；　I　could　benay；　I　WILL　bein　the　future！
  At　once；　at　onceyes；　this　very　minuteI　will　become　another
  being；　and　begin　to　live　differently！〃　For　all　that；　I　continued
  sitting　on　the　window…sill；　continued　merely　dreaming；　and　doing
  nothing。　Have　you　ever；　on　a　summer's　day；　gone　to　bed　in　dull；
  rainy　weather；　and；　waking　just　at　sunset；　opened　your　eyes　and
  seen　through　the　square　space　of　the　windowthe　space　where　the
  linen　blind　is　blowing　up　and　down；　and　beating　its　rod　upon　the
  window…sillthe　rain…soaked；　shadowy；　purple　vista　of　an　avenue
  of　lime…trees；　with　a　damp　garden　path　lit　up　by　the　clear；
  slanting　beams　of　the　sun；　and　then　suddenly　heard　the　joyous
  sounds　of　bird　life　in　the　garden；　and　seen　insects　flying　to　and
  fro　at　the　open　window；　and　glittering　in　the　sunlight；　and　smelt
  the　fragrance　of　the　rain…washed　air；　and　thought　to　yourself；
  〃Am　I　not　ashamed　to　be　lying　in　bed　on　such　an　evening　as　this？〃
  and；　leaping　joyously　to　your　feet；　gone　out　into　the　garden　and
  revelled　in　all　that　welter　of　life？　If　you　have；　then　you　can
  imagine　for　yourself　the　overpowering　sensation　which　was　then
  possessing　me。
  III
  DREAMS
  〃To…day　I　will　make　my　confession　and　purge　myself　of　every　sin；〃
  I　thought　to　myself。　〃Nor　will　I　ever　commit　another　one。〃　At
  this　point　I　recalled　all　the　peccadilloes　which　most　troubled　my
  conscience。　〃I　will　go　to　church　regularly　every　Sunday；　as　well
  as　read　the　Gospel　at　the　close　of　every　hour　throughout　the　day。
  What　is　more；　I　will　set　aside；　out　of　the　cheque　which　I　shall
  receive　each　month　after　I　have　gone　to　the　University；　two…and…
  a…half　roubles〃　（a　tenth　of　my　monthly　allowance）　〃for　people　who
  are　poor　but　not　exactly　beggars；　yet　without　letting　any　one
  know　anything　about　it。　Yes；　I　will　begin　to　look　out　for　people
  like　thatorphans　or　old　womenat　once；　yet　never　tell　a　soul
  what　I　am　doing　for　them。
  〃Also；　I　will　have　a　room　here　of　my　very　own　（St。　Jerome's；
  probably）；　and　look　after　it　myself；　and　keep　it　perfectly　clean。
  I　will　never　let　any　one　do　anything　for　me；　for　every　one　is
  just　a　human　being　like　myself。　Likewise　I　will　walk　every　day；
  not　drive；　to　the　University。　Even　if　some　one　gives　me　a　drozhki
  ＇Russian　phaeton。＇　I　will　sell　it；　and　devote　the　money　to　the
  poor。　Everything　I　will　do　exactly　and　always〃　（what　that
  〃always〃　meant　I　could　not　possibly　have　said；　but　at　least　I　had
  a　vivid　consciousness　of　its　connoting　some　kind　of　prudent；
  moral；　and　irreproachable　life）。　〃I　will　get　up　all　my　lectures
  thoroughly；　and　go　over　all　the　subjects　beforehand；　so　that　at
  the　end　of　my　first　course　I　may　come　out　top　and　write　a　thesis。
  During　my　second　course　also　I　will　get　up　everything　beforehand；
  so　that　I　may　soon　be　transferred　to　the　third　course；　and　at
  eighteen　come　out　top　in　the　examinations；　and　receive　two　gold
  medals；　and　go　on　to　be　Master　of　Arts；　and　Doctor；　and　the　first
  scholar　in　Europe。　Yes；　in　all　Europe　I　mean　to　be　the　first
  scholar。Well；　what　next？〃　I　asked　myself　at　this　point。
  Suddenly　it　struck　me　that　dreams　of　this　sort　were　a　form　of
  pridea　sin　which　I　should　have　to　confess　to　the　priest　that
  very　evening；　so　I　returned　to　the　original　thread　of　my
  meditations。　〃When　getting　up　my　lectures　I　will　go　to　the
  Vorobievi　Gori；　＇Sparrow　Hillsa　public　park　near　Moscow。＇　and
  choose　some　spot　under　a　tree；　and　read　my　lectures　over　there。
  Sometimes　I　will　take　with　me　something　to　eatcheese　or　a　pie
  from　Pedotti's；　or　something　of　the　kind。　After　that　I　will　sleep
  a　little；　and　then　read　some　good　book　or　other；　or　else　draw
  pictures　or　play　on　some　instrument　（certainly　I　must　learn　to
  play　the　flute）。　Perhaps　SHE　too　will　be　walking　on　the　Vorobievi
  Gori；　and　will　approach　me　one　day　and　say；　'Who　are　you？'　and　I
  shall　look　at　her；　oh；　so　sadly；　and　say　that　I　am　the　son　of　a
  priest；　and　that　I　am　happy　only　when　I　am　there　alone；　quite
  alone。　Then　she　will　give　me　her　hand；　and　say　something　to　me；
  and　sit　down　beside　me。　So　every　day　we　shall　go　to　the　same
  spot；　and　be　friends　together；　and　I　shall　kiss　her。　But　no！　That
  would　not　be　right！　On　the　contrary；　from　this　day　forward　I
  never　mean　to　look　at　a　woman　again。　Never；　never　again　do　I　mean
  to　walk　with　a　girl；　nor　even　to　go　near　one　if　I　can　help　it。
  Yet；　of　course；　in　three　years'　time；　when　I　have　come　of　age；　I
  shall　marry。　Also；　I　mean　to　take　as　much　exercise　as　ever　I　can；
  and　to　do　gymnastics　every　day；　so　that；　when　I　have　turned
  twenty…five；　I　shall　be　stronger　even　than　Rappo。　On　my　first
  day's　training　I　mean　to　hold　out　half　a　pood　＇The　Pood　=　40
  Russian　pounds。＇　at　arm's　length　for　five　minutes；　and　the　next
  day　twenty…one　pounds；　and　the　third　day　twenty…two　pounds；　and
  so　on；　until　at　last　I　can　hold　out　four　poods　in　each　hand；　and
  be　stronger　even　than　a　porter。　Then；　if　ever　any　one　should　try
  to　insult　me　or　should　begin　to　speak　disrespectfully　of　HER；　I
  shall　take　him　so；　by　the　front　of　his　coat；　and　lift　him　up　an
  arshin　＇The　arshin　=　2　feet　3　inches。＇　or　two　with　one　hand；　and
  just　hold　him　there；　so　that　he　may　feel　my　strength　and　cease
  from　his　conduct。　Yet　that　too　would　not　be　right。　No；　no；　it
  would　not　matter；　I　should　not　hurt　him；　merely　show　him　that　I〃
  Let　no　one　blame　me　because　the　dreams　of　my　youth　were　as
  foolish　as　those　of　my　childhood　and　boyhood。　I　am　sure　that；
  even　if　it　be　my　fate　to　live　to　extreme　old　age　and　to　continue
  my　story　with　the　years；　I；　an　old　man　of　seventy；　shall　be　found
  dreaming　dreams　just　as　impossible　and　childish　as　those　I　am
  dreaming　now。　I　shall　be　dreaming　of　some　lovely　Maria　who　loves
  me；　the　toothless　old　man；　as　she　might　love　a　Mazeppa；　of　some
  imbecile　son　who；　through　some　extraordinary　chance；　has　suddenly
  become　a　minister　of　state；　of　my　suddenly　receiving　a　windfall
  of　a　million　of　roubles。　I　am　sure　that　there　exists　no　human
  being；　no　human　age；　to　whom　or　to　which　that　gracious；
  consolatory　power　of　dreaming　is　totally　a　stranger。　Yet；　save
  for　the　one　general　feature　of　magic　and　impossibility；　the
  dreams　of　each　human　being；　of　each　age　of　man；　have　their　own
  distinguishing　characteristics。　At　the　period　upon　which　I　look
  as　having　marked　the　close　of　my　boyhood　and　the　beginning　of　my
  youth；　four　leading　sentiments　formed　the　basis　of　my　dreams。　The
  first　of　those　sentiments　was　love　for　HERfor　an　imaginary
  woman　whom　I　always　pictured　the　same　in　my　dreams；　and　whom　I
  somehow　expected　to　meet　some　day　and　somewhere。　This　she　of　mine
  had　a　little　of　Sonetchka　in　her；　a　little　of　Masha　as　Masha
  could　look　when　she　stood　washing　linen　over　the　clothes…tub；　and
  a　little　of　a　certain　woman　with　pearls　round　her　fair　white　neck
  whom　I　had　once　seen　long；　long　ago　at　a　theatre；　in　a　box　below
  our　own。　My　second　sentiment　was　a　craving　for　love。　I　wanted
  every　one　to　know　me　and　to　love　me。　I　wanted　to　be　able　to　utter
  my　nameNicola　Irtenieffand　at　once　to　see　every　one
  thunderstruck　at　it；　and　come　crowding　round　me　and　thanking　me
  for　something　or　another；　I　hardly　knew　what。　My　third　sentiment
  was　the　expectation　of　some　extraordinary；　glorious　happiness
  that　was　impendingsome　happiness　so　strong　and　assured　as　to
  verge　upon　ecstasy。　Indeed；　so　firmly　persuaded　was　I　that　very；
  very　soon　some　unexpected　chance　would　suddenly　make　me　the
  richest　and　most　famous　man　in　the　world　that　I　lived　in
  constant；　tremulous　expectation　of　this　magic　good　fortune
  befalling　me。　I　was　always　thinking　to　myself　that　〃IT　is
  beginning；〃　and　that　I　should　go　on　thereafter　to　attain
  everything　that　a　man　could　wish　for。　Consequently；　I　was　for　ever
  hurrying　from　place　to　place；　in　the　belief　that　〃IT〃　must　be
  〃beginning〃　just　where　I　happened　not　to　be。　Lastly；　my　fourth
  and　principal　sentiment　of　all　was　abhorrence　of　myself；　mingled
  with　regretyet　a　regret　so　blended　with　the　certain　expectation
  of　happiness　to　which　I　have　referred　that　it　had　in　it　nothing
  of　sorrow。　It　seemed　to　me　that　it　would　be　so　easy　and　natural
  for　me　to　tear　myself　away　from　my　past　and　to　remake　itto
  forget　all　that　had　been；　and　to　begin　my　life；　with　all　its
  relations；　anewthat　the　past　never　troubled　me；　never　clung　to
  me　at　all。　I　even　found　a　certain　pleasure　in　detesting　the　past；
  and　in　seeing　it　in　a　darker　light　than　the　true　one。　This　note
  of　regret　and　of　a　curious　longing　for　perfection　were　the　chief
  mental　impressions　which　I　gathered　from　that　new　stage　of　my
  growthimpressions　which　imparted　new　principles　to　my　view　of
  myself；　of　men；　and　of　God's　world。　O　good　and　consoling　voice；
  which　in　later　days；　in　sorrowful　days　when　my　soul　yielded
  silently　to　the　sway　of　life's　falseness　and　depravity；　so　often
  raised　a　sudden；　bold　protest　against　all　in