第 90 节
作者:寻找山吹      更新:2021-02-27 02:13      字数:9321
  freshly cut silver shaving; that presently turned to gold; the white star
  above it to fire。
  Where the valleys widened we came to silent; decorous little towns and
  villages where yellow…lit windows gleaming through the trees suggested
  refuge and peace; while we were wanderers in the night。  It was Nancy's
  mood; and now; in the evening's chill; it recurred to me poignantly。  In
  one of these villages we passed a church; its doors flung open; the
  congregation was singing a familiar hymn。  I slowed down the car; I felt
  her shoulder pressing against my own; and reached out my hand and found
  hers。
  〃Are you warm enough?〃 I asked。。。。
  We spoke but little on that drive; we had learned the futility of words
  to express the greater joys and sorrows; the love that is compounded of
  these。
  It was late when we turned in between the white dates and made our way up
  the little driveway to the farmhouse。  I bade her good night on the steps
  of the porch。
  〃You do love me; don't you?〃 she whispered; clinging to me with a sudden;
  straining passion。  〃You will love me; always no matter what happens?〃
  〃Why; of course; Nancy;〃 I answered。
  〃I want to hear you say it; 'I love you; I shall love you always。'〃
  I repeated it fervently。。。。
  〃No matter what happens?〃
  〃No matter what happens。  As if I could help it; Nancy!  Why are you so
  sad to…night?〃
  〃Ah; Hugh; it makes me sadI can't tell why。  It is so great; it is so
  terrible; and yet it's so sweet and beautiful。〃
  She took my face in her hands and pressed a kiss against my forehead。。。。
  The next day was dark。  At two o'clock in the afternoon the electric
  light was still burning over my desk when the telephone rang and I heard
  Nancy's voice。
  〃Is that you; Hugh?〃
  〃Yes。〃
  〃I have to go East this afternoon。〃
  〃Why?〃 I asked。  Her agitation had communicated itself to me。  〃I thought
  you weren't going until Thursday。  What's the matter?〃
  〃I've just had a telegram;〃 she said。  〃Ham's been hurtI don't know how
  badlyhe was thrown from a polo pony this morning at Narragansett; in
  practice; and they're taking him to Boston to a private hospital。  The
  telegram's from Johnny Shephard。  I'll be at the house in town at four。〃
  Filled with forebodings I tried in vain to suppress I dropped the work I
  was doing and got up and paced the room; pausing now and again to gaze
  out of the window at the wet roofs and the grey skies。  I was aghast at
  the idea of her going to Ham now even though he were hurt badly hurt; and
  yet I tried to think it was natural; that it was fine of her to respond
  to such a call。  And she couldn't very well refuse his summons。  But it
  was not the news of her husband's accident that inspired the greater
  fear; which was quelled and soothed only to rise again when I recalled
  the note I had heard in her voice; a note eloquent of tragedyof tragedy
  she had foreseen。  At length; unable to remain where I was any longer; I
  descended to the street and walked uptown in the rain。  The Durrett house
  was closed; the blinds of its many windows drawn; but Nancy was watching
  for me and opened the door。  So used had I grown to seeing her in the
  simple linen dresses she had worn in the country; a costume associated
  with exclusive possession; that the sight of her travelling suit and hat
  renewed in me an agony of apprehension。  The unforeseen event seemed to
  have transformed her once more。  Her veil was drawn up; her face was
  pale; in her eyes were traces of tears。
  〃You're going?〃 I asked; as I took her hands。
  〃Hugh; I have to go。〃
  She led me through the dark; shrouded drawing room into the little salon
  where the windows were open on the silent city…garden。  I took her in my
  arms; she did not resist; as I half expected; but clung to me with what
  seemed desperation。
  〃I have to go; dearyou won't make it too hard for me!  It's only
  ordinary decency; and there's no one else to go to him。〃
  She drew me to the sofa; her eyes beseeching me。
  〃Listen; dear; I want you to see it as I see it。  I know that you will;
  that you do。  I should never be able to forgive myself if I stayed away
  now; Ineither of us could ever be happy about it。  You do see; don't
  you?〃 she implored。
  〃Yes;〃 I admitted agitatedly。
  Her grasp on my hand tightened。
  〃I knew you would。  But it makes me happier to hear you say it。〃
  We sat for a moment in helpless silence; gazing at one another。  Slowly
  her eyes had filled。
  〃Have you heard anything more?〃 I managed to ask。
  She drew a telegram from her bag; as though the movement were a relief。
  〃This is from the doctor in Bostonhis name is Magruder。  They have got
  Ham there; it seems。  A horse kicked him in the head; after he fell;he
  had just recovered consciousness。〃
  I took the telegram。  The wordy seemed meaningless; all save those of the
  last sentence。  〃The situation is serious; but by no means hopeless。〃
  Nancy had not spoken of that。  The ignorant cruelty of its convention!
  The man must have known what Hambleton Durrett was!  Nancy read my
  thoughts; and took the paper from my hand。
  〃Hugh; dear; if it's hard for you; try to understand that it's terrible
  for me to think that he has any claim at all。  I realize now; as I never
  did before; how wicked it was in me to marry him。  I hate him; I can't
  bear the thought of going near him。〃
  She fell into wild weeping。  I tried to comfort her; who could not
  comfort myself; I don't remember my inadequate words。  We were
  overwhelmed; obliterated by the sense of calamity。。。。  It was she who
  checked herself at last by an effort that was almost hysterical。
  〃I mustn't yield to it!〃 she said。  〃It's time to leave and the train
  goes at six。  No; you mustn't come to the station; HughI don't think I
  could stand it。  I'll send you a telegram。〃  She rose。  〃You must go now
  you must。〃
  〃You'll come back to me?〃 I demanded thickly; as I held her。
  〃Hugh; I am yours; now and always。  How can you doubt it?〃
  At last I released her; when she had begged me again。  And I found myself
  a little later walking past the familiar; empty houses of those
  streets。。。。
  The front pages of the evening newspapers announced the accident to
  Hambleton Durrett; and added that Mrs。 Durrett; who had been lingering in
  the city; had gone to her husband's bedside。  The morning papers
  contained more of biography and ancestry; but had little to add to the
  bulletin; and there was no lack of speculation at the Club and elsewhere
  as to Ham's ability to rally from such a shock。  I could not bear to
  listen to these comments: they were violently distasteful to me。  The
  unforeseen accident and Nancy's sudden departure had thrown my life
  completely out of gear: I could not attend to business; I dared not go
  away lest the news from Nancy be delayed。  I spent the hours in an
  exhausting mental state that alternated between hope and fear; a state of
  unmitigated; intense desire; of balked realization; sometimes heightening
  into that sheer terror I had felt when I had detected over the telephone
  that note in her voice that seemed of despair。  Had she had a
  presentiment; all along; that something would occur to separate us?  As I
  went back over the hours we had passed together since she had
  acknowledged her love; in spite of myself the conviction grew on me that
  she had never believed in the reality of our future。  Indeed; she had
  expressed her disbelief in words。  Had she been looking all along for a
  signa sign of wrath?  And would she accept this accident of Ham's as
  such?
  Retrospection left me trembling and almost sick。
  It was not until the second morning after her departure that I received a
  telegram giving the name of her Boston hotel; and saying that there was
  to be a consultation that day; and as soon as it had taken place she
  would write。  Such consolation as I could gather from it was derived from
  four words at the end;she missed me dreadfully。  Some tremor of pity
  for her entered into my consciousness; without mitigating greatly the
  wildness of my resentment; of my forebodings。
  I could bear no longer the city; the Club; the office; the daily contact
  with my associates and clients。  Six hours distant; near Rossiter; was a
  small resort in the mountains of which I had heard。  I telegraphed Nancy
  to address me there; notified the office; packed my bag; and waited
  impatiently for midday; when I boarded the train。  At seven I reached a
  little station where a stage was waiting to take me to Callender's Mill。
  It was not until morning that I beheld my retreat; when little wisps of
  vapour were straying over the surface of the lake; and the steep green
  slopes that rose out of the water on the western side were still in
  shadow。  The hotel; a much overgrown and altered farm…house; stood;
  surrounded by great trees; in an ancient clearing that sloped gently to
  the water's edge; where an old…fashioned; octagonal summerhouse
  overlooked a landing for rowboats。  The resort; indeed; was a survival of
  simpler times。。。。
  In spite of the thirty…odd guests; people of very moderate incomes who
  knew the place and had come here year after year; I was as much alone as
  if I had been the only sojourner。  The place was so remote; so peaceful
  in