第 9 节
作者:津夏      更新:2021-02-24 22:46      字数:9322
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  Sketches of Young Couples
  THE PLAUSIBLE COUPLE
  The plausible couple have many titles。 They are 'a delightful couple;'
  an 'affectionate couple;' 'a most agreeable couple; 'a good…hearted couple;'
  and 'the best…natured couple in existence。' The truth is; that the plausible
  couple are people of the world; and either the way of pleasing the world
  has grown much easier than it was in the days of the old man and his ass;
  or the old man was but a bad hand at it; and knew very little of the trade。
  'But   is   it   really   possible   to   please   the   world!'   says   some   doubting
  reader。 It is indeed。 Nay; it is not only very possible; but very easy。 The
  ways are crooked; and sometimes foul and low。 What then? A man need
  but   crawl   upon   his   hands   and   knees;   know   when   to   close   his   eyes   and
  when   his   ears;   when   to   stoop   and   when   to   stand   upright;   and   if   by   the
  world is meant that atom of it in which he moves himself; he shall please it;
  never fear。
  Now; it will be readily seen; that if a plausible man or woman have an
  easy   means      of   pleasing    the   world    by   an   adaptation     of   self  to  all  its
  twistings and twinings; a plausible man AND woman; or; in other words; a
  plausible   couple;   playing   into   each   other's   hands;   and   acting   in   concert;
  have a manifest advantage。 Hence it is that plausible couples scarcely ever
  fail   of   success on   a   pretty  large   scale;   and   hence   it is   that   if   the   reader;
  laying   down   this   unwieldy   volume   at   the   next   full   stop;   will   have   the
  goodness       to  review     his   or  her   circle   of   acquaintance;      and    to  search
  particularly   for   some   man   and   wife   with   a   large   connexion   and   a   good
  name; not easily referable to their abilities or their wealth; he or she (that
  is; the male or female reader) will certainly find that gentleman or lady; on
  a very short reflection; to be a plausible couple。
  The   plausible   couple   are   the   most   ecstatic   people   living:   the   most
  sensitive   people   …   to   merit   …   on   the   face   of   the   earth。   Nothing   clever   or
  virtuous escapes them。 They have microscopic eyes for such endowments;
  and   can   find   them  anywhere。   The   plausible   couple   never   fawn   …   oh   no!
  They   don't   even   scruple   to   tell   their   friends   of   their   faults。   One   is   too
  generous;   another   too   candid;   a   third   has   a   tendency  to   think   all   people
  like himself; and to regard mankind as a company of angels; a fourth is
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  kind…hearted to a fault。 'We never flatter; my dear Mrs。 Jackson;' say the
  plausible couple; 'we speak our minds。 Neither you nor Mr。 Jackson have
  faults enough。 It may sound strangely; but it is true。 You have not faults
  enough。 You know our way; … we must speak out; and always do。 Quarrel
  with us for saying so; if you will; but we repeat it; … you have not faults
  enough!'
  The plausible couple are no less plausible to each other than to third
  parties。 They are always loving and harmonious。 The plausible gentleman
  calls his wife 'darling;' and the plausible lady addresses him as 'dearest。' If
  it be Mr。 and Mrs。 Bobtail Widger; Mrs。 Widger is 'Lavinia; darling;' and
  Mr。 Widger is 'Bobtail; dearest。' Speaking of each other; they observe the
  same tender form。 Mrs。 Widger relates what 'Bobtail' said; and Mr。 Widger
  recounts what 'darling' thought and did。
  If   you   sit   next   to   the   plausible   lady   at   a   dinner…table;   she   takes   the
  earliest opportunity of expressing her belief that you are acquainted with
  the Clickits; she is sure she has heard the Clickits speak of you … she must
  not tell you in what terms; or you will take her for a flatterer。 You admit a
  knowledge of the Clickits; the plausible lady immediately launches out in
  their   praise。   She   quite   loves   the   Clickits。   Were    there   ever   such   true…
  hearted;     hospitable;    excellent    people   …  such   a  gentle;   interesting    little
  woman as Mrs。 Clickit; or such a frank; unaffected creature as Mr。 Clickit?
  were there ever two people; in short; so little spoiled by the world as they
  are?   'As   who;   darling?'   cries   Mr。   Widger;   from   the   opposite   side   of   the
  table。   'The   Clickits;   dearest;'   replies   Mrs。   Widger。   'Indeed   you   are   right;
  darling;' Mr。 Widger rejoins; 'the Clickits are a very high…minded; worthy;
  estimable couple。' Mrs。 Widger remarking that Bobtail always grows quite
  eloquent upon this subject; Mr。 Widger admits that he feels very strongly
  whenever such people as the Clickits and some other friends of his (here
  he glances at the host and hostess) are mentioned; for they are an honour
  to human nature; and do one good to think of。 'YOU know the Clickits;
  Mrs。 Jackson?' he says; addressing the lady of the house。 'No; indeed; we
  have     not  that   pleasure;'   she   replies。   'You   astonish    me!'   exclaims    Mr。
  Widger: 'not know the Clickits! why; you are the very people of all others
  who ought to be their bosom friends。 You are kindred beings; you are one
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  and   the   same   thing:…   not   know   the   Clickits!   Now   WILL   you   know   the
  Clickits? Will you make a point of knowing them? Will you meet them in
  a friendly way at our house one evening; and be acquainted with them?'
  Mrs。     Jackson     will   be   quite   delighted;     nothing     would     give   her   more
  pleasure。   'Then;   Lavinia;   my   darling;'   says   Mr。   Widger;   'mind   you   don't
  lose sight of that; now; pray take care that Mr。 and Mrs。 Jackson know the
  Clickits without loss of time。 Such people ought not to be strangers to each
  other。' Mrs。 Widger books both families as the centre of attraction for her
  next party; and Mr。 Widger; going on to expatiate upon the virtues of the
  Clickits;   adds   to   their   other   moral   qualities;   that   they   keep   one   of   the
  neatest phaetons in town; and have two thousand a year。
  As   the   plausible   couple   never   laud   the   merits   of   any   absent   person;
  without      dexterously      contriving      that   their   praises     shall   reflect   upon
  somebody who is present; so they never depreciate anything or anybody;
  without turning their depreciation to the same account。 Their friend; Mr。
  Slummery;   say   they;   is   unquestionably   a   clever   painter;   and   would   no
  doubt   be   very  popular;   and   sell   his   pictures   at   a   very  high   price;   if   that
  cruel   Mr。   Fithers   had   not   forestalled   him   in   his   department   of   art;   and
  made it thoroughly and completely his own; … Fithers; it is to be observed;
  being     present    and    within    hearing;    and    Slummery       elsewhere。      Is  Mrs。
  Tabblewick really as beautiful as people say? Why; there indeed you ask
  them a very puzzling question; because there is no doubt that she is a very
  charming   woman;   and   they   have   long   known   her   intimately。   She   is   no
  doubt beautiful; very beautiful; they once thought her the most beautiful
  woman ever   seen;   still if   you   press them  for   an   honest   answer;   they  are
  bound to say that this was before they had ever seen our lovely friend on
  the sofa; (the sofa is hard by; and our lovely friend can't help hearing the
  whispers in which this is said;) since that time; perhaps; they have been
  hardly   fair   judges;   Mrs。   Tabblewick   is   no   doubt   extremely   handsome;   …
  very like our friend; in fact; in the form of the features; … but in point of
  expression; and soul; and figure; and air altogether … oh dear!
  But   while   the   plausible   couple   depreciate;   they   are   still   careful   to
  preserve      their   character     for   amiability     and   kind    feeling;    indeed     the
  depreciation itself is often made to grow out of their excessive sympathy
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  and   good   will。   The   plausible   lady   calls   on   a   lady   who   dotes   upon   her
  children; and is sitting with a little girl upon her knee; enraptured by her
  artless replies; and protesting that there is nothing she delights in so much
  as conversing   with these   fairies; when the other lady  inquires if   she has
  seen young Mrs。 Finching lately; and whet