Fanny　and　the　Servant　Problem
  by　Jerome　K。　Jerome
  THE　CHARACTERS
  Fanny
  Her　Husband；　Vernon　Wetherell；　Lord　Bantock
  Her　Butler；　Martin　Bennet
  Her　Housekeeper；　Susannah　Bennet
  Her　Maid；　Jane　Bennet
  Her　Second　Footman；　Ernest　Bennet
  Her　Still…room　Maid；　Honoria　Bennet
  Her　Aunts　by　marriage；　the　Misses　Wetherell
  Her　Local　Medical　Man；　Dr。　Freemantle
  Her　quondam　Companions；　〃Our　Empire〃：
  England
  Scotland
  Ireland
  Wales
  Canada
  Australia
  New　Zealand
  Africa
  India
  Newfoundland
  Malay　Archipelago
  Straits　Settlements
  Her　former　Business　Manager；　George　P。　Newte
  ACT　I
  SCENE
  The　Lady　Bantock's　boudoir；　Bantock　Hall；　Rutlandshire；　a　spacious　room　handsomely　furnished　（chiefly　in　the　style　of　Louis　the　Fourteenth）　and　lighted　by　three　high　windows；　facing　the　south…west。　A　door　between　the　fireplace　and　the　windows　leads　to　his　lordship's　apartments。　　A　door　the　other　side　of　the　fireplace　is　the　general　entrance。　　The　door　opposite　the　windows　leads　through　her　ladyship's　dressing…room　into　her　ladyship's　bedroom。　　Over　the　great　fireplace　hangs　a　full…length　portrait　of　Constance；　first　Lady　Bantock；　by　Hoppner。
  The　time　is　sunset　of　a　day　in　early　spring。　　The　youthful　Lord　Bantock　is　expected　home　with　his　newly　wedded　wife　this　evening；　and　the　two　Misses　Wetherell；　his　aunts；　have　been　busy　decorating　the　room　with　flowers；　and　are　nearing　the　end　of　their　labours。　　The　two　Misses　Wetherell　have　grown　so　much　alike　it　would　be　difficult　for　a　stranger　to　tell　one　from　the　other；　and　to　add　to　his　confusion　they　have　fallen　into　the　habit　of　dressing　much　alike　in　a　fashion　of　their　own　that　went　out　long　ago；　while　the　hair　of　both　is　white；　and　even　in　their　voices　they　have　caught　each　other's　tones。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇she　has　paused　from　her　work　and　is　looking　out　of　the　windows＇。　　Such　a　lovely　sunset；　dear。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇she　leaves　her　work　and　joins　her　sister。　The　two　stand　holding　each　other's　hands；　looking　out＇。　　Beautiful！　＇A　silence。　　The　sun　is　streaming　full　into　the　room。＇　　Youyou　don't　think；　dear；　that　this　room＇she　looks　round　it＇may　possibly　be　a　little　TOO　sunny　to　quite　suit　her？
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇not　at　first　understanding＇。　　How；　dear；　TOO　sun＇She　grasps　the　meaning。＇　　You　meanyou　think　that　perhaps　she　does　that　sort　of　thing？
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Well；　dear；　one　is　always　given　to　understand　that　they　do；　womenladies　of　her　profession。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　It　seems　to　me　so　wicked：　　painting　God's　work。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　We　mustn't　judge　hardly；　dear。　　Besides；　dear；　we　don't　know　yet　that　she　does。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Perhaps　she's　young；　and　hasn't　commenced　it。　　I　fancy　it's　only　the　older　ones　that　do　it。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　He　didn't　mention　her　age；　I　remember。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　No；　dear；　but　I　feel　she's　young。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　I　do　hope　she　is。　　We　may　be　able　to　mould　her。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　We　must　be　very　sympathetic。　　One　can　accomplish　so　much　with　sympathy。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　We　must　get　to　understand　her。　　＇A　sudden　thought。＇　　Perhaps；　dear；　we　may　get　to　like　her。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇doubtful＇。　　We　might　TRY；　dear。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　For　Vernon's　sake。　　The　poor　boy　seems　so　much　in　love　with　her。　　We　must　…
  Bennet　has　entered。　　He　is　the　butler。
  BENNET。　　Doctor　Freemantle。　　I　have　shown　him　into　the　library。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Thank　you；　Bennet。　　Will　you　please　tell　him　that　we　shall　be　down　in　a　few　minutes？　　I　must　just　finish　these　flowers。　　＇She　returns　to　the　table。＇
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Why　not　ask　him　to　come　up　here？　　We　could　consult　himabout　the　room。　　He　always　knows　everything。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　A　good　idea。　　Please　ask　him；　Bennet；　if　he　would　mind　coming　up　to　us　here。　　＇Bennet；　who　has　been　piling　up　fresh　logs　upon　the　fire；　turns　to　go。＇　　Oh；　Bennet！　　You　will　remind　Charles　to　put　a　footwarmer　in　the　carriage！
  BENNET。　　I　will　see　to　it　myself。　　＇He　goes　out。＇
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Thank　you；　Bennet。　　＇To　her　sister＇　One's　feet　are　always　so　cold　after　a　railway　journey。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　I've　been　told　that；　nowadays；　they　heat　the　carriages。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　Ah；　it　is　an　age　of　luxury！　　I　wish　I　knew　which　were　her　favourite　flowers。　　It　is　so　nice　to　be　greeted　by　one's　favourite　flowers。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　I　feel　sure　she　loves　lilies。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　And　they　are　so　appropriate　to　a　bride。　So　…
  Announced　by　Bennet；　Dr。　Freemantle　bustles　in。　　He　is　a　dapper　little　man；　clean…shaven；　with　quick　brisk　ways。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE　＇he　shakes　hands＇。　　Well；　and　how　are　we　this　afternoon？　　＇He　feels　the　pulse　of　the　Younger　Miss　Wetherell＇　Steadier。　　Much　steadier！　　＇of　the　Elder　Miss　Wetherell。＇　　Nervous　tension　greatly　relieved。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　She　has　been　sleeping　much　better。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE　＇he　pats　the　hand　of　the　Elder　Miss　Wetherell＇。　Excellent！　　Excellent！
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　She　ate　a　good　breakfast　this　morning。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE　＇he　pats　the　hand　of　the　Younger　Miss　Wetherell＇。　Couldn't　have　a　better　sign。　　＇He　smiles　from　one　to　the　other。＇　Brain　disturbance；　caused　by　futile　opposition　to　the　inevitable；　evidently　abating。　　One　page　Marcus　Aurelius　every　morning　before　breakfast。　　〃Adapt　thyself；〃　says　Marcus　Aurelius；　〃to　the　things　with　which　thy　lot　has　been　cast。　　Whatever　happens〃
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　You　see；　doctor；　it　was　all　so　sudden。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　The　unexpected！　　It　has　a　way　of　taking　us　by　surprisebowling　us　overcompletely。　　Till　we　pull　ourselves　together。　　Make　the　best　of　what　can't　be　helpedlike　brave；　sweet　gentlewomen。　　＇He　presses　their　hands。　　They　are　both　wiping　away　a　tear。＇　　When　do　you　expect　them？
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　To…night；　by　the　half…past　eight　train。　We　had　a　telegram　this　morning　from　Dover。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　Um！　and　this　is　to　be　her　room？　　＇He　takes　it　in。＇　The　noble　and　renowned　Constance；　friend　and　confidant　of　the　elder　Pitt；　maker　of　history；　first　Lady　Bantockby　Hoppneralways　there　to　keep　an　eye　on　her；　remind　her　of　the　family　traditions。　Brilliant　idea；　brilliant！　　＇They　are　both　smiling　with　pleasure。＇
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　And　you　don't　thinkit　is　what　we　wanted　to　ask　youthat　there　is　any　fear　of　her　finding　it　a　little　trying…　…the　light？　　You　see；　this　is　an　exceptionally　sunny　room。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　And　these　actressesif　all　one　hears　is　true　…
  The　dying　sun　is　throwing　his　last　beams　across　the　room。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　Which；　thank　God；　it　isn't。　　＇He　seats　himself　in　a　large　easy…chair。　　The　two　ladies　sit　side　by　side　on　a　settee。＇　I'll　tell　you　just　exactly　what　you've　got　to　expect。　　A　ladya　few　years　older　than　the　boy　himself；　but　still　young。　　Exquisite　figure；　dressedperhaps　a　trifle　too　regardless　of　expense。　　Hairmaybe　just　a　shade　TOO　golden。　　All　that　can　be　altered。　　Features　piquant；　with　expressive　eyes；　the　use　of　which　she　probably　understands；　and　an　almost　permanent　smile；　displaying　an　admirably　preserved　and　remarkably　even　set　of　teeth。　　But；　above　all；　clever。　That's　our　sheet…anchor。　　The　woman's　clever。　　She　will　know　how　to　adapt　herself　to　her　new　position。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇turning　to　her　sister＇。　　Yes；　she　must　be　clever　to　have　obtained　the　position　that　she　has。　　＇To　the　Doctor＇　Vernon　says　that　she　was　quite　the　chief　attraction　all　this　winter；　in　Paris。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　And　the　French　public　is　so　critical。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE　＇drily＇。　　Um！　　I　was　thinking　rather　of　her　cleverness　in　〃landing〃　poor　Vernon。　　The　lad's　not　a　fool。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　We　must　do　her　justice。　　I　think　she　was　really　in　love　with　him。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE　＇still　more　drily＇。　　Very　possibly。　　Most　cafe…　chantant　singers；　I　take　it；　would　bewith　an　English　lord。　　＇He　laughs。＇
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　You　see；　she　didn't　know　he　was　a　lord。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　Didn't　know？
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　No。　　She　married　him；　thinking　him　to　be　a　plain　Mr。　Wetherell；　an　artist。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　Where　d'ye　get　all　that　from？
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　From　Vernon　himself。　　You've　got　his　last　letter；　dear。　　＇She　has　opened　her　chatelaine　bag。＇　　Oh；　no；　I've　got　it　myself。
  THE　YOUNGER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　He's　not　going　to　break　it　to　her　till　they　reach　here　this　evening。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL　＇she　reads＇。　　Yes。　　〃I　shall　not　break　it　to　her　before　we　reach　home。　　We　were　married　quietly　at　the　Hotel　de　Ville；　and　she　has　no　idea　I　am　anything　else　than　plain　Vernon　James　Wetherell；　a　fellow…countryman　of　her　own；　and　a　fellow…artist。　　The　dear　creature　has　never　even　inquired　whether　I　am　rich　or　poor。〃　　I　like　her　for　that。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　You　mean　to　tell　me＇He　jumps　up。　　With　his　hands　in　his　jacket　pockets；　he　walks　to　and　fro。＇　　I　suppose　it's　possible。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。　　You　see；　she　isn't　the　ordinary　class　of　music…hall　singer。
  DR。　FREEMANTLE。　　I　should　say　not。
  THE　ELDER　MISS　WETHERELL。