第 27 节
作者:不言败      更新:2021-02-21 15:47      字数:9322
  his room; he flung himself on the sofa just as he was… he did not
  sleep; but sank into blank forgetfulness。 If any one had come into his
  room then; he would have jumped up at once and screamed。 Scraps and
  shreds of thoughts were simply swarming in his brain; but he could not
  catch at one; he could not rest on one; in spite of all his
  efforts。。。。
  PART TWO
  Chapter One
  SO HE lay a very long while。 Now and then he seemed to wake up;
  and at such moments he noticed that it was far into the night; but
  it did not occur to him to get up。 At last he noticed that it was
  beginning to get light。 He was lying on his back; still dazed from his
  recent oblivion。 Fearful; despairing cries rose shrilly from the
  street; sounds which he heard every night; indeed; under his window
  after two o'clock。 They woke him up now。
  〃Ah! the drunken men are coming out of the taverns;〃 he thought;
  〃it's past two o'clock;〃 and at once he leaped up; as though some
  one had pulled him from the sofa。
  〃What! Past two o'clock!〃
  He sat down on the sofa… and instantly recollected everything! All
  at once; in one flash; he recollected everything。
  For the first moment he thought he was going mad。 A dreadful chill
  came over him; but the chill was from the fever that had begun long
  before in his sleep。 Now he was suddenly taken with violent shivering;
  so that his teeth chattered and all his limbs were shaking。 He
  opened the door and began listening; everything in the house was
  asleep。 With amazement he gazed at himself and everything in the
  room around him; wondering how he could have come in the night
  before without fastening the door; and have flung himself on the
  sofa without undressing; without even taking his hat off。 It had
  fallen off and was lying on the floor near his pillow。
  〃If any one had come in; what would he have thought? That I'm
  drunk but。。。〃
  He rushed to the window。 There was light enough; and he began
  hurriedly looking himself all over from head to foot; all his clothes;
  were there no traces? But there was no doing it like that; shivering
  with cold; he began taking off everything and looking over again。 He
  turned everything over to the last threads and rags; and mistrusting
  himself; went through his search three times。
  But there seemed to be nothing; no trace; except in one place; where
  some thick drops of congealed blood were clinging to the frayed edge
  of his trousers。 He picked up a big claspknife and cut off the
  frayed threads。 There seemed to be nothing more。
  Suddenly he remembered that the purse and the things he had taken
  out of the old woman's box were still in his pockets! He had not
  thought till then of taking them out and hiding them! He had not
  even thought of them while he was examining his clothes! What next?
  Instantly he rushed to take them out; and fling them on the table。
  When he had pulled out everything; and turned the pocket inside out to
  be sure there was nothing left; he carried the whole heap to the
  corner。 The paper had come off the bottom of the wall and hung there
  in tatters。 He began stuffing all the things into the hole under the
  paper: 〃They're in! All out of sight; and the purse too!〃 he thought
  gleefully; getting up and gazing blankly at the hole which bulged
  out more than ever。 Suddenly he shuddered all over with horror; 〃My
  God!〃 he whispered in despair: 〃what's the matter with me? Is that
  hidden? Is that the way to hide things?〃
  He had not reckoned on having trinkets to hide。 He had only
  thought of money; and so had not prepared a hiding…place。
  〃But now; now; what am I glad of?〃 he thought; 〃Is that hiding
  things? My reason's deserting me… simply!〃
  He sat down on the sofa in exhaustion and was at once shaken by
  another unbearable fit of shivering。 Mechanically he drew from a chair
  beside him his old student's winter coat; which was still warm
  though almost in rags; covered himself up with it and once more sank
  into drowsiness and delirium。 He lost consciousness。
  Not more than five minutes had passed when he jumped up a second
  time; and at once pounced in a frenzy on his clothes again。
  〃How could I go to sleep again with nothing done? Yes; yes; I have
  not taken the loop off the armhole! I forgot it; forgot a thing like
  that! Such a piece of evidence!〃
  He pulled off the noose; hurriedly cut it to pieces and threw the
  bits among his linen under the pillow。
  〃Pieces of torn linen couldn't rouse suspicion; whatever happened; I
  think not; I think not; any way!〃 he repeated; standing in the
  middle of the room; and with painful concentration he fell to gazing
  about him again; at the floor and everywhere; trying to make sure he
  had not forgotten anything。 The conviction; that all his faculties;
  even memory; and the simplest power of reflection were failing him;
  began to be an insufferable torture。
  〃Surely it isn't beginning already! Surely it isn't my punishment
  coming upon me? It is!〃
  The frayed rags he had cut off his trousers were actually lying on
  the floor in the middle of the room; where any one coming in would see
  them!
  〃What is the matter with me!〃 he cried again; like one distraught。
  Then a strange idea entered his head; that; perhaps; all his clothes
  were covered with blood; that; perhaps; there were a great many
  stains; but that he did not see them; did not notice them because
  his perceptions were failing; were going to pieces。。。 his reason was
  clouded。。。。 Suddenly he remembered that there had been blood on the
  purse too。 〃Ah! Then there must be blood on the pocket too; for I
  put the wet purse in my pocket!〃
  In a flash he had turned the pocket inside out and; yes!… there were
  traces; stains on the lining of the pocket!
  〃So my reason has not quite deserted me; so I still have some
  sense and memory; since I guessed it of myself;〃 he thought
  triumphantly; with a deep sigh of relief: 〃It's simply the weakness of
  fever; a moment's delirium;〃 and he tore the whole lining out of the
  left pocket of his trousers。 At that instant the sunlight fell on
  his left boot; on the sock which poked out from the boot; he fancied
  there were traces! He flung off his boots: 〃traces indeed! The tip
  of the sock was soaked with blood〃; he must have unwarily stepped into
  that pool。。。。 〃But what am I to do with this now? Where am I to put
  the sock and rags and pocket?〃
  He gathered them all up in his hands and stood in the middle of
  the room。
  〃In the stove? But they would ransack the stove first of all。 Burn
  them? But what can I burn them with? There are no matches even。 No;
  better go out and throw it all away somewhere。 Yes; better throw it
  away;〃 he repeated; sitting down on the sofa again; 〃and at once; this
  minute; without lingering。。。〃
  But his head sank on the pillow instead。 Again the unbearable icy
  shivering came over him; again he drew his coat over him。
  And for a long while; for some hours; he was haunted by the
  impulse to 〃go off somewhere at once; this moment; and fling it all
  away; so that it may be out of sight and done with; at once; at once!〃
  Several times he tried to rise