第 14 节
作者:天马行空      更新:2021-02-21 14:56      字数:9322
  apprehension lest it should begin to rain before we set out; it might have
  rained all day; after we were once too far to turn back again; and welcome;
  for aught they cared。
  However;       the  cavalcade     moved     at   length;   every    coachman      being
  accommodated   with   a   hamper   between   his   legs   something   larger   than   a
  wheelbarrow; and the company being packed as closely as they possibly
  could   in   the   carriages;  'according;'   as one   married lady  observed;  'to   the
  immemorial        custom;     which    was    half  the   diversion    of   gipsy   parties。'
  Thinking it very likely it might be (we have never been able to discover
  the other   half);  we   submitted to   be stowed   away  with   a   cheerful   aspect;
  and were fortunate enough to occupy one corner of a coach in which were
  one old lady; four young ladies; and the renowned Mr。 Balim the young
  ladies' young gentleman。
  We were no sooner fairly off; than the young ladies' young gentleman
  hummed   a   fragment   of   an   air;   which   induced   a   young   lady   to   inquire
  whether he had danced to that the night before。               'By Heaven; then; I did;'
  replied the young gentleman; 'and with a lovely heiress; a superb creature;
  with twenty thousand pounds。' 'You seem rather struck;' observed another
  young      lady。    ''Gad    she   was    a  sweet     creature;'   returned    the   young
  gentleman; arranging his hair。           'Of course SHE was struck too?' inquired
  the   first   young   lady。   'How   can   you   ask;   love?'   interposed   the   second;
  'could   she   fail   to   be?' 'Well;   honestly   I   think   she   was;'   observed   the
  young gentleman。         At this point of the dialogue; the young lady who had
  spoken   first;   and   who   sat   on   the   young   gentleman's   right;   struck   him   a
  severe   blow   on   the   arm   with   a   rosebud;   and   said   he   was   a   vain   man   …
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  whereupon the young gentleman insisted on having the rosebud; and the
  young      lady   appealing     for  help   to  the   other   young     ladies;   a  charming
  struggle   ensued;   terminating   in   the   victory  of   the   young   gentleman;   and
  the   capture   of   the   rosebud。     This   little   skirmish   over;   the   married   lady;
  who     was    the  mother     of  the   rosebud;     smiled    sweetly   upon     the   young
  gentleman; and accused him of being a flirt; the young gentleman pleading
  not   guilty;   a   most   interesting   discussion   took   place   upon   the   important
  point   whether   the   young   gentleman   was   a   flirt   or   not;   which   being   an
  agreeable   conversation   of   a   light   kind;   lasted   a   considerable   time。        At
  length;   a   short   silence   occurring;   the   young   ladies   on   either   side   of   the
  young      gentleman      fell  suddenly   fast    asleep;   and    the  young     gentleman;
  winking   upon   us   to   preserve   silence;   won   a   pair   of   gloves   from   each;
  thereby causing them to wake with equal suddenness and to scream very
  loud。     The lively conversation to which this pleasantry gave rise; lasted
  for the remainder of the ride; and would have eked out a much longer one。
  We dined rather more comfortably than people usually do under such
  circumstances; nothing having been left behind but the cork…screw and the
  bread。      The     married     gentlemen       were    unusually      thirsty;  which     they
  attributed to the heat of the weather; the little boys ate to inconvenience;
  mammas   were   very  jovial;   and   their   daughters   very  fascinating;   and   the
  attendants being well…behaved men; got exceedingly drunk at a respectful
  distance。
  We   had   our   eye   on   Mr。   Balim   at   dinner…time;   and   perceived   that   he
  flourished wonderfully; being still surrounded by a little group of young
  ladies; who listened to him as an oracle; while he ate from their plates and
  drank from their glasses in a manner truly captivating from its excessive
  playfulness。       His   conversation;   too;   was   exceedingly   brilliant。        In   fact;
  one     elderly    lady    assured     us;  that    in  the   course     of   a   little  lively
  BADINAGE   on   the   subject   of   ladies'   dresses;   he   had   evinced   as   much
  knowledge as if he had been born and bred a milliner。
  As such of the fat people who did not happen to fall asleep after dinner
  entered upon a most vigorous game at ball; we slipped away alone into a
  thicker part of the wood; hoping to fall in with Mr。 Balim; the greater part
  of the young people having dropped off in twos and threes and the young
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  ladies' young gentleman among them。 Nor were we disappointed; for we
  had not walked far; when; peeping through the trees; we discovered him
  before us; and truly it was a pleasant thing to contemplate his greatness。
  The young ladies' young gentleman was seated upon the ground; at the
  feet   of   a   few   young   ladies   who   were   reclining   on   a   bank;   he   was   so
  profusely decked with scarfs; ribands; flowers; and other pretty spoils; that
  he looked like a lamb … or perhaps a calf would be a better simile … adorned
  for the sacrifice。      One young lady supported a parasol over his interesting
  head; another held his hat; and a third his neck…cloth; which in romantic
  fashion   he   had   thrown   off;   the   young   gentleman   himself;   with   his   hand
  upon   his   breast;   and   his   face   moulded   into   an   expression   of   the   most
  honeyed   sweetness;  was   warbling   forth   some   choice specimens of   vocal
  music in praise of female loveliness; in a style so exquisitely perfect; that
  we burst into an involuntary shout of laughter; and made a hasty retreat。
  What     charming     fellows    these   young     ladies'  young     gentlemen     are!
  Ducks; dears; loves; angels; are all terms inadequate to express their merit。
  They are such amazingly; uncommonly; wonderfully; nice men。
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  CONCLUSION
  As   we   have   placed   before   the   young   ladies   so   many   specimens   of
  young   gentlemen;   and   have   also   in   the   dedication   of   this   volume   given
  them  to   understand   how   much   we   reverence and   admire   their   numerous
  virtues and perfections; as we have given them such strong reasons to treat
  us with confidence; and to banish; in our case; all that reserve and distrust
  of   the   male   sex   which;   as   a   point   of   general   behaviour;   they   cannot   do
  better than preserve and maintain … we say; as we have done all this; we
  feel   that   now;   when   we   have   arrived   at   the   close   of   our   task;   they   may
  naturally press upon us the inquiry; what particular description of young
  gentlemen we can conscientiously recommend。
  Here     we   are  at  a   loss。   We    look    over   our   list;  and  can   neither
  recommend        the   bashful    young    gentleman;      nor  the   out…and…out     young
  gentleman; nor the very friendly young gentleman; nor the military young
  gentleman;   nor   the   political   young   gentleman;   nor   the   domestic   young
  gentleman;   nor   the   censorious   young   gentleman;   nor   the   funny   young
  gentleman;   nor   the   theatrical   young   gentleman;   nor   the   poetical   young
  gentleman;  nor the   throwing…off   young   gentleman; nor   the   young   ladies'
  young gentleman。
  As there are some good points about many of them; which still are not
  sufficiently numerous to render any one among them eligible; as a whole;
  our respectful advice to the young ladies is; to seek for a young gentleman
  who unites in himself the best qualities of all; and the worst weaknesses of
  none; and to lead him forthwith to the hymeneal altar; whether he will or
  no。    And to the young lady who secures him; we beg to tender one short
  fragment of matrimonial advice; selected from many sound passages of a
  similar tendency; to be found in a letter written by Dean Swift to a young
  lady on her marriage。
  'The grand affair of your life will be; to gain and preserve the esteem
  of   your    husband。     Neither     good…nature      nor   virtue   will  suffer   him    to
  ESTEEM   you   against   his   judgment;   and   although   he   is   not   capable   of
  using   you   ill;   yet   you   will   in   time   gro