第 40 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2021-02-21 13:16      字数:9322
  ing up with anything in some one man I happened to fancy strongly。  But men are foolish about the whole sexor all of them that have a shadow of a claim to good looks。''
  ‘‘Yes; the men make fools of themselves;'' admitted he。  ‘‘But I notice that the men manage somehow to make the careers; and hold on to the money and the power; while the women have to wheedle and fawn and submit in order to get what they want from the men。 There's nothing to be said for your sex。  It's been hopelessly corrupted by mine。  For all the talk about the influence of woman; what impression has your sex made upon mine?  And your sexit has been made by mine into exactly what we wished it to be。  Take my advice; get out of your sex。  Abandon it; and make a career。''
  After a while she recalled with a start the events of less than an hour agoevents that ought to have seemed wildly exciting; arousing the deepest and strongest emotions。  Yet they had made no impression upon her。  Absolutely none。  She had no horror in the thought that she had been the victim of a bigamist; she had no elation over her release into freedom and safety。  She wondered whether this arose from utter frivolousness or from indifference to the trifles of conventional joys; sorrows; agitations; excitements which are the whole life of most peoplethat indifference which is the cause of the general opinion that men and women who make careers are usually hardened in the process。
  As she lay awake that nightshe had got a very bad habit of lying awake hour after hourshe suddenly came to a decision。  But she did not tell Keith for several days。  She did it in this way:
  ‘‘Don't you think I'm looking better?'' she asked。
  ‘‘You're sleeping again;'' said he。
  ‘‘Do you know why?  Because my mind's at rest。 I've decided to accept your offer。''
  ‘‘And my terms?'' said he; apparently not interested by her announcement。
  ‘‘And your terms;'' assented she。  ‘‘You are free to stop whenever the whim strikes you; I must do exactly as you bid。  What do you wish me to do?''
  ‘‘Nothing at present;'' replied he。  ‘‘I will let you know。''
  She was disappointed。  She had assumed that something something new and interesting; probably irritating; perhaps enraging; would occur at once。  His indifference; his putting off to a future time; which his manner made seem most hazily indefinite; gave her the foolish and collapsing sense of having broken through an open door。
  VII
  THE first of September they went up to town。 Stanley left at once for his annual shooting trip; Donald Keith disappeared; sayingas was his habit neither what he was about nor when he would be seen again。  Mrs。 Brindley summoned her pupils and her musical friends。  Mildred resumed the lessons with Jennings。  There was no doubt about it; she had astonishingly improved during the summer。  There had comeor; rather; had come backinto her voice the birdlike quality; free; joyous; spontaneous; that had not been there since her father's death and the family's downfall。  She was glad that her arrangement with Donald Keith was of such a nature that she was really not bound to go on with itif he should ever come back and remind her of what she had said。  Now that Jennings was enthusiasticgiving just and deserved praise; as her own ear and Mrs。 Brindley assured her; she was angry at herself for having tolerated Keith's frankness; his insolence; his insulting and contemptuous denials of her ability。  She was impatient to see him; that she might put him down。  She said to Jennings:
  ‘‘You think I can make a career?''
  ‘‘There isn't a doubt in my mind now;'' replied he。 ‘‘You ought to be one of the few great lyric sopranos within five years。''
  ‘‘A man; this summera really unusual man in some waystold me there was no hope for me。''
  ‘‘A singing teacher?''
  ‘‘No; a lawyer。  A Mr。 KeithDonald Keith。''
  ‘‘I've heard of him;'' said Jennings。  ‘‘His mother was Rivi; the famous coloratura of twenty years ago。''
  Mildred was astounded。  ‘‘He must know something about music。''
  ‘‘Probably;'' replied Jennings。  ‘‘He lived with her in Italy; I believe; until he was almost grown。  Then she died。  You sang for him?''
  ‘‘No;'' Mildred said it hesitatingly。
  ‘‘Oh!'' said Jennings; and his expressioninterested; disturbed; puzzledmade Mildred understand why she had been so reluctant to confess。  Jennings did not pursue the subject; but abruptly began the lesson。  That day and several days thereafter he put her to tests he had never used before。  She saw that he was searching for somethingfor the flaw implied in the adverse verdict of the son of Lucia Rivi。  She was enormously relieved when he gave over the search without having found the flaw。  She felt that Donald Keith's verdict had been proved false or at least faulty。 Yet she was not wholly reassured; and from time to time she suspected that Jennings had not been; either。
  Soon the gayety of the preceding winter and spring was in full swing again。  Keith did not return; did not write; and Cyrilla Brindley inquired and telephoned in vain。  Mildred worked with enthusiasm; with hope; presently with confidence。  She hoped every day that Keith would come; she would make him listen to her; force him to admit。  She caught a slight cold; neglected it; tried to sing it away。  Her voice left her abruptly。  She went to Jennings as usual the day she found herself able to do nothing more musical than squeak。  She told him her plight。  Said he:
  ‘‘Begin!  Let's hear。''
  She made a few dismal attempts; stopped short; and; half laughing; half ashamed; faced him for the lecture she knew would be forthcoming。  Now; it so happened that Jennings was in a frightful humor that dayone of those humors in which the most prudent lose their self…control。  He had been listening to a succession of new pupilswomen with money and no voice; women who screeched and screamed and thoroughly enjoyed themselves and angled confidently for compliments。  As Jennings had an acute musical ear; his sufferings had been frightful。  He was used to these torments; had the habit of turning the fury into which they put him into excellent financial or disciplinary account。  But on this particular day his nerves went to pieces; and it was with Mildred that the explosion came。  When she looked at him; she was horrified to see a face distorted and discolored by sheer rage。
  ‘‘You fool!'' he shouted; storming up and down。 ‘‘You fool!  You can't sing!  Keith was right。  You wouldn't do even for a church choir。  You can't be relied on。  There's nothing behind your voiceno strength; no endurance; no brains。  No brains!  Do you hear?no brains; I say!''
  Mildred was terrified。  She had seen him in tantrums before; but always there had been a judicious reserving of part of the truth。  Instead of resenting; instead of flashing eye or quivering lips; Mildred sat down and with white face and dazed eyes stared straight before her。 Jennings raved and roared himself out。  As he came to his senses from this debauch of truth…telling his first thought was how expensive it might be。  Thus; long before there was any outward sign that the storm had passed; the ravings; the insults were shrewdly tempered with qualifyings。  If she kept on catching these colds; if she did not obey his instructions; she might put off her debut for yearsfor three years; for two years at least。  And she would always be rowing with managers and irritating the publicand so on and on。  But the mischief had been done。  The girl did not rouse。
  ‘‘No use to go on to…day;'' he said grufflythe pretense at last rumblings of an expiring storm。
  ‘‘Nor any other day;'' said Mildred。
  She stood and straightened herself。  Her face was beautiful rather than lovely。  Its pallor; its strong lines; the melancholy intensity of the eyes; made her seem more the woman fully developed; less; far less; the maturing girl。
  ‘‘Nonsense!'' scolded Jennings。  ‘‘But no more colds like that。  They impair the quality of the voice。''
  ‘‘I have no voice;'' said the girl。  ‘‘I see the truth。''
  Jennings was inwardly cursing his insane temper。 In about the kindliest tone he had ever used with her; he said:  ‘‘My dear Miss Stevens; you are in no condition to judge to…day。  Come back to…morrow。  Do something for that cold to…night。  Clear out the throat and come back to…morrow。  You will see。''
  ‘‘Yes; I know those tricks;'' said she; with a sad little smile。  ‘‘You can make a crow seem to sing。  But you told me the truth。''
  ‘‘To…morrow;'' he cried pleasantly; giving her an encouraging pat on the shoulder。  He knew the folly of talking too much; the danger of confirming her fears by pretending to make light of them。  ‘‘A good sleep; and to…morrow things will look brighter。''
  He did not like her expression。  It was not the one he was used to seeing in those vain; ‘‘temperamental'' pupils of histhe downcast vanity that will be up again in a few hours。  It was rather the expression of one who has been finally and forever disillusioned。
  On her way home she stopped to send Keith a telegram:  ‘‘I must see you at once。''
  There were several at the apartment for tea; among them Cullan; an amateur violinist and critic on music whom she especially liked。  For; instead of the dreamy; rom