第 34 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2021-02-21 13:16      字数:9322
  ing the nerves as the lullaby of a nurse soothes a baby; she was able to put everything unpleasant out of mind。  She was resting her voice; was building up her health; therefore the career was being steadily advanced and no time was being wasted。  She felt sorry for those who had to do unpleasant or disagreeable things in making their careers。  She told herself that she did not deserve her good fortune in being able to advance to a brilliant career not through hardship but over the most delightful road imaginableamusing herself; wearing charming and satisfactory clothes; swimming and dancing; motoring and feasting。  Without realizing it; she was strongly under the delusion that she was herself already richthe inevitable delusion with a woman when she moves easily and freely and luxuriously about; never bothered for money; always in the company of rich people。  The rich are fated to demoralize those around them。  The stingy rich fill their satellites with envy and hatred。  The generous rich fill them with the feeling that the light by which they shine and the heat with which they are warm are not reflected light and heat but their own。
  Never had she been so happy。  She even did not especially mind Donald Keith; a friend of Stanley's and of Mrs。 Brindley's; who; much too often to suit her; made one of the party。  She had tried in vain to discover what there was in Keith that inspired such intense liking in two people so widely different as expansive and emotional Stanley Baird and reserved and distinctly cold Cyrilla Brindley。  Keith talked little; not only seemed not to listen well; but showed plainly; even in tete…a…tete conversations; that his thoughts had been elsewhere。 He made no pretense of being other than he wasan indifferent man who came because it did not especially matter to him where he was。  Sometimes his silence and his indifference annoyed Mildred; againthanks to her profound and reckless contentmentshe was able to forget that he was along。  He seemed to be and probably was about forty years old。  His head was beautifully shaped; the line of its profilefront; top; and backbeing perfect in intellectuality; strength and symmetry。  He was rather under the medium height; about the same height as Mildred herself。  He was extremely thin and loosely built; and his clothes seemed to hang awry; giving him an air of slovenliness which became surprising when one noted how scrupulously neat and clean he was。  His brown hair; considerably tinged with rusty gray; grew thinly upon that beautiful head。  His skin was dry and smooth and dead white。 This; taken with the classic regularity of his features; gave him an air of lifelessness; of one burnt out by the fire of too much living; but whether the living had been done by Keith himself or by his immediate ancestors appearances did not disclose。  This look of passionless; motionless repose; like classic sculpture; was sharply and startlingly belied by a pair of really wonderful eyes deeply and intensely blue; brilliant; all seeing; all comprehending; eyes that seemed never to sleep; seemed the ceaselessly industrious servants of a brain that busied itself without pause。  The contrast between the dead white calm of his face; the listlessness of his relaxed figure; and these vivid eyes; so intensely alive; gave to Donald Keith's personality an uncanniness that was most disagreeable to Mildred。
  ‘‘That's what fascinates me;'' said Cyrilla; when they were discussing him one day。
  ‘‘Fascinates!'' exclaimed Mildred。  ‘‘He's tiresome when he isn't rude。''
  ‘‘Rude?''
  ‘‘Not actively rude but; worse still; passively rude。''
  ‘‘He is the only man I've ever seen with whom I could imagine myself falling in love;'' said Mrs。 Brindley。
  Mildred laughed in derision。  ‘‘Why; he's a dead man!'' cried she。
  ‘‘You don't understand;'' said Cyrilla。  ‘‘You've never lived with a man。''  She forgot completely; as did Mildred herself; so completely had Mrs。 Siddall returned to the modes and thoughts of a girl。  ‘‘At hometo live withyou want only reposeful things。  That is why the Greeks; whose instincts were unerring; had so much reposeful statuary。  One grows weary of agitating objects。  They soon seem hysterical and shallow。 The same thing's true of persons。  For permanent love and friendship you want reposeful men calm; strong; silent。  The other kind either wear you out or wear themselves out with you。''
  ‘‘You forget his eyes;'' put in Stanley。  ‘‘Did you ever see such eyes!''
  ‘‘Yes; those eyes of his!'' cried Mildred。  ‘‘You certainly can't call them reposeful; Mrs。 Brindley。''
  Mrs。 Brindley did not seize the opportunity to convict her of inconsistency。  Said she:
  ‘‘I admit the eyes。  They're the eyes of the kind of man a woman wants; or another man wants in his friend。 When Keith looks at you; you feel that you are seeing the rarest being in the worldan absolutely reliable person。  When I think of him I think of reliable; just as when you think of the sun you think of brightness。''
  ‘‘I had no idea it was so serious as this;'' teased Stanley。
  ‘‘Nor had I;'' returned Cyrilla easily; ‘‘until I began to talk about him。  Don't tell him; Mr。 Baird; or he might take advantage of me。''
  The idea amused Stanley。  ‘‘He doesn't care a rap about women;'' said he。  ‘‘I hear he has let a few care about him from time to time; but he soon ceased to be good…natured。  He hates to be bored。''
  As he came just then; they had to find another subject。  Mildred observed him with more interest。  She had learned to have respect for Mrs。 Brindley's judgments。  But she soon gave over watching him。  That profound calm; those eyes concentrating all the life of the man like a burning glass  She had a disagreeable sense of being seen through; even to her secretest thought; of being understood and measured and weighed and found wanting。  It occurred to her for the first time that part of the reason for her not liking him was the best of reasonsthat he did not like her。
  The first time she was left alone with him; after this discovery; she happened to be in an audacious and talkative mood; and his lack of response finally goaded her into saying:  ‘‘WHY don't you like me?''  She cared nothing about it; she simply wished to hear what he would sayif he could be roused into saying anything。 He was sitting on the steps leading from the veranda to the seawas smoking a cigarette and gazing out over the waves like a graven image; as if he had always been posed there and always would be there; the embodiment of repose gazing in ineffable indifference upon the embodiment of its opposite。  He made no answer。
  ‘‘I asked you why you do not like me;'' said she。 ‘‘Did you hear?''
  ‘‘Yes;'' replied he。
  She waited; nothing further from him。  Said she:
  ‘‘Well; give me one of your cigarettes。''
  He rose; extended his case; then a light。  He was never remiss in those kinds of politeness。  When she was smoking; he seated himself again and dropped into the former attitude。  She eyed him; wondering how it could be possible that he had endured the incredible fatigues and hardships Stanley Baird had related of himhunting and exploring expeditions into tropics and into frozen regions; mountain climbs; wild sea voyages in small boats; all with no sign of being able to stand anything; yet also with no sign of being any more disturbed than now in this seaside laziness。  Stanley had showed them a picture of him taken twenty years and more ago when he was in college; he had looked almost the same thenperhaps a little older。
  ‘‘Well; I am waiting;'' persisted she。
  She thought he was about to look at hera thing he had never done; to her knowledge; since they had known each other。  She nerved herself to receive the shock; with a certain flutter of expectancy; of excitement even。  But instead of looking; he settled himself in a slightly different position and fixed his gaze upon another point in the horizon。  She noted that he had splendid handsideal hands for a man; with the same suggestion of intense vitality and aliveness that flashed from his eyes。  She had not noted this before。  Next she saw that he had good feet; and that his boots were his only article of apparel that fitted him; or rather; that looked as if made for him。
  She tossed her cigarette over the rail to the sand。 He startled her by speaking; in his unemotional way。 He said:
  ‘‘Now; I like you better。''
  ‘‘I don't understand;'' said she。
  No answer from him。  The cigarette depending listlessly from his lips seemedas usualuncertain whether it would stay or fall。  She watched this uncertainty with a curious; nervous interest。  She was always thinking that cigarette would fall; but it never did。 Said she:
  ‘‘Why did you say you liked me less?''
  ‘‘Better;'' corrected he。
  ‘‘We used to have a pump in our back yard at home;'' laughed she。  ‘‘One toiled away at the handle; but nothing ever came。  And it was a promising…looking pump; too。''
  He smileda slow; reluctant smile; but undeniably attractive。  Said he:
  ‘‘Because you threw away your cigarette。''
  ‘‘You object to women smoking?''
  ‘‘No;'' said he。  His tone made her feel how absurd it was to suspect him of such provincialism。
  ‘‘You object to MY smoking?'' suggested she; laugh