第 52 节
作者:打倒一切      更新:2021-02-21 13:04      字数:9299
  eyes scanned the horizon; he had a flash of inspiration。
  〃Got it!〃 he crowed。 〃Another promise to keep。〃
  〃What are you talking about?〃
  He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach; where the flat; rocky
  half…moon dead…ended against the sheer sea cliffs。 I stared; uncomprehending。
  〃Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?〃
  I shivered。
  〃Yeah; it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as it is today。 Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure?
  It will be warmer tomorrow。 You up for it?〃
  The dark water did not look inviting; and; from this angle; the cliffs looked even higher than before。
  But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice。 That was probably part of the problem。 I was
  addicted to the sound of my delusions。 It made things worse if I went too long without them。 Jumping off
  a cliff was certain to remedy that situation。
  〃Sure; I'm up for it。 Fun。〃
  〃It's a date;〃 he said; and draped his arm around my shoulders。
  〃Okay—now let's go get you some sleep。〃 I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning
  to look permanently etched onto his skin。
  I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck。 I had a feeling that Charlie
  would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle。
  The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited。 Maybe it would be fun。 A date with
  Jacob; a date with Edward… I laughed darkly to myself。 Jake could say what he wanted about us being
  a messed…up pair—I was the one who was truly messed up。 I made the werewolf seem downright
  normal。
  I expected Jacob to meet me out front; the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my
  arrival。 When he didn't; I guessed that he might still be sleeping。 I would wait—let him get as much rest as
  he could。 He needed his sleep; and that would give the day time to warm a bit more。 Jake had been right
  about the weather; though; it had changed in the night。 A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the
  atmosphere now; making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket。 I left my sweater
  in the truck。
  I knocked quietly on the door。
  〃C'mon in; Bella;〃 Billy said。
  He was at the kitchen table; eating cold cereal。
  〃Jake sleeping?〃
  〃Er; no。〃 He set his spoon down; and his eyebrows pulled together。
  〃What happened?〃 I demanded。 I could tell from his expression that something had。
  〃Embry; Jared; and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning。 Sam and Jake took off to help。 Sam was
  hopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains。 He thinks they have a good chance to finish this。〃
  〃Oh; no; Billy;〃 I whispered。 〃Oh; no。〃
  He chuckled; deep and low。 〃Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence
  here?〃
  〃Don't make jokes; Billy。 This is too scary for that。〃
  〃You're right;〃 he agreed; still complacent。 His ancient eyes were impossible to read。 〃This one's tricky。〃
  I bit my lip。
  〃It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is。 Sam knows what he's doing。 You're the one that you
  should worry about。 The vampire doesn't want to fight them。 She's just trying to find a way around
  them… to you。〃
  〃How does Sam know what he's doing?〃 I demanded; brushing aside his concern for me。 〃They've only
  killed just the one vampire—that could have been luck。〃
  〃We take what we do very seriously; Bella。 Nothing's been forgotten。 Everything they need to know has
  been passed down from father to son for generations。〃
  That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to。 The memory of Victoria; wild; catlike; lethal;
  was too strong in my head。 If she couldn't get around the wolves; she would eventually try to go through
  them。
  Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels。
  That didn't last long。 I started to feel closed in by the small room; claustrophobic; upset by the fact that I
  couldn't see out the curtained windows。
  〃I'll be at the beach;〃 I told Billy abruptly; and hurried out the door。
  Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped。 The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that
  kept the claustrophobia from easing。 The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach。 I
  didn't see any animals—no birds; no squirrels。 I couldn't hear any birds; either。 The silence was eerie;
  there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees。
  I knew it was all just a product of the weather; but it still made me edgy。 The heavy; warm pressure of
  the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses; and it hinted at something major in the
  storm department。 A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the
  lack of breeze on the ground。 The closest clouds were a smoky gray; but between the cracks I could see
  another layer that was a gruesome purple color。 The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today。 The
  animals must be bunkering down。
  As soon as I reached the beach; I wished I hadn't come—I'd already had enough of this place。 I'd been
  here almost every day; wandering alone。 Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to
  go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree; and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled
  roots。 I stared up at the angry sky broodingly; waiting for the first drops to break the stillness。
  I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in。 Because nothing could happen to
  Jacob。 The thought was unendurable。 I'd lost too much already—would fate take the last few shreds of
  peace left behind? That seemed unfair; out of balance。 But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule;
  crossed some line that had condemned me。 Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and
  legends; to turn my back on the human world。 Maybe…
  No。 Nothing would happen to Jacob。 I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function。
  〃Argh!〃 I groaned; and jumped off the log。 I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing。
  I'd really been counting on hearing Edward this morning。 It seemed like that was the one thing that might
  make it bearable to live through this day。 The hole had been festering lately; like it was getting revenge for
  the times that Jacob's presence had tamed it。 The edges burned。
  The waves picked up as I paced; beginning to crash against the rocks; but there was still no wind。 I felt
  pinned down by the pressure of the storm。 Everything swirled around me; but it was perfectly still where I
  stood。 The air had a faint electric charge—I could feel the static in my hair。
  Farther out; the waves were angrier than they were along the shore。 I could see them battering against the
  line of the cliffs; spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky。 There was still no movement in the
  air; though the clouds roiled more quickly now。 It was eerie looking—like the clouds were moving by
  their own will。 I shivered; though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure。
  The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky。 Staring at them; I remembered the day Jacob had
  told me about Sam and his 〃gang。〃 I thought of the boys—the werewolves—throwing themselves into the
  empty air。 The image of the falling; spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind。 I imagined the utter freedom
  of the fall… I imagined the way Edward's voice would have sounded in my head—furious; velvet;
  perfect… The burning in my chest flared agonizingly。
  There had to be some way to quench it。 The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second。
  I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves。
  Well; why not? Why not quench it right now?
  Jacob had promised me cliff diving; hadn't he? Just because he was unavailable; should I have to give up
  the distraction I needed so badly—needed even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it;
  in essence; for me。 If it weren't for me; Victoria would not be killing people here… just somewhere else;
  far away。 If anything happened to Jacob; it would be my fault。 That realization stabbed deep and had me
  jogging back up to the road toward Billy's house; where my truck waited。
  I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs; but I had to hunt for the little path that would
  take me out to the ledge。 As I followed it; I looked for turns or forks; knowing that Jake had planned to
  take me off the lower outcropping rather than the top; but the path wound in a thin single line toward the
  brink with no options。 I didn't have time to find another way down—the storm was moving in quickly
  now。 The wind was finally beginning to touch me; the clouds pressing closer to the ground。 Just as I
  reached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice; the first drops broke through
  and splattered on my face。
  It was not hard to convince myself that I didn't have time to search for another way—I wanted to jump
  from the top。 This was the image that had lingered in my head。 I wanted the long fall that would feel like
  flying。
  I knew that this was the stupi